Fun with Franchises: The Marvel Universe – Iron Man 3 (2013), Part IV — “Like Home Alone, But in Reverse and With Several Offenses Worthy of Indictment”

We continue with another entry in our Fun with Franchises series. This week’s film is Iron Man 3.

Fun with Franchises is a series born out of my friend Colin and I realizing how much fun it was for the two of us to watch the same movie separately and then share our reactions. We started by watching all of the James Bond movies, for the purposes of ranking them for the blog. I brought him in because he was much more of a Bond expert than I was at the time, and I felt his perspective would liven things up. He would be the color commentator to my play-by-play man.

We soon discovered that, by watching the movies separately and then putting everything we said together in the same place, hilarity ensued. We each brought in our own observations, not knowing what the other would say, and then reacted to what the other said. And we loved every minute of it.

We had so much fun, we figured we had to do it again. So we graduated from a single franchise, to all franchises. If you’re gonna have fun with franchises, it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t franchise it. Season 1 included the Harry Potter movies, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Twilight (which neither of us had seen before we watched them for the articles) and Pirates of the Caribbean. All of those articles can be read on the Fun with Franchises page.

Also, just so we’re clear, this is all for parody. We’re just messing with them because we love them. (Well… Twilight…) We’re watching movies we enjoy and are simply having some fun with them.

Right now, we’re doing the Marvel Universe, and today is the fourth part of Iron Man 3.

Iron Man 3 - Title Card

We begin Part IV on the road again.

Iron Man 3 - 1233

“Tell me what’s happening, give me a full report.”


The kid’s back.

Iron Man 3 - 1234

“I’m still eating that candy. Do you want me to keep eating it?”

Iron Man 3 - 1235

“How much you have?”

“Two or three bowls.”

“Can you still see straight?”

“Sort of.”

“That means you’re fine, give me Jarvis.”


He’s eating candy. There’s a sugar rush joke for all of us under the age of 11. I’m waiting for that moment in this movie when he says something so dumb I have to leave and buy alcohol. That was the toughest thing about doing the Twilight movies – just getting up to go buy more booze to keep going. If you go back to those articles – Breaking Dawn Pt. I, I think, I even wrote in a four-hour booze break when things got too awful. And that’s how this blog continues. Fun with Franchises: Brought to you by C2H6O.

Iron Man 3 - 1236

“Jarvis, how are we?”

“It’s totally fine, sir. I seem to do quite well for a stretch and then at the end of the sentence I say the wrong cranberry.”


A stupid word joke, because “cranberry” is a funny word.

This is one of those lines where I can appreciate it for having been more interesting than your basic line, but on the other hand, it’s also really manufactured, because why is it at the end of the sentence? It’s clearly only for the joke.

That’s kind of my feeling about the movie as a whole — I can enjoy it on a basic level more than the other movies, because there’s a focus on dialogue and having fun with certain situations, but the minute I invest any thought into it, it becomes horrible.

Iron Man 3 - 1237

Oh, and he pinpointed the Mandarin’s broadcast signal.


Now notice that once they’ve gotten the joke out of the way, JARVIS speaks normally.

Iron Man 3 - 1238

“What are we talking? Far east? Europe? North Africa? Iran? Pakistan? Syria? Where is it?”


Why list all those places, if he has the location? He knows JARVIS has the location, but he lists all the places WE think it should be (‘we’ being the audience who need their food chewed for them) so that the reveal lands harder. Here’s a MARVELous idea – write like people would talk and act.

“Actually, sir, it’s in Miami.”

MIA. Get it?


Miami. Oh man, I bet Miami Vice could take care of this. Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx taking down the bad guys. I want THAT version of this movie. I’ve made it very clear on this blog that I have great affection for that movie. I’ll defend it all day because it’s probably the single coolest movie of the last 20 years, by which I mean that Michael Mann took every shot and shoved it full of cool shit. And when one shower sex scene wasn’t enough? TWO SHOWER SEX SCENES. Go-fast boats, dancing in Havana…that movie was fucking awesome. And yet, I totally understand why it has a 47% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Seriously, if you’re going to watch one movie from 2006 about undercover cops…oh, well that’s The Departed. But if you’re not in the mood for that (which probably means you watched The Departed twice this week already) and you still need a 2006 undercover cop movie that’s cool as all fuck – Miami Vice.

The Devil Wears Prada is the other 2006 undercover cop movie that’s cool as fuck.

Iron Man 3 - 1239

“Okay, kid, I’m gonna walk you through rebooting Jarvis’s speech drive, but not right now.”

Why reboot? He said one cranberry wrong.

Iron Man 3 - 1240

“Harley, where is he really? Look on the screen and tell me where he is.”

Oh, you think he’s malfunctioning because the terrorist is in the country.

Iron Man 3 - 1241

“It does say Miami, Florida.”

Iron Man 3 - 1242

“Okay, first things first, I need the armor. Where are we at with that?”

“It’s not charging.”


But Jarvis is back and he could probably call out your 40 other suits that are just chilling in your basement. And anyone trying to put a bandaid on this one — you can’t say that they couldn’t get out until the rubble is cleared because we see later that he has a giant suit with drill things on it and they all pack enough firepower to level Minneapolis. Even if that WAS a reasonable explanation, we haven’t even heard him say, “Gee, I sure wish I had those 40 suits. Too bad they’re all out of reach for some reason that can be fixed later.”

Iron Man 3 - 1243

Iron Man 3 - 1244

Iron Man 3 - 1245

Iron Man 3 - 1246

Iron Man 3 - 1247

Iron Man 3 - 1248

“What’s questionable about electricity? All right. It’s my suit, and I can’t – I’m not gonna – I don’t want – oh god, not again.”


He finds out the suit isn’t charging well and he has another panic attack? The whole middle portion of this movie is just a mound of shit. Steaming.

Iron Man 3 - 1249

Iron Man 3 - 1250

“Are you having another attack? I didn’t even mention New York.”

Iron Man 3 - 1251

“Right, and then you just said it by name while denying having said it.”

Christ man, get some klonopin and shut the fuck up.

I just said that about Tony Stark.

That’s what this franchise has become.

Iron Man 3 - 1252

Iron Man 3 - 1253

“Oh, god, what am I gonna do?”

