Oscars 2019: 77th Golden Globe Awards
Okay, Golden Globes recap. Sort of. I’m basically typing half of this up as the show happens, just to get my immediate thoughts down and then am gonna translate it into English, so by the time you read it, you’ll get my immediate thoughts and the post mortem thoughts going into the five major sets of nominations coming today and tomorrow.
In terms of the show as a whole — I’m used to it without a host. They only started this hosting thing with Gervais a few years ago. And honestly he’s the only one, to me, who’s gotten it right. Everyone else has been either just fine or straight up unnecessary and not good at it. I’m guessing part of that is because they’ve been on NBC the past couple of years and had to hire their own stable of talent (which means Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers and Andy Samberg. Who I’m not the biggest fan of as hosts and think did a so-so job. They tried throwing Sandra Oh in there too, but she’s not a natural host/stand up, so it didn’t really work). But having Gervais back was nice. Especially because he did not care. And that’s the kind of energy a host of a show like this needs. It’s not the Oscars. You’re not shepherding an unwieldy show and giving a grounding presence. You’re there to make jokes and point out how dumb it all is. And he did a good job of that.
The Wild Hogs joke was nice. Loved the Two Popes pedophilia joke. Enjoyed him straight up calling HFPA racist. Enjoyed the In Memoriam list not being diverse enough. That was clever joke formatting, even though it could have came across as tone deaf (as some of his later jokes did). The Jeffrey Epstein joke was perfectly timed and delivered. Especially the tag, “I know he’s your friend, but I don’t care.” That was nice. Loved the obligatory ‘date too old for Leo’ joke. It didn’t feel as stale as it could have, given how often we’ll probably hear that joke over the next month. I also love his inability to get through the Judi Dench joke. It wasn’t that amazing a joke, but the way he delivered it (or couldn’t), made it work. I also loved his ending bit, about “thank your agent and your god and fuck off.” I know the wrong people are gonna read the wrong thing into the sentiment behind that, but in terms of a ‘you’re not that important and this is a jerkoff awards show’, I enjoyed it. (more…)
Oscars 2019: 77th Golden Globes Predictions
The Golden Globes are tonight. Unlike other years, I actually knew they were happening and didn’t wake up this morning and realize, “Oh shit, that’s tonight.” Usually I get texts or calls from other people and they remind me. But nope, I’m on top of my shit this year. That’s new.
I should warn you that these predictions are really only to remind me of what the categories are and prep me for what to watch out for. Namely, “Expect this film in this category, but if this one wins, it could mean that’s gonna win there, so then we look to see what wins SAG”… etc, etc. That’s really all this is for.
But hey, this is a big one. We’ll see what this means for who’s gonna start winning everything, which is fun, since WGA, DGA, PGA and BAFTA nominations are all coming in the next two days, and we’re not getting BFCA winners for another week. So for the next week, get ready for all the hot takes about what’s gonna win based solely on this.
For now, let’s see what kind of help we might get from this show tonight. (more…)
Oscars 2019: Golden Globe Nominations
Alright, folks. The Globes nominations have been announced, hot off the heels of yesterday’s BFCA nominations. Typically when I’m breaking down what’s gonna get nominated, I’m looking at the guilds, BAFTA, BFCA and the Globes. So that’s half the puzzle, even if the guilds is the biggest piece and involves a lot of smaller pieces for each category and this is, essentially, the latter half. But hey, we’ve got something to chew on for the next month until the real shit goes down.
I assume this is all gonna be in line with what happened yesterday, with one or two films HFPA liked more than BFCA did and some they liked less. It’s the same thing every year. Really the key with these two is to start spotting where the extraneous nominees are gonna be. Because there’s always someone who only hits BFCA and nothing else, and there are always people that hit BFCA and here, and then there’s those people that hit all this and SAG and still have no real chance at getting nominated. People fall for those traps every single year. Today’s not about making proclamations. It’s about seeing what trends are showing up and seeing which ones you actually have to pay attention to versus the ones that can be left alone.
