The 2017 Film Release Calendar: February
Every January, I preview all the films that are scheduled to come out for the year. I go through the existing release calendar, month by month, and guess how much or how little I’m going to like each of the films.
The major benefit is that it allows me, come the end of the year, to see which movies ended up surprising me for better or for worse, or which ones I had wildly disproportionate expectations for. It also gives me a chance to know what’s coming out and what to look forward to.
I also take all the films that are filming or in post and theoretically able to come out that year and preview those too, along with all the films from the previous year(s) that have yet to come out that I’ve been tracking. In all, I end up previewing more films than pretty much anyone else, I’ve been told.
A young woman finds herself on the receiving end of a terrifying curse that threatens to take her life in 7 days.
Did we need another Ring movie?
2.5 stars, if I bother to see it at all, which seems unlikely.
The Space Between Us
The first human born on Mars travels to Earth for the first time, experiencing the wonders of the planet through fresh eyes. He embarks on an adventure with a street smart girl to discover how he came to be.
Been seeing a trailer for this for a while. They pushed it out of Christmas, probably recognizing it wouldn’t make any money.
It looks fine. Think I went 3.5 stars last year, given the cast and the date. Now… 3 stars. Can’t see many other choices except 3 stars. 3.5 is still possible, but it’s almost certainly gonna be one or the other.
An American backpacker gets involved with a ring of drug smugglers as their driver, though he winds up on the run from his employers across Cologne high-speed Autobahn.
They hold this over for at least a year.
Nicholas Hoult, Felicity Jones, Anthony Hopkins, Ben Kingsley.
Does this not look like a 3 star action movie? Because that’s exactly what it looks like to me.
War on Everyone
Two corrupt cops set out to blackmail and frame every criminal unfortunate enough to cross their path, however, events are complicated by the arrival of someone who appears to be even more dangerous than they are.
Been excited for this for two years. Still can’t wait. I hear it’s very funny.
A team of Navy SEALs discover an underwater treasure in a Bosnian lake.
3 stars. Looks fun enough to get over the 2.5 hump.
Two Lovers and a Bear
Set in a small town near the North Pole where roads lead to nowhere, the story follows Roman (DeHaan) and Lucy (Maslany), two burning souls who come together to make a leap for life and inner peace.
3 stars. Still don’t know what to make of it, but I’m interested.
Fifty Shades Darker
While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront the anger and envy of the women who came before her.
This looks like proper garbage.
John Wick: Chapter Two
The continuing adventures of former hitman, John Wick.
Are we all not crazy excited for this?
3.5 stars. I’m not gonna assume better than the first one, but I’m definitely gonna assume pretty awesome all around.
The Lego Batman Movie
Bruce Wayne must not only deal with the criminals of Gotham City, but also the responsibility of raising a boy he adopted.
The trailer was actually funny. Are those all the jokes? I don’t know.
I’m gonna go 3.5 stars, because this is strictly Batman, which I find more interesting than a generic “Lego” movie. So we’ll stick with that, and if I get 3, so be it, I fucked up. I’m hoping this can be okay, though, even if I was disappointed by the previous Lego movie.
A United Kingdom
Prince Seretse Khama of Botswana causes an international stir when he marries a white woman from London in the late 1940s.
Saw a trailer for this in front of Jackie. It looks like a standard period romance movie.
I like Oyelowo and Rosamund Pike. They should keep this interesting.
A Cure for Wellness
An ambitious young executive is sent to retrieve his company’s CEO from an idyllic but mysterious “wellness center” at a remote location in the Swiss Alps but soon suspects that the spa’s miraculous treatments are not what they seem.
I was interested for this because it was Gore Verbinski… until I found out it was a horror movie. But then the trailer seemed interesting, at least from a visual perspective. So I have no idea what to make of this.
My gut says go 2.5 stars, but I’m gonna say 3 stars, just because I could stand a bad horror movie or thriller if it’s doing stuff visually interesting. So we’ll stick with that and Gore Verbinski’s general track record and say this can hit 3 stars.
When one school teacher (Charlie Day) gets the other (Ice Cube) fired, he is challenged to an after-school fight.
I’ve seen this trailer. It doesn’t look good.
But I’m also not gonna assume it’ll be outright bad either.
2.5 stars. Let it sway itself in either direction.
The Great Wall
A mystery centered around the construction of the Great Wall of China.
Well this looks horrible.
After an unprecedented global pandemic has turned the majority of humankind into violent “Infected,” a man gifted with the ability to speak the Infected’s new language leads the last survivors on a hunt for Patient Zero and a cure.
That sounds moderately intriguing.
I know I’m gonna kick myself for this, but 3 stars.
I should know better, and never go above 2.5 when it’s zombies in February, but goddamnit, Stanley Tucci is in this movie.
Let’s win one for the Tucc!
The relationship between two friends deepens during an impromptu road trip.
Sundance or Tribeca movie from last year that’s finally coming out.
2.5 stars. I like that it’s a road trip, but I have to drop it a bit given that no one picked it up before now.
A young African American man visits his Caucasian girlfriend’s cursed family estate.
This is the horror movie written by Jordan Peele.
There’s definitely a racial element to it, which seems interesting. But it’s horror, so 2.5 stars. Maybe I can get to 3 on this, but this just does not sound like it’s for me at all.
When a radio falls from the sky into the hands of a wide-eyed Tibetan Mastiff, he leaves home to fulfill his dream of becoming a musician, setting into motion a series of completely unexpected events.
This looks so bad.
Just… no all around.
Set between the two World Wars and based on true historical events, BITTER HARVEST conveys the untold story of the Holodomor, the genocidal famine engineered by the tyrant Joseph Stalin. The film displays a powerful tale of love, honour, rebellion and survival at a time when Ukraine was forced to adjust to the horrifying territorial ambitions of the burgeoning Soviet Union. With an exceptional cast of established and rising stars, the film epically recreates one of the most dramatic and dangerous episodes in the history of 20th Century Europe.
I cannot believe this is finally coming out. I was ready to give up on this movie.
The wait can’t be anything promising.
An artist falls for a young married woman while he’s commissioned to paint her portrait during the Tulip mania of 17th century Amsterdam.
Weinstein Oscar caliber movie pushed from one year into early the next. Never a promising sign.
With Alicia Vikander, Cara Delevingne, Christoph Waltz, Dane DeHaan, Holliday Grainger, Zach Galifianakis, Judi Dench Tom Hollander and Jack O’Connell, I have to say 3.5 stars. I just do.
I’m very likely getting 3 stars, given the push, but fuck man, that cast better be good for 3.5 stars or else I need to have this be a visible disappointment.
Tom Stoppard wrote the script, by the way, and the director did the Mandela movie, which was fine.
Sticking with 3.5 stars.
Burn Your Maps
A family in emotional turmoil is taken by surprise in this quirky adventure where an eccentric 8-year-old American boy, Wes, has an existential epiphany – He believes that he is in fact a Mongolian goat herder.
3.5 stars. Precocious children do well with me.
I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore
When a depressed woman is burglarized, she finds a new sense of purpose by tracking down the thieves alongside her obnoxious neighbor. But they soon find themselves dangerously out of their depth against a pack of degenerate criminals.
Written and directed by the star of Blue Ruin.
Let’s call it 3 stars.
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Tomorrow is March.