The 2010 Razzie Awards
Oh boy, oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy.
It’s one of my favorite days of the year.
No, not Monday. Actually, I like Monday. As a concept, not so much in execution. One day I will be gainfully employed.
It’s the day they announce Razzie nominations!
It don’t use exclamation points lightly, so that shows you just how much I want you to think I’m excited.
There’s nothing more exciting than seeing how close the organization dedicated to berating piece of shit films gets to your opinions on what the biggest piece of shit films of the year were.
Let’s get right into it. I’m too excited to sit here and bullshit with the likes of you.
Worst Picture
The Bounty Hunter
The Last Airbender
Sex and the City 2
Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Vampires Suck
Yeah, this seems about par for the course. The Razzies went with the obvious five. I thought they’d vary it up a little. Guess not.
I do agree that the Bounty Hunter is an abortion. But I don’t think it was worse than those films I had on my list. I disagree (slightly) with Last Airbender, purely because it was marketed for children. And the children went to see it, and I bet kids under ten really enjoyed the movie. That’s why I can’t see beating it up. Sex and the City was so bad that even I, with my “no sequel” rule, almost put it on the list. No complaints here. Twilight is a blight upon humanity, and I applaud them for putting it here. My no sequels rule kept it off mine. Plus, I’d rather just not talk about it and wait like three years. By 2013, everyone will have forgotten about it and moved on. Anything I can do to make that time go by quicker I will do. And Vampires Suck, I did mention narrowly missed my list. I just had more things I wanted to berate. That seemed too easy. Still, fine choice. Take care of loose ends. If nobody berates them, the studios might think we don’t care and come out of the corner instead of staying with their gloves up.
Tough to say who they give it to here. My guess is either Eclipse or Bounty Hunter. Sex could take it, but something tells me it’s between those two.
Worst Actor
Jack Black, Gulliver’s Travels
Gerard Butler, The Bounty Hunter
Ashton Kutcher, Killers and Valentine’s Day
Taylor Lautner, Twilight Saga: Eclipse and Valentine’s Day
Robert Pattinson, Remember Me and Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Like the choices. Butler mugs too much in those rom coms. He tries to hard to be the “manly element” to them and comes off like a douche. Kutcher is someone I don’t particularly enjoy watching, but I do think he tries to elevate the material or at least himself. I don’t think he’ll win. The Twilight kids both suck, and I hope they tie. Black, I can’t agree with too much, just because he was in a kid’s movie. Sure, he’s terrible, and annoying, and way too – whatever he is – but I don’t know if that’s something that should really be on here.
For the win, I say it’s between Pattinson and Lautner. Black could take it in a vote split, but I say it’s between them.
Worst Actress
Jennifer Aniston, The Bounty Hunter and The Switch
Miley Cyrus, The Last Song
The Four “Gal Pals,” Sex and the City 2
Megan Fox, Jonah Hex
Kristen Stewart, Twilight Saga: Eclipse
I’m just gonna say, about these nominations – yes. Megan Fox — ehh, okay. I guess I’ll go along. Stewart – fine. But she is trying to be an actress around the material. I wouldn’t hit someone for the paycheck role if they’re doing indies around that paycheck role.
As for the win, you know I’m picking Aniston. That cunt deserves this award every year. I think they go with either Miley (which, she’s a pop star who can’t act. We know this. That’s enough for me not to vote for her, but they seem to enjoy burying people like her) or The Dinosaurs over there.
I say Sex and the City hags take it. I’d be ecstatic if they went with Aniston though.
Worst Supporting Actor
Billy Ray Cyrus, The Spy Next Door
George Lopez, Marmaduke, The Spy Next Door and Valentine’s Day
Dev Patel, The Last Airbender
Jackson Rathbone, The Last Airbender and Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Rob Schneider, Grown Ups
It wouldn’t be another year without Schneider getting on here. I’m surprised Groan Ups didn’t make it on any of the above categories.
I’m cool with most of those. One Hit wonder who can’t act worth a fuck. The walking racial stereotype who gets rich off of being that stereotype. Yeah. I’m cool with these.