But anyway, let’s just get into these nominations: (more…)
Oscars 2018: 76th Golden Globe Awards
Golden Globes recap.
The show wasn’t particularly entertaining. But I figured that would be the case, given the hosts. They just weren’t conducive choices to an interesting show around the categories. Which pretty much meant that all I was paying attention to was who won. And that Fosse/Verdon trailer they showed during the show (which looks dope).
In terms of the show, the opening monologue wasn’t great. The only joke I thought was good was about Vice invading the wrong category based on bad information, but they pretty much rolled over that and into the next joke immediately, either because they had a mandate to speed up the show or because none of the jokes were landing because everyone was drunk. That’s really the key with this show — either have a host that can grab the attention of the drunk people, or no host at all.
The gags they did didn’t work, the flu shots or whatever. The crowd was openly talking over them at some points, which tells you just how little they mattered as hosts. They tried to put a serious monologue at the end of their jokes, and people started laughing thinking it was gonna turn into a bit. Not great planning on their part. Otherwise, the Jeff Bridges and Carol Burnett tributes were nice. Bridges gave an awesome speech. Also, Dick Van Dyke. And Bill fucking Murray.
The rest of the show — I can’t say I’m openly shocked at how things turned out, but there are some interesting decisions to chew on, and we’ll see if they carry weight throughout the rest of the season, or if this is just the Globes being the Globes. (more…)
Oscars 2018: 76th Golden Globes Predictions
The Golden Globes are tonight. Completely forgot that was happening. But also that has to do with the fact that I was otherwise engaged the past few weeks. Still, a nice surprise to get home and realize, “Oh yeah, I’ve got something to watch tonight.”
I never put any effort into these predictions, so I’ll just write them up now before the show. It’ll be interesting to see if they wait until the football game is over or straight up just switch over. Probably not the worst situation to be in, if you’re NBC.
Anyway, let’s see what we’ve got here. The results shouldn’t matter so much, but they will kick off Oscar season proper, being our first precursors out there before BFCA next weekend. And then it’ll just be guild nominations galore the next ten days. Can’t wait.
Anyway, this is my reminder of what the hell is nominated tonight and what I’m pulling out of my ass as to what I think will win. (more…)
Oscars 2018: Golden Globe Nominations
And it’s Golden Globes time. This is the official kick-off to Oscar season.
They announced these at 5am, and I’m sure a lot of people were awake and ready to hear them or were expecting me to have done the same, but I think we’ve long since established how little I care about the Golden Globes as anything more than a good start to the actual important stuff that’s gonna happen later. This is the bread they put down on the table at the restaurant. Occasionally I’ll take a piece to sop up some of the sauce on the plate later, but for the most part, it’s just a starter.
The good news is, because I didn’t wake up that early, I’m finding this all out as I go, so you’ll get my unvarnished opinions as I read the nominees. Though I’ll be honest, I had several long conversations with people last night (people who seem to care about these nominations significantly more than I do) where I said a bunch of stuff I expected to see, owing to them basically wanting to have certain people there and them being complete and utter starfuckers. So honestly, the big surprise to me is gonna be if they don’t nominate people.
Off the top of my head — Star Is Born will be across the board. Gaga won Best Actress yesterday. They’ll nominate Mary Poppins, Black Panther, Crazy Rich Asians. Because then they get the entire casts. Bohemian Rhapsody should get love more than people expect. Nicole Kidman gets minimum one nomination. The Favourite gets two acting nominations (because, as I said, you nominate Rachel Weisz, you get Daniel Craig to show up too). Emily Blunt gets nominated easily, because then you get John Krasinski, which allows them to not really nominate his movie and still get him to show up. They might nominate Widows just to get that cast. Vice will get nominations for that cast. Mary Queen of Scots double nomination seems promising too, because then you get those two there. I’m curious to see if they care about BlacKkKlansman or not. Going back to Mary Poppins for a second, I’m sure Lin-Manuel wrote a song there, so I’d expect that. Also, as I say to everyone — you gotta watch out for Meryl. Any excuse to nominate her, they’ll take it. She has 31 Globe nominations. 31! And I think only two are for TV.
