Movies That Sound Like Pornos (An Incomplete List)

This all began when I thought up a great thing to do when drinking with friends: Go down the IMDB Top 250 and picture each of the titles as porn titles. See which ones were the funniest. We had a good time, so, I figured, let’s extend the game.

Here’s a list of all movies whose titles could be the titles of porn films. Some of them you have to think hard about (not gonna do it…), but trust me, they could all be the titles of porn films if thought about in the right (or wrong, if you’re Catholic) frame of mind.

Some of the titles will be obvious. You’ll know immediately what a porno called Shaft is about. Others take some thinking. You know, sometimes the funny thing will be picturing the plot of the film turned into a porno, sometimes it’ll just be the title — sometimes it’s best left to the imagination. Others already sound like pornos or sex tapes that exist (I’m talking specifically of An American in Paris and The Heiress). I’m sure you can figure it out. I’ll give you an example to get you started:

Schindler’s List

Multiple options here. You could take the plot of the movie and turn it into a porno. Which is just so gloriously offensive and wrong that I’m starting the script as I type. The other option is taking the title and picturing some dude named Schindler creating a list of people he’s going to fuck. Like he’s got some magical Kill Bill list tattooed on his dick. And every time he fucks one of the people on the list their name disappears. It’s just like Beauty and the Beast.

So that’s how this works. There are a lot of movies on here, so it’s best to pace yourself, and as you go, picture each individual one as its own, unique porno. I’ll also keep updating it every time I get new suggestions or find some more.

Movies That Sound Like Pornos

(In no specific order.)

(Note: These are all real movie titles.)

Cream of the Crop (sadly not one of them):

  • Shaft
  • There Will Be Blood
  • 8 ½
  • 12 Angry Men
  • Sweet Smell of Success
  • Gone in 60 Seconds
  • The World’s Fastest Indian
  • Mr. Deeds Goes to Town
  • Snatch
  • The Russians are Coming, the Russians are Coming
  • 5 Fingers
  • The Happy Ending
  • Let the Right One In
  • The Killer Inside Me
  • Girl, Interrupted
  • Come Fill the Cup
  • Little Big Man
  • Ruggles of Red Gap
  • Angels with Dirty Faces
  • Brief Encounter
  • The Elephant Man
  • One Hundred Men and a Girl
  • Captain Blood
  • Here Comes the Navy
  • One Hour with You
  • Sophie’s Choice
  • The Passion of the Christ
  • The 400 Blows
  • G-Force
  • First Blood
  • Hi Diddle Diddle
  • Stop the World – I Want to Get Off
  • Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (and…)
  • Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
  • That Thing You Do! (It’s the exclamation point that does it)
  • The World is Not Enough
  • How to Train Your Dragon
  • Predator
    • Predators

And the rest of the list:

