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Pic of the Day: “From what I see now, that will cut through the murkiest storm they can dish up. What I’m trying to say is, Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?” “It would be an honor, sir.”
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Pic of the Day: “That’s the one good thing about regret: it’s never too late. You can always change tomorrow if you want to.”
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Pic of the Day: “You know, you look pretty good for your age.” “Thanks, but I’m seeing someone in wrapping.”
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Pic of the Day: “Oh Dudley, I never know when you are joking.” “Ah, I am at my most serious when I’m joking.”
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Pic of the Day: “My dad says snow causes heart attacks.” “He must have snow confused with chili dogs. Any other questions?”
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Pic of the Day: “Don’t forget the Grinch. I know he’s mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy, but I think he’s actually kinda… sweet.” “Sweet?! You think he’s sweet?” “Merry Christmas, Santa.” “Nice kid… baaad judge of character.”
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Pic of the Day: “What’s that sound?” “That was the sound of a tool chest, falling down the stairs.” “Oh.”
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Pic of the Day: “Oh my! Look at all the wonderful things to eat! We must thank Mister Scrooge.”
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Pic of the Day: “If you had any sense, you’d give it up as a bad job and stay home in bed this year.” “Oh come now, if Santa stayed home, why there would be no Christmas.”
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Pic of the Day: “My father was a lot like you, just a man with a family. Never amounted to much, didn’t care. But as long as he was alive, we always had plenty to eat and clothes to keep us warm.” “Were you happy?” “Yes.” “Then your father was a very successful man.”
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Pic of the Day: “What are you looking at?” “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn… the clean, cool chill of the holiday air… an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.” “Shitter was full.”
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Pic of the Day: “Here’s a little story I’d like to tell, about three best friends and their first Noel. It begins right before Christmas 2001, when a young man named Ethan became an orphan. His mama and papa both tragically gone, it seemed for him Christmas had sung its swan song. As he sat alone on Christmas Eve, his friends came over and forced him to leave. They had to get Ethan out of his funk, so they went to a bar and they got his ass drunk.”
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Pic of the Day: “I just told Linda I was getting engaged.” “I don’t know why; a little tart like that could save you a fortune in prostitutes.”
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Pic of the Day: “I do not understand this. Your father’s name is Chapman.” “Ali, he didn’t marry my mother.” “I see.” “I’m sorry.” “It seems to me that you are free to choose your own name, then.”
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Pic of the Day: “If you’re afraid of getting a rotten apple, don’t go to the barrel. Get it off the tree.”
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Pic of the Day: “Every move that I make, every punch that I throw, everything’s gonna be compared to him.”
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Pic of the Day: “Will you please, shut up!” “You shut up! You are the audience! I am the author! I outrank you!”
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Pic of the Day: “I assure you, sir, that the execution of my duties is entirely unaffected by my private opinion of you.”
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Pic of the Day: “How did you find me here?” “I saw a great group of men standing around a table. I knew there was only one woman in the world who could attract men like that. A woman with a lot of money.”
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