Now, for the part I like best…berating the real pieces of shit that came out this year.
It’s an essential part of any filmgoer’s repertoire. If you find yourself able to rank (or even list) the movies you liked best, Shirley you’re able to pick out the worst. Don’t leave out the yang if you’ve got the ying. If you’re gonna heap praise on something, you might as well sling shit as well. Balance out the universe. I’ve essentially been telling you this in different ways over the course of the paragraph, so just do it, Nike, says, Mike. Oh, I’m Mike, by the way. But we’ll get to that later.
Because I watch so many movies, I find it’s not worth it to beat up a bad film for no reason. There are too many of them. Films are bad all the time. We know this. We expect this. So, just because Marmaduke exists doesn’t mean I’m automatically putting it on a “Worst of” list. “There is a sense in which attacking this movie is like kicking a dog for not being better at calculus.” On the other hand, as I am a man of means (as in, I’m average, I’m angry, and I have a purpose. Means.), I take glee in bashing things that deserve it. I’m like Donald Trump. So, here’s the alteration I’ve made to the standard “Worst of” list: (more…)