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Ranking the Bond Movies: #2 – Goldfinger (1964)

♫ “Goldfinger… he’s the man, the man with the Midas touch.” ♫

I actually wanted to just put the lyrics to the song as the intro and nothing else. Still kinda want to.

What can you say about Goldfinger? It’s fucking Goldfinger. If this isn’t in most people’s top 3 Bond movies, then it’s interesting. So many people automatically put this as #1 and in their top 3 that there’s actually a more compelling case to be made for this not being in the top 3. The person who put the film that’s #1 (which — it’s obvious what that’s going to be, but for the sake of people who can’t keep track of things, I won’t spoil it), Casino Royale and On Her Majesty’s Secret Service as 1, 2 and 3 and this as #4 would be able to make a very compelling argument to me as to why that’s a legitimate ranking. And if they did it correctly, I’d go along with it. Because I can see where some people wouldn’t consider this a top three film.

But for me — I just love that it’s the quintessential Bond movie. It has everything you could ask for in a Bond movie, and the only gripes I could have with it are that it could have done some things better. You know you have something special when your only real gripes about it are, “Everything here is amazing, but this little part is only above average.”

Seriously, though — it’s fucking Goldfinger. I don’t have to explain this. It should just make sense.

The cold open actually begins like From Russia with Love, with the gun barrel iris getting smaller and smaller and then us just opening on an image. The iris opening on the first image didn’t happen until Thunderball.

Anyway, we open outside a plant.

At the docks.

At least it’s not a fucking crocodile.

Doesn’t even care if they know he’s coming.

That’s why, motherfucker!

I’m a ghost ghost ghost ghost ghost.

This is one of my favorite sets. I love how fucking big the silos are.

I want one of those in my house in case I get locked out.

Bring back these sets.

TokyoRemix:

The 60s sets were really big on weird shaped rooms with circular or oval-shaped ceilings. Looks great.

They’re having a barbecue.

Bond brought the plastic silverware.

Weird how easy that was. All he had to do was take out one henchman. That’s a pretty big fucking plant to only have one henchman standing guard. No search towers or anything?

TokyoRemix:

I think this is just one of those missions where he phones it in. They don’t merit a movie, cause look how easy it all is. You know that more than half the stuff he does is like this.

Motherfucker, this wasn’t no mission, this was what you do between the appetizer and the main course.

Sup, Betty?

TokyoRemix:

I believe you mean, “Main Course.”

“Just in time for dessert.”

“Oh no… what could that be? I’m so surprised.”

TokyoRemix:

Which — stuff like this happens in every movie. SyrianaButch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,  Rush Hour 2, it never fails. Everyone that blows something up is the only person who acts chill. If I ever blow something up, I’m gonna be like the second guy to freak out.

Great moment. Goes right over to his contact. Guy says not to go back to his hotel and to get the fuck out of the country. (It’s Latin America. That was a drug warehouse.)

Bond’s got some shit to do first.

Yeah, man!

“If anyone’s gonna make you wet it’s go’n be me.”

This is one of my favorite Connery suits.

TokyoRemix:

Not wild about the shirt, but this is an excellent dinner jacket. White, peak lapel. You can’t really pull this of anymore without being mistaken for a waiter, but in the 60s, it’s quite the outfit.

(Mike Note: Oh, I love the shirt. The shirt’s the reason I wrote that comment.)

Time to get some pussy.

“Why do you always wear that thing?”

“I have a slight inferiority complex.”

Of course there’s a henchman.

You fucked up.

Bogie, six o’clock.

Always throw her in the way.

I love hand-to-hand combat scenes from the 60s and 70s. Almost any screenshot you take is gonna look ridiculous.

“Shocking.”

“Positively shocking.”

This leads right into our credit sequence, set to Shirley Bassey’s “Goldfinger.” Easily a top three title song for the franchise.

TokyoRemix:

It’s my personal favorite. 

Not to mention one of the best credit sequences the franchise has ever done.

TokyoRemix:

The only thing I don’t like is that it shows clips of stuff he’d done from the last two movies. I can see it a little bit if it was just the clips from Goldfinger, but that’s the weak spot for me. Still, not as bad as them using Connery clips in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. At least this is the same guy.

Fucking guess where we open.

Remember when establishing shots looked as good as these?

Remember when there was no littering?

Remember when they didn’t allow Jews into these places?

TokyoRemix:

I don’t know when you’re talking about. This is Hyman Roth’s place.

Felix is in town looking for Bond. (Felix has quite the history with Florida, doesn’t he?)

Found him.

He reminds me of Peter Reigert.

Look at her look. “Oh, will you be fucking me too?”

“Dink, meet Felix Leiter. Felix, say hello to Dink.”

“Dink, say goodbye to Felix.”

“Uhh – man talk.”

Is there anything to say?

TokyoRemix:

Love the ass slap. Does VH1 do “I Love the Sixties”? I bet half of it could just be devoted to the ass slap as an institution and how it was the one thing keeping us from going crazy with fear of the bomb.