Iron Man 3 - 1254

“You’re a mechanic, right?”

Iron Man 3 - 1255

“Why don’t you just build something?”

Iron Man 3 - 1256


What, that’s it? All that PTSD, and “Okay”?


I’m torn, because, I hate the kid, and I hate that they’re “connected,” but I also hate the panic attacks. It’s kind of like Hitler being defeated by Stalin. You’re like, “Great! That’s over. Oh, but…now this.”

Iron Man 3 - 1257

Iron Man 3 - 1258

Guitar kicks in. There’s a montage coming up.

Iron Man 3 - 1259

Before we begin – where did you get the money to pay for all of this?

I mean, sure, you have money, but did you have it on you when your house was attacked? Do rich people ever have money on their person? Did you bring a credit card with you? Or is this the type of situation where you can go, “Hey, I’m Tony Stark, I’m good for it”?


He’s going shopping. Does he have a credit card? Does the person see who he is? Does the card company get an alert that he’s spending money a long way from where he lives? For most card companies, this would be an immediate fraud alert. Unless he’s carrying enough cash for two shopping carts’ worth of shit.

Iron Man 3 - 1260

I guess we’re about to find out.

Also, that image is kinda what this movie is. Some real special fertilizer.

Iron Man 3 - 1261

Iron Man 3 - 1262

Iron Man 3 - 1263


He’s going old-school. I kinda like that, although I’m not super into how they got him here. Also, is he not even going back to CHECK on the suit?

“It’s not charging? Well shit, maybe I’ll just buy stuff and make it.”


Not the same ring to it.

Iron Man 3 - 1264

Iron Man 3 - 1265

Iron Man 3 - 1266

Seriously, how’d he pay for all of that?


How is he not setting off all kinds of alarms, walking in there with visible wounds, sunglasses at night, a hat AND a hoodie, and buying up a bunch of shit that probably appear on anarchist websites and crazy online terrorist manuals? Are you stupid? Those websites are also dumb, because you’re really just teaching stupid people to make weapons. The smart people could figure it out.

Iron Man 3 - 1267

Is that a bed? Did he check into a hotel with all this shit?

And did this all happen over the course of a DAY? He lands at night. The kid makes him a sandwich and he tinkers. They go to the bar. Chad Davis’s mother conveniently is waiting for someone. Crazy action. Kid’s mom is working at the diner, which is apparently part of the destruction, and never once checks on her son or her daughter during all of this. And then Stark takes off in the car to… do something. Read the file, I guess. And then he figures out AIM and stops to hack into a news van. And then keeps driving and has a panic attack and then this happens. Not really sure why he was taking off or what was going on. Never explained, or at least not well enough, because I didn’t pick up on it.

I guess the suit just started charging again on its own? Or was the kid fucking with him? Do we even care? Because he calls the suit later and it comes. And also, I guess it’s running on electricity now and not the arc reactor.

Iron Man 3 - 1268

Iron Man 3 - 1269

Iron Man 3 - 1270

Iron Man 3 - 1271

Iron Man 3 - 1272

Iron Man 3 - 1273

This is Skyfall.

Iron Man 3 - 1274

Oh… you were doing so well!


Oh, AND enough cash for gas to Miami in a performance Audi sedan. Also…Miami establishing shots featuring a performance Audi sedan driving on a causeway. This could be lifted from The Transporter 2 and none of you would be any the wiser. That movie had this EXACT shot.

Iron Man 3 - 1275

Nice house.

Iron Man 3 - 1276

Iron Man 3 - 1277

Iron Man 3 - 1278


Binoculars in the bushes. When Marvel goes Harriet the Spy.

Iron Man 3 - 1279

This is how video game levels start.

Iron Man 3 - 1280

“Peekaboo, I see you.”

Is a line he said in Tropic Thunder.

Which you will be reminded of in sixty seconds.

Iron Man 3 - 1281

Iron Man 3 - 1282

Iron Man 3 - 1283

Some security they have.

Iron Man 3 - 1284

Iron Man 3 - 1285

Are these guys really that attentive all the time? I feel like that guy would be sitting down or something. Who’s coming onto this property 98% of the time?

Iron Man 3 - 1286

Iron Man 3 - 1287

Iron Man 3 - 1288

Iron Man 3 - 1289

Iron Man 3 - 1290

Iron Man 3 - 1291

Iron Man 3 - 1292

Iron Man 3 - 1293

Iron Man 3 - 1294

So are these fatalities?

Iron Man 3 - 1295

Iron Man 3 - 1296

Iron Man 3 - 1297

Iron Man 3 - 1298


Really, bro? You’re being paid to guard a high-profile target and you pick up a foreign object that rolls toward you?

Iron Man 3 - 1299

How’d he rig that to explode?

Iron Man 3 - 1300


It’s sort of like Home Alone, but in reverse and with several offenses worthy of indictment.

Iron Man 3 - 1301

Iron Man 3 - 1302

Tropic Thunder. Remember the opening when he’s running and shoots the guy behind his back?

Iron Man 3 - 1303

Iron Man 3 - 1304

Iron Man 3 - 1305

Iron Man 3 - 1306

If I had a nickel for every time I had a white woman passed out on my dining room table…

Iron Man 3 - 1307

“Why is it so hot in here? I told you to put it at 68.”

Iron Man 3 - 1308

“Let me tell you something, sweetheart, I am not your personal-”

Iron Man 3 - 1309

Iron Man 3 - 1310

Iron Man 3 - 1311

Iron Man 3 - 1312

Iron Man 3 - 1313

Iron Man 3 - 1314

Iron Man 3 - 1315

She seems fun.


Drugged white women. You take home the prize for least fucks given. Seriously, everything is a joke.

Iron Man 3 - 1316

Iron Man 3 - 1317

Iron Man 3 - 1318

You guys running Avid or Final Cut?

What do terrorists edit on? I bet they’d use that in the advertising. Any respectable company would.

Iron Man 3 - 1319

Iron Man 3 - 1320

Iron Man 3 - 1321

Iron Man 3 - 1322


There’s a bed. Hopefully women are in it.

Iron Man 3 - 1323

This should be a sign for everyone. He’s about to find the Mandarin, yet he’s in the bedroom about to throw off some sheets. Clearly not the Mandarin as people are expecting.

