Oscars 2019: 77th Golden Globe Awards

Okay, Golden Globes recap. Sort of. I’m basically typing half of this up as the show happens, just to get my immediate thoughts down and then am gonna translate it into English, so by the time you read it, you’ll get my immediate thoughts and the post mortem thoughts going into the five major sets of nominations coming today and tomorrow.

In terms of the show as a whole — I’m used to it without a host. They only started this hosting thing with Gervais a few years ago. And honestly he’s the only one, to me, who’s gotten it right. Everyone else has been either just fine or straight up unnecessary and not good at it. I’m guessing part of that is because they’ve been on NBC the past couple of years and had to hire their own stable of talent (which means Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers and Andy Samberg. Who I’m not the biggest fan of as hosts and think did a so-so job. They tried throwing Sandra Oh in there too, but she’s not a natural host/stand up, so it didn’t really work). But having Gervais back was nice. Especially because he did not care. And that’s the kind of energy a host of a show like this needs. It’s not the Oscars. You’re not shepherding an unwieldy show and giving a grounding presence. You’re there to make jokes and point out how dumb it all is. And he did a good job of that.

The Wild Hogs joke was nice. Loved the Two Popes pedophilia joke. Enjoyed him straight up calling HFPA racist. Enjoyed the In Memoriam list not being diverse enough. That was clever joke formatting, even though it could have came across as tone deaf (as some of his later jokes did). The Jeffrey Epstein joke was perfectly timed and delivered. Especially the tag, “I know he’s your friend, but I don’t care.” That was nice. Loved the obligatory ‘date too old for Leo’ joke. It didn’t feel as stale as it could have, given how often we’ll probably hear that joke over the next month. I also love his inability to get through the Judi Dench joke. It wasn’t that amazing a joke, but the way he delivered it (or couldn’t), made it work. I also loved his ending bit, about “thank your agent and your god and fuck off.” I know the wrong people are gonna read the wrong thing into the sentiment behind that, but in terms of a ‘you’re not that important and this is a jerkoff awards show’, I enjoyed it.

It was an efficient monologue, too. He got in and out in about eight minutes. Or, as any woman I’ve dated would say, “Yeah, I know that story.”

Thank you everyone, I’ll be here all week!

Anyway, let’s get into the first award. Fortunately it’s a bullshit TV one.

Best Actor in a TV Series – Musical/Comedy

Michael Douglas, The Kominsky Method
Bill Hader, Barry
Ben Platt, The Politician
Paul Rudd, Living with Yourself
Ramy Youssef, Ramy

Winner: Ramy Youssef, Ramy

K. Somehow when they showed him it just felt like he was gonna win. It’s interesting, me looking at this list beforehand, knowing nothing about it and then seing it in person and having that instinct of, “Oh, they totally voted for that guy.” Douglas didn’t even show up, which meant he knew it wasn’t happening again. And they love giving it to the newcomer show nobody knows anything about. So it makes total sense as a choice.

Nice kicks, Ramy.

“I know you guys haven’t seen my show.” Which is perfect. They so haven’t. And they never will. And I’m glad you said that. The speech was the right amount of “I know this won’t happen again, so thanks for the career boost, but I know it’ll be forgotten about within three months.”

He thanked his god and Hulu. Which is also perfectly timed after that Gervais joke.

Ooh, doubling up on awards. That’s good. Cutting down on time there.

Best Actor in a Limited Series or TV Movie

Christopher Abbott, Catch-22
Sacha Baron Cohen, The Spy
Russell Crowe, The Loudest Voice
Jared Harris, Chernobyl
Sam Rockwell, Fosse/Verdon

Winner: Russell Crowe, The Loudest Voice

I knew he wasn’t there from earlier. Somehow they put out a press release about it. So him winning also cut down on time, not having to give a speech.

“He’s protecting his family from the wildfires” is what they said to explain his absence. And the image I conjured up from that is better than anything I could have seen in his show that I did not watch.

There’s the political statement. I wonder if Ricky saying what he said is gonna cut down on them, embolden people to just go stronger or, more than likely, not change anything because these are actors and they planned all this shit out beforehand.

