I think you guys know what this is by now. The tens of you who read this look forward to this day, don’t you?
On December 31st every year, I post my Top Ten list. On December 30th, however, it’s something else entirely. If the Top Ten list is the Oscars of this site, the Unforgivables list is the Razzies. Or the Indie Spirit Awards. Rather than wearing tuxes and being all formal, we’re all getting shit-faced in a tent somewhere, ranting about how our childhoods were ruined and how Adam Sandler is a piece of shit now.
I always like to begin with two notes. First, this list began in 2010, when I saw the movie The Switch (Bateman, Aniston, jizz cup) and was so angry at what I was watching that I stopped the movie to write up an angry rant about it, which was so well-received that it became tradition. This is the 8th Annual Unforgivables List. Previous ‘winners’ (on top of The Switch, of course) include: Batman v. Superman (2016), Vacation (2015), Heaven Is For Real (2014), Identity Thief (2013), Big Miracle (2012) and Just Go With It (2011).
And second, for what you’re all sure are the stringent criteria for inclusion on this list — one thing. Just one thing. The movie has to make me angry while I watch it. That’s it. I could enjoy the movie. But if it pisses me off, it’s a contender. Last year, Suicide Squad made the list. I was fine with it. I even enjoyed small parts of it. But it made me angry on a bunch of different levels (not to mention it being post-Batman v. Superman, which made me so angry I began writing up its Unforgivable entry in April. Which you can check out here, because it may be some of my best work), so it made it on.
Oh, the other ‘rules’, I guess you can call them: 1) no sequels, and 2) no films we all knew would be shitty to begin with. So as much as you all wanna assume Monster Trucks was gonna make it on (and yes, that was this year. I know it was a while ago), that’s not what this is about. (more…)