Iron Man 3 - 1324

Iron Man 3 - 1325

Iron Man 3 - 1326

Iron Man 3 - 1327

If I had a nickel for every time I woke up and Tony Stark was pointing a gun at me…

Iron Man 3 - 1328

Iron Man 3 - 1329


Women were in it! Ew, flush.

Iron Man 3 - 1330

Iron Man 3 - 1331

“Well, I wouldn’t go in there for twenty minutes.”


Yay, Ben Kingley’s British again.

Iron Man 3 - 1332


Wait, what if one of the girls is the real bad guy? You never know. That’d be like, the perfect cover.

Iron Man 3 - 1333

“Now, which one of you is Vanessa?”

Vaness-ah. I love the way he says that.

Iron Man 3 - 1334

“Did you know that fortune cookies aren’t even Chinese?”

This part is amusing to me. Say what you will about the reveal, but Ben Kingsley’s character here is amazing. Spouting off all the bullshit they tell him to say as fact to women.

Iron Man 3 - 1335

“There’s some guy right here.”

Iron Man 3 - 1336

“They’re made by Americans. Based on a Japanese recipe.”


Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.

Iron Man 3 - 1337


Iron Man 3 - 1338

“Bloody hell, bloody hell.”

Iron Man 3 - 1339

“Don’t move.”

“I’m not moving. You want something, take it. Although, the guns are all fake, because those wankers wouldn’t trust me with the real ones.”

So was that guy not shot in the head?

Iron Man 3 - 1340


Iron Man 3 - 1341

“Hey, do you fancy either of the birds?”


What a curious way to refer to women.

Tuppence a bang.

Iron Man 3 - 1342

Iron Man 3 - 1343

Iron Man 3 - 1344

“Where’s the Mandarin? Where is he?!”

Iron Man 3 - 1345

“He’s here, but he’s not here.”

“What do you mean?”


Wait, no. Killian isn’t The Mandarin. This guy’s either stupid (in which case, fuck you, Marvel) or lying. If he’s lying, I’ll be pleased with him and angry at Tony.

Iron Man 3 - 1346

“It’s complicated – hey – it’s complicated.”

Iron Man 3 - 1347

“Uncomplicate it. Ladies, out.”

Iron Man 3 - 1348

Did they get paid?

Iron Man 3 - 1349

Iron Man 3 - 1350

Iron Man 3 - 1351

Iron Man 3 - 1352


Iron Man 3 - 1353

“My name’s Trevor. Trevor Slattery.”

Iron Man 3 - 1354

“What are you? You’re a decoy? You’re a double, right?”

Iron Man 3 - 1355

“What, you mean like an understudy? Absolutely not.”

Iron Man 3 - 1356

“Don’t hurt the face! I’m an actor.”

Iron Man 3 - 1357

“You got a minute to live, fill it with words.”

“Just a role. The Mandarin – he’s not real.”

Iron Man 3 - 1358

“Then how did you get here, Trevor?”

“Well, uhh – I umm – a little problem with substances. And I ended up, doing things –”

Iron Man 3 - 1359

“No two ways about it. In the street, that a man shouldn’t do.”


Iron Man 3 - 1360

“Then, they approached me about the role. And they knew about the drugs.”

Iron Man 3 - 1361

“What, they said they’d get you off them?”

“They said they’d give me more.”

Fair enough.

Iron Man 3 - 1362

Iron Man 3 - 1363

“They gave me things, they gave me this palace. They gave me plastic surgery. They gave me things.”

The idea is interesting. It’s just a let down in a way because again we find out everything is fake and pointless.

Iron Man 3 - 1364

I do appreciate a guy falling asleep, mid-conversation.

Iron Man 3 - 1365

Iron Man 3 - 1366

Iron Man 3 - 1367

“Did you just nod off?”

Iron Man 3 - 1368

“No! And a lovely speedboat.”

Didn’t miss a beat. “No!”

Iron Man 3 - 1369

“And, the thing was, he needed someone to take credit for some accidental explosions.”

So he’s aware that he’s taking credit for incredibly illegal things. So he is complicit, albeit stupid.

When they arrest him later, are they charging him with the murder of that guy? Did he actually kill that guy? He said the guns are fake, but were they lying to him? Did he actually kill that guy?

Iron Man 3 - 1370


Nice old phone.

Iron Man 3 - 1371


“He created you.”

“He created me.”

Iron Man 3 - 1372

“His think tank thinked it up.”


Think tank thinked it up. That’s a better line than most of Marvel gets or deserves.

Iron Man 3 - 1373

“The pathology of a serial killer. The manipulation of western iconography. Ready for another lesson?”

I love how easily he slips into the voice. That’s terrific.

Iron Man 3 - 1374

“Blah, blah, blah.”

Iron Man 3 - 1375

“Of course, it was my performance brought the Mandarin to life.”

“Your performance? Where people died?”

Iron Man 3 - 1376

“No. Look around you – costumes, green screen. Honestly, I wasn’t on location for half this stuff.”


Green screen. The disdain with which he says that is ironic, given the franchise he’s working in.

Iron Man 3 - 1377

“When I was, it was movie magic, love.”


Now, I can’t imagine we’re not supposed to think Jack Sparrow with that.

Iron Man 3 - 1378

“I’m sorry but I got a best friend, he’s in a coma and he might not wake up. So you’re gonna have to answer for that. You’re still going down, pal. You understand?”

So Rhodey’s not a best friend? Because pretty sure your best friend wasn’t invited to your Avengers party and Rhodey was.

Also, did we just forget about Phil?

Iron Man 3 - 1379

Iron Man 3 - 1380

Iron Man 3 - 1381

Iron Man 3 - 1382

Iron Man 3 - 1383

Iron Man 3 - 1384

Iron Man 3 - 1385


Oh, he’s back and now’s the time when our hero is captured, cause that has to happen in lots of hero movies.

Iron Man 3 - 1386

“Okay, Trevor – what’d you tell him?”

Who cares? Aren’t you gonna kill him?

Iron Man 3 - 1387

“I didn’t tell him anything.”



Ben Kingsley is the best.


I like Ben Kingsley. I dislike this movie, but I like Ben Kingsley. And I still love Downey, over all.

“You should have pressed the panic button.”