They got a monologue, two awards and a clips reel done in 15 minutes. At a certain point the pace is gonna become too fast and we’re gonna forget why we’re all here — to see drunk people slurring over poorly-written intros.

Ricky, one joke and out. Beautiful. That’s hosting.

Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Limited Series or TV Movie

Alan Arkin, The Kominsky Method
Kieran Culkin, Succession
Andrew Scott, Fleabag
Stellan Skarsgard, Chernobyl
Henry Winkler, Barry

Winner: Stellan Skarsgard, Chernobyl

Wow. Love him. Good speech, too.

Surprised Scott didn’t win it. But also, cool. We love Stellan.

Best TV Series – Drama

Big Little Lies
The Crown
Killing Eve
The Morning Show
Succession

Winner: Succession

Sure, give Sofia Vergara the one with all the consonants.

And look at that, ten more minutes, two more awards and a clips reel.

The show’s moving so fast no one’s having any fun. We can’t even see the drunk people. Nobody needs an awards show edited within an inch of its life. We saw Rise of Skywalker. We know how that ends.

And also, we know how that ends :(

Ricky cares so little that he’s just reading whatever the writers give him and walking off. And he’s the best host this show has ever had. Granted, he was basically the first host it’s ever had, but hey, precedents.

I think I saw Chet Haze in the audience. That’s apparently where this show is at.

That’s a great dress Kerry Washington isn’t wearing.

Best Actress in a TV Series – Musical/Comedy

Christina Applegate, Dead to Me
Rachel Brosnahan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Kirsten Dunst, On Becoming a God in Central Florida
Natasha Lyonne, Russian Roll
Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Fleabag

Winner: Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Fleabag

Everyone saw that coming, and no one is upset.

Best Foreign Language Film

The Farewell
Les Misérables
Pain and Glory
Parasite
Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Winner: Parasite

All good there. Nice speech.

Also, is anyone remotely surprised this won here? The question is if it wins elsewhere. I already said this isn’t gonna affect its Oscar chances one iota. Maybe it helps it slightly if it wins a lot, but it cannot diminish anything. Almodovar is the only outcome here that could have made things interesting. Even The Farewell winning wasn’t gonna change all that much.

Forty minutes. Two more awards, one more clip. We’re moving.

And now one showbiz lesbian to introduce another. There’s the Globes I know.

She gave a nice speech though.

This whole Ellen thing is bittersweet when you know so many people who say she’s absolutely awful to the people who work for her.

Sorry to burst that bubble for some of you. But it’s true.

Can’t believe we got under an hour with all that and a long speech.

Isn’t it also funny that we got an hour into the show and only a single film award has been given out? And it was Foreign Language, which means no one cares. It’s almost like they’re doing them in order of importance. Which I respect. Because I’m in for the long haul anyway. So get the nonsense out of the way first and then save the important shit for the end.

I mean, now that I said that, Supporting Actor will for sure be next. But let’s see. I’m happy that we’re getting all the bullshit TV stuff done so I don’t have to think about it.

That Zoey’s Playlist show feels like they just stole the idea for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and dumbed it down for the mass populace. The worst part is, it’ll be a bigger hit and people will think Crazy Ex-Girlfriend stole its premise.

Ah, here’s Ricky. Quick joke and out again.

Knives Out. Ana de Armas in a nice dress.

I love that they bring Tim Allen out whenever Ricky Gervais is hosting after that first joke he made those years ago. That’s literally the only reason they do it.

Best Actor in a TV Series – Drama

Brian Cox, Succession
Kit Harrington, Game of Thrones
Rami Malek, Mr. Robot
Tobias Menzies, The Crown
Billy Porter, Pose

Winner: Brian Cox, Succession

They went all in on that show. It’s the night of the old people, I guess.

Momoa not wearing sleeves. That’s amazing.

He apologized for winning. That’s awesome.

Nice tux on Ewan McGregor. Not sure about the hair, though.

Oh, they’re presenting a real award. Okay then. Here comes the film stuff.

