The 2015 Film Release Calendar: February
Every January, I preview all the films that are scheduled to come out for that year. Typically, I end up around 80%, since there are always a few that I don’t track, for whatever reason. The point of why I do this has been lost, and now I do it because that’s just what I do. It’s fun, and I enjoy it.
Mainly the idea is to see how accurately I can guess my reaction to movies up to a year in advance. And it gives me a gauge to see which films ended up surprising me for better and for worse.
Originally, I just went through the release calendar and listed about 30 other movies that didn’t have dates. Last year, I had about 200 without dates that I tracked. Now, we’re looking at around 250, on top of the articles currently set for specific months.
How I do this is, I start by going over the films currently scheduled for January through June, then take a ten day break in between to go over the Oscar nominations and Golden Globes, and then finish with July through December. After that, I go over the films currently without release dates, and finish with the holdovers from last year that I’m continuing to track. We have it down to a science here.
The Wachowskis. They have an interesting place in movies. The had the Matrix movies, which made a bunch of money and are beloved (even though the last two… lot of problems there). Then they made Speed Racer. A masterpiece. Critically savaged and completely bombed when it came out, even though now people are realizing how good it is. Then Cloud Atlas. An incredible movie. Made no money, no one saw it. So they keep getting money to make big budget movies, and yet they never compromise their ambition or storytelling to fit to mainstream audiences.
But this one puts me in a weird position. They bumped it out of the summer. They had the prime summer date. And then they put it here. They said it was so they could finish it, which might be the case. But it’s still in February. Though granted, this is the Lego Movie date. So there’s money to be had. But you have to figure they have little faith in this, to put it here. They’ll market the shit out of it, but how good can they figure it’ll be?
I’m also worried, given the simplicity of the story (this is basically Snow White), that the Wachowskis diluted their own instincts to make something that would make money.
But you know what? This needs to prove it’s a disappointment. I’m gonna remain positive.
3.5 stars. This isn’t going below 3. There’s no way it goes below 3. And I don’t think it will get to 4, even though I hope it does. Gotta stay positive on this one. I’m gonna hope the bump actually was to finish it, and put them in a Shutter Island scenario, where it’s actually a better time for them to make money. Plus, this way, I can rightly put it on the Most Disappointing Movies of the Year list if this doesn’t pan out. Since I’ve been excited for this for a while. And I have to assume the Wachowski’s won’t out and out fail me. They haven’t yet.
Oh, I think we all know how excited I am for this one.
If you’ve been reading this blog for the past year, you know how pumped I am for this movie, and how great the script is this was based off.
And, by now, if you don’t know anything about this movie… don’t find out. Don’t read anything, don’t watch anything. Just see the movie. Trust me on that.
Do you like interesting movies? Do you like unique movies? Do you like funny movies? Do you like dark comedies? Do you like really dark comedies, where the laughs come from some of the most disturbing situations? You need to see this one.
4 stars. If this movie is done even mostly right, I’m getting 3.5 stars. I should play it safe and say 3.5, owing to the VOD, but I’m assuming the VOD is a positive thing, meaning the filmmaker (who made Persepolis) didn’t cave and made the film the way it was supposed to be made.
I’ll say this — if they manage to translate this script as-written to the screen, down to a very specific music choice at the climax of the movie… it’s gonna get to 4 stars. And I’m going to rank it very highly come the end of the year. Cannot wait for this one.
Oh boy. This has looked like a disaster since day one. The moment they dumped it here, we all knew. I mean, we all knew, but this way, they confirmed it.
I’m not even gonna bother with a synopsis for this one. It looks awful.
Not even gonna pretend like I think this can be any good.
If this makes 2.5 stars, I’d be surprised. Not pleasantly surprised, but surprised.
This looks like an I, Frankenstein level disaster. Which means, not Unforgivable, but bottom 15 most likely.
This came out in October in the UK. They’re dumping it here for Valentine’s Day.
It doesn’t come out, they put it VOD… gotta lose a half-star.
I don’t even know if I went three before, but now for sure this is 2.5. Gotta figure indifference.
The Spongebob Squarepants Movie: Sponge Out of Water
I’m too old to really think this is any good. It’s for children. Indifference is the only option.
Fifty Shades of Grey
Yeah… this one is all hype. This won’t be any good at all.
I’m gonna be nice. 2.5 stars. But there’s a chance I won’t like this at all. I’d be really shocked if this even got to 3.
Kingsman: The Secret Service
I was so excited for this in October, and I couldn’t understand why they bumped it to Valentine’s Day. It makes no sense.
It feels like quality, but this looked like something that was dumb fun. I heard really positive things. It’s a bizarre choice. The only thing I can guess is that they somehow knew John Wick was gonna do well and stayed away from it, but this happened pretty early. This was like, three months out that they changed it. I don’t know.
I feel like I should guess a strong 3 for this one, but fuck it, 3.5 stars. Simple, fun action. Matthew Vaughn. I’ll take a shot with this. It was completed before they moved it and I was gonna go 3.5 then. So let’s assume it was just a dumb choice.
The Last Five Years
The musical version of (500) Days of Summer. That’s really all I need.
3 stars. VOD. Can’t go the 3.5 I’d want to go. I’m gonna try to do the VOD thing this year. Prove that it’s actually a thing.
Da Sweet Blood of Jesus
Spike Lee’s new movie. Black vampires. Not feeling it.
Spike’s been pretty bad lately.
Kinda wanna go 2. But we’ll hope for indifference.
A high school senior instigates a social pecking order revolution after finding out that she has been labeled the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) to her prettier more popular friends.
I heard mostly positive things. Not totally feeling it. But I won’t go too negative.
Gonna say 3 stars. This could go either way.
Hot Tub Time Machine 2
I saw a trailer for this one. It looked… like a sequel to the first one.
I’m gonna give it the sequel drop. 2.5 stars. Maybe it gets to three. Didn’t look great.
They pushed this from November.
Kevin Costner is really going back to the sports movie well. You’d think he’d only bother when it was something truly worth it, given his track record in the genre. I guess he’s doing it by sport now. Wants to have a classic in every sport.
This one… doesn’t look like a good one. Track movie. Do not care.
A veteran grifter takes a young, attractive woman under his wing, but things get complicated when they become romantically involved.
I’m excited for this.
Don’t necessarily think it will be good, given Will Smith’s track record of ever-mediocre product over the years. But I like Margot Robbie. So that’s nice. And it’s a con man movie, which gives it a bump to me. But it was also written and directed by the guys who did Crazy Stupid Love, which… not a positive for me. (They only directed it, so I won’t completely hold it against them. But I still do.)
3 stars. We’ll let this figure out what it’s going to be.
But I want this to be good.
The Lazarus Effect
A group of medical students discover a way to bring dead patients back to life.
So, Flatliners, but as a shitty reverse thriller?
I mean, we’re not starting on a high plane, but it’s something.
Olivia Wilde, Mark Duplass, Sarah Bolger, Donald Glober… they have some people in it. Seems like they’re trying for the Flatliners thing.
A young American boy struggles to achieve the impossible…bring his father back from World War II.
Why is this getting a wide release? That’s suspect. This doesn’t feel like something Hollywood would give a wide release. What’s that about?
And Emily Watson is in this. Has she met a sentimental World War II story involving kids she didn’t like?
Trailer wasn’t overwhelming. I’ll still say 3 stars just because stories centered around children generally appeal to me. But I’m not too confident in that 3.
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Tomorrow is March.