And he grabs his shoulder afterward.

Looks like Bond’s not on vacation no more. He’s got to keep an eye on Auric Goldfinger. He’s the man, the man with the Midas touch. Where can Bond find him?

You’re making it really difficult for us to pay attention to Goldfinger, Guy Hamilton.

That’s our Bond villain, Auric Goldfinger. More on him later.

Goldfinger’s been cheating this fuck out of money all week.

It’s shots like this that make me happy I took a class about color in film.

Guess what I love. Go ahead. I bet you can.

TokyoRemix:

Something about projection? Of the rear variety?

(Mike Note: “Girl, you got some rear projection going on back there.”)

Great shot. (Also – tits everywhere.)

You have my attention.

This is great – he talks to her yet doesn’t look at her.

I thought he was gonna treat that object like a woman for a second.

“That’s Mr. Goldfinger’s suite.”

“I know. Fucking crazy, right?”

“You’re very sweet.”

There you go. Throw a little dick magic her way. She’s like the bitch in Moonwalker you gotta throw a little sparkle to so they get out of your way.

TokyoRemix:

This is the Connery we all love. She protests, he’s says, “I know. You’re very sweet,” smiling at her, and she just walks away cause that’s the end of it. And with Connery, that’s always the end of it.

Well, hello.

TokyoRemix:

Go——–d DAMN!

(Mike Note: She wanna get fucked.)

“Well, hello.”

“Who are you?”

“Bond. James Bond.”

“What’s your name?”

“Jill. Jill Masterson.”

Bond asks four questions. 1) Why does he do it? (Because he likes to win.) 2) Why does she do it? (Because he pays her.) 3) Is that all he pays her for? (And to be seen with him.) 4) Just seen?

“Just seen.”

Magic dick, you are clear for landing.

“I’m glad. You’re much too –“

“– nice, to get mixed up in anything like this.”

She want it.

TokyoRemix:

Jill is hot. We like Jill. Bond likes Jill. She works for Goldfinger, doing this — but she quickly falls for Bond, because that’s what girls do. The only important things you really need to know about Jill are that she has a sister, and that she’s probably the “golden girl” that Shirley Bassey is singing about in the opening. Jill gives us one of the most iconic shots ever put in a Bond film. 

“Now hear this, Goldfinger. Your luck has just changed.”

Bond makes him lose $15,000 to the guy while he plans a dinner date with Jill.

Go ahead, smile now. Wait til you see what’s coming.

Thank god for recliners.

Some dinner.

Remember that one shot in Moonraker that had everything in it I hate? This is the opposite of that.

Wait – now it’s the opposite of that.

Let’s also stop to point out that the radio transmission that comes through before Bond shuts it off is, “Washington – at the White House this afternoon, the president said he was entirely satisfied—”

“That makes two of us.”

Missing something?

How many times have we seen that face by now?

Bond was scheduled to have dinner with Felix. He’s changing it to breakfast.

“Not too early.”

“Bitch, I am on the phone.”

I love that she doesn’t care that she just got face-palmed.

TokyoRemix:

Bond just mushed her. That’s hilarious. Is this the first time we’ve ever seen a white person mush a girl?

Oh, you dirty bitch…

Oh, but the champagne’s lost it’s chill.

“Who needs it?”

“My dear girl, there are some things that just aren’t done. Such as drinking Dom Perignon ’53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs.”

I’m not sure which half of that statement annoys me more.

TokyoRemix:

I kind of understand the Beatles bit, although it’s still over the top. First, it’s 1964, which isn’t the Beatles year we all think of as epic and amazing — they were still pretty much a boy band. And second, you know that Bond can’t do rock and roll ever. It’s not a Bond thing. Not sophisticated enough. Then again, Connery and American rock and roll…

“We will pass through the American patrols, pass their sonar nets, and lay off their largest city, and listen to their rock ‘n roll, while we conduct missile drills.”

(Mike Note: George Martin also produced the title song.)

Every time.

Honestly, at this point, I’m assuming it was Orson Welles.

Or Baron Samedi.

I’ve woken up like this a couple times.

“Where the fuck am I?”

I love the lighting.

Next to the gun barrel, probably the most iconic image in the franchise.

TokyoRemix:

So good. Just so incredibly good. I don’t see why they left him alive and killed her, but none of it matters when you give us stuff like this.

“How drunk was I?”

In my head, she died because she couldn’t dial out from that phone.

“I think I wanna fuck her again.”

Ah, La Paz.

“Gold?”

Bond says it was skin suffocation from the paint. He knows it was Goldfinger. M immediately suspects him of becoming emotional and reminds him it’s a case like any other. He says if he can’t deal with that, then 008 can do it instead. (Does that mean the cases are given in order? Like a pitching rotation?)

TokyoRemix:

By the way, the skin asphyxiation thing is crap. Doctors believed that we breathed through our pores and that leaving some skin uncovered would have prevented it. Other than the fact that her scalp wasn’t painted, it’s completely safe to paint your entire body, unless the paint clogs your pores and you overheat over several hours.

