The 2014 Film Release Calendar: September

Every January, I preview all the films that are scheduled to come out for that year. Not all of them do, of course, and it gets a bit crazy every year in terms of changes, but basically the point of it all is to know what’s coming out, know what to get excited for, know what to start bracing myself for, and, selfishly, guess what I’m going to think about all the movies to see how accurate I was at the end of the year. And also see which movies surprised me, for better and for worse.

It’s gotten to be a whole great thing. Since at first it was just what Wikipedia’s year in film article said, plus a few others that weren’t scheduled that I just knew about. And then the year after that it was a few more films. And last year it was like, 200 or something. And now, it’s probably like 200 or something, plus all the ones from last year that I’m continuing to track. Eventually it’ll be to the point where really the only ones I haven’t heard about or previewed at some point are either foreign films, documentaries, and like 5% of those movies that just come out of nowhere.

What I’m doing is going over everything as it’s currently scheduled. I’m doing the first six months now, then taking a ten day break in between to go over some other stuff (Oscar nominations are going to be announced, the Golden Globes will happen — big stuff), plus allow for the later months of the year to maybe become more solidified, and maybe let a few changes happen, since I’ve discovered that a lot of things do get moved this time of year, often right as I’m putting the articles together. So it works twofold. I get to talk about other stuff and let the dust settle as much as possible so as not to make everything that much crazier come December.

Here’s September:


The Green Inferno

A group of student activists travel from New York City to the Amazon to save a dying tribe but crash in the jungle and are taken hostage by the very natives they protected.

The new Eli Roth movie.

Guess who doesn’t give a shit?!

Dark Places

A woman who survived the brutal killing of her family as a child is forced to confront the events of that day by a secret society obsessed with solving notorious crimes.

Charlize Theron and Chloe Moretz.

Sounds interesting as hell.

3 stars.

I won’t assume good, but I assume I’ll enjoy it enough. The rest is cake (or disappointment).

No Good Deed

A wife and mother of two, lives an ideal life that takes a turn when her family is threatened by a stranger who talks his way into her house, claiming car trouble. The unexpected invitation leaves her terrorized and fighting for survival.

This thriller stars black people.

And that makes me marginally more interested. Because I like Idris Elba, and I like Taraji P. Henson.

So maybe I’ll actually see this.

2.5 stars.

Search Party

A pair of friends embark on a mission to reunite their pal with the woman he was going to marry.

Written and directed by one of the writers of The Hangover. Starring Krysten Ritter, Alison Brie and Shannon Woodward.

Sure, I’ll go for it. The cast isn’t big enough to kill whatever natural comedy is there, and might even add to it.

3 stars. Let’s assume this’ll be okay.

This Is Where I Leave You

A Jewish family that isn’t used to observing their faith’s traditions is forced to fulfill their father’s final wish and sit Shivah together for an entire week and confront their problems.

Directed by Shawn Levy.


Rose Byrne, Kathryn Hahn, Jane Fonda, Timothy Olyphant, Jason Bateman, Tina Fey, Connie Britton, Dax Shepard, Ari Graynor, Adam Driver and Corey Stoll.

Hell of a cast you got there, Levy.

Could be good.

Could be real bad.

Let’s assume okay.

3 stars.

Or maybe this’ll turn into another Big Wedding.

Too early to tell.

Dolphin Tale 2


The Maze Runner

Set in a post-apocalyptic world, young Thomas is deposited in a community of boys after his memory is erased, soon learning they’re all trapped in a maze that will require him to join forces with fellow “runners” for a shot at escape.

Sounds like it could be good.

I’ve been burned by these before.

But there’s no real standout in the cast, and the director hasn’t done anything. So maybe it’ll be a hidden gem.

3.5 stars.

I’m at the point now where I want guess higher, since I feel like I’ve been restraining myself so far.

This is where the mistakes happen.

(Isn’t this the exact same spot Runner Runner was last year?)

When the Game Stands Tall

A young coach turns a losing high school football program around to go undefeated for 12 consecutive seasons.

Well there goes the suspense.

Directed by the guy who did Coach Carter.

Why is is that the same people always direct these sports movies? The second I read that synopsis, I went, “Sounds like Coach Carter.” Hollywood: The most original place on Earth.

Jim Caviezel is the coach, Laura Dern is his wife.

Damn. Talk about marketability.

But yeah, it’s football. Let’s assume a blanket 3 stars with this.

The Boxtrolls

A young orphaned boy raised by underground cave-dwelling trash collectors tries to save his friends from an evil exterminator. Based on the children’s novel ‘Here Be Monsters’ by Alan Snow.

It’s stop-motion. That gives it a leg up on everything else.

Got a solid cast too.

Still gonna say 3 stars, since it’s real hard for me to love animated films not made by Disney or Pixar.

But if there’s anything that has a shot at 3.5, it’s a stop-motion film. I’m rooting for this.

The Equalizer

 A veteran covert operative who, seeking redemption for his dark deeds, quits a CIA-like agency and puts a classified advertisement in the paper that reads simply: “Got a problem? Odds against you? Call the Equalizer.”

Antoine Fuqua is directing Denzel Washington again.

And Chloe Moretz is in this. As is Melissa Leo. In case you needed more.

3.5 stars. I mean — it’s Denzel. When does he go below 3? And even then, he’s usually good for a 3.5 if the premise is good. And here, the premise is very good.

Very excited for this.

– – – – – – – – – –

Tomorrow is October.

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