Ranking Disney: Big Hero 6 (2014), Part IV
This has become a tradition. I did the original set of articles in 2012. And they were very brief. One part, not too many shots in them. And then the Bond articles happened and then Fun with Franchises happened. It was a progression. But now, each time a new Disney movie comes out, I write it up. Though now that Fun with Franchises has set the standard, they’re all at least four parts.
This movie came out a year ago, but fortunately we’re busy here, so this is the first time I have time to go over it. I wasn’t particularly excited for it. Disney shouldn’t be doing superhero movies. It’s not who they are. So I went in with a lot of trepidation.
And, after seeing it twice now, I’m still not sure I like it very much. It’s fine. It entertains you enough, but the story feels slight, there is no character development to speak of, and half the dialogue is way too dense for kids. It really makes me wonder what they were thinking when they decided to use the Marvel canon to create a kids movie. But it’s healthy to try different things. I’m just wondering if they tried them for the right reasons.
Anyway, here is Part IV of Big Hero 6:
We begin Part IV right before the film devolves into useless action.
As much as I say The Tale of the Princess Kaguya was the best animated film of last year, and as much as The Lego Movie would have probably won the Oscar had it been nominated (though I’m glad it wasn’t), the location design of this movie is something to behold. I’m actually very okay with this winning the Oscar on that factor alone (that is, over the presumed alternate choice of How to Train Your Dragon 2). The story is still shit, but San Fransokyo is no joke. I’d watch 90 minutes exploring this place.
If someone has a really cool headquarters building, chances are it will be destroyed.
Is this where he unveils Skynet?
Bum bum bum bum bum.
Always introduce the apocalypse with champagne. It’s classier.
Does everyone else have champagne? What is he unveiling, exactly? Maybe we should have built this up? Like, “It’s Krei. It has to be Krei. And he’s got a big announcement coming up on Thursday where he says he’s going to change the future. That must be when he’s going to strike!” Nothing. We got none of that. And now we know Callaghan is the villain, so we got nothing that can be considered a credible moment of suspense. Terrible plotting.
Did no one see this guy float over here? Where are the police in this city? Or even at this event? Is this guy toasting his employees? Does he not have a board of directors or investors who would be here for this? No one thought any of this through, did they?
Where are all your cars?
Whoa, the mask can just raise itself up like that?
“Was my daughter a setback?”
No, your daughter was an Abigail.
She’s only a setback if he’s about to unveil the portal technology, which he continued despite the death in front of government officials. I highly doubt they allowed him to continue developing that. Otherwise it’s just a tragic accident. I’m really confused. Has he not shown any kind of remorse? So what if he exercised poor judgment — did he say he fucked up? You guys were all cordial and shit at the fair. You had to have hashed this out at some point.
No, it’s fucking General Chiang Kai-shek.
“Your daughter, that was an accident.”
“No! You knew it was unsafe. My daughter is gone because of your arrogance.”
Are we ignoring the fact that she probably volunteered? Or worked for him? And what’s that about? Why is his daughter working for a guy he doesn’t respect? Were they friends before that event? What was that about? Why didn’t we get more that? There’s a lot of facts and logic being ignored right now, and you can’t blame it all on grief.
I’d like to point out that at no point during the following sequence do the police arrive or do anything.
Probably out breaking up another bot fight.
Cool erector set, bro.
I like that I can see the fibers in his jacket.
Yet somehow they still can’t make people’s faces look realistic in these movies.
“You took everything from me when you sent Abigail into that machine.”
You still had your school. And the use of your legs.
“Now I’m taking everything from you.”
So is that all you needed to do was put the pieces together and the portal works again?
Also is that a Pokémon stadium down there?
What if the Teletubbies came out of the other side of that thing?
I hate it when my business adversary has a grudge against me because I accidentally sent his daughter into a portal to never return and then recreates that portal using a child genius’ invention and then sucks my entire factory up into it.
“You’re going to watch everything you built disappear.”
