The 2018 Film Release Calendar: May
It’s January, which means it’s preview time up here at B+ Movie Blog.
I don’t really peruse other places, but if I were to guess, I would say I’m the only person that goes this deep on their preview coverage for a year. I go month to month based on what’s scheduled to come out, preview like 200 extra movies that you probably have never even heard about as of now, and then bring back all the stuff from last year and previous years that I’ve been tracking that hasn’t come out yet. I’m not the kind of person who just goes, “Oh my god, Avengers! Wrinkle in Time! (Insert other movies the studios are paying us to talk up to fit the narrative to get us more clicks)!” If you ever see a slideshow from me, then you know I’ve given up.
The reason I do this is purely for me, though I imagine anyone stumbling on this will get something out of it to. What I try to do is preview everything so I’m aware of it when it comes out, and, to make it interesting for myself, try to guess what I’m gonna think of it when I do see it. That way, I can see what films surprised me or disappointed me from every angle (before, during and after).
May I venture a guess as to what month we’re doing today?
Avengers: Infinity War
The Avengers and their allies must be willing to sacrifice all in an attempt to defeat the powerful Thanos before his blitz of devastation and ruin puts an end to the universe.
I’m not even gonna get into the cast. It’s everyone.
We know what this is. Marvel’s been building to this for ten years. This is the one for them. This is where we see what they’re made of.
There’s already too much being made of this, so I’ll limit what I say about it.
There are really only two things to base this on — my general feeling about Marvel and how I usually feel about their movies, and the trailer. And both of those things tell me this isn’t really something I care about.
So 3.5 stars. Which is the blanket Marvel rating. If they weave the ten years of characters right and some how tell a story I care about within the mayhem of characters, then maybe it goes to 4. Not gonna hold out hope. I really didn’t care about any of the Avengers movies yet, and now the scope is getting bigger.
Count me among the people who truly don’t give a shit about this movie.
A daredevil designs and operates his own theme park with his friends.
Co-written by and starring Johnny Knoxville. I mean, I’m interested. Not sure what it’s really about. Director’s done some offbeat comedy stuff.
So 3 stars. Let’s assume it’s not an outright piece of shit. That seems doable.
Life of the Party
No plot, but it’s a Melissa McCarthy movie written by her and her husband and directed by her husband. So like The Boss. And Tammy.
Really the only question is how high it goes on the Unforgivables list.
Though what if they just turned around and made this incredible drama that was just amazing?
Oh, wait… there’s a synopsis somewhere on the internet:
Dumped by her husband, longtime housewife Deanna turns regret into reset by going back to college. Winding up at the same school as her daughter, Deanna plunges headlong into the campus experience — embracing the fun, the freedom and the frat boys.
How automatic can you be?
After surviving a near fatal knee boarding accident , a disfigured guidance counselor (Wade Wilson) struggles to fulfill his dream of becoming Poughkeepsie’s most celebrated French Bulldog breeder while also learning to cope with an open relationship. Searching to regain his passion for life, as well as a new stuffed unicorn, Wade must battle ninjas, tight assed metal men, and babysit a group stereotypical side characters as he journeys around the world to discover the importance of family, friendship, and creative outlets for his very open-minded sex life. He manages to find a new lust for being a do-gooder, a sparkly Hello Kitty backpack, all while earning the coveted coffee mug title of World’s Best 4th Wall Breaking Superhero.
It’s gonna be tough for them to recapture what they had last time. I think, at their best, they can come close.
I think I can easily get 4 out of this, but let’s not assume they won’t just try to repeat the same stuff again. So 3.5 stars, and we hope to get to 4. I don’t take stuff for granted. So let’s see a sequel that’s as good as the original and then believe it can be done.
Slender Man tells the story of a tall, thin, horrifying figure with unnaturally long arms and a featureless face, who is reputed to be responsible for the haunting and disappearance of countless children and teens.
If stars were fucks I gave about this movie, I’d give it zero.
But 2.5 stars. Because the indifference is strong. I really don’t care about this, and don’t even really wanna see it.
Solo: A Star Wars Story
Han Solo and Chewbacca’s adventures before joining the Rebellion, including their early encounters with Lando Calrissian.
Well this has had a bumpy road, hasn’t it?
Interesting that they’re calling Ron Howard the director of this, yet all the stories that have come out have all the people involves saying, “Nah, man, Lord and Miller directed like, 85% of the movie.”
It’s really not helping the perception of how this franchise is being handled the way they go about these movies, creatively.
I’m not not interested in this movie, but I’m also not sure they can pull this off. So I’ll go 3.5 stars, since, at this point, no recent Star Wars movie of this new era has been less than 4 for me, and if I’m assuming this is gonna be the worst one, you gotta put a floor somewhere.
Not excited for this, and really this is all about whether or not they can salvage a good movie out of everything we’ve heard so far.
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