The 2013 Film Release Calendar: February

The Film Release Calendar is something I do each year to preview the upcoming year’s slate of films. It started as both a way for me to start paying attention to what was coming out (since I was really slacking around the time I started the blog) and to be able to see how well I know myself and how much I know exactly what I’m gonna think about a movie before I even see it.

What I do is, I go through the list of films scheduled to come out in a given year (using my go-to article, Wikipedia’s year in film article), month by month. I write down what they’re about, who’s in them, and generally what my thoughts are on what I see. And then I guess what I think I’m gonna rate it when I see it. Because at this point — I’ve seen so many movies — I know what a movie is gonna be. I’m running about a 70% correct percentage on guessing stuff in January. Plus, that aside, it also gives me a chance to see what movies, come the end of the year, surpassed (or fell way below) my expectations (or everyone’s). So it’s not all just a chance for me to talk about how awesome I am (since, believe me… I’m gonna do that anyway).

Today, we’re looking at all the films that are currently scheduled to come out in February:


Bullet to the Head

This was on my last year’s calendar. They pushed it.

After watching their respective partners die, a cop and a hitman form an alliance in order to bring down their common enemy.

Look, I was sold last year. 3 stars. I still think this will be watchable, and I hope it bumps up to 3.5 stars. Not looking likely, but I’ll hope.

Stand Up Guys

Well this is awkward. I’ve seen this already. But it’s being released here. That makes it easy, I guess.

This was a solid little 3 star movie. Not a great movie, but enjoyable because you get to see Al Pacino, Christopher Walken and Alan Arkin in a movie together. Worth it for that, otherwise — meh. But you can get through it once.

Warm Bodies

This got pushed from late last summer. Probably for the best.

After a zombie becomes involved with the girlfriend of one of his victims, their romance sets in motion a sequence of events that might transform the entire lifeless world.

I was sold on this last year. I’m gonna stick with me 3.5 star prediction, but I am worried it could drop down to 3 stars. Still, I’ll stick with 3.5. I want this to live up to the premise.

A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III

This was a Film without a release date last year.

A graphic designer’s enviable life slides into despair when his girlfriend breaks up with him.

Written and directed by Roman Coppola. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Patricia Arquette, Aubrey Plaza, Dermot Mulroney, Mary Elizabeth Winstead — I’m in. I’ve been in.

3.5 stars. I hope for 4, will accept 3. Still saying 3.5 stars. I hope this doesn’t let me down.

Identity Thief

When a mild-mannered businessman learns his identity has been stolen, he hits the road in an attempt to foil the thief — a trip that puts him in the path of a deceptively harmless-looking woman.

Starring Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy. Directed by the guy who did Four Christmases and Horrible Bosses.

2 stars. I’ll be optimistic. I expect 1.5 as a likely possibility. But you know this fucking thing is on major Unforgivable Watch.

Side Effects

A woman turns to prescription medication as a way of handling her anxiety concerning her husband’s upcoming release from prison.

It’s Steven Soderberg, starring Rooney Mara, Channing Tatum, Jude Law and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

I’ve seen a trailer for this, which is how I found out they changed the title from “The Bitter Pill” to Side Effects. From the look of it, it seems like she kills Tatum in the first half of the movie. That trailer makes it seem — here’s a woman, worried about her husband coming home from prison, takes a bunch of meds, may or may not sleep with her psychiatrist — there’s a lot of ways this could go. The trailer makes it seem like he dies and she has to figure out whether or not she did it. It seems very Hitchcock. It could go the Suspicion route, and this is all in her head (meaning she didn’t kill him, he’s not out of prison, he doesn’t exist, whatever), or it could go the other route, which is — Jude Law did it and framed her and she’s so whacked out on medication she doesn’t know the difference, or she actually did it and it’s one of those deals.

Whatever way this decides to go, I trust Steven Soderbergh. 3.5 stars. I hope it’s really good. Soderbergh is always good for a 3.5 star movie.

Top Gun 3D

This is only here because I wanted you all to know this is happening. Get ready, everybody. Because soon it’s time to go back to the:

– – – – –

Beautiful Creatures

Ethan longs to escape his small Southern town. He meets a mysterious new girl, Lena. Together, they uncover dark secrets about their respective families, their history and their town.

Yeah… it’s supernatural. She’s got powers and shit. I’m… not feeling this one.

The cast is decent, so I hope this can be 3 stars, but I’m gonna say 2.5 stars. I’m thinking complete indifference toward this one.

A Good Day to Die Hard

Man, this came together quickly. I only heard this was gonna happen early last year. And they really got this one ready quick.

Not that we need it, but:

John McClane travels to Russia to help out his seemingly wayward son, Jack, only to discover that Jack is a CIA operative working to prevent a nuclear-weapons heist, causing the father and son to team up against underworld forces.

Look, it’s Die Hard. The last one wasn’t really a Die Hard movie, and this one probably won’t be either, but I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt.

I hope this can be 3 stars. I have to respect the franchise and say 3. I hope for higher, I think it can go lower, but I have to say 3. I’m not disrespecting them by guessing lower and I can’t assume higher. I don’t think their standards are that high here anymore, and I need this film to show me they’re not just coasting on the name.

Escape from Planet Earth

Astronaut Scorch Supernova finds himself caught in a trap when he responds to an SOS from a notoriously dangerous alien planet.

Yeah… 2.5 stars. Maybe 3 stars, if it’s enjoyable. Standard kiddie shit. You know the drill. Why waste time talking about it?

Safe Haven

Nicholas Sparks.

That’s all you need to know. But I guess we’ll go through the motions…

A young woman with a mysterious past lands in Southport, North Carolina where her bond with a widower forces her to confront the dark secret that haunts her.

Julianne Hough is in it. Josh Duhamel, Cobie Smulders — whatever.

2 stars. Maybe 2.5 stars. I usually don’t like these Nicholas Sparks movies. Why figure it’ll be any better?

Dark Skies

As the Barret family’s peaceful suburban life is rocked by an escalating series of disturbing events, they come to learn that a terrifying and deadly force is after them.

Horror, sci-fi, thriller movie. Apparently an alien is disguised as a human and is attacking children.

Uh huh…

2 stars, and I probably won’t see this. I hate this shit. I don’t care, and I never enjoy it. Unless something weird happens (and it has been known to, so I won’t assume anything at this point), I probably won’t even bother with this.


A father goes undercover for the DEA in order to free his son who was imprisoned after being set up in drug deal.

It’s Dwayne Johnson. His stuff is always pretty worthwhile.

3 stars. I’m in. I hope it’s good. It could very easily drop to 2.5 stars, but let’s stick with the 3. I’m sure it’ll be watchable.

– – – – –

Tomorrow’s March.

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