Iron Man 3 - 1388

“Well I panicked, but then I handled it.”


Me with roaches. Well, I don’t know if panic is the word. I swear a lot. Pretty sure the first time I see it is always, “Oh, you motherfucker.” And then I always instinctively go to ‘cocksucker’ but that’s too close to ‘cockroach’ so I come up with something else in the moment. 

Iron Man 3 - 1389

Lotta wipes here.

This is turning into Revenge of the Sith.

Iron Man 3 - 1390

Iron Man 3 - 1391

“Just like old times, huh?”

“Oh yeah. With zip ties. It’s a ball.”

Iron Man 3 - 1392

“It wasn’t my idea.”

“Okay, so you took Killian’s card.”


Funny how all of a sudden the characters remember even minor details from something that happened while wasted, 13 years ago. Remember how in Iron Man, when it was only like 7 years prior, he couldn’t even remember what the conference was? But now, for the sake of dialogue, he remembers the cards in the elevator.

“I took his money.”

“And here you are, thirteen years later. In a dungeon.”


She IS bad. That’d be better, if she was The Mandarin. Wait, she’d have to be half Chinese. Whoa, ready? Half-Chinese female arch-enemy? Yeah.

Iron Man 3 - 1393



“No, you’re in a dungeon.”

Nice logic.


What’s the distinction? You’re both in a dungeon. He’s just stuck in the dungeon.

“I’m free to go.”

Iron Man 3 - 1394

“We’ve come a long way, Tony. Extremis is practically stabilized.”

“I’m telling you, it isn’t.”

She said practically.

Iron Man 3 - 1395

“Then help me fix it.”

Iron Man 3 - 1396

Iron Man 3 - 1397

Iron Man 3 - 1398

“Did I do that?”


“I remember the night, not the morning.”

Iron Man 3 - 1399

“Is this what you’ve been chasing around?”


He helped her fix it? I don’t get it, did he make it better, and that that’s why AIM has achieved what they have? Or is it still incomplete and she’s still looking for the rest of the equations because she’s not able to build this in a cave?

“You don’t remember?”

That must hurt. That he doesn’t remember practically fixing your formula and you’ve been working nonstop at it for 13 years.

Iron Man 3 - 1400

“You used to have a moral psychology. You used to have ideals. Wanted to help people. Now look at you.”

How do you know she had all that? You met her once and banged her.

Iron Man 3 - 1401

“I get to wake up every morning with someone who still has their soul.”


That’s cold, when you sleep with a girl and then tell her 13 years later that she has no soul. I love doing that. It gets you slapped, but it’s super worth it.

Plus… redhead. I’m gonna call bullshit on that last statement.

Iron Man 3 - 1402

Iron Man 3 - 1403

“Get me out of here.”

Iron Man 3 - 1404

“You know what my old man used to say to me?”

No, but how did you get those scars?

Iron Man 3 - 1405

“One of his favorite of many sayings. ‘The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.’”


I’m not at all interested in this villain. Like, at least Mickey Rourke was a crazy Russian who fed vodka to birds. I can understand that.

We all can.


What development of this villain have we really had? We’re 80 minutes into the movie and we met the villain 2 minutes in – somehow there’s been almost no solid development over the course of those 78 minutes. The entire running time of Force of Evil, and we’ve yet to experience one valuable character development on the part of our main antagonist.

The real thing to take away from this is — just watch Force of Evil.

Iron Man 3 - 1406

“You’re not still pissed about the Switzerland thing are you?”

Iron Man 3 - 1407

“How could I be pissed at you, Tony? I’m here to thank you.”

Among other things.

Iron Man 3 - 1408

“You’ve given me the greatest gift that anybody’s ever given me. Desperation.”

Iron Man 3 - 1409

For the first 20 minutes on the roof, he thought he’d show up. After that, “I considered taking that one step shortcut to the lobby. If you know what I mean.”

The elevator?

Iron Man 3 - 1410

“Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out what happened to the first mouse.”


Wasn’t that Chris Walken’s story? He had a nefarious blimp. Well, not in Catch Me If You Can. The IRS would have been all over that.

I don’t think the mouse story had cheese. I think that was him sticking the mouse up his ass for two years.

Iron Man 3 - 1411

“But as I looked out over that city—”

Yes, few vistas more beautiful than Bern at midnight.

Iron Man 3 - 1412

“Nobody knew I was there, nobody could see me. Nobody was even looking. I had a thought that would guide me for years to come.”

Iron Man 3 - 1413

“Anonymity, Tony. Thanks to you, it’s been my mantra ever since. Right?”

How is that what you took from this? “Man, I’m ugly and crippled. I should not be the face of this and just get money anonymously.” Okay.

Iron Man 3 - 1414

That’s the abused spouse smile.

Iron Man 3 - 1415

“You simply rule from behind the scenes.”

Iron Man 3 - 1416

“Because the second you give evil a face…”

You were planning evil from the start? Are we just gonna gloss over that?

Iron Man 3 - 1417

“Bin Laden, Gaddafi, the Mandarin – you hand the people a target.”


So Guy Pearce is basically explaining to us how he’s a nerdier, shittier version of Ra’s al Ghul.

But seriously. He was trying to recruit Tony into an evil plot back then, but it was funny, because he was a nerd.

Iron Man 3 - 1418

“You have met him, I assume.”

Iron Man 3 - 1419

“Yeah, Sir Laurence Oblivier.”

“I know he’s a little over the top sometimes. It’s not my fault. He’s – a stage actor. They say his Lear was the toast of Croydon, wherever that is.”


Not a bad American accent on Guy Pearce. I’m just furious that Ben Kingsley was used as a prop. I know that Marvel was patting itself on the back, and allow me to say, Marvel: fuck you.

Iron Man 3 - 1420

“The point is – ever since that big dude with the hammer fell out of the sky, subtlety’s kind of had its day.”


He mentions Thor, and that’s the first we hear about other members of the Avengers. I guess that speech Sam Jackson gave about how they’d all be around in case something turned up…that’s didn’t exactly pan out.

Iron Man 3 - 1421

“What’s next for you in your world?”

“Well, I wanted to repay you that so same gift that you so graciously imparted to me.”

Iron Man 3 - 1422


And not anonymity?

I’m confused as to what’s going on right now.