M also reminds him that he was supposed to follow Goldfinger, not fuck his girlfriend.

“Motherfucker, do you know…”

“Sir, I’m aware of my shortcomings, but I’m prepared to continue this assignment in the spirit you suggest. If I knew what it was about.”

I love this moment. M looks up like, “Motherfucker, what did you say to me?” And Bond blinks a couple of times and adds, “Sir,” to it. This is really the one time we get the sense that M is a dangerous motherfucker.

M tells Bond to meet him there at 7. “Black tie.”

(It’s never black Thais.)

Moneypenny!

She’s looking extra pokey today.

“And what do you know about gold, Moneypenny?”

“Oh, the only gold I know about is the kind you wear…”

“You know, on the third finger of your left hand.”

“One of these days, we really must look into that.”

“Well what about tonight? You come around for dinner–”

“That was freakishly good.”

“– and I’ll cook you a beautiful angel cake.”

“Well, you see, what had happened was…”

“Oh well, some girls have all the luck.” (Also, he’s still thinking about that hat throw.)

“Who is she, James?”

“She is me, Miss Moneypenny.”

So, do they just listen to each other’s conversations on the regular like that?

“So there’s hope for me yet.”

“Moneypenny, won’t you ever believe me?”

You know she’ll do the freaky shit, too.

TokyoRemix:

This is one of the best exchanges between Bond and Moneypenny. It runs the whole gamut of their dynamics. Flirtation, playful despondency over the fact that she’s never going to get Bond, and then the ray of hope that allows it to keep going back to where we started.

Some place.

Jesus. It can pull back further.

“Thank you, Jeeves.” (Also, look at the size of those fucking snifters.)

Anyway, the rich dude – Colonel Smithers, because of course his name is Colonel Smithers – explains that gold, unlike diamonds, can’t be traced, which makes it ideal for smuggling and the target for the smartest criminals.

TokyoRemix:

This guy who plays Smithers also appears in a scene in Hard Day’s Night as a curmudgeon in the same train compartment as the Beatles and yells at them.

“Have some more of this rather disappointing brandy.”

“What’s the matter with it?”

“I’d say it was a 30-year-old fine, indifferently blended, sir… with an overdose of bon-bois.”

“Colonel Smithers is giving the lecture, 007.”

Good. He hates it too.

“Motherfucker, you asked.”

“How the hell does he know these things?”

Smithers explains that Bond’s mission is to figure out how Goldfinger is smuggling gold.

Bond’ll need some sort of bait.

Nice bait.

TokyoRemix:

Oh boy, Nazi gold? That’s one of the most evil types of gold!

Time to go see Q.

Fuck bitches get tickets.

TokyoRemix:

This baby hit the market just after Cool Hand Luke came out.

I like yo raincoat.

TokyoRemix:

I love how proper this whole thing goes. He’s wearing the raincoat and the vest over a sweater, and he stands up all straight and British, like, “Righto. Let’s get this done before the pudding spoils.”

TokyoRemix:

Classic Bond, touching shit he’s not supposed to be touching.

(Mike Note: Probably could have put this up there with Jill.)

Q trashed Bond’s Bentley.

He’ll be using this instead.

TokyoRemix:

Now would seem an appropriate time to discuss the 1964 Aston Martin DB5 at length. I’d like to impress upon you, first and foremost, that between Goldfinger and Thunderball, this car gets a total 13 minutes of screen time. From those 13 minutes (and let’s be honest, it’s really the 12 minutes in Goldfinger that count) this car became perhaps the most recognized automobile in cinematic history. I knew this car’s specs when I was seven years old.

Starting with the basics, this is a 1964 Aston Martin DB5. It has a 4.0L straight-six producing 282 bhp, making the 0-60 mph run in 8.1 seconds before hitting a top speed of 143 mph. The color, immortalized by fans everywhere, is silver-birch. Between late 1963 and mid 1965, 1023 DB5s were produced. Two were used for the film — one prototype and one special model — and two more were commissioned for promotional purposes. 

There will be a rundown of the features that Q has worked into the car as we go, but the important things to know are that this is the first gadget-laden Bond car and that it’s got the perfect balance of awesomeness and plausibility. All the gadgets on this car could exist and wouldn’t be all that hard to bring to fruition. While otherwise amazing cars like Wet Nellie fall short in this category, the Goldfinger DB5 reigns supreme as the most realistic spy car in the franchise.

This car is license number BMT 216A, which returns in Thunderball. The DB5 in GoldenEye and Tomorrow Never Dies  is BMT 214A, a different car. The Casino Royale DB5 is completely different; it has a Bahamian license plate and it’s left-hand drive. From what I understand, the Skyfall DB5 is not only right-hand drive, it has the license number BMT 216A like the originals. Of course, there have been many DB5s involved in filming these movies, but the official cars are extremely desirable. The main car used in Goldfinger and Thunderball sold at auction in October, 2010 for upwards of $4.6 million. 