But yeah, that was all stuff I expected just riffing with people last night. They read all the prognostications, and I did not. So I honestly have no clue where this is going, and I will tell you know I’m putting less stock into this than everyone else is. It’s SAG that I start to look at things as serious contenders.
So without further ado, here are your Globe nominees for this year: (more…)
Oscars 2017: 75th Golden Globe Awards
So the Golden Globes were last night. Sometimes I live blog them. This is not one of those times. I just didn’t have the energy or the desire (or the sobriety) to do it.
The show was way less fun than it’s been in previous years (though maybe it’s only been fun for me because of the drinking during it). They went long early and just kind of sped through categories to get stuff over with. Which kinda defeats the purpose of an awards show.
But yeah. The first piece of our Oscar puzzle is now in place. Two more big ones coming on Thursday with DGA and BFCA. But until then, I really only have one question — why do the Globes keep putting that microphone back into the ground during commercials only to raise it back up like, a minute later? (more…)
Oscars 2017: 75th Golden Globes Predictions
Okay, so I legit had no idea the Globes were tonight. I was expecting them to be next weekend for some reason. Even though I post a list on this website to remind me of things to prevent a situation just like this. And like the Snowman Killer, I gave myself all the clues.
Fortunately I put absolutely zero effort into these predictions every year, so this’ll be real easy.
The fun for me is watching the show, not thinking about it. I’m getting drunk and texting ridiculous shit just like everyone at the damn thing. Because we know these things don’t matter, right? The voting body shares zero similarities with the Academy, so we’re left with a marker that may or may not pan out. Usually they get a handful and miss a handful. I’m sure this will be no different.
So let’s watch me pick names out of a hat and then scoff at all the TV nominees before I start drinking: (more…)
Oscars 2017: Golden Globe Nominations
You can always count on the Globes to kick the season off with a bang. We’re here, guys. This is when it all officially begins.
Like usual, I can’t be bothered to wake up at 5am to see these happen live, so I’m finding out what was nominated as I go. Which means you get my unfiltered opinions on each of the categories as we go.
As I say every year — the Golden Globes mean very little to me, but since they do sort of set the pace for the season, they do have a modicum of importance. So let’s not take whatever’s here as scripture and more as a guideline for what might happen (and amusement, because after all, this is the most corrupt of all the voting bodies).
Here are your Globe nominees for this year: (more…)
Oscars 2016: The 74th Golden Globe Awards
The Golden Globes were last night. Did anyone notice? Or was it all football and orgies for most of you?
These are the 74th Golden Globes. Which means that next year will be an anniversary. Where they will do absolutely nothing different and I will yet again hype myself up into thinking the show will be worth watching and then be bitterly disappointed in how boring it is and how it could only be fun if I were there and drinking with everyone in the room.
Anywho, I “live-blogged” the show, which basically meant I sat down and drank and made comments throughout, most of which were written down in some form. Either by me, or by someone else who told me it was funny and sent it to me in writing because I was too drunk to pay attention at that moment as I said it out loud while pouring another drink. This should make for a fun time.
Here is my recap of the Golden Globe Awards: (more…)
Oscars 2017: 74th Golden Globes Predictions
The Golden Globes are tonight.
I’ll be doing what I usually do for these — getting blasted drunk and texting everyone all the ridiculous shit I see.
I think we all realize how little stock I put into them. It’s a glorified party, and while they do try to influence the Oscars season, mostly it’s just the Hollywood Foreign Press getting every famous person they can into the same room and schmoozing with them.
But, you know, it’s a big awards show that’s become a big deal. So we talk about it. (more…)
Oscars 2016: Golden Globe Nominations
Let’s see what we got this year.
We have a nice one-two punch with the BFCAs being given out last year and the Globes coming today. This will definitely start to put the major contenders in focus.
Though I do always caution — this is the Hollywood Foreign Press. Starfuckers galore. They nominate people just so they show up. Expect a requisite Meryl nomination. Think of the people they want to hang out with — they’ll get nominated.