Iron Man 3 - 1423

“Now this is live. I’m not sure if you can tell. But at this moment, the body is trying to decide whether to accept Extremis or just give up.”

Which is actually more in line with Walken’s mice story.

Iron Man 3 - 1424

“And if it gives up, I have to say, the detonation is quite spectacular. But until that point it’s really just a lot of pain.”


Just blow her up. Can we just blow her up?

Iron Man 3 - 1425

Iron Man 3 - 1426

“We haven’t even talked salary yet. What kind of perk package are you thinking of?”

What? You still wanna hire him? Why? You already gave her the Extremis. What incentive could he possibly have to work for you?

Iron Man 3 - 1427

“Let him go.”


NOW she finds her conscience?

Iron Man 3 - 1428

“Hold on…. Hold on.”

Iron Man 3 - 1429


We’re talking here.

Also, magic dick. This is how Bond operates. He makes one speech about the soul and all of a sudden she changes tune.

Iron Man 3 - 1430

“I said let him go.”

She’s gonna kill herself. With 1200ccs. Of what? No idea. But apparently half of that can kill her, so who cares what it is? I’m gonna assume it’s Hulk jizz.


Kinda. This is yet another attempt at the super soldier serum. Erskine started more problems than he solved with that stuff. Which is also why it’s weird to me that they didn’t focus a bit more on Tucci and how he got it right and why it was so impossible to replicate. 

Iron Man 3 - 1431

“It’s times like this my temper is tested somewhat.”

Iron Man 3 - 1432

“If I die, Killian, what happens to your soldiers? What happens to your product? What happens to you? What happens if you go too hot?”

Does she keep him stabilized? I’m not really sure what she’s saying. This hasn’t been developed enough for me to care. Also, what soldiers? We haven’t met any of them yet.

Iron Man 3 - 1433

Iron Man 3 - 1434

Head tilts are never good.

Iron Man 3 - 1435

“The good news is, a high level position has just been vacated.”

Iron Man 3 - 1436


A HAH HAH. That’s the correct answer to any threat like that. You threaten to kill yourself? How bout I help you out with that?

Iron Man 3 - 1437

Iron Man 3 - 1438

Iron Man 3 - 1439

These faces are pretty great.


That’s a great ‘betcha-didn’t-see-that-one-coming’ face.

Iron Man 3 - 1440


I’m glad. She got what was coming to her.

Iron Man 3 - 1441

Iron Man 3 - 1442

Iron Man 3 - 1443

Great death scene.

Iron Man 3 - 1444

“You are a maniac.”

I was expecting monster. But you could still see that coming.

So what does this mean? He killed her because he assumed Tony would work for him? Or has he just gone villain crazy because that’s what happens once the plot is almost foiled? I’m not really sure.

Iron Man 3 - 1445

“No, I’m a visionary. But I do own a maniac. And he takes the stage tonight.”


Who’s his maniac? You know what, I’m not even paying attention at this point.

Iron Man 3 - 1446

They’re going over the plan.

It’s great and all, but there’s still someone inside the Patriot.


For whatever reason, they need the Iron Patriot.

Iron Man 3 - 1447

Iron Man 3 - 1448

I guess it just doesn’t work anymore. For whatever reason.

Iron Man 3 - 1449

“Hello, Colonel.”

Iron Man 3 - 1450

“We’ll get you out of there.”

You’ll also destroy the suit.

Iron Man 3 - 1451

“You’ll damage the armor.”

What? Logic?


And for whatever reason, Rhodes is still online with full HUD but is unable to shoot or do anything. How’s that work?

Iron Man 3 - 1452

“Yes I will. But you can fix it, right?”

That’s your bluff?

Iron Man 3 - 1453

Iron Man 3 - 1454


So they’re going to break through the armor….I’m checked out. What are they talking about? And bringing Potts. And Phase 2, which has been used before to reference a SHIELD weapons program and is now being used to describe a stage of viral progression. Cause stuff needs to sound a certain way and we wouldn’t want to have to come up with any new phrases.

Iron Man 3 - 1455

Iron Man 3 - 1456

Iron Man 3 - 1457

Iron Man 3 - 1458

Iron Man 3 - 1459

Iron Man 3 - 1460



Does the watch explode?

Iron Man 3 - 1461

“Careful there, it’s a limited edition.”

Iron Man 3 - 1462

“Hey, Ponytail Express, what’s the mileage count between Tennessee and Miami?”

“832 miles.”

Iron Man 3 - 1463

“Very nice.”

Iron Man 3 - 1464

“I’m good like that.”


Well of course he is. He’s Ponytail Express.

“Can you stop that?”

Iron Man 3 - 1465

“You break it, you bought it.”

Iron Man 3 - 1466

Iron Man 3 - 1467


It does not.

Iron Man 3 - 1468

“I think I bought it.”

“Okay, that wasn’t mine to give away. That belongs to my friend’s sister. And that’s why I’m gonna kill you first.”


Wait, where was the sister all this time? Dad left, mom’s never home, and we don’t see the sister. Are we sure this isn’t a deranged child living alone?

He just said he’s gonna kill a guy.

Iron Man 3 - 1469

“What are you gonna do to me?”

“You’ll see.”

“You’re zip tied to a bed.”

Iron Man 3 - 1470



More tricks that don’t work.

Iron Man 3 - 1471

Iron Man 3 - 1472

Iron Man 3 - 1473

Iron Man 3 - 1474


Iron Man 3 - 1475

Iron Man 3 - 1476

Iron Man 3 - 1477

“Are you coming out?”

Iron Man 3 - 1478

“Do not open, do not open! All right, let’s go.”

Iron Man 3 - 1479

Iron Man 3 - 1480


The suit opens like Tony’s new suits do….did Tony make him a newer version of the suit so he could be flashier?

Also looks like his ribs are on fire.

Iron Man 3 - 1481

Iron Man 3 - 1482

Iron Man 3 - 1483

Iron Man 3 - 1484

Iron Man 3 - 1485

Iron Man 3 - 1486

Iron Man 3 - 1487


Also, what the fuck?


Breathing fire sucks. Actually, this whole power is just less desirable than Wolverine, really. It’s like Wolverine, but with more heat. Which sucks.

