The 2021 Film Release Calendar: August

It’s been such a protracted year, but finally we’re ready to finish the Release Calendar (and finally I can actually start watching stuff from this year in earnest.

By now, the calendar’s starting to get more filled out than it usually is when I start going over everything and we’re starting to get a sense that maybe, just maybe, by the latter half of the year movie theaters will be open and operating again at a level relatively near to what we’re used to.

So, in the hopes of that happening, let’s go over all the stuff that’s fixing to come out.

Here’s August:

August

The Suicide Squad

Super-Villains Harley Quinn, Bloodsport, Peacemaker and a collection of cons at Belle Reve prison join the super-secret, super-shady Task Force X where they are heavily-armed and dropped off at the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese.

It’s James Gunn, which is a plus. But it’s D.C. And I haven’t been able to trust their judgement on stuff to this point. Yet, when they let people with their own styles do their thing, the films become referendums on those directors. Zack Snyder… you see the result. But I know enough about James Gunn to know that this should be fun.

So I’ll guess 3.5 stars. I can’t assume 4 with D.C. but that’s the ceiling. 3.5 feels most likely and I’m sure Gunn will make this worthwhile. I mean, it’s basically Suicide Squad without the confines of the Marvel machine keeping him from going fully weird like he wants to.

Hotel Transylvania 4

Fourth installment of the ‘Hotel Transylvania’ franchise.

I haven’t given a shit about any of these, so this is an easy 2.5 stars.

BIOS

On a post-apocalyptic earth, a robot, built to protect the life of his creator’s beloved dog, learns about life, love, friendship and what it means to be human.

This is part of Tom Hanks’ ‘I’m sick of playing real people tour’ he’s been on these past few years as he’s tried to branch out the types of things he does as he transitions into this new section of his career. You’ve seen Meryl do the same thing, as she’s done more musicals and stuff of that sort. This is Hanks doing all the genres you never really saw before.

The film itself is basically Pinocchio, A Boy and His Dog, all of that. Chappie, if you want. Tom Hanks is the last man on Earth and he’s dying, so he builds the robot to look after his dog. And the film is about the robot’s journey. Literally Geppetto and Pinocchio. So sure. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

I guess 3.5 stars, even though I can easily see this only being 3.

Respect

The life story of legendary R&B singer, Aretha Franklin.

We all know what this is. It all comes down to how good a movie we think this is gonna be. Jennifer Hudson is about the only ‘known’ choice you could have for Aretha, and I’m sure this movie will be perfectly fine.

This feels like I can get an easy late summer middle-aged people 3.5 stars out of this. Doubt it’ll be that good, but it can manage 3.5 just by being pleasant even if it treads the same damn ground as everything else. If this were legitimately great, they’d have put it out over the holidays.

Don’t Breathe 2

The Blind Man has been hiding out for years in an isolated cabin and has taken in and raised a young girl orphaned from a house fire. Their quiet existence is shattered when a group of kidnappers show up and take the girl, forcing the Blind Man to leave his safe haven to save her.

I didn’t particularly like the first one. So I’m sure this will be more of the same for me. I guess 3 stars? I mean, I’m expecting 2.5, but maybe they can do enough to get me to 3.

The King’s Man

In the early years of the 20th century, the Kingsman agency is formed to stand against a cabal plotting a war to wipe out millions.

It’s a Kingsman movie. 3.5 stars. You know what you’re getting with these.

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard

Sequel to the 2017 action/comedy.

The first one was pleasant and forgettable. I’m expecting more of the same, just on a shorter leash for my patience, knowing how most sequels go.

3 stars.

The Beatles: Get Back

Documentary about the music group The Beatles featuring in-studio footage that was shot in early 1969 for the 1970 feature film ‘Let It Be.’

I rarely preview a documentary, but I’m all in on this one. Peter Jackson wowed me with They Shall Not Grow Old. So knowing he’s gonna do the Beatles now? I’m all in.

4 stars.

I would legit rather (hypothetically) be in a theater for this than literally anything else scheduled to come out this summer.

Candyman

A “spiritual sequel” to the horror film Candyman (1992) that returns to the now-gentrified Chicago neighborhood where the legend began.

Yeah… don’t give a fuck. Don’t like horror movies, the first one means absolutely nothing to me, Jordan Peele being involved in this means nothing to me. I truly don’t give a shit.

2.5 stars. At best this is going 3 for me. You really don’t understand how little I care about horror movies.

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