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The 2017 Film Release Calendar: August

Every January, I preview all the films that are scheduled to come out for the year. I go through the existing release calendar, month by month, and guess how much or how little I’m going to like each of the films.

The major benefit is that it allows me, come the end of the year, to see which movies ended up surprising me for better or for worse, or which ones I had wildly disproportionate expectations for. It also gives me a chance to know what’s coming out and what to look forward to.

I also take all the films that are filming or in post and theoretically able to come out that year and preview those too, along with all the films from the previous year(s) that have yet to come out that I’ve been tracking. In all, I end up previewing more films than pretty much anyone else, I’ve been told.

August

All I See Is You

A blind woman’s relationship with her husband changes when she regains her sight and discovers disturbing details about themselves.

This was pushed over from last year.

Marc Forster directs, Blake Lively and Jason Clarke star.

Seems like a fairly generic thriller. Though I do like Marc Forster, so that’s what I’m having trouble with reconciling. He is pretty consistently a 3.5 star filmmaker, though the cast and release date are not promising.

I’m gonna say 3 stars, just because I don’t know if I’m gonna be on board with this. Plus, I think this has a chance to potentially drop lower, whereas the ceiling on this only seems to be 3.5. So let’s play the odds.

The Emoji Movie

Gene, a muli-expressional emoji, sets out on a journey to become a normal emoji.

Nope.

Nope nope nope nope nope.

If you thought I was against the Angry Birds movie, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

2.5 stars.

We’re going to assume I will be nice and be indifferent, but you never really know with me, do you?

Annabelle 2

Several years after the tragic death of their little girl, a dollmaker and his wife welcome a nun and several girls from a shuttered orphanage into their home, soon becoming the target of the dollmaker’s possessed creation, Annabelle.

Well, this is a skip. I never watched the first one and sure as hell have no plans to watch this one.

I’m glad they pushed all the crappy horror movies into 2017, which allowed me not to skip anything last year.

Though that just means there will be a bunch of skips this year.

2.5 stars, to cover bases, but I’m not gonna see this.

Baby Driver

After being coerced into working for a crime boss, a young getaway driver finds himself taking part in a heist doomed to fail.

Why do they put all the Edgar Wright movies in August? That’s the third one in a row. Don’t they know movies don’t make money in August? Do they think people won’t go see it because he’s a difficult sell, tonally? Because Scott Pilgrim essentially failed in theaters because of the August release date. And The World’s End — I’m pretty sure there are still people who don’t know that ever came out.

Honestly I don’t even care what this is about, it’s Edgar Wright, so 4 stars. I hope I love it.

The Hitman’s Bodyguard

The world’s top bodyguard gets a new client, a hit man who must testify at the International Court of Justice. They must put their differences aside and work together to make it to the trial on time.

How can you be the “top bodyguard”? Really? The world‘s top bodyguard?

I’m sure this will be wonderful, based on that alone.

Directed by the guy who did Expendables 3 and starring Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson. And Gary Oldman.

Like the cast, can’t assume more than 3 stars. If I can get 3.5 stars out of this, which is far from a given, that would be nice. But 3 stars is always the baseline on these kinds of movies.

Polaroid

Polaroid is styled in the vein of The Ring and Final Destination and centers on a high school loner, Bird Fitcher, who stumbles upon a vintage Polaroid camera. Bird soon learns that the camera houses a terrible secret: whoever has their picture taken by it meets a tragic and violent end. The girl and her friends must survive one more night as they race to solve the mystery of the haunted Polaroid before it kills them all.

Oh no.

They’re not really going with this, are they?

2 stars.

This better be campy, otherwise this is gonna be really bad.

Villa Capri

A two-hander action comedy in the vein of Midnight Run about an ex-FBI agent (Jones) and an ex-mob lawyer in the witness protection program (Freeman) having to put aside their petty rivalry on the golf course to fend off a mob hit.

Written and directed by Ron Shelton, who I don’t think has made a movie in a while. Has to be about fifteen years. But hey, the man made Bull Durham, White Men Can’t Jump and Tin Cup. You gotta give him respect on that alone.

Tommy Lee Jones and Morgan Freeman — good enough for me.

I’m gonna say 3 stars, just because I don’t know if this is gonna be good enough to get 3.5, but I’d like it to get 3.5 stars. I like Ron Shelton and these actors.

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