The Box Office Report – February 18-20

Last week, in Box Office…

A piece of hell broke off and tainted the world to the tune of $70 million for two piece of shit films.

Just Go With It wins the weekend with $30.5 million. There is no god.

Justin Bieber’s movie made $29.5 million. What the fuck is wrong with this country? Are children really that stupid?

Gnomeo and Juliet makes $25.4 million. That pretty much goes to show how strong a market there is for children’s films marketed toward the very small. You make a film suitable for ten and under, and you’re guaranteed an opening weekend. Goddamn. This is because the last kid’s movie that came out was Yogi Bear. The one before that was Tangled, which… then before that was….I have no idea…there really wasn’t a young kids film at all this past six months. 2009 had one every weekend, it seemed. But still, I can’t say this was exactly something I wanted to happen.

The top three films in the box office combined to make $85 million. It was just like Revelations.

Fourth on the list was The Eagle with, surprise, surprise, $8.7 million. That was easy to guess.

Roomie did $8.1 million. Better than I’d hoped. What the fuck is wrong with you, America?

The King’s Speech did $7.2 million. Way higher than suspected. Like, $2 million higher. Doesn’t make up for everything else, but a nice surprise.

NSA did $5.8 million. Slightly better than expected, by only a couple hundred grand. 5 was still the number, though.

Sanctum did $5.7 million. Said 5 and change. Right on the money. Little higher than I’d have been happy with, but, on the money. Won’t need to mention this piece of shit ever again.

True Grit did $3.8 million. Wow. That’s a fucking hold.

Oh, I also said I’d mention The Rite because it would do $3.5 million and I’d laugh at it for failing so badly so fast. Guess what? It did $3.25 million. So, worse than even I’d guessed. HA HA!

Anyway, onto this week…

The film poised to win the weekend is I am Number Four. I hope this film lives up to its title and finishes there, but we all know that shit ain’t happening. The magic number here is $30 million. Like always, I’m hoping that instead of the obvious 31, it’ll do $28 million or less. I know. Fucking stupid people…I’m praying for $25 million. Please don’t let it hit $30 million. That’s 10 a day. That’s too much.

Next is Liam Neeson beating the shit out of more people in Unknown. Clearly, this is not as action-packed as Taken and will not do that kind of business. Though, it will do some business, and personally, I’d rather see this do well than the other one. But we know that won’t happen. I will expect around $20 million here. Like 21, 22. That’s about where this should end up. Though, since there’s no action, it might be closer to like $18 million. It all depends on how strong a brand Liam Neeson has set up thus far. I know this won’t win the weekend, but here’s hoping…

Oh, here’s where it gets fun. Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son opens this week. For those wondering what happened to Big Momma’s House, I have no idea. I’m guessing the government foreclosed. The less this does, the better. I’m gonna hope for $8 million or less, but know this does somewhere between $10-12 million.

Okay, the holdovers…oh, fucking, boy…

Bieber should hopefully more than half, so, instead of the obvious $16 million, let’s guess $13 million. Yeah, let’s guess 13.

And Just Go With It, that abortion, let’s hope that falls to like $16 million. I would assume that would hold a bit stronger than Bieber does. Fingers crossed for less than $15 million.

Gnomeo and Juliet did fucking incredible last weekend, so, let’s assume kids movies hold strong and say it does around $19 million or so. They’re saying 22. Which is crazy. But, stranger things have happened. Personally, I’d say around $17-18 million, but, kids movies do hold. I think parents use the box office numbers to go, “Oh, I guess this isn’t a piece of shit.” That is, assuming their kids weren’t brainwashed by all the commercials and want to go out and see it.

Let’s hope Roomie falls below $5 million this weekend so I won’t have to mention it ever again. The Eagle almost certainly will.

The King’s Speech did $7.2 million last weekend, so, let’s say it does around 5-6. Which is basically just assumed. It’ll fall, not much. That one’s a gimme.

Everything else, NSA, Sanctum, The Rite — they’re all under $5 million this weekend, so, no word on them unless they overperform. I like that the box office changes over so fast in the shitty season. I hate when bad things hold.

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