Here’s what they nominated this year: (more…)
Oscars 2015: 73rd Golden Globe Awards Recap
I care so little about the Golden Globes, I didn’t know they were last night until 7 hours before they aired. No joke.
My new way of making it through talking about them, when I know I put fairly little stock in what they mean, is to live blog the ceremony.
So here are my (real-time, from last night) reactions from last night’s Golden Globe Awards: (more…)
Oscars 2015: Golden Globe Predictions
So, as of about three hours ago, I had no idea the Globes were tonight. Not a clue. For some reason, I had the date down as next weekend. So I had everything set to post my predictions next weekend. And then my parents were like, “Are you gonna watch that awards show tonight?” And now here we are.
So the schedule is shuffling around at the last minute. Not that it matters. This will make me feel slightly more confident in my Oscar guesses later in the week anyway. I don’t care how badly I do here, since the Globes are pretty meaningless to me.
Here are my guesses for tonight’s Golden Globe Awards: (more…)
Oscars 2015: Golden Globe Nominations
And now the Globe nominations.
These are always fun, because they’re from the Hollywood Foreign Press, a group that does not vote for the Oscars at all, and yet we put so much stock into them. Not to mention, the Hollywood Foreign Press are such starfuckers. You know they’re gonna nominate people just so they show up.
Though this will help us make a little sense of the coming season. So let’s see what they’ve got for us this year.
Here are the nominees: (more…)
Oscars 2014: 72nd Golden Globes
The Golden Globes were last night. I always spend the next day going over the results. And every year, I think I’m gonna have more to say than I do.
But, we have a way around that. Because I live-blogged the shot. So I’m just gonna post everything I wrote while watching (as-is. Not even gonna spell check it. Literally copying, pasting, and leaving it exactly as it is), and then below, I’ll go over the categories that matter (the movie ones).
So here are the results (and my reactions and what not) from the Golden Globes: (more…)
Oscars 2014: 72nd Golden Globe Predictions
The Golden Globes are set to start in 30 minutes.
It’s treated as a big awards show, even though I don’t really put too much stock in its results. Though it does do a lot for perception, and I’m always a fan of an awards show where people are openly drinking throughout. Plus it takes place like, 20 minutes from where I am. That’s nice. Because I know where not to be during that time.
I like to guess, because I can. It’s fun trying to figure out which way the Hollywood Foreign Press is going to go, because it’s a nice mix of them trying to think what the Academy is going to do and them trying to be fun and trendy. My picks mean nothing though. I don’t care if I get every single one of them wrong. This is the Pro Bowl to the Oscars’ Super Bowl. The game is the least interesting thing going on.
So here are my picks for the Golden Globes: (more…)
Oscars 2014: Golden Globe Nominations
The nominations for the 72nd Golden Globe Awards have been announced.
Not even gonna waste time on an intro. Let’s see what they’ve got:
Best Picture – Drama
Boyhood
Foxcatcher
The Imitation Game
Selma
The Theory of Everything (more…)
2013 Golden Globes Results, Live Blog & Reactions
I had to work last night, all through the Golden Globes (and all through that second NFL Divisional Round game as well). I didn’t mind much (since it’s not the Oscars. I’m not working on Oscar night), so I deliberately kept myself in the dark about what happened, and told myself I’d just download and watch the show after it was over, either later Sunday night or Monday morning. And that’s what I did.
So I felt it would be best to just live blog my entire watching of the Golden Globes, since it’s happening at my own pace, and I can pause to type shit. A live blog during the show never works, since it’s live. By the time you’re done writing your thoughts about one thing, something else has already happened and you’re behind. This way, I can just write whatever the fuck I want, and go over all the categories in order, and take care of everything all at once. This should be fun.
So here is my live blog of the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards, which, interspersed with the live blog will be my usual Monday morning comments about what this means for Oscar momentum and all that bullshit: (more…)
2013 Golden Globes Predictions
Tonight is the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards. And we’re picking shit.