It’s hard to believe now that Aston Martin was reluctant to go along with the product placement deal. James Bond put them on the map. While Ian Fleming’s novel had Bond in a DB III (around five years older), the DB5 was the latest and most modern car offered at the time. It was so popular that the top selling toy of 1964 was a model of the film’s spy car. Its appearance in Goldfinger cemented the Aston Martin as the quintessential British sports car of the 60s, and the company as arguably the most definitive British sports car manufacturer for all time. Nearly 50 years later, and Bond is still driving a DB5. 

When it all boils down, the Aston Martin DB5 is the clear winner for best Bond car of all time. In fact, it defines Bond as an excellent car franchise, even if half the films here are weak on cars. This, by itself, is enough to offset 15 films worth of bad cars. I could ramble on about the DB5, but I imagine you’re about done with this lecture by now. I’ll let the pictures do the talking. Just look at the thing. It’s a work of art.

I see a glow. It’s…perfect.

Mike Note:

Oh, wait, you said glow:

He can fucks with that.

Bulletproof glass.

TokyoRemix:

Man, bulletproof glass. That’s some cutting-edge stuff. That’d have been REALLY useful about five years after this.

Revolving license plates.

A homing device. Big and small.

Tracker on the dash.

“Genius. Useful, too. Allow a man to stop off for a quick one en route.”

Look at Q’s face.

What’s great is that we don’t even have to question what the “one” is.

Q wants him to bring it back in one piece. Q don’t know about the wear and tear that goes on in the field.

The car also has – a smokescreen, oil slick, rear bulletproof screen (used in Thunderball) and left and right machine guns. (At least two buttons go entirely unexplained.)

“Hooray.”

Ejector button.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.”

Reaction shots are the key to comedy.

So Goldfinger shows up at the club (trying to get crunk), and is told someone with his handicap has arrived and is asked if he’d rather play him instead.

“Where is he?”

I love posting all these close ups. It feels so Leone. If I didn’t want to continue with the synopsis, I’d literally just do like six back and forths, because after a while, I can create narratives by just their faces.

Don’t we all have Korean manservants?

Oddjob.

TokyoRemix:

Oddjob is arguably more iconic than Jaws as a Bond henchman. He only appears once, in this film, but his impression on the world as a titan of the Bond franchise is undeniable. Oddjob is Goldfinger’s Korean manservant, which I don’t quite get. Harold Sakata — the actor — is Japanese-American (and he won a silver medal for weightlifting in the 1948 London Olympics), and more importantly, Goldfinger’s contacts and other employees are all Chinese. Maybe they were going for the East Asian trifecta.

Anyway, Oddjob is a caddy, bodyguard, chauffeur, butler and assassin for Goldfinger. He’s a decent fighter hand to hand, and can kill by throwing his hat, which has a metal ring in the brim. He’s also basically indestructible, which we’ll see later. Oddjob sets up henchmen like Tee Hee and Jaws as the hulking henchman that can’t be killed, but ends up being undone by his own weird characteristic. Tee Hee gets caught with his metal arm, Jaws gets his metal teeth zapped and stuck to a magnet — Oddjob has similar issues.

The best part of Oddjob for me is that he doesn’t speak. Everything we get from him is from his face, and Oddjob smiles a lot.

The only good Korean is –

“Stop it. Stop looking at me like that. It’s creepy.”

Nobody putts it better.

“What’s your game, Mr. Bond?”

“My game?”

“You didn’t come here to play golf?”

Goldfinger wants to play for the bar of gold.

TokyoRemix:

Okay, I’m really glad Mike put this set of shots in here, because I think that this is the perfect set up. We already know that Goldfinger loves gold, but look at the way he’s fixated on the bar. He’s got time think about the putt, but when he finally goes for it, the ball is drawn to the bar as though by magnetism. Bond’s got his weakness, and they visualized it perfectly. 

“Motherfucker, don’t be interrupting my swing I’ll beat the shit out—“

“That’s cool.”

Because I’m still a boss.

Whenever you need a reaction, just cut to Oddjob.

The look is everything.

“Oh, bad luck, you’re in the rough,” he said, being an asshole.

Bond says if he can’t find it after five minutes, he loses a stroke and distance.

Shifty ass Korean.

TokyoRemix:

That was the same move they used in The Great Escape to mix dirt into the the compound. Oddjob must’ve been to the movies.

(Mike Note: Or an internment camp. (Too soon?))

“Ah, ah!”

TokyoRemix:

Bond’s caddy says if that’s Goldfinger’s ball, he’s Arnold Palmer. Which makes me really want an Arnold Palmer.

(Mike Note: I’m actually gonna go buy some in like, an hour, too.)

That’s not his original ball.

“How do you know?”

“I’m standing on it.”

“Let’s have a little fun with Mr. Goldfinger.”

Sneaky sneaky. Bond switches his Slezenger 1 with a Slazenger 7.

Now all they have to do is hope he doesn’t notice.

“Oh damn. You win, Goldfinger.”

“Wait a minute…”

“That’s not your ball, so… looks like I win.”