Best Screenplay

The Irishman
Marriage Story
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Parasite
The Two Popes

Winner: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Oh boy. Here we go. But also… it’s Quentin. It’s Screenplay. This way they don’t have to give him Director. This also makes me feel like Marriage Story has a smaller chance at winning, which makes me happy.

“I can’t believe I beat Steve Zaillian.” They don’t know who Steve Zaillian is.

No one knows who Robert Bolt is either.

Maybe John Milius.

The worst part is the people who don’t know won’t even look up who Robert Bolt is, even though he wrote at least two of the greatest scripts ever written.

I love how he refers to Margot’s “goodness,” because she has absolutely nothing else to do or bring to that movie other than “yeah, she’s pretty cool and hot.” It’s like last year, when everyone in Green Book kept referring to Linda Cardellini as the ‘heart’ of the movie. It’s like, yeah, maybe just give her a role of substance instead of compliments, guys.

Julia Butters shout out.

Nice dress Taylor Swift.

Best Animated Feature

Frozen II
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World
The Lion King
Missing Link
Toy Story 4

Winner: Missing Link

Wow. Interesting choice.

Wonder what that means. Probably nothing. But hey, that’ll make things interesting.

Maybe because it’s the only non-remake or sequel on the list? Good job having some integrity in this category, guys. Now let’s hand out Best Song next. Just to remind us just how much integrity is worth at the Golden Globes.

Leo and Brad. Yeah, buddy. If only we all could look a tenth as good in a tuxedo.

They’re going all in on that Neil Diamond song, huh? I mean, I’ve got no beef. I love that song. But they just are.

Oh, Gwyneth produced The Politician. That explains those nominations. Enjoy the free Goop bags, guys. Hope you needed to steam clean your vaginas!

Oh, Supporting Actress. That means they know Brad is winning and are saving it for a big moment.

Best Supporting Actress

Kathy Bates, Richard Jewell
Annette Bening, The Report
Laura Dern, Marriage Story
Jennifer Lopez, Hustlers
Margot Robbie, Bombshell

Winner: Laura Dern, Marriage Story

Good job with all those Jennifer Lopez guesses, huh guys?

This was obvious. If you truly thought Jennifer Lopez was going to win for literally any reason other than the Globes being starfuckers, then you should not be allowed to guess these things.

The Globes like to pick who’s probably going to win. And I said a month ago that Laura Dern was winning the Oscar because of how the category was shaping up. They also love Laura Dern. Come on, guys. This was amateur hour.

Also, the train has started. She’s got that Oscar on lock, and the category isn’t even announced yet. Remember that. I called this in December and Oscar nominations aren’t for another week.

Noah Baumbach looking like Adrien Brody by way of Roman Polanski.

I bet that was nice for some people, seeing Colin Jost there with Scarlett Johansson. Don’t worry, you never had a shot.

Nice speech. Went on a bit too long to really give her momentum from it, but she doesn’t need it.

Don’t have married people present unless you’re gonna let them banter. (That was for Jonas and Chopra. Took me a minute to think back to what this sentence was about when I wrote it.)

Best TV Series – Musical/Comedy

Barry
Fleabag
The Kominsky Method
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
The Politician

Winner: Fleabag

Of course.

And WHAT? Did you fucking announce the streaming service who made it? Fuck YOU. Don’t do that. I don’t care how much money you’re being given. Announce the show and leave it at that. This show isn’t for the corporate overlords. Enjoy the goddamn product, sell outs.

Anyone else catch Elton throwing that half-hearted “whoo” from across the room at Phoebe as she walked by?

The Obama joke was really nice.

Jay-Z out here looking like Basquiat.

Also, that just reminded me I saw that random cutaway earlier of him and Beyoncé standing in the aisle. That’s funny. They didn’t come to sit down. They’re just gonna move around, but don’t wanna be seen with none of y’all peasants.

Tracks.

Baby Driver. Former baby actor.

Jesus, you’re making him sing?

Thank you, Dakota, for giving the moment the reaction it truly deserves.

Best Original Song

“Beautiful Ghosts,” from Cats
“(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again,” from Rocketman
“Into the Unknown,” from Frozen II
“Spirit,” from The Lion King
“Stand Up,” from Harriet

Winner: “(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again,” from Rocketman

You weren’t bringing Elton all the way there to not give him the award.