  • It Happened One Night
  • The Sting
  • My Left Foot
  • Taken
  • Where the Wild Things Are
  • The Thin Man
    • After the Thin Man
    • Another Thin Man
    • Shadow of the Thin Man
    • The Thin Man Goes Home
    • Song of the Thin Man
  • In & Out
  • Grease
  • The Exorcist
  • The Miracle Worker
  • Mary Poppins
  • A Thousand Clowns
  • A Man for All Seasons
  • In the Heat of the Night
  • The Ox-Bow Incident
  • Duck, You Sucker
  • Bonnie and Clyde
  • Cries and Whispers
  • Chinatown
  • Ghost
  • The Fugitive
  • The Insider
  • The Sixth Sense
  • The Third Man
  • Rear Window
  • Some Like it Hot
  • Never on Sunday
  • Close Encounters of the Third Kind
  • The Last Temptation of Christ
  • Thelma & Louise
  • My Sister Eileen
  • The Constant Nymph
  • The Farmer’s Daughter
  • I Remember Mama
  • Nine
  • Two Women
  • Coming Home
  • Wait Until Dark
  • Breaking Away
  • Kramer vs. Krame
  • Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
  • Traffic
  • In the Bedroom
  • The Color Purple
  • Finding Neverland
  • Sideways
  • Shampoo
  • No Country for Old Men
  • An Education
  • Catch Me If You Can
  • Up
  • Seventh Heaven
  • Educating Rita
  • Alien
  • Aliens
  • Being John Malkovich
  • Boys Don’t Cry
  • Thirteen
  • A Cry in the Dark
  • For the Boys
  • Six Degrees of Separation
  • Afterglow (Guaranteed to win a cinematography award.)
  • Unfaithful
  • Little Children (Banned in 37 states.)
  • Julie & Julia
  • Life with Father
  • The African Queen
  • The Adventures of Robinson Crusoe
  • The Man with the Golden Arm
  • Cool Hand Luke
  • True Grit
  • Harry and Tonto
  • Seven Beauties
  • Equus
  • Saturday Night Fever
  • Good Morning, Vietnam
  • You Can’t Take It With You (sex toys galore)
  • What’s Love Got to Do With It
  • Mr. Holland’s Opus
  • Gangs of New York
  • The Goodbye Girl
  • I’m Not There
  • Come and Get It
  • Topper
  • They Knew What They Wanted
  • Johnny Eager
  • Inception
  • A Medal for Benny
  • Ride the Pink Horse
  • The Luck of the Irish
  • Broken Arrow
  • Das Boot
  • Up in the Air
  • The Fortune Cookie
  • Blood Diamond
  • Teacher’s Pet
  • Easy Rider
  • The Empire Strikes Back
  • The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
  • Dick Tracy
  • A Few Good Men
  • A Farewell to Arms (Amputee porn. Winning.)
  • Mr. Saturday Night
  • What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?
  • In the Line of Fire
  • 12 Monkeys
  • As Good As It Gets
  • Training Day
  • Minority Report
  • In America
  • Into the Wild
  • Milk
  • The Last Station
  • The Gorgeous Hussy
  • These Three
  • Come to the Stable
  • Pickup on South Street
  • The Bad Seed
  • The V.I.P.s
  • The Turning Point
  • Hush….Hush, Sweet Charlotte
  • Wag the Dog
  • What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?
  • Inside Daisy Clover
  • A Patch of Blue
  • Maria Full of Grace
  • Speedy
  • Speed
  • The Crowd
  • The Love Parade
  • Drag
  • A Double Life
  • The Heiress
  • Something’s Gotta Give
  • Splendor in the Grass
  • Beauty and the Beast
  • Howards End
  • Scent of a Woman
  • Dances with Wolves
  • Jaws
  • All the President’s Men
  • Taxi Driver
  • Ordinary People
  • Raging Bull
  • On Golden Pond
  • Reds
  • The Right Stuff
  • Northwest Passage
  • A Passage to India
  • Out of Africa
  • You’re a Big Boy Now
  • Rosemary’s Baby
  • Test Pilot
  • Carnal Knowledge
  • (Jacqueline Susann’s) Once Is Not Enough
  • Looking for Mr. Goodbar
  • Inside Moves
  • Kiss of the Spider Woman
  • Witness
  • Platoon
  • Hannah and Her Sisters
  • A Room with a View
  • Working Girl
  • A Streetcar Named Desire
  • Ivanhoe
  • Driving Miss Daisy
  • Dead Poets Society
  • The Natural
  • Twice in a Lifetime
  • Enemies, a Love Story
  • The Age of Innocence
  • Mighty Aphrodite
  • Gone With the Wind
  • Doctor Dolittle
  • Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
  • The Graduate
  • Anne of the Thousand Days
  • Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
  • Hello, Dolly!
  • The French Connection
  • Fiddler on the Roof
  • The Godfather
    • The Godfather Part II
    • The Godfather Part III
  • Five Easy Pieces
  • Room at the Top (#1 orgy film)
  • The Nun’s Story
  • How Green Was My Valley
  • Here Comes Mr. Jordan
  • One Foot in Heaven
  • The More the Merrier
  • The Diary of Anne Frank
  • The Apartment
  • Sons and Lovers
  • Fanny
  • The Longest Day
  • Tom Jones
  • How the West Was Won
  • My Fair Lady
  • Auntie Mame
  • Mildred Pierce
  • The Bishop’s Wife
  • Gentleman’s Agreement
  • Crossfire
  • All the King’s Men
  • All About Eve
  • Father of the Bride
  • An American in Paris
  • The Greatest Show on Earth
  • The Quiet Man (a snuff film)
  • Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
  • Giant
  • The King and I
  • Friendly Persuasion
  • Around the World in 80 Days
  • The Country Girl
  • From Here to Eternity (A Mandingo film)
  • A Midsummer Night’s Dream
  • Anchors Aweigh (Scat film)
  • Going My Way
  • Wuthering Heights (Look it up.)
  • The Great Dictator
  • Jezebel
  • Four Daughters
  • Boys Town
  • Dead End
  • Naughty Marietta
  • The Gay Divorcee
  • One Night of Love
  • Bad Girl
  • Little Women
  • The Affairs of Cellini
  • The Rains Came
  • Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
  • Lady in the Dark
  • The Ghost and Mrs. Muir
  • The Naked City
  • Mother Wore Tights
  • A Foreign Affair
  • The Loves of Carmen
  • Strangers on a Train
  • Pepe
  • One-Eyed Jacks
  • Love with the Proper Stranger
  • The Americanization of Emily
  • The Night of the Hunter
  • The Black Hole
  • The Man Who Wasn’t There
  • The New World
  • Children of Men
  • The Agony and the Ecstasy
  • Taming of the Shrew
  • Coming to America
  • Memoirs of a Geisha
  • The Devil and Miss Jones
  • Tom Dick and Harry
  • Two Girls and a Sailor
  • Freud
  • A Hard Day’s Night
  • The Train
  • My Night at Maud’s
  • The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie
  • Big
  • Grand Canyon
  • Green Card
  • Sleepless in Seattle
  • Toy Story
    • Toy Story 2
    • Toy Story 3
  • Y Tu Mamá También
  • Dirty Pretty Things
  • Finding Nemo
  • Lars and the Real Girl
  • The Horse’s Mouth
  • Lolita
  • The Odd Couple
  • The Emperor’s New Groove
  • Holes
  • (Chronicles of Narnia) The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
  • Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
    • Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
    • Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
    • Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
  • The Adventures of Robin Hood
  • Wee Willie Winkie
  • Ladies in Retirement
  • George Washington Slept Here
  • The Climax
  • Seven Samurai
  • Come Blow Your Horn
  • Camelot
  • The Spy Who Loved Me
  • Octopussy
  • Goldfinger
  • The China Syndrome
  • Glory
  • Toys
  • Men in Black
  • The Talented Mr. Ripley
  • The Dirty Dozen
  • The Girl Said No
  • Too Many Husbands
  • The Men in Her Life
  • They Were Expendable
  • Twister
  • Hook
  • Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
  • The Great Escape
  • The Longest Yard
  • Three Days of the Condor (More like Three Lays of the Condor)
  • Johnny Come Lately
  • The Hairy Ape
  • Three Russian Girls
  • Guest Wife
  • The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T
  • Boy on a Dolphin
  • The Magnificent Seven
  • The Pleasure Seekers
  • A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
  • In Cold Blood
  • The Baby Maker
  • Birds Do It, Bees Do It
  • Trading Places
  • Thunderball
  • Mannequin
  • All-American-Co-Ed
  • A Certain Smile
  • Where Love Has Gone
  • Foul Play
  • Endless Love
  • Dancer in the Dark
  • Meet the Parents
    • Meet the Fockers
    • Little Fockers
  • Once
  • The Good the Bad and the Ugly
  • Speed Racer
  • The Room
  • Black Dynamite
  • Whip It
  • Funny Face
  • The Long Kiss Goodnight
  • World’s Greatest Dad
  • My Cousin Vinny
  • The Whole Nine Yards
  • Bad Santa
  • Old School
  • The Big White
  • Get Shorty
  • Get Him to the Greek
  • Walk Hard
  • Knocked Up
  • Waitress
  • Necessary Roughness
  • Breach
  • The Proposition
  • The Thing
  • The Beast Must Die
  • The Happening
  • Purple Rain
  • Watchmen
  • From Dusk Till Dawn
  • On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
  • Avatar
  • Inside Man
  • Do the Right Thing
  • The Big Lebowski
  • Raising Arizona
  • Seven
  • The Social Network
  • Hot Fuzz (made in the 70s)
  • Finding Forrester
  • Elf
  • Iron Man
  • Manhunter
  • Once Upon a Time in Mexico
  • Ed Wood
  • The Untouchables
  • A Fistful of Dollars
  • For a Few Dollars More
  • The Wrong Man
  • Dark Passage
  • Bringing Up Baby
  • Dames
  • Black Snake Moan
  • Changing Lanes
  • Fast and the Furious
    • 2 Fast 2 Furious
    • The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
    • Fast & Furious
    • Fast Five
  • Sexy Beast
  • What Dreams May Come
  • The Score
  • The Professional
  • Paths of Glory
  • The Lives of Others
  • Furry Vengeance
  • Oldboy
  • In the Company of Men
  • The Fighter
  • In the Mood For Love
  • Rope
  • Manos: The Hands of Fate
  • From Justin to Kelly (You never go…)
  • Pocket Ninjas
  • Alone in the Dark
  • Thirty Seconds over Tokyo
  • The White Parade

One response

  1. Trevor

    Boyz on the hood

    January 21, 2014 at 6:00 pm

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