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The 2019 Film Release Calendar: September

New year, new movies.

I begin every new year by taking a look at what movies there are to come out. It helps me to be aware of stuff so I can actively track it throughout the year, and I think it’s helpful for most people who care about movies to at least be informed of what’s going on. Far too often do I talk to my friends who are casually into movies, and they have no idea what’s coming out or when the stuff they want to see is supposed to come out.

Of course, when I do something, I really do it, so instead of just a casual preview of the big 35 movies of the year, I go all out. You’re gonna get everything as it’s currently scheduled to come out, plus another 200 or so movies that are not dated but are finished and ready to come out, plus another 100 or so that I’ve been tracking from previous years. I dare to say that no one on the internet goes as deep into their coverage as I do.

Today is September.

September

It Chapter 2

Twenty-seven years later, the Losers Club have grown up and moved away, until a devastating phone call brings them back.

So we’re finishing the story. Okay, then.

Jessica Chastain is the adult girl, James McAvoy is the adult main guy. Other adult versions of the kids — Bill Hader, Xavier Dolan, James Ransome… honestly, doesn’t really matter who it is. The first one was solid, I’m sure this one will be fine.

The question is if they can keep the heart they did in the first one. Which means 3 stars or 3.5 stars. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and say 3.5 stars. But the more horror they go, the less I’m gonna like this. I’ll know when I see a trailer. But let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

Spies in Disguise

When the world’s best spy is turned into a pigeon, he must rely on his nerdy tech officer to save the world.

Animated.

Seems like a generic kind of deal.

It’s Fox/Blue Sky, so Ferdinand and Ice Age. So that narrows me down.

Let’s see what the trailer does for me.

3 stars.

Trailer didn’t do anything for me.

I don’t like the animation style, and at best it’s 3 stars, but the cast seems nice, so let’s see if they get me to 3 stars. Otherwise it’ll be 2.5. That’s it. One or the other.

The Kitchen

The wives of New York gangsters in Hell’s Kitchen in the 1970s continue to operate their husbands’ rackets after they’re locked up in prison.

Love this synopsis.

The writer/director did World Trade Center (okay), Straight Outta Compton (nice), Blood Father (wow) and Sleepless (ehh). She’s credited with other people on all of those. So I’m not sure if that makes her the first draft person or the rewrite person who gets credit. Still, loved Blood Father. And I like the setup of this one.

Stars Elisabeth Moss and Tiffany Haddish. Oh.

And… Melissa McCarthy.

Oh.

It’s that kind of thing.

The cast is interesting, so I’ll stick with 3 stars, but I thought this was gonna be a real gritty crime movie. That would have been awesome. This… just kind of seems like a shitty comedy.

Oh well. Almost.

Downton Abbey

Oh good, a movie for a show I’ve never watched. Though I’ve seen Gosford Park, so I get it.

3 stars.

Maybe it’s 3.5 stars, but this is based on existing seasons that I haven’t seen, so I think my ability to give a shit will be lessened. Let’s stick with 3 and see if I can drop in after 50+ episodes and care.

Abominable

A magical Yeti must return to his family.

This is DreamWorks?

Looks pretty generic from what little I have.

Gotta say 2.5 stars based on what I have. At best this is 3 stars, right? It’s DreamWorks. When have they gone above 3.5 stars in the last fifteen years? And when have they done it without the setup looking like a winner? Yeah, no, this is 3 stars at best. If it comes out on this date, which is questionable.

The Art of Racing in the Rain

A dog named Enzo recalls the life lessons he has learned from his race car driving owner, Denny.

How many fucking dog movies are they making? Is this the other secret moneymaker? Shitty horror, religious movie, dog movie. Low budget, big returns? Is that what it is? Because there’s like, four dog movies this year.

Directed by the guy who did My Week with Marilyn and Goodbye Christopher Robin. What the fuck?

Kevin Costner is in this? What the fuck?

I guess I have to say 3 stars, but I’m not happy about it.

No, fuck that. 2.5 stars. It’s a dog movie. At BEST this is 3 stars. I don’t care about these things. It would have to be great for me to even give a shit.

The Hunt

So this is a Blumhouse movie, directed by the guy who did Compliance and Z for Zachariah and written by Damon Lindelof.

No idea what this is gonna be, and it hasn’t even been shot yet, so odds are this doesn’t come out. That said, 3 stars. Can’t assume anything more without any sort of synopsis or anything.

Doubt this comes out, but I’d rather have it in case it does.

Judy

Legendary performer Judy Garland arrives in London in the winter of 1968 to perform a series of sold-out concerts.

Oh boy. They’re going all in on a Judy Garland biopic.

Starring Renée Zellweger. Okay, then. I’ve seen the picture. Not terrible.

The director did True Story, which was boring as shit.

The cast is just okay, which leads me to believe there’s a ceiling on how good this can be. Renée Zellweger’s been missing for a while now. Either this brings her back, or no one notices (like they did with that Nicole Kidman Grace Kelly movie or the Naomi Watts Princess Diana movie).

My guess is this is no better than 3.5 stars at best. But because it’s Judy, I have to guess the maximum. Might be 3. Doubt it’s 4, but anything is possible. So let’s say 3.5 and see if this is a good movie, or a decent movie with a good performance, or just a giant trainwreck all around.

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