Iron Man 3 - 1488

Iron Man 3 - 1489


Iron Man 3 - 1490

“You breathe fire? Okay.”

Iron Man 3 - 1491

Iron Man 3 - 1492

“It’s a glorious day.”

This is how I look after I breathe fire.

Iron Man 3 - 1493

“By this time tomorrow, I’ll have the world’s most powerful leader in one hand, and the world’s most feared terrorist in the other. I’ll own the world on terror. Create supply and demand. For you, for your brothers and sisters.”

Monologue much?


Thanks for explaining the whole thing for us, dickbag. He runs the president (I’m still waiting for confirmation – is it the VP?) and the terrorists, so he has supply and demand of his product. So basically…a rehashed version of the plots from Tomorrow Never Dies and/or The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? Two movies I wouldn’t recommend borrowing too much from in terms of script.

Iron Man 3 - 1494

Iron Man 3 - 1495

“Trust me, you’re gonna be in a puddle of blood on the ground.”

Iron Man 3 - 1496

“In five, four, three – COME ON! – two.”


He has to look like an idiot for a while, cause that’s what this movie requires of him.

Iron Man 3 - 1497

“How did we get this shift?”

You guys have shift?

I am fascinated by this. I want the terrorist movie where they’re figuring out the schedule. Availabilities. “Steve, you can’t put in that you can’t work Friday nights. That’s unfair to everyone else.”

Iron Man 3 - 1498

“All right, I’m gonna give you a chance to escape. Put down your weapons and tie yourselves to those chairs. I’ll let you live. In five, four – bang.”

Iron Man 3 - 1499

Iron Man 3 - 1500

“Wow, that was –”

“You should be gone by now.”

“I am just beyond terrified.”

“Here it comes.”

Iron Man 3 - 1501

“Three, four –”

“Shut up.”

“Five four three two-”

Iron Man 3 - 1502

Iron Man 3 - 1503

Iron Man 3 - 1504

“Told you.”

Iron Man 3 - 1505


Just so we’re clear, that hand covered 832 miles or so (why that random henchman knew that…) in about a minute. That would put the speed of those little parts of suit at about 50,000 mph, or about 2.5 times the orbital speed of the space shuttle. If those other parts are just now on their way, a more reasonable (but still TOTALLY UNREASONABLE) speed of about 1,000 mph would get them here in about 50 minutes. So hunker down and catch an episode of Mad Men, I guess.

Was the watch telling him it was charged and ready to go? What’s the range on those things in his arm, by the way? So much logic was just abandoned.

Iron Man 3 - 1506

Iron Man 3 - 1507

Iron Man 3 - 1508

Iron Man 3 - 1509

Iron Man 3 - 1510

Iron Man 3 - 1511

Iron Man 3 - 1512

Iron Man 3 - 1513

Iron Man 3 - 1514

“Where’s the rest?”

Iron Man 3 - 1515

Iron Man 3 - 1516

Can travel 832 miles in a few minutes but can’t get past barn doors.

Iron Man 3 - 1517

Iron Man 3 - 1518

Iron Man 3 - 1519

Iron Man 3 - 1520


The kid sees his family’s barn door wrecked and the score goes Danny Elfman Batman once again.

Iron Man 3 - 1521

Why didn’t this win Best Picture?



Iron Man 3 - 1522

Iron Man 3 - 1523

Iron Man 3 - 1524

Iron Man 3 - 1525


See, this is better. More of less of the suit.

Iron Man 3 - 1526

Iron Man 3 - 1527

Iron Man 3 - 1528

I really have nothing to say about any of this. Because what can you say?

Iron Man 3 - 1529

Iron Man 3 - 1530

Iron Man 3 - 1531

Iron Man 3 - 1532

Iron Man 3 - 1533

Iron Man 3 - 1534

Iron Man 3 - 1535


I’m also unclear on how the arc reactor works. He was down to like no power, and since then….has it recharged? Does it recharge? He has a leg and an arm, but they’re not plugged into his reactor…so how are they powered? How do they have the energy to fly 832 miles without the arc reactor? Remember when that powered everything?

Iron Man 3 - 1536

Iron Man 3 - 1537

Iron Man 3 - 1538

Iron Man 3 - 1539

Iron Man 3 - 1540

Iron Man 3 - 1541

Iron Man 3 - 1542

Iron Man 3 - 1543

Iron Man 3 - 1544

Iron Man 3 - 1545

Iron Man 3 - 1546

Iron Man 3 - 1547

Iron Man 3 - 1548

Iron Man 3 - 1549

“Honestly, I hate working here. They are so weird.”


That was trying too hard to be funny.

That’s a Shane Black line.

Iron Man 3 - 1550

Iron Man 3 - 1551

Iron Man 3 - 1552

Iron Man 3 - 1553


The suit gets here after like…two minutes. So yeah, each of those parts was doing like 25,000 miles per hour. That’s only like…10 times faster than the fastest planes.

Iron Man 3 - 1554

Iron Man 3 - 1555

Iron Man 3 - 1556

“Better late than never.”

Iron Man 3 - 1557

Iron Man 3 - 1558

Iron Man 3 - 1559

“Not the face!”

Iron Man 3 - 1560

So it can just click on like that?

Iron Man 3 - 1561

“It’s good to be back.”

Iron Man 3 - 1562

“Hello, by the way.”

“Well hello, sir.”

So his speech is just fixed?

Iron Man 3 - 1563

Iron Man 3 - 1564


Sorry, who has Iron Patriot now? I wasn’t super…paying attention to that.

Iron Man 3 - 1565

Why are you guys wearing watches?

Iron Man 3 - 1566

Iron Man 3 - 1567

“Let’s go.”

Iron Man 3 - 1568

“Aww, crap.”



The Plot.

Iron Man 3 - 1569

Iron Man 3 - 1570



This looks like a shittier 90s version of the embassy compound that Daniel Craig broke into in Casino Royale.

Iron Man 3 - 1571

Iron Man 3 - 1572

Iron Man 3 - 1573

“Rhodey, tell me that was you in the suit.”

“No. You got yours?”

“Uhh, erm… kind of. Main house, fast as you can. Somebody I’d like you to meet.”

Iron Man 3 - 1574


Iron Man 3 - 1575


Bikini clad bitches playing ping pong? What is this place? How can I have that?

