This article has become a real treat to write every year. This year, I knew I’d wait until the last minute and not have anything, so I pushed it to Oscar weekend instead of early January, so that way I could wait even longer until the last minute and rush to get it all done over like, four days. (It helps to know oneself really well.)
You remember that famous Hemingway six word short story? Well, this is me doing that for movie reviews. I came up with the idea after writing a review for the Vanessa Hudgens movie Gimme Shelter (which I’m sure you all saw). I wrote some joke and said, “There’s your five word film review for this one.” And the idea took. This whole site is ideas that took. (Too bad shutting the fuck up won’t take with me, amirite, guys???)
Notable examples of five word film reviews from last year, to give you an idea of what we’re going for: Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk — Could’ve Used a Longer Walk; Suicide Squad — RIP D.C. Universe (2016-2016); Finding Dory — Maybe Just Stop Losing Fish; Snowden — The Government Watches You Masturbate; Bridget Jones’s Baby — What Happened to Her Diary?; The Dressmaker — High Plains Drifter with Backstitching; Paterson — More Like Adam BUS Driver!; Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice — HA HA HA HA… Martha.
I think you get the idea. It’s a fun exercise to try. And of course, me being me, I try it 400 times.
Here are five word film reviews of the movies I saw in 2017: (more…)