The 2021 Film Release Calendar: July
It’s been such a protracted year, but finally we’re ready to finish the Release Calendar (and finally I can actually start watching stuff from this year in earnest.
By now, the calendar’s starting to get more filled out than it usually is when I start going over everything and we’re starting to get a sense that maybe, just maybe, by the latter half of the year movie theaters will be open and operating again at a level relatively near to what we’re used to.
So, in the hopes of that happening, let’s go over all the stuff that’s fixing to come out.
Top Gun: Maverick
After more than thirty years of service as one of the Navy’s top aviators, Pete Mitchell is where he belongs, pushing the envelope as a courageous test pilot and dodging the advancement in rank that would ground him.
It’s Top Gun. There’s nothing to say here. Everyone has their feelings about the first movie and this one. Joseph Kosinski is a fine filmmaker and Cruise always brings it whenever he goes into something for which he’s identified. Occasionally he can’t save it (The Mummy), but with something like this, he’s for sure gonna make sure this is a worthwhile experience for people.
So I think, knowing all of that, this feels like a solid 3.5 star movie, no more, no less.
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings
The movie, based on Marvel Comics, will focus on Shang-Chi; ‘The Master of Kung-Fu’.
It’s Marvel. Standard 3.5 star rating. This is no different from the Fast and Furious movies. You know what you’re getting almost every time out. The only shades are how all the films rate among all the other ones. That’s it. Occasionally you get a really good one, but you can’t assume that. This is assembly line entertainment.
The Forever Purge
The fifth and final installment of ‘The Purge’ film series.
This entire franchise is fun 3 star movies. This should be absolutely no different and should be just as decent as the entire franchise is.
Space Jam: A New Legacy
NBA superstar LeBron James teams up with Bugs Bunny and the rest of the Looney Tunes for this long-awaited sequel.
I mean, I love the first one, but I’m not gonna pretend like this will be a good movie. 3.5 is the maximum on something like this, and even then… thinking I’m gonna feel like the old man in the room when I don’t think this is very good. So I’ll say 3 stars and hope this movie surprises me.
A modern musical version of the classic fairy tale “Cinderella”.
Camila Cabello stars, which means nothing to me since I’ve only ever heard her name, but maybe that means something to other people. Billy Porter is the Fairy Godmother, which is perfect casting. Idina Menzel is the stepmother… so basically you’re telling me you’re just doing the Brandy Cinderella but not as good. Fair enough.
3 stars. I’m sure it’ll be fine and I won’t care and then people my age will have to teach the young’uns about the Brandy Cinderella movie with Whitney Houston and how landmark a movie that was for people my age.
The Night House
A widow begins to uncover her recently deceased husband’s disturbing secrets.
Horror thriller from a guy who only does horror, so even Rebecca Hall being the star does nothing for me.
This summer, visionary filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan unveils a chilling, mysterious new thriller about a family on a tropical holiday who discover that the secluded beach where they are relaxing for a few hours is somehow causing them to age rapidly – reducing their entire lives into a single day.
I mean, it’s Shyamalan. At this point, he’s exclusively a 3 star filmmaker. Occasionally he’ll actually make something solid (Split) and occasionally he’ll make something truly unholy and unwatchable (The Visit). Let’s split the difference here. The cast is nice, sure, but I can’t trust a cast. I’ve seen how his films go. I just gotta let this be more solid than I’m expecting. Dude got trust from the public once in the past 15 years and gave us Glass. He’s gotta earn it every time now.
The Tomorrow War
A man is drafted to fight in a future war where the fate of humanity relies on his ability to confront his past.
Big budget sci fi movie that stars Chris Pratt. They’ve already tried selling this off to streamers, which tells me all I need to know about what they think the quality of this is. Plus, it’s Skydance. They care about money and not about quality. Nobody should remotely expect anything more than barely watchable here.
3 stars. This feels like a manufactured movie from the ground up. And they didn’t even have the decency to put it out before the world turned on Chris Pratt.
Based on Disneyland’s theme park ride where a small riverboat takes a group of travelers through a jungle filled with dangerous animals and reptiles but with a supernatural element.
“Based on Disneyland’s theme park ride.” “Starring Dwayne Johnson.” Do I need to say anything more?
They’re gonna try to recreate Pirates without any of the drive to actually make a good movie. It’s gonna be bad, it’s gonna make money and they’re not gonna give a fuck as long as #2 happens.
The Green Knight
A fantasy re-telling of the medieval story of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.
It’s David Lowery, who’s awesome, and it’s Dev Patel, Alicia Vikander, Joel Edgerton, Sean Harris and Barry Keoghan.
Honestly, I didn’t need anything past David Lowery.
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