Are there people inside that building? Do we not care?
What if he has kids? Are we not including them?
Revenge is a dish best served unspecified.
“Then it’s your turn.”
So you’re gonna take his factory and then kill him? That’s not making him suffer the way you did.
“Let him go.”
That’s your line? That’s a shitty line.
Please say “no” and nothing else.
“Is this what Abigail would have wanted?”
“Abigail is gone.”
Do we know that for sure? Why wouldn’t you be looking into how to maybe get her back rather than revenge? You’re a fucking scientist.
“This won’t change anything.”
He knows because his brother is dead.
“Trust me, I know.”
Oh, FUCK YOU.
Though this’ll all make for a great college essay one day.
Still, he has to know this won’t change anything. He invented magnetic bearing servos.
I don’t remember this movie. 50/50 he doesn’t give a shit or he does but it’s too late to stop the portal and then they have to work together and he sacrifices himself.
“Listen to the kid Callaghan. Please let me go. I’ll give you anything you want.”
Bad move. That was a dick thing to say. You gotta stay quiet at a time like this and not sound self-centered when the dude is there to kill you because he’s pissed at you.
Also, anything he wants can include a) his daughter and b) your death.
“I want my daughter back!”
Did you guys formulate any sort of plan before you showed up here?
Why wouldn’t you have Hiro and Baymax show up and then have the others sneak up behind him or something?
Slam into the thing holding up him!
I like how you’re perfectly willing to kill a kid.
I’d be willing to kill a kid if it meant the success of my evil plan.
He’s gotta be all cut up from that. You don’t go through a fucking window and be okay. Especially one on like, the tenth floor of a building. That shit’s double reinforced.
Does no one work here?
Put some concrete on top of him or something.
You guys did nothing until now?
“The fuck are you doing?”
Remember how fire doesn’t work on those?
I hate it when I get sucked into a portal by my almost college professor.
Why don’t you create more microbots?
What exactly is the timeline of this movie?
Sucks to be you.
This guy just leaps and shoots fire. Respect. Shitty superhero power, but as something to just do on the street, respect.
Take your arms out of the suit.
You only have to think it, not motion. This is excessive.
Use your goddamn laser arms. Or those Hammer Pants.
“Getting a little tight.”
This dialogue is shameful.
Not a good way to take him out.
There’s a shot.
And now our hero’s dead.
And still no cops.
Why are you asking for the help of a 14 year old boy?
“That’s it. I know how to beat him.”
By staring down the portal?
“Listen up – use those big brains of yours and think your way around the problem.”
Or you can just tell them.
“Look for a new angle.”
OH FUCK YOU. Because he’s hanging upside down that made him remember that stupid moment with his brother, which also made no sense?
I have no respect for these characters because they needed to be told this.
Seriously, how did you not think of that before?
He should get taken out by some more microbots right now.
That’s not suggestive.
“Wait a second, it’s a suit!”
ABOUT GODDAMN TIME
All of these solutions seemed really obvious the second you saw them get caught.
And here’s where he hulks out to save the kid.
Or maybe don’t do that and let him come get you.
“Ha ha! I love that robot!”
Okay. Why not just kill him now?
“New plan. Forget the mask. Take out the bots.”
How about the portal?
“They’ll get sucked up into the portal.”
How about the portal?
The useless ones are giving cover.
This seems dangerous.
So she just created clouds?
You’re in control here. Don’t go to them. Make them bring the fight to you.
Well that was a ballsy plan.
Can’t he call them back from inside the portal? You haven’t explained at all what the portal rules are.
Shouldn’t this cut him down from where he is? Is he consciously controlling all of these things five different ways at once? Is there any logic happening right now at all?
And now he’s using karate. The only four movies he ever learned.
No. Just no.
Doesn’t work like that.
Again, doesn’t work like that.
So now you have nothing to add anymore.
It would be better if he were holding two guns.
“This ends now.”
Probably should have made more bots.
This is embarrassing.