Mostly this means nothing on the road to the Oscar, unless this matches up with what SAG, and all the other guilds do (all… like, two of them), and even then, they’re pretty meaningless. They gave their Best Picture to Babel. Barbara Streisand won Best Director here. They nominated the fucking Tourist. They’re all about celebrity, and they also are good at guessing what’s probably going to win and going with that.
So mostly, my picks here are more about what the Hollywood Foreign Press is going to do and not what actually should happen or what will matter for Oscar night.
Here are my Golden Globes picks: (more…)
70th Golden Globes Winners
Last night was the Golden Globes.
It was all right.
I didn’t pay much attention to the winners, even as they were happening, mostly because the only interesting category of the night happened right off the top. I was mostly watching and waiting for Jodie Foster to show up, and man, she didn’t disappoint.
So yeah, anyway, people won awards and shit. Now we’re gonna go over them and pretend like they mean something for the Oscars: (more…)
2012 Golden Globes Predictions
Tonight is the 70th annual Golden Globe Awards. Also known as the 2012 Golden Globe Awards (and if anyone calls them the 2013 Golden Globes — same as the people who call these the 2013 Oscars — they’re fucking idiots).
I’ve never really had any interest in the Globes outside of enjoying watching them. Since despite what people want to tell you, they basically mean nothing for the Oscars. Mostly they just alter perception. Nobody who votes on them has anything to do with the Oscars, and all it does is get the people who are either too overly tuned into shit or not tuned in at all (so, Oscar people on the internet and the dumbass media, who will turn anything into a story. Maybe of whom are the same people) to be like, “Oh no, this random person won this award, will they win the Oscar?” No. Because the Hollywood Foreign Press loves that person, and it was in the Comedy/Musical category.
So now that they mean nothing to me, Oscar-wise (seriously, the most they do — if the person who’s the favorite to win actually does win here, then it’s added rationalization as to why they’ll win. If they don’t, then they’re the Globes, and nobody cares what they pick. It’s meaningless), they’re kind of fun to watch (pretty much any movie awards show is, as long as not MTV, Kids Choice, or those bullshit ones. You know — the classy ones in January. With real winners. Not Twilight for best movie), and people get rip-roaring drunk at them.
Like I probably will.
Here are my (sort of. If you can call them that) predictions for the Golden Globes: (more…)
Oscars 2012 Update: Golden Globes Nominations
I am fascinated by the Golden Globes. Because on the one hand — they’re meaningless. They’re a group of about 100-something foreign journalists who like to nominate all the people they like/get all the really famous people to come hang out with them. And it has turned into this awards show. It’s wonderful.
What’s fascinating about the Globes is how you can clearly tell where the biases are, and at the same time — they are pretty damn close to what actually gets nominated at the Oscars. Not necessarily in terms of what wins, but definitely in terms of what’s in the conversation. The other thing I like about them is that we all know them really well. We know what they like and what they don’t like, we know what typically wins, and they’re almost always in line with that. And I think that’s why we let them continue to be such a big precursor to the Oscars, even though they really shouldn’t. We understand them. I love this weird dichotomy they have going for them.
Anyway, let’s get down to business, with the second of the three big awards shows that matter (SAG, BAFTA, Golden Globes… with the hidden fourth one that matters being the BFCA). Here are your nominations for the 70th annual Golden Globe Awards (which are happening on January 13th, by the way). (more…)
2011 Golden Globes Reactions
Well that was totally expected. Any surprises there? No, not really. Big night for France, huh?
I kept a live-reaction of the Golden Globes. Just the awards. Not the show. All the idiots are gonna be talking about the show itself. That’s all window dressing. We all saw how high Johnny Depp was, how scary Madonna’s arms looked, and how tame Ricky Gervais was. No need to go over it again.
Here’s my live-reaction of all the awards (in the order they gave them out), and then afterward, a brief recap of what this means for the rest of the race. All posted within 13 minutes of the show’s closing. I’m on top of this shit.
Just so you know up front: I did really awesome on my film guesses and really terrible on my TV guesses. Nothing new there. When I know my stuff, I know my stuff.
Now, let’s recap these damn things: (more…)