Goldfinger’s not happy.

See what I mean about reaction shots?

“My car is better than yours, motherfucker.”

Homing device.

Goldfinger’s upset. He knows who Bond is, but Bond’s playing it cool.

“Man, am I gonna have to tell Moneypenny about this.”

“Remarkable. But what does the club secretary have to say?”

“Oh, nothing, Mr. Bond. I own the club.”

It’s been his club the whole time. (It seemed neater.)

TokyoRemix:

That joke was a little insaito.

Dude, don’t tease the Korean.

TokyoRemix:

Oh, right. We should take this opportunity to tell the readers that one of the songs on the official Goldfinger soundtrack is called “Teasing the Korean.”

You asked for it.

So Bond follows Goldfinger to Geneva.

Oh, but someone else is there too!

TokyoRemix:

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. James Bond did the “Mustang in the mirror” shot before Bullitt did.

“Well, hello.”

“Discipline, 007. Discipline.”

TokyoRemix:

Okay, let’s talk about this. She’s driving a 1965 Mustang convertible in white on red interior. Goldfinger is the first film ever to feature a Mustang, and that’s a big deal. The Mustang is still being made, and there have been more than 8 million of them produced. This is a HUGE deal.

Bond is all about showing the newest, trendiest thing, so here’s a Ford Mustang. Audiences then didn’t know it like we do today, but this one is offered up as something quick enough to contest Bond’s Aston (though not in real life). Having the Mustang’s major film debut is enormous in automotive terms, and it’s another reason why Goldfinger scores major points as a classic.

Didn’t this happen in The Godfather?

These pull backs are incredible.

And the chase is on.

Sharp corner.

Gotcha, bitch.

No fair.

“Hmm… a double blowout. Must have been one of those things…”

I like how the camera doesn’t even care what else is going on in the scene.

“Anyway, how about we go fuck?”

No dice. She wants him to take her to the nearest garage.

“By the way, my name is Bond, Ja—“

“As quickly as possible.”

He doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Pull up at the garage –

Get the fuck out of there. She clearly don’t want the dick yet, so why waste time?

It’s like he fucked her already.

Have there been any better shots of a Bond car than there were in this movie?

TokyoRemix:

No. The location sure as hell doesn’t hurt either. I was going to say stuff all through that sequence, but I decided to keep quiet because you should be looking at the pictures.

I – I don’t get it.

Jesus, look at these exteriors.

I love a good binoculars shot.

Sneaking around.

…Chinamen.

Goldfinger’s car is made of gold. Bond also overhears Goldfinger mention something called “Operation Grand Slam.”

A second shooter on the grassy knoll.

Trip wire.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

She’s Tilly Masterson.

TokyoRemix:

Tilly is Jill’s sister, as you may have guessed. She acts like a jerk after trying to kill Bond earlier and now we meet her again, being incompetent. We don’t really have much time to care about her, though, which is fine. She provides us with a great car sequence, for which I am eternally grateful.

The Chinaman know they’re here.

“Quick, get in the car. I’ll take care of him.”

Jesus, he’s like, right there. He probably heard you.

This is like a video game. Just run up to a bad guy who’s just standing there waiting to attack you. He probably could have just run around him.

And the chase is on.

Smoke bomb!

“Oh, you like that, do you?”

Oil slick.

I laughed.

I like his little sigh here. This is so routine to him.

Run bitch, ruuuun!!

You’re fucked.

Neck snap.

And he didn’t even get to fuck her.

“Ah. Ah!”

I’m beginning to suspect he was raised by gulls.

Just like Maximus.

Strangest moment in the movie.

What the fuck?

It’s never not funny.

Just mow them down. That’s what the bumper is for.

Wait, WHAT?!

Jesus Christ, Jane Darwell, what are you doing?

Best face ever.

How come Q couldn’t fit Bond’s car with this five years from now?

Cue “Yakety Sax.”

Time to play Chinken.

(I should probably be sorry for that one, shouldn’t I?)

But he’s got guns!

Taps.

TokyoRemix:

Oh my god, you have no idea. I like to think that after they defeat Goldfinger, they get this car out of his warehouse and fix it up in time for Thunderball.

Great shots. (Weird that Bond fell for it, too.)

That’s twice.

Oh yeah. One of the most famous sequences in the franchise.

TokyoRemix:

Look at this set! 60s sets are NO JOKE.

Nice suit. Let’s talk about him now.

TokyoRemix:

Goldfinger is the only Bond villain — including Blofeld — to be included on the American Film Institute’s Top Villain list. I’m actually kinda good with that. Goldfinger loves gold, which you should know by now. He has Oddjob, a fantastic car, property all over the world, a jet, an excellent pilot and a laser. What more to I have to say?

His plan will be made clear soon enough, but more importantly — with Goldfinger, we have every type of villain rolled into one. He socializes, he’s a businessman, he’s crafty, he’s sinister, he’s got a sense of humor, he’s a showman, and he’s even involved in some minor action. It’s really hard to beat Goldfinger overall. Everything about him screams classic James Bond, and he’s the first Bond villain that we could say fits the stereotype. 