“Looks like you’re out of microbots.”
How did those end up still standing?
Not gonna get sucked into the portal despite being right there?
“Our programming prevents us from injuring a human being.”
“But we’ll take that.”
Which will lead to him being killed.
There’s a real double standard going on right now.
Shouldn’t you have taken it out of the mask once they figured out how you operate?
And then they save him for no reason, because cops apparently don’t exist.
That seems super dangerous.
It should start sucking up the ground. But apparently the movie didn’t think that far.
Krei’s company is still destroyed. And he may be dead too. I guess it’s okay because he’s an asshole?
Yup, lands right on its side and doesn’t break in half whatsoever despite a fall from that height. Sure. Try that with a quarter and see how often it lands straight up.
Oh, and now the cloud shit they did means no one can see outside?
“It’s still on. We have to shut it down.”
Why is it not sucking you into it right now?
Why is Baymax holding onto his crucial piece of information?
There’s some bullshit reason why they can’t. Time enough for Baymax to sacrifice himself.
Like all good heroes. Run away.
If you say you’re satisfied with your care, does he just go home to his charging station (which apparently he doesn’t need anymore) or does he just deflate right there?
“My sensor is detecting signs of life.”
“Coming from there.”
“The life signs are female. She appears to be in hypersleep.”
Yeah, I think we got it.
“Let’s go get her.”
Because that’s safe.
“The portal is destabilizing. You’ll never make it.”
Says the guy who let her go in when it was destabilizing.
“She’s alive in there, someone has to help.”
Get it? Just like your bro.
Plus, it’s a calculated risk. You won’t die like she won’t if you can’t make it back.
“What do you say, buddy?”
“Flying makes me a better healthcare companion.”
He said, somehow ignoring all the health risks.
And that was necessary because…?
Oh, this is trippy as shit. I don’t remember this at all.
Enter the void.
The whole movie should have been animated like this.
Damn, look at this place. Looks like a big fluffy giant reaching into a pringles can.
Use your goddamn sensor.
Why does the portal world look like this? I guess because it has to look like something.
How come you didn’t go immediately into hyper sleep?
Shouldn’t she be coming out of hypersleep now that the portal is open again?
How do you fuck that up?
Or you could wait for him to come back and get you.
Look at all this sexual tension.
Maybe you guys should just kiss.
“I have located the patient.”
How come they didn’t send an animal into the portal first? What kind of testing did they do on this thing? Just hats?
Does the ship not work? Did it ever? Was it just a pod? Did you not give her any way of getting herself out? Everything about this movie, even the actions of its characters, seems poorly planned.
How long has she been like this, exactly?
Maybe go around the debris?
Are you really helping him steer? Pretty sure he can do that. Maybe you should lock yourself into his back, stand up and tell him which way to go.
This isn’t very thrilling.
Time for an unforeseen piece of debris to blindside them.
Who saw that coming?
He still gets hit by some of that.
And he’s not secreting air?
So are you not getting sucked into the portal? That thing pulled up an entire building before.
How are you sticking to that thing?
“My thrusters are inoperable.”
“There is still a way I can get you both to safety.”
“I cannot deactivate until you say you are satisfied with your care.”
“What about you?”
“You are my patient. Your health is my only concern.”
“Are you satisfied with your care?”
“No. There’s got to be another way, I’m not gonna leave you here.”
Okay, then you can stay here too. With Abigail.
“There is no time. Are you satisfied with your care?”
Why wouldn’t you just do it? Why does he need to say he’s satisfied with his care? You can still fire the goddamn first.
“Please, no – I can’t lose you too.”
“Hiro, I will always be with you.”
Are you hard right now?
“I’m satisfied with my care.”
I like that we don’t look back.
Oh, no, ruined it.
You could always go back and get him. It’s not like he’s technically alive.
Wouldn’t it suck if he got pulled right back in?
Yeah, he died in that.
Oh, hey, the supervillain is gonna get his daughter back. That totally makes up for all the crimes he’s committed!