I started typing that shit before they even announced nominees. That was the biggest gimme in the world.

And now Beyoncé can leave.

That’s crazy that he and Bernie have never won something together. That should help push that Oscar nomination over the top.

Ah, Sacha. Announcing Jojo. That’s perfect. Nice Zuckerberg joke.

They’re rushing through all the Comedy/Musical nominees so they can give that out before Hanks gets his award. They’ll have Eddie do Dolemite after another award or two and then announce the category. Then they’ll do Hanks. Not that I’m a producer of the show or anything. It just makes sense, pacing-wise. Unless they’re truly gonna save it for the end and treat it like a real award, unlike literally every other Globes show ever.

Also, Ricky’s been gone a while. We need him back with a beer and a joke.

A beer and a joke.

Momoa and his stepdaughter.

Zoe looking good. Jason looking good too. That’s a good-looking family.

This means the Meryl category, based on their intro.

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Limited Series or TV Movie

Patricia Arquette, The Act
Helena Bonham Carter, The Crown
Toni Collette, Unbelievable
Meryl Streep, Big Little Lies
Emily Watson, Chernobyl

Winner: Patricia Arquette, The Act

Yeah, she’s at that stage where they’ll just give her an award for anything. Meryl didn’t need this. It’s not a big enough award to have to give it to Meryl. Arquette makes the most sense. They know she’ll give a speech that helps them trend.

Sunglasses on. She don’t give a fuck. That’s why they like her.

I like how they cut to Toni Collette pouring a drink because her night is done and she doesn’t have to be on camera anymore.

Best Actress in a TV Series – Drama

Jennifer Aniston, The Morning Show
Olivia Colman, The Crown
Jodie Comer, Killing Eve
Nicole Kidman, Big Little Lies
Reese Witherspoon, The Morning Show

Winner: Olivia Colman, The Crown

Of course it’s Olivia. How could you not want that speech?

I love any speech where they’re making shit up off the top of their head, especially when it’s like the one she just gave. That was awesome.

Also, only two more TV awards left. This is my kind of awards show. Get that shit done and then get to the real stuff.

Feels about time for Eddie Murphy.

Or Charlize Theron. What’s she gonna announce? Oh, she’s doing Tom. That fits. Get it done before the hour.

Also, her first movie was That Thing You Do. Do people even know that connection? Oh, well she just said it. So they do now.

Who had to put this video package together? What directives were they given? Because it sure feels like they were given a few.

Thank god we got that Polar Express clip in there.

They really got everything in there, though. Bonfire of the Vanities, even. But good thing you led with that SNL skit. I’m sure that’ll sum up the whole of Tom Hanks’ career, and not literally the dozen of other clips you could have led with.

“Savagely Orange Drinks” is a great band name.

Do we think Bob Iger gave him a Joe Pesci ring in the back during this dinner?

They’re gonna whack Jonathan Pryce because of this, aren’t they?

Who had money on the Jackie Chan shout out?

Best Director — that’s early.

That women director joke fell flat, though. Like, badly flat. Not sure where it was going, and I’m not sure if Ricky was trying to underplay it or just oversold it because he knew it was running flat and just decided to make it as awkward as possible.

Let’s see if it’s Marty or Bong.

Best Director

Bong Joon Ho, Parasite
Sam Mendes, 1917
Todd Phillips, Joker
Martin Scorsese, The Irishman
Quentin Tarantino, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Winner: Sam Mendes, 1917

WOW. Okay then. They’re all in on Sam.

Let’s see if that holds up anywhere. Or even just for Best Picture. It’s not necessarily a gimme now that he won, but it sure seems like it’s gonna now. Or maybe this is for the effort. Though I can’t imagine they would do this and not give him Picture too.

He’s even surprised.

Marty lookin’ tired.

Globes 5/10 last decade on Best Director, by the way. They’ve been good lately, but 5/10. 12/20 going back 20 years. So they’re not necessarily automatic. But also… we have no clue. 1917 could sweep the Oscars for all we know. THE NOMINATIONS AREN’T EVEN OUT YET.