“Do you expect me to talk?”

“No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.”

Great reaction shot.

TokyoRemix:

Probably the most famous exchange in Bond history. Always my favorite as a kid. Probably still my favorite, if I had to choose.

“There is nothing you can talk to me about that I don’t already know.”

“You’re forgetting one thing. If I fail to report, 008 replaces me.”

“I trust he will be more successful.”

“He knows what I know.”

“You know nothing, Mr. Bond.”

“Operation, Grand Slam, for instance.”

“Two words you may have overheard, which could not possibly have any significance to you or to anyone in your organization.”

“Can you afford to take that chance?”

Improvement?

That’s three.

TokyoRemix:

This is a really tense sequence. You don’t see how Bond is going to be able to convince him to turn the laser off. This is one of those rare moments where he’s really had it and has to talk his way out of something. How many times does that happen later in the franchise? He usually gets captured and escapes

“Am I in heaven?”

Pussy heaven.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Pussy Galore.”

“I must be dreaming.”

“Oh, you’re still there.”

“He he he.”

“Man, I gotta stop getting knocked out. That’s super bad for you.”

They’re in a plane, traveling over Canada.

TokyoRemix:

I’ve been pretty quiet for this article, which is mostly because I’m so in awe of this movie and how well it works visually. But there’s something here that should be mentioned, cause it’s very Bond. Pussy tells him specifically that he’s aboard Goldfinger’s Lockheed JetStar. That’s basically a private jet, but in 1964 the idea of owning your own jet was absurd — it might as well have been a Saturn V rocket.

That Pussy says the name of the plane and explains that it’s Goldfinger’s shows the lengths the filmmakers went to in trying to make Bond look glamorous. The private jet scene in Quantum of Solace meant nothing to us, but to 1964 theatergoers, this was the most exotic “location” in the entire film.

Bond is Goldfinger’s guest. (Of course he is.) And by extension, Pussy’s as well.

Oh, she got an Asian bitch, too.

TokyoRemix:

100 points. I need me one of these planes with one of those.

“Can I do something for you, Mr. Bond?”

“Just a drink. A martini, shaken, not stirred.” (First time he says that himself.)

This is him finding out she’s Goldfinger’s personal pilot. “Just how personal is that?”

Uh huh.

Admiring the view.

TokyoRemix:

I love how half of it is about him admiring the view and half of it is about giving us time to admire the view.

“Here’s to me fucking you later.”

“You can turn off the charm. I’m immune.”

Uh huh. You can’t stop the magic dick…

You can only divert the forces.

TokyoRemix:

Wasn’t that the second law of thermodicknamics?

He just re-Oriented himself.

He wants to enter her web of sin.

I miss these days.

Bond goes to change in the bathroom. Only –

They watching.

(There’s also a great little callback here where Bond is told his attaché case was destroyed. Presumably it’s the same one he’s given in From Russia With Love, and someone opened it the wrong way.)

No they ain’t.

Oh, but they got one more.

But he knows.

TokyoRemix:

Aw, go on. Let her watch. You know what she wants and you can give it to her. It’s not like he does anything after he stops her from watching, either. He just changes. She can watch that.

(Mike Note: What if he just started jerking his dick off slowly and just stared at where she was looking the entire time?)

Ah, ah!

Homing device in the shoe.

“I know you’re there, bitch.”

That look.

Let’s talk about Pussy now.

TokyoRemix:

Her name Pussy Galore. She’s a damn good pilot. We know she’s proficient in judo, and she knows a lot more about planes than she does about guns. Pussy is Bond girl royalty because for one, her name is Pussy Galore, and two, she’s the first Bond girl who looks like she can resist his charms.

Much like Goldfinger, she sets a number of precedents: she’s the a female villain pilot (like Helga Brandt, Naomi and Corinne) and is introduced to us as someone who is uninterested in men (too many Bond girls to list). She’s also probably one of the most notable victims of dick magic in the whole franchise, which we’ll see soon.

“Well, Pussy, you know a lot more about planes than guns. That’s a Smith and Wessen .45. If you fire at this close range, the bullet will blow through me and the fuselage like a blowtorch through butter. The cabin’ll depressurize and we’ll both be sucked into outer space together.”

“But if that’s how you want to enter the United States, you’re welcome. As for me, I prefer the easier way.”

“You like close shaves, don’t you?”

I – what can you say?

(May Day Note: Exactly.)

She won’t have none of your help.

Oh no, it’s them.

TokyoRemix:

Ah yes, The Planes Are Flying.

“Talented chaps.”

“They should be. I trained them.”

“You’re a woman of many parts, Pussy.”

TokyoRemix:

Sploosh. And this car! A 1964 Ford Country Squire! Know what’s awesome? Old station wagons.

What makes Oddjob so special is that he enjoys seeing Bond the way Bond and Jaws enjoyed seeing each other, only here the feeling isn’t mutual. But Oddjob don’t give a fuck.

