Oscars 2014: SAG Awards

The SAG Awards were tonight.

They’re an important awards show, but they’re also boring as shit. They never change the format at all. They start with the boring “I’m an actor” speeches, which are so poorly written. And then they just rush through categories and make speeches about the union and stuff.

But we’re in it for the winners, so we trudge on.

Here are the winners of the 21st Screen Actors Guild Awards:

Best Actress in a Comedy Series

Uzo Aduba, Orange Is the New Black

Julie Bowen, Modern Family

Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep

Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

The clips they chose from these SUCKED.

Winner: Uzo Aduba, Orange Is the New Black

Yeah, that makes sense.

Got nothing for this, really. It’s TV. Don’t care, ultimately.

Best Actor in a Comedy Series

Ty Burrell, Modern Family

Louis C.K., Louie

William H. Macy, Shameless

Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

These clips sucked too.

Winner: William H. Macy, Shameless

He’s beloved. He was the obvious choice. Louis doesn’t give a shit about these things, Parsons’s show isn’t respected, and the two Modern Family ones cancelled each other out.

Best Ensemble in a Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Modern Family

Orange Is the New Black

Veep

They really need a new clips choosing person.

Winner: Orange Is the New Black

I wrote that shit out before he even said it. It was them or Modern Family, and Modern Family won like four years in a row.

Plus it had the other one — it was winning.

You can telegraph this things very easily.

Best Supporting Actress

Patricia Arquette, Boyhood

Keira Knightley, The Imitation Game

Emma Stone, Birdman

Meryl Streep, Into the Woods

Naomi Watts, St. Vincent

Winner: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood

Guess who’s shocked? Nobody.

It’s great when they settle into a choice so easily and for absolutely no reason.

She’s got a clear path to the Oscar. Ain’t no one beating her. I told you. The second Jessica Chastain wasn’t nominated, it was over.

“I can’t tell you what this means to me.” Probably a couple mil and about ten more years of work.

THEN THEY BROUGHT OUT GOLDBLUM!

So happy for that.

That’s all I needed.

Best Supporting Actor

Robert Duvall, The Judge

Ethan Hawke, Boyhood

Edward Norton, Birdman

Mark Ruffalo, Foxcatcher

J.K. Simmons, Whiplash

Winner: J.K. Simmons, Whiplash

YES.

I needed to see this.

So glad he’s (most likely) going to win the Oscar. Nobody deserves it more this year.

His speech was great, too.

Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie

Adrien Brody, Houdini

Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock: His Last Vow

Richard Jenkins, Olive Kitteridge

Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart

Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo

Winner: Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart

Not Billy Bob? That sucks.

Ruffalo wasn’t even there!

Best Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie

Ellen Burstyn, Flowers in the Attic

Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Honourable Woman

Frances McDormand, Olive Kitteridge

Julia Roberts, The Normal Heart

Cicely Tyson, The Trip to Bountiful

Winner: Frances McDormand, Olive Kiteridge

Yup.

That was gonna be the reaction no matter who won.

I honestly don’t care about this category at all.

I bet no one even saw that miniseries.

Come on. You think anyone saw that shit? Or just voted by the actor?

Man, this isn’t even a fun show. They’re just going completely through the motions here.

Best Actor in a Drama Series

Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire

Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones

Woody Harrelson, True Detective

Matthew McConaughey, True Detective

Kevin Spacey, House of Cards

Winner: Kevin Spacey, House of Cards

Yeah, we’re pretty past True Detective. That was almost a year ago.

You gave the awards in June, that shit would have won everything. Including a Grammy.

Spacey wasn’t there, though. That’s how you know this show isn’t worth watching. The people you want to see aren’t even there.

Best Actress in a Drama Series

Claire Danes, Homeland

Viola Davis, How to Get Away with Murder

Julianna Marguiles, The Good Wife

Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black

Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

Robin Wright, House of Cards

Winner: Viola Davis, How to Get Away with Murder

They love her.

Don’t care, ultimately.

Maslany should have won.

Just saying.

Best Ensemble in a Drama Series

Boardwalk Empire

Downton Abbey

Game of Thrones

Homeland

House of Cards

Winner: Downton Abbey

Do not care. I’m over this awards show.

Best Actor

Steve Carell, Foxcatcher

Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game

Jake Gyllenhaal, Nightcrawler

Michael Keaton, Birdman

Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything

Winner: Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything

Well folks, there’s your Best Actor winner.

BAFTA is only gonna help him. This shit is over.

Best Actress

Jennifer Aniston, Cake

Felicity Jones, The Theory of Everything

Julianne Moore, Still Alice

Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl

Reese Witherspoon, Wild

Winner: Julianne Moore, Still Alice

We knew that was happening. Got nothing to say about this one. This was locked from before nominations.

Best Ensemble

Birdman

Boyhood

The Grand Budapest Hotel

The Imitation Game

The Theory of Everything

Winner: Birdman

So yup. Pretty much everything as expected. That was essentially a waste of two hours.

– – – – – – – – – –

All right, those are your SAG Awards.

Didn’t really do anything that surprised me at all.

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2 responses

  1. BlueFox94

    Great weekend for Birdman, but damn shame about Keaton.

    Question:
    What if the BAFTAs inexplicably go for Keaton over Redmayne?
    Then again, even when they went Fincher, Oscars still went DGA winner Hooper.
    And with BAFTAs going Riva, Oscars kept with SAG winner Lawrence.

    …I think I just answered my question.

    Whatever, I don’t care anymore. Happy for Redmayne, I suppose,
    but if Keaton somehow pulls away with the Oscar statuette, I’LL RAISE THE ROOF!! ^_^

    January 25, 2015 at 8:31 pm

  2. smilingldsgirl

    So not a Boyhood fan? I loved it and think Patricia Arquette totally deserves recognition. I thought it was very brave of her to show how a woman ages and how her life as a mother moves along almost without her realizing it. I was moved by it.

    January 26, 2015 at 9:04 am

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