Though I will say, not that we think it won’t happen, the last time a Globe winner for Best Director hasn’t been nominated at the Oscars was… well, Ben Affleck. But before that, Clint Eastwood 1988 for Bird. Yentl before that. I’m surprised. I thought it was gonna be Yentl.

And because it’s a commercial break… Anne of the Thousand Days before that for Charles Jarrott and Paul Newman before that for Rachel Rachel. That’s ’68 and ’69. Before that, László Benedek, Death of a Salesman, 1951.

Basically Sam Mendes is gonna be nominated, in case we didn’t already know that.

But yeah, six times ever did a Globe winner for Director not get nominated for the Oscar. Mostly actors, too. I mean, Affleck was known as a director by that point, as was Eastwood. But still. Affleck, Eastwood, Streisand.

(I’ll have you know I wrote literally every word of that during the show. I went back and read that and was like, “Shit, I did the analysis and found some random fact. I don’t have to do anything now. This is awesome.” And of course I had to go and tell you that rather than just let it stand for itself. I’ll never just let myself look good. Even though I’m kinda praising myself for having done it last night. We’re just gonna move on. This couldn’t have been any more awkward than Quentin trying to make the joke of, “I’ve got no one to thank because I wrote it all myself.” So let’s just be grateful for that.)

Aww shit, Cate Blanchett. I really hope that Lucille Ball movie with Sorkin shoots soon. Gonna be at least a year now, with Sorkin doing the Chicago 7 movie now and clearly gonna be promoting that through next year’s Oscars.

Huh. She introduced Joker. Didn’t see that coming. Doing the mental loops… don’t think she’s worked with Todd Phillips before. Or Joaquin. Weird choice.

She’d make a GREAT Joker, though…

We need to go and cast Cate Blanchett as Joker like, immediately. Get on that shit, Matt Reeves. Cate Blanchett versus Robert Pattinson? Holy shit, how good would that be?

Damn, Salma.

Damn.

Oh, I got it. Figured out the Cate Blanchett thing. She was in Carol with Rooney. So yeah. That makes sense. Takes a minute sometimes, but usually I can figure it out. Six degrees of awards presenters.

Best Actress in a Limited Series or TV Movie

Kaitlyn Dever, Unbelievable
Joey King, The Act
Helen Mirren, Catherine the Great
Merritt Weaver, Unbelievable
Michelle Williams, Fosse/Verdon

Winner: Michelle Williams, Fosse/Verdon

Fuck yeah. That would have been the biggest injustice of the night, had she lost. She’s so fucking good in that show. And in everything, really.

More Michelle Williams in things, Hollywood. But like, good things. Not Amy Schumer movies.

Cutting to the audience deliberately and constantly while people talk is distracting and also just leaves you to try to connect the dots as to why they’re there. I saw Michelle Pfeiffer and had to sit there like, “Oh, right, her husband is a producer… Big Little Lies.” It’s too much to have to do in the moment while someone’s on stage talking and should have our attention.

That’s also the most powerful speech out there, and it doesn’t feel like it’s shouting at the audience. It’s just speaking a truth. Good for her. That’s my favorite speech of the night by far.

Best Limited Series or TV Movie

Catch-22
Chernobyl
Fosse/Verdon
The Loudest Voice
Unbelievable

Winner: Chernobyl

I mean, yeah. Was hoping for Fosse/Verdon, but you knew where that one was going all the way. It’s the Hollywood FOREIGN Press.

I love Johan. Look at him in that hat. He looks like the kinda guy who pays his entailments with walnuts in that hat.

AWW SHIT, they brought out Wesley!

Look at that suit, Wesley!

Guess that means it’s time to announce the category.

Weird that you didn’t bring out Eddie at all. Why have him there if he’s not gonna come up for the standing ovation. Everybody loves Eddie.

If Quentin wins, it’s business as usual. If Rocketman wins, then Egerton wins. That’s how this goes. Egerton can still win without it winning this, but there’s no way it wins and he doesn’t.

Where did J-Lo get that ribbon? After someone opened their Christmas Lexus?