I love how the jeep in the back says the words for him.

“You know, he kills little girls like you.”

“Little boys too.”

TokyoRemix:

They fly Piper Cherokees. Coincidentally, there was one of these parked by the runway as Bond and Camille are taking off in the DC-3 in Quantum of Solace. Great plane.

Pussy’s Pilots.

Most of them are hotter than she is.

TokyoRemix:

They’re American, she’s British. What’re you gonna do? Anyway, they can’t act like Honor Blackman.

This is Kentucky. What the fuck are you using harnesses for?

Nice house.

Goldfinger tries to be a gracious host, Bond insults him. That’s not nice. He could have killed you like eight hours ago.

Love how this place was built, though.

These aren’t quarters!

“Pussy, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?”

“Now how the fuck am I gonna get out of this one?”

“I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don’t want to know.”

Seriously, if you had any of these places these villains have, why would you even consider world domination?

TokyoRemix:

You know how I am about 60s sets. A lot like you are about rear projection.

(Mike Note: Honestly, if I got rich, I’d design a mansion exactly like these 60s sets. And I’d have random shit, like secret doors and maybe even a shark tank (or just a pool that I can pretend is a shark tank). And I’d have rear projection going outside one of the “windows.” I’m telling you, I’d make a great rich person.)

Goldfinger explains his plan to them.

Oh, that’s badass.

Fort Knox. They’re gonna rob it.

And he’s got more goodies.

TokyoRemix:

“Lord! It’s a miracle! Man up and vanished like a fart in the wind!”

I’m not even going to say anything. The images were perfect.

Anyway, Bond gets up there and gets all this information on Goldfinger’s plot.

That’s Delta 9. A nerve gas that causes unconsciousness for 24 hours.

Pussy and her pilots are gonna spray it.

All of these articles have been leading up to that sentence.

TokyoRemix:

Really? A squirting joke? (This is the two seconds where I feign surprise that Mike would do that.)

(Mike Note: Seriously — that’s how it is with everyone. It’s always, “Did you really go there?” and then they realize that I live just outside of there and going there is basically like walking into town to get breakfast.)

He’s like General Patton.

Solo doesn’t want any part of this. He wants the money Goldfinger owes him now. Boss Tanaka always speaks up, doesn’t he?

Yoink!

Time to fight a motherfu—

Oh. Well, hello.

TokyoRemix:

Look at that, it’s Old Faithful herself.

“Pussy. Well who taught you judo?”

How much fun do you think the writers had with this one?

TokyoRemix:

Honestly? A fucking lot.

Only – shifty henchman.

Shakespearean.

(Also, he just wiped out almost all major organized crime in one fell swoop.)

TokyoRemix:

Shoulda put it in the tea.

(Mike Note: Subtitle to the article.)

Bond puts his note and the homing device in Solo’s pocket.

Uh oh.

“I know everything, motherfucker. Good luck trying to kill me now!”

This is an odd moment. Goldfinger just sort of sulks off. It’s like a mood swing thing. Presumably it’s because he’s upset that he can’t do anything to Bond, but it’s weird.

TokyoRemix:

I liked it a lot. Bond tells him that he enjoyed Goldfinger’s briefing, and Goldfinger looks awkward for a second before saying, “So did I.” It’s like they’re playing chess and Goldfinger’s just toying him to see where all this goes.

He has to go take care of other shit (like maybe all those corpses in his rec room) but he’s sort of enjoying what’s going on and looking forward to their next discussion. He knows Bond still has to figure out the next part, which we haven’t heard about yet.

(Mike Note: I think it’s a terrific moment, too. It’s just kind of odd in the moment, if you’ve never seen the movie before. Then again, maybe it’s not. He’s stormed off before, when he lost at golf. It’s just, for some reason this one felt strange. I like the way he reacts to certain things, like how he is rubbing his eye when he says he owns the club, like it ain’t shit. It’s these things that make him such a great villain, on top of all the obvious stuff.)

Leiter and his partner follow the homing device signal.

TokyoRemix:

Oh, you know that I wanted a shot of this car. It’s a GREAT car. This is a 1964 Lincoln Continental — the first of two we see in this movie, the second being a convertible — owned by Goldfinger. You know what I say about this generation of Lincoln Continental: it’s the only car to be featured in both Animal House AND the Kennedy assassination! You may also recognize it as the car from the Matrix (a ’65), when they pick up Neo and suck the machine out of his navel. This is one of my favorite 60s American cars. 

(Mike Note: For everyone reading these articles, here’s how this works — I watch the movies, I know nothing about cars. I go, “Well, he knows about them, so let’s take a screenshot of every car and I know he’ll have something to say about them.” And then when he gets to them, he thinks I deliberately took a shot of it because I knew he’d want to talk about it. It’s great. Everybody wins and I come out looking great. Of course, I’d look better if I kept my mouth shut, but when have I ever been known to do that?)

(Also, is there any better tagline for anything than “The only car to be featured in both Animal House and the Kennedy assassination!”)

Oddjob drives Solo to the airport.