Now, for the winner, this, to me seems obviously like it’s a battle between Dev Patel and Billy Ray Cyrus. I think Schenider just gets noms at this point and is safe. I don’t know who the Twilight kid is, so he’s not getting a vote. Lopez seems to be the ringer. Too easy.
I think it’s Dev Patel, but that’s probably taking it an exit too far. They probably just take it easy and go with Billy Ray. Unless he won one already, in which case I’m going back to Dev. It just seems like something they’d do. My gut tells me this, and I really don’t care enough about these ultimately to bother putting any thought into it.
Worst Supporting Actress
Jessica Alba, The Killer Inside Me, Little Fockers, Machete and Valentine’s Day
Cher, Burlesque
Liza Minnelli, Sex and the City 2
Nicola Peltz, The Last Airbender
Barbara Streisand, Little Fockers
Jessica Alba wins this. Landslide. It’s so obvious, too. I mean, Fockers is the one she should win this for, since the other ones she was either a blank or not too horrendous. Cher should not win. The movie is supposed to be campy. Don’t fault her for that. Liza – no. She was better than the stars of the movie. And the other one — why would they do that to a kid? So, not her. And Babs wasn’t nearly as bad as Alba was. She wasn’t on screen enough.
Alba, by far. Seriously, just watch her in Fockers. You’ll understand.
Worst Eye-Gouging Mis-Use of 3-D
Cats & Dogs 2: Revenge of Kitty Galore
Clash of the Titans
The Last Airbender
Nutcracker 3D
Saw 3D
Wasn’t Step Up 3D a bigger offender than most of these? In my opinion, every 3D movie deserves to be on this list.
I say winner here is clearly either Cats and Dogs, Last Airbender, and Nutcracker. Nutcracker should win, because kids movies that evoke the holocaust should always win. But I don’t know if the voters are that savvy. I don’t think they are, based on what they nominated. This seems to be a “mainstream” worst of list. So, if that’s the case, watch them take Cats and Dogs. Watch them.
Worst Screen Couple/Ensemble
Jennifer Aniston & Gerard Butler, The Bounty Hunter
Josh Brolin’s Face & Megan Fox’s Accent, Jonah Hex
The Entire Cast of The Last Airbender
The Entire Case of Sex and the City 2
The Entire Cast of Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Same as everything else. Cool. But, who really cares, here? Nothing unique. Let’s go with Bounty Hunter, just because they were a legit couple. Who cares?
Worst Director
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
They win. I don’t care who else is nominated. They are the worst directors.
Oh, wait…this is the Razzies. They don’t vote like that. You mean now I gotta pick what these assholes will pick as the worst? …Fine.
, Vampires Suck
Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City 2
M. Night Shyamalan, The Last Airbender
David Slade, Twilight Saga: Eclips
What a shocker on shock street. My penis could have picked more interesting nominees.
Wait, there’s one more?
Sylvester Stallone, The Expendables
Oh, fuck you, Razzies. Really? I refuse to pick this category. What a stupid decision.
Worst Screenplay
The Last Airbender
Little Fockers
Sex and the City 2
Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Vampires Suck
Fockers or Sex and the Stereotypes should win. Anything else is a cop out.
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel
Clash of the Titans
The Last Airbender
Sex and the City 2
Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Vampires Suck
Vampires suck is neither a rip-off nor a sequel. Good job, voters. Twilight sucks as a book, so, you can’t fault them for that here. That’s a cheap shot the Razzies just love to take. Clash of the Titans isn’t bad enough to win.
Last Airbender is clearly the worst.
I’m disappointed, Razzies. You nominated the same eight films. And then you nominated Stallone, which is just stupid. I mean, sure he edited an 80s style movie like Bourne but that’s not enough for him to get on this list.
I’m not even going to bother commenting on who wins. You can go find it yourself. After them giving Worst Picture and Director to Bay last year, I think the Razzies have started to think get a bit of an ego. I’m starting to lose interest in them more and more. Like the American public and hockey.