Oh, interesting. Score. Gonna make us wait a minute for Picture. Okay. I keep waiting for them to be dumb but it actually looks like they’re gonna announce it where they should announce it. Which means Quentin is winning it.

Best Score

1917
Joker
Little Women
Marriage Story
Motherless Brooklyn

Winner: Joker

Hooray, Iceland.

Globes nominees tend to get shafted when it comes to the Oscars, which is concerning for those with a vested interest in her getting nominated. But I think she’s fine. We’ll see if BAFTA ignores it, but I think it should be fine for the nomination. Mostly I’m just talking about the Globes’ proclivity to make interesting choices in this category that go unnoticed at the Oscars. I wanna see if it sweeps the precursors. BFCA announces in like a week and BAFTA has to still announce the nominees on Tuesday and then give them out in probably a month or so.

My point is, as nice as it is (though I still need to listen to the scores, so I’m pretty indifferent on almost all of this currently), her winning this means nothing until we see who wins all the precursors/gets nominated. I’ve seen these Globes score wins get screwy more times than I care to remember.

Supporting Actor. Shit, now we’re racing.

Let’s start that Brad train, kids.

Best Supporting Actor

Tom Hanks, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Anthony Hopkins, The Two Popes
Al Pacino, The Irishman
Joe Pesci, The Irishman
Brad Pitt, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Winner: Brad Pitt, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

And there goes that train.

I do like how easy it is to see these things taking shape even before they start handing them out.

Nice that he’s finally gonna win his Oscar, though.

Him AND Clooney are gonna have them in Supporting. Maybe let’s try Damon next and get the whole Ocean’s crew Supporting Oscars even though most of them are leading men.

Julia Roberts is the only member of that crew with a lead Oscar. That’s all I’m saying.

Also great that Pesci didn’t bother to show up. Good for him. And also, is anyone surprised? And also, did you think Ricky Gervais would have made that Baby Yoda joke if he were actually there? When the camera never cut to him, you knew he never bothered to show up.

Oh, Tony’s not there? That would have been great to see him and Pitt again. Maybe he’s out fighting a bear.

I love him. He’s gonna deserve that statue.

This Pacino Nazi hunter show sounds fun as shit. Never gonna watch it, because, you know… TV. But still. Looks fun as hell. And I saw Saul Rubinek, who is also awesome.

Well, here we go. Actor time.

Best Actor – Musical/Comedy

Daniel Craig, Knives Out
Roman Griffin Davis, Jojo Rabbit
Leonardo DiCaprio, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Taron Egerton, Rocketman
Eddie Murphy, Dolemite Is My Name

Winner: Taron Egerton, Rocketman

Okay then. That was half-expected. Also funny that we just had a joke about Leo not winning things.

But also, Elton is there, guys. Of COURSE they’re going all in on his movie.

Guess Taron’s gonna get that Best Actor nomination.

Daniel Craig looks like he’s about to lose his shit. Or is holding in a shit really hard. His face was fucking RED.

Dexter Fletcher looks like if Frank Nitti from the Untouchables ended up getting into those acid tests they did in the 60s.

Oh wow. They’re like, doing these in order of importance. This is interesting. This is new.

I like how the Globes are so fucked up I’m pleasantly surprised when they do things that actually are logical and reasonable.

Best Actress – Musical/Comedy

Ana de Armas, Knives Out
Awkwafina, The Farewell
Cate Blanchett, Where’d You Go, Bernadette
Beanie Feldstein, Booksmart
Emma Thompson, Late Night

Winner: Awkwafina, The Farewell

Aww, shit. That’s awesome. Good for them. Maybe she has a legitimate chance at being nominated.

Chinese Harry Nilsson is a nice touch. Isn’t that what we all want to walk up to?

Nice Zhao Shuzhen shout out. She should be nominated too.

I can’t even remember how I thought this category would go. I had to assume it was her or de Armas. It felt like a surprise in the moment, but I think that’s because I didn’t realize just how weak the category is. But she’s the only one truly in contention for a nomination, so of course they gave it to her.

Oh, how nice, bring out Naomi Watts for the movie about divorce after she went through one of those recently.

I also like how they saved Two Popes for the end. I wonder if anyone would notice if they just left it out.