No he’s not.

This is where I took hookers in GTA.

“I never saw Venice.”

TokyoRemix:

Hey, that’s a quote from an actor who played a Bond bad guy. Don’t think I didn’t notice.

(Mike Note: Honestly, I just make the references. If people catch them, then they’re smart for catching them and I’m smart for making them. It only makes me look smarter when people get them. Most of the time I make them and people have no idea what I’m talking about. And I’m like, “My talents are wasted on you philistines.” I also like never explaining that something is a reference, because it feels so much better to be in on something only a few people would get.)

This is where I took hookers in GTA.

This image should be the poster of another movie.

TokyoRemix:

Oh, you evil, evil motherfucker. Couldn’t you just shoot him and put him in junked car and destroy THAT? This hurt me inside, even as a kid. You don’t just wreck a car like that. That’s a really nice car. Also, a note for any car people who might be reading this, they removed the engine from this Continental to make it easier to crush. With the engine in, this car weighed about as much as a new Escalade does and was probably made primarily out of adamantium. 

How could it not?

TokyoRemix:

Okay, this part is sort of cool, but still unacceptable. You don’t wreck a brand new Lincoln Continental. That was the gold standard (ayo!) of American luxury at the time. Oddjob has the hunk of metal loaded into the back of a 1964 Ford Falcon Ranchero, which is also a pretty cool car, if not as nice. It’s certainly a classic these days.

It would be awesome if he sold that for money now to a scrap guy.

I like that his julep is more gold than hers.

TokyoRemix:

I never noticed that. I should have taken color classes.

(Mike Note: I am a student of color.)

She says she’s gonna use her money from the job to go away to the Bahamas and live quietly. This is the only character development we get from her. And even then it feels shoehorned in. She’s actually not one of my favorite Bond girls by anything except her name, because her character is woefully underdeveloped. It would be better if shame came and went from earlier in the film, and they’d have the repartee in between Bond fucking Jill and Tilly (or whoever else), so when she did end up being the Bond girl, it would be all right. But they killed off the other Bond Girl/potential Bond Girl, then introduced us to her, and then she doesn’t really do anything else. It’s like they went, “Her name is Pussy Galore, what the fuck else do you need?”

I really don’t like her character at all. I don’t even find her all that attractive except for like a second later on. It might sound like heresy to say so, but if we’re going purely on what her character does/is, and how she fits into the plot, I’d actually put her below Christmas Jones on my list of Bond Girls. And even the name of Pussy Galore only helps her so much with me. She might still end up below Christmas Jones for me. So tune in for that one. That might lead to an interesting discussion come the end of the week, if it happens.

TokyoRemix:

Oh shit! Mike just outed himself! He said he doesn’t like Pussy!

(Mike Note: I don’t like Pussy, but I like Christmas. There’s a heading to put Onatopp of things.)

(To all you people who hate puns, I hope this is killing you.)

TokyoRemix:

Let’s not forget — she’s a female baddie who encounters major dick magic. She may not be that special by herself, but for starting a long line of dick magic female villains, I give her love. And maybe it’s a byproduct of her getting so little attention, but she doesn’t really have a chance to mess anything up like Christmas Jones does.

You’re right though, she’s otherwise underdeveloped and nothing special. I called her Bond girl royalty, but she’s like the Prince Charles of Bond girl royalty. She exists and we acknowledge her status, but nobody’s looking to her for any real leadership.

(Mike Note: I don’t want to spoil that amazing teaser I gave for the other article, but I’m not bound to any Bond royalty. I’m just saying — take away the acting ability/performance and the name — there’s really not much Pussy has over Christmas outside of the whole tradition/royalty argument. It might still happen… tune in on Saturday to find out.)

Goldfinger brings Bond out since he knows Felix is watching him.

Bond tells Goldfinger his plan won’t work (and that he knows Delta 9 kills people, it doesn’t knock them out) – he could never carry all that gold out of there in time to get away – then realizes what the real plan is – he’s gonna blow it up.

The entire U.S. gold supply would be radioactive for 58 years, China gets economic turmoil in the west, and Goldfinger’s gold supply goes up in value exponentially.

TokyoRemix:

Son of a bitch! China! I knew it! 

Even Bond is impressed. I like how they play this. It’s clear Goldfinger’s gonna do it and Bond’s gonna stop him, but even Bond’s like, “Shit, that’s a good plan.”

TokyoRemix:

This is what I was talking about before when Goldfinger acted awkward. That was the moment of, “Do I tell him now? No, let’s wait cause it’s gonna be fun as hell when I tell him.” And now he tells him, and Bond calls the plot both “inspired” and “brilliant” to Goldfinger’s face. The man is pleased. I love this scene, even though Bond randomly knows the half life of a cobalt and iodine dirty nuclear bomb.

(Mike Note: A “Half Life of Cobalt and Iodine” and “Dirty Nuclear Bomb” sound like great names for cocktails.)

Then they just chill and finish their drinks. Talk about The Bears and shit.

Hello, Pussy.