Yes, let us all have a moment of silence for the only entertaining character in this movie.
Does he get to fuck her now?
Aw shit, are we gonna get the Captain Phillips ending?
“That’s not my blood!”
Does he not even get to see his daughter? That sucks.
I’m pretty sure he’d agree that it was worth it. Plus, he hasn’t really killed anyone. Maybe just Tadashi. But that’s like, murder two. You can plead down from that.
Wait, that happened right outside the newspaper office?
Is no one on the roof taking pictures? Bad reporting.
How’d you guys get up there? How are you gonna get down? The chopper? The stairs? Does no one know you guys did this? Are you not getting arrested too?
You think he’s gonna hang himself in his jail cell?
This is like Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. The Blue Ranger is a kid!
Aww, mom packed superhero a lunch!
Nothing’s really changed in this movie.
Did they give that to you afterward? You didn’t have that on the roof? Did they let you into the crime scene to get it?
And somehow he managed to pull that off.
How’d he manage that? And when?
What if he pulled out the wrong chip?
And that’s the end of the movie!
“I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion. Hello, Hiro.”
The original Baymax is still in that portal, FYI.
“We didn’t set out to be superheroes…”
FUCK YOU VOICEOVER.
“But sometimes life doesn’t go the way you planned.”
Did you plan?
That’s super illegal. And I bet the people on the train are scared shitless.
Should you be setting off chemical bombs in a crowded city like that?
“The good thing is my brother wanted to help a lot of people. That’s what we’re gonna do.”
What does one have to do with the other?
“Who are we?”
That’s a terrible group name.
By the way, the credits animation is better than 95% of the animation in this entire movie.
This is what 101 Dalmatians looked like. Only hand-drawn, i.e. better.
Oh but wait, it’s Marvel. There’s a post-credits.
“I just wish I could share my accomplishments with you.”
What about mom? Does she not matter?
“It would mean so much to me. And honestly, I’ve always felt a distance, what with you being on the family island all the time. I just wish you could see how—”
Why is he on the family island without you?
What triggered that?
What’s his superhero name?
“I wear ‘em front. I wear ‘em back.”
“I go inside out.”
“Then I go front and back.”
“We have a lot to talk about.”
No we don’t. We’re done, and hopefully for good.
I honestly don’t understand what the purpose of that movie was. You have a good side character in Baymax and some good animation here and there, but the story is so bad. And the main characters are terrible. It seems like this entire movie was motivated by, “Well, we have Marvel, so let’s do Marvel animated. That makes money.” I can’t say it was a disappointment to me, because when I heard Marvel, I knew what I was in for. But this is a disappointment for Disney fans, since it doesn’t have any of their trademarks. This feels like a bad Pixar movie. I’m okay with them trying new things, but man — come up with a real narrative that tracks, and some characters who have arcs and aren’t less than one-note. I am not a fan of this story, but the animation is good. Of the 54 movies Disney has made, this is easily in the bottom 20 for me.
– – – – –
Official Disney Number: #54
Run Time: 102 minutes
Release Date: November 7, 2014
Budget: $165 million
Box Office: $222.5 million domestic, $657.8 million worldwide
– – – – –
– – – – –
Ryan Potter, as Hiro Scott Adsit, as Baymax Daniel Henney, as Tadashi T.J. Miller, as Fred Jamie Chung, as GoGo Damon Wayans Jr., as Wasabi Genesis Rodriguez, as Honey Lemon James Cromwell, as Robert Callaghan Alan Tudyk, as Alistair Krei Maya Rudolph, as Cass Stan Lee, as Fred's Dad
– – – – –
- This won the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature.
- The movie is set in an alternate future where, after the 1906 earthquake, San Francisco was rebuilt by Japanese immigrants, and as such, was renamed San Fransokyo.
- The device Alistair Krei is looking at before he puts it down to look at the microbot experiment is a Brain-Wave Analyzer from Back to the Future.