Aww shit, Rachel Weisz.

To do Two Popes. That’s funny. “You’re all drunk, now watch some Popes.”

I wonder how many people are gonna go, “That looks good. Let’s put it on after the party and fall asleep to it.”

How many times is Pierce Brosnan coming out there?

Suit looks amazing though. I didn’t notice that before.

Best Picture – Musical/Comedy

Dolemite Is My Name
Jojo Rabbit

Knives Out
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Rocketman

Winner: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Oh good, they had some sense. Okay, so good. They just went in on Taron at the Oscars and they know where the bread is buttered in Picture. So all is right with the world. This all fits.

I wonder if they told Quentin if he wants to keep winning awards to not keep saying things on microphones unless it’s gushing about movies. Because even the producer wasn’t expecting to talk right now.

“Quentin told me I was gonna have such a great time on this film that the next film was gonna be miserable. He wasn’t wrong.” The next film is Fantastic Beasts.

Just saying.

Anyway, let’s rush through these last awards.

Rushing through those early ones is all well and good until you realize you’re still over time. That’s what happens when you give out TWO career awards. You guys did this to yourselves.

Time for Actor.

Best Actor – Drama

Christian Bale, Ford v Ferrari
Antonio Banderas, Pain and Glory
Adam Driver, Marriage Story
Joaquin Phoenix, Joker
Jonathan Pryce, The Two Popes

Winner: Joaquin Phoenix, Joker

And there’s that.

Honestly the only thing I want to be able to say about this year is that I called all four acting winners a month before nominations were even announced.

I love his speeches. You can never tell if he’s high or if that’s just him. And the answer is — bit of both.

It’s gonna be nice to see him win without giving a flying fuck about winning.

This speech is awesome though. As much as I’m not crazy about it being for this, watching him do this three more times over the next month is gonna be fun as hell.

I’m rooting hard for Saoirse on this next award. You have no idea how badly I want to be wrong about Scarlett or Renée.

Best Actress – Drama

Cynthia Erivo, Harriet
Scarlett Johansson, Marriage Story
Saoirse Ronan, Little Women
Charlize Theron, Bombshell
Renée Zellweger, Judy

Winner: Renée Zellweger, Judy

Okay, they’ve made their statement. They think it’s hers. Let’s see how everyone else does.

I’m also kinda glad it wasn’t Scarlett because I didn’t want to just be right and have nothing to be interested about for the next month. The other three look like they’re just gonna further solidify over the next month unless somehow someone gets left off the final list. This one at least I can go, “Oh, so maybe we have a category on our hands.” Or maybe it’s just Renée all the way and it’s gonna be boring as shit. We’ll see. Some years are like that. Some years things are so locked up the only interesting categories are like, Production Design and maybe a Screenplay category.

The benefit of this is everyone’s gonna remember how charming she is. That’ll help. Then she rambled and kept talking. So maybe not.

Let’s see if this sticks. BAFTA can go there, SAG might too. BFCA’s in a week. Let’s see if we have a tight one or she’s walking away with it because it’s a boring as fuck year.

Best Picture – Drama

1917
The Irishman
Joker
Marriage Story
The Two Popes

Winner: 1917

Oh, wow, it’s almost like they presaged this an hour ago when they gave Sam Mendes the Director award. Maybe put those closer together if you want there to be suspense.

The interesting thing about it is — Parasite didn’t win anything. So this isn’t a stand-in for that. This is their choice. They’re trying to make this a thing. Let’s see how that goes.

– – – – –

So yeah, those are the Globes. I thought I’d have more to say, but honestly, it all speaks for itself and we don’t have a whole lot of other stuff to talk about until we get BAFTA nominations and other stuff. I’ll reference it all in a week when talking about Oscar nominations, but other than them preferring 1917 (which is totally reasonable and fits with how nominations were), I can’t really find anything they did surprising. Like, Egerton over DiCaprio. Okay. Did anyone not think it was one or the other there? So let’s see what BAFTA does tomorrow and then we’ll figure out Oscar nominations next week.

WGA and VES nominations coming at you sometime later today.

– – – – – – – – –

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