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The 2015 Film Release Calendar: March

Every January, I preview all the films that are scheduled to come out for that year. Typically, I end up around 80%, since there are always a few that I don’t track, for whatever reason. The point of why I do this has been lost, and now I do it because that’s just what I do. It’s fun, and I enjoy it.

Mainly the idea is to see how accurately I can guess my reaction to movies up to a year in advance. And it gives me a gauge to see which films ended up surprising me for better and for worse.

Originally, I just went through the release calendar and listed about 30 other movies that didn’t have dates. Last year, I had about 200 without dates that I tracked. Now, we’re looking at around 250, on top of the articles currently set for specific months.

How I do this is, I start by going over the films currently scheduled for January through June, then take a ten day break in between to go over the Oscar nominations and Golden Globes, and then finish with July through December. After that, I go over the films currently without release dates, and finish with the holdovers from last year that I’m continuing to track. We have it down to a science here.

March

Chappie

They’ve been rolling out trailers for this for months. I’m almost sick of this movie, and it’s not even out yet.

We’re aware that this is basically Pinocchio with a robot, right? Cool.

Here’s the thing: District 9 was a good movie. Everyone thinks it’s great, I think it’s just good. Elysium — great premise, great idea… bad execution. Splitting the difference… we’re probably looking at either 3 of 3.5 stars here.

Maybe it’s the trailer fatigue talking, but I’m gonna say 3 stars. I want this to go higher, but given my overall lack of love for Blomkamp’s other movies and the early release date… we’ll stay safe here.

The Coup

In their new overseas home, an American family soon finds themselves caught in the middle of a coup, and they frantically look for a safe escape in an environment where foreigners are being immediately executed.

I think I tracked this last year. I almost certainly did.

This still looks like a completely decent enough thriller for me.

So 3 stars.

Unfinished Business

Another trailer I’ve seen a lot. The red band, too. I like that they’re showing red band in theaters now. That’s cool.

But yeah. This looks like it’s gonna be one or the other. Either 2.5 stars or 3 stars.

Considering I’ve heard this movie is dangerously short (like, barely 80 minutes with credits short), I’m concerned most of the movie is in the trailer. So we’re gonna go 2.5 stars and hope the movie makes it to 3. Or can make it to 3. We’ll see.

Oh, and they bumped this from November. So there’s that too.

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

The first one was likable. I assume this will be more of the same.

3 stars. Could be 2.5, but let’s go with the old people. Why not?

Faults

Claire is under the grip of a mysterious new cult called Faults. Desperate to be reunited with their daughter, Claire’s parents recruit one of the world’s foremost experts on mind control, Ansel Roth.

I’ve heard good things about this. I’m excited that Mary Elizabeth Winstead is starring. I’m still high on her performance in Smashed a few years back. This could be more of the same.

I… want to go 3.5 stars here very badly. But something tells me to play the VOD odds. 3 stars. I’ll be wrong. I want to try this VOD thing to see how much it alters things.

Cinderella

Yeah…

The good news is, there don’t seem to be fighting scenes. So there’s that.

I also don’t see too much else going on here.

It might be colorful. So there’s that.

It doesn’t look very good, but I’ll go 3 stars. These things usually manage to get there.

In the Heart of the Sea

This trailer was actually pretty solid. And it’s based on the ship that became the inspiration for Moby Dick. I’m down for this.

Ron Howard is good, as long as he’s not trying a comedy or something. (Remember The Dilemma? Yeesh.) And there’s a nice cast on it… I’ll take a shot with this.

3.5 stars.

Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension

Done with this franchise.

Skipping it.

Kumiko, the Treasure Hunter

I’ve been excited for this since last year. I think I heard it’s the only film from Sundance last year that didn’t have distribution for 2014. Or maybe it was just distribution. This date didn’t happen until late 2014. But I’m glad it has one.

This is based on the woman who thought Fargo was real and died trying to find the briefcase full of money.

This is right up my alley.

3.5 stars. I’ll take 3, and I know this is VOD, but I don’t care. I want this to be good. I’ll take the shots when I really feel like they fit my style. This is one of those.

The Divergent Series: Insurgent

3 stars.

Why waste time talking about it? I don’t care about this franchise. I’ll be moderately entertained by the movie. It won’t be very good. I’ll give it 3 stars, say it wasn’t very good, and move on. Sometimes it’s just that easy.

The Gunman

An international spy must clear his name in order to save himself from the organization that he used to work for.

From the director of District B13, Taken, and From Paris With Love, all movies I enjoyed and rated very solidly.

Starring Sean Penn, Idris Elba, Javier Bardem and Ray Winstone.

Are we not at least moderately excited for this combination?

I’m not gonna get my hopes up, this is still pure 3 star action movie territory. But this at least seems like a solid action movie.

Danny Collins

Yup. This has a date. Been tracking this since last year. It used to be called Imagine. They reverted to a shitty title. Just as forgettable, but I hate it when they title things people’s names.

An aging rock star decides to change his life when he discovers a 40-year old letter written to him by John Lennon.

Written and directed by the guy who wrote such classics as: Fred Claus, Crazy Stupid Love, The Guilt Trip, and Last Vegas.

Starring Al Pacino, Christopher Plummer, Jennifer Garner, Bobby Cannavale, Annette Bening, and I’m sure at least one or two hot twenty year old actresses you’ve never heard of. They always do.

Jennifer Garner is in this. Her taste in movies tells me all I need to know about this.

I’m gonna say 3 stars based purely on Pacino, but 2.5 really should have been the guess. I have zero faith in this to be okay.

Get Hard

Saw a trailer for this. (Before Top Five. Can we talk about before the Chris Rock movie, they played nothing but “black” movie trailers? I mean, there’s playing to an audience, but after a certain point, it becomes pandering.

2.5 stars. Fool me once, Kevin Hart…

I have no faith in Will Ferrell anymore. You know when the last time Will Ferrell made a movie I was okay with? Step Brothers? You know how long ago Step Brothers was? Seven years ago. He’s starting to enter Adam Sandler territory.

A Little Chaos

This is Alan Rickman’s fountain movie.

A female landscape-gardener is awarded the esteemed assignment to construct the grand gardens at Versailles, a gilt-edged position which thrusts her to the very centre of the court of King Louis XIV.

Kate Winslet is the lead. Rickman is also in it. Helen McCrory. Stanley Tucci. Matthias Schoenaerts. Jennifer Ehle. Decent cast.

I went 3.5 on this last year. Now it’s going VOD.

3 stars. Gotta try it. Gotta see how much it changes things.

While We’re Young

Noah Baumbach. The name still fills me with dread, despite Frances Ha being a delightful movie.

But this one is a Ben Stiller movie. Like Greenberg. Which I despised.

Ben Stiller, Naomi Watts. Balances out. Amanda Seyfried, Adam Driver. Balances out.

3 stars. Maybe it’ll be worthwhile.

Home

When Earth is taken over by the overly confident Boov, an alien race in search of a new place to call home, all humans are promptly relocated while all Boov get busy reorganizing the planet. But when one resourceful girl, Tip, manages to avoid capture, she finds herself the accidental accomplice of a banished Boov named Oh. The two fugitives realize there’s a lot more at stake than intergalactic relations as they embark on the road trip of a lifetime.

Animated movie.

2.5 stars.

Wanna go 2, especially given the bump, but it’s for kids. It takes a lot for me to not go indifferent on them.

But this sounds horrendous.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Tomorrow is April.

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