Iron Man 3 - 1576

“Get out!”

“Room is secure. I have eyes on the Mandarin.”

You have eyes on Trevor. Why are you calling him the Mandarin? In case the NSA is listening?

Iron Man 3 - 1577

“What’s this? I had winner.”

Iron Man 3 - 1578

Iron Man 3 - 1579

Iron Man 3 - 1580


Iron Man 3 - 1581

Iron Man 3 - 1582

Iron Man 3 - 1583

That’s how you wake up.


Finish the beer. That was a gratuitous shot for the audience’s benefit and I will take the absolute shit out of it.

Iron Man 3 - 1584

Iron Man 3 - 1585

Iron Man 3 - 1586

“What have you come as?”

Iron Man 3 - 1587

“You make a move, I break your face.”

Iron Man 3 - 1588

Iron Man 3 - 1589

“I never thought people had been hurt. They lied to me.”

Iron Man 3 - 1590

“This is the Mandarin?”

“I know, it’s – it’s – it’s embarrassing.”

Iron Man 3 - 1591

“Hi, Trevor. Trevor Slattery.”

Iron Man 3 - 1592

Iron Man 3 - 1593

“I know I’m shorter in person, bit small. Everyone says that.”

Iron Man 3 - 1594

“But, hey, if you’re here to arrest me, there’s some people I’d like to roll on.”


And yet…you guys fucked up Ben Kingsley so much. This hurts me to watch. This really hurts. Fuck up Mickey Rourke all you like, but when you make Ben Kingsley an amazing villain and then unmake him, I’m upset. And for those of you who are like, “Oh, it’s just classic misdirection,” that’s a bunch of shit. Misdirection would have been acceptable with a less awesome actor. Now you’re just fucking with us and it’s not appreciated.

Iron Man 3 - 1595

“Here’s the thing, Meryl Streep. You tell him where Pepper is, and he’ll stop doing it.”

“Doing what?”

Iron Man 3 - 1596

Iron Man 3 - 1597

“Oww, I get it! Oww that hurt! I get it, I get it!”

Iron Man 3 - 1598

Iron Man 3 - 1599

“I don’t know about any Pepper, but I know about the plan.”


“You know what they did to my suit?”

“What? No. But I do know it’s happening off the coast, something to do with a big boat. I can take you there.”

Iron Man 3 - 1600

Iron Man 3 - 1601


Iron Man 3 - 1602

“Ole, ole, ole, ole!”


Yeah, this is fucking with my Kingsley.

Iron Man 3 - 1603

“Tony, I swear to god, I’m gonna blow his face off.”

Iron Man 3 - 1604

“Oh, and this next bit may include the Vice President as well. Is that important?”


“Yeah, little bit.”

Iron Man 3 - 1605


“What are we gonna do?”

Iron Man 3 - 1606

Iron Man 3 - 1607

“We don’t have any transport.”

Iron Man 3 - 1608

“Hey, Ringo – didn’t you say something about a lovely speedboat?”

Iron Man 3 - 1609


This is what happens, 32 years after Gandhi.

Oh god.

Iron Man 3 - 1610


Tony Stark: gets his armor from 832 miles away in 2 minutes, leaves in a speedboat.

Iron Man 3 - 1611

“He’s right about the location. We’re 20 minutes out from where Pepper is.”

This might be the worst exposition in the movie.

But also the most classic movie form of action movie exposition.

Iron Man 3 - 1612

“Look, we also have to figure out this vice president thing.”

What? Did you really wait until just now to go over everything?

Iron Man 3 - 1613

“Yeah. I wonder who I’m calling right now. Oh, that’s the vice president.”


Calling the VP, because they haven’t figured out like I did half a movie ago that this is about him being a bad guy. Remember when it went to the VP just to get transferred to Air Force One? That doesn’t happen unless he’s a bad guy. Just…no.

What exactly do they need to figure out? I’m confused.

Iron Man 3 - 1614

“Sir, this is Tony Stark.”

“Welcome back to the land of the living.”

Not “How the fuck did you get my number?”

Iron Man 3 - 1615

“We believe you’re about to be drawn into the Mandarin campaign, and we gotta get you somewhere safe as soon as possible.”

Iron Man 3 - 1616

“Mr. Stark, I’m about to eat honey roast ham, surrounded by the agency’s finest.”

He’d make a good Bogart.

“The President’s safe on Air Force One with Colonel Rhodes. I think we’re good here.”

Iron Man 3 - 1617

“Sir, this is Colonel Rhodes. They’re using the Iron Patriot as a Trojan horse.”

That’s a terrible way to bring that up.

“He’s on the plane with Colonel Rhodes.” “Not exactly, sir. This is Colonel Rhodes. Do something.”

Iron Man 3 - 1618

He’s gonna have security lock it down. They can have F-22’s in the air in 35 seconds.


Hah. Like there aren’t 10 agencies monitoring that call right now.

Iron Man 3 - 1619

“Everything okay, sir?”

“Couldn’t be better.”

Iron Man 3 - 1620

He really would make a good Bogart. Look at him!

Iron Man 3 - 1621

Iron Man 3 - 1622

“I love you, baby.”

Iron Man 3 - 1623

Oh, shit, son. Compromised!

Is no one aware of this going in?


Why does his child randomly have no leg? What vice president’s child randomly has no leg? And if he’s only doing it for the love of his child, wouldn’t he be conflicted and jittery? Or at least resolute about taking care of her but regretful about the actions necessary to do it?

I hate being conflicted and jittery.

But also, I feel like he’s totally clean in all of this. He just gets the job and Killian pays him and makes the decisions. That’s cushy. That’s like being Bush and Killian is Karl Rove and Cheney combined.

Iron Man 3 - 1624

Iron Man 3 - 1625

Iron Man 3 - 1626

Iron Man 3 - 1627


You totally don’t show up in that airspace like that.

It’s Miami.

Iron Man 3 - 1628

Iron Man 3 - 1629

“Colonel Rhodes, glad to see you could make it, son.”

Was there a possibility of him not making it? Would the plane have taken off without him?

Iron Man 3 - 1630

“I feel safer already.”

Iron Man 3 - 1631

And it’s not suspicious that the mask isn’t down? And that he hasn’t said anything?


He doesn’t say anything. You usually wait to get an answer from your metal soldier before escorting him on board Air Force One. Especially in a franchise where a bunch of these suits have been either hijacked or fucked up. Also, how did they not call the president?

Or ANY of the people in the military that Rhodes knows.


Iron Man 3 - 1632

What’s the weight on that suit? Can the plane sustain that?


The weight is no problem. These suits weigh next to nothing, depending on what part of which movie you’re at. But are we not still talking about how he normally speaks and this time they’re just going with it? Also, what’s to stop him from killing everyone here and grabbing the president that way? Why do movies always have to attack presidents? Presidents are mostly cool.

Iron Man 3 - 1633

Iron Man 3 - 1634

“We have to make a decision. We can either save the President or Pepper.”


So they’re setting it up like The Dark Knight? Rhodes is going to save the president. This should be a moment where his duty has to override their friendship. He’s a military man. He needs to save the president and Tony needs to figure out SOMETHING to save Pepper.

Iron Man 3 - 1635

“Sir, I have an update from Malibu. The cranes have finally arrived and the cellar doors are being cleared as we speak.”


NO. You don’t have to wait for the cellar doors. You have a motherfucking Sandslash Iron Man suit in there with huge drills and they could easily blow the rubble off the top of them anyway. They also didn’t show him even MENTIONING the rubble and all the other suits til now. Fuck you for this.

Iron Man 3 - 1636

“And what about the suit I’m wearing?”

“The armor is now at 92%.”

Iron Man 3 - 1637

“That’s gonna have to do.”


Seriously? I don’t even leave the apartment with a 92 percent charge on my phone.

Iron Man 3 - 1638

Iron Man 3 - 1639

I wish I could like this shot more.

Iron Man 3 - 1640


You want a selfie with that?

Iron Man 3 - 1641

“Man, Colonel Rhodes is an asshole.”

Iron Man 3 - 1642

Iron Man 3 - 1643

Iron Man 3 - 1644

Iron Man 3 - 1645


I hate that this series had to be ruined with powers. I know it’s connected to the rest of Marvel, but I prefer that the Iron Man movies be limited to robots and suits and geniuses and shit.

How’d he get his hand out of that?

Iron Man 3 - 1646

Iron Man 3 - 1647

“Everything all right, Colonel?”


They haven’t even asked him a straight question up to this point.

Iron Man 3 - 1648

War Machine on Air Force one with the Wrench.

Iron Man 3 - 1649

Iron Man 3 - 1650

That’s a really shitty harpooned face.

Iron Man 3 - 1651

There’s a face.

Iron Man 3 - 1652

Iron Man 3 - 1653

You have a shoulder gun dick.

Iron Man 3 - 1654

Iron Man 3 - 1655

Iron Man 3 - 1656

Iron Man 3 - 1657

Iron Man 3 - 1658

Iron Man 3 - 1659

Iron Man 3 - 1660


How does he get his fat, metal fingers into the trigger?

Iron Man 3 - 1661

Are those books?

Iron Man 3 - 1662

Iron Man 3 - 1663

Iron Man 3 - 1664

Iron Man 3 - 1665


Iron Man 3 - 1666

Iron Man 3 - 1667

Iron Man 3 - 1668

“It is an honor, Mr. President.”

Iron Man 3 - 1669

“If you’re gonna do it, do it.”

“Cool your boots, sir. That’s not how the Mandarin works.”


They still use his title and ‘sir’ and stuff. Not sure I love that.

First off — he doesn’t say, “Who the fuck are you?” Second, you just gave away that you’re working for the Mandarin.

Iron Man 3 - 1670

Air Force One’s been compromised.


They’re only just now getting info on this? What the hell have they been doing? Do they get alerts via text message?

At least he didn’t say, “Get me Colonel Rhodes on the phone.”

Iron Man 3 - 1671

Are you not trying to shoot that down?

Iron Man 3 - 1672

Nice touch with the hat. Implies he killed the pilots and also can be used as a disguise, of sorts. Not that we don’t already know he’s gonna be on like a hundred agency cameras on the way down, and they’ll for sure register him as a soldier.

Iron Man 3 - 1673

Iron Man 3 - 1674

Weird that Tony’s playing the stealth game.

Iron Man 3 - 1675

Iron Man 3 - 1676

Iron Man 3 - 1677

Iron Man 3 - 1678

What a waste of a good plane.

Iron Man 3 - 1679

Iron Man 3 - 1680


Weren’t these guys soldiers? What does this say about veterans with disabilities? They’re all dicks who would gladly sell out their country and murder the president if it meant regaining the limbs they lost fighting for that country and under that president? Did anyone explain why they all signed up for this illegal program and now do heinous things for a treasonous ass despite their years of service?

That is true. They just become evil bastards once they get their limbs back. They must have been capable of this beforehand. Extremis doesn’t change you. It just — whatever the fuck he said. Upgrades them. Unless he fed them some story about how their country abandoned them or whatever. Kind of like the soldiers in The Rock. Though even then, most of them were mercenaries, and only a few actually were there for ideological reasons.

Iron Man 3 - 1681

Iron Man 3 - 1682

This suit isn’t coming apart during all of this.

Iron Man 3 - 1683

Iron Man 3 - 1684

“The President?”

Iron Man 3 - 1685

“He’s not here.”

Iron Man 3 - 1686

“Try the Jetstream.”

Iron Man 3 - 1687

Iron Man 3 - 1688

Don’t you have a chest beam?

Iron Man 3 - 1689

Iron Man 3 - 1690

“Speaking of which – go fish.”

Iron Man 3 - 1691

Iron Man 3 - 1692

Iron Man 3 - 1693

Iron Man 3 - 1694

Well that plane’s no good.

Iron Man 3 - 1695

Iron Man 3 - 1696

Iron Man 3 - 1697

Iron Man 3 - 1698

There we go.

Iron Man 3 - 1699

Iron Man 3 - 1700

He never saw Venice.


Shot through the heart…maybe he could have thought of that earlier. Which, does that only work because the blood is how the power gets around? And if so, wouldn’t wiping out his head also kinda do that? I forget if the heart just keeps going regardless.

Iron Man 3 - 1701

“Walk away from that, you son of a bitch.”

Does that say 51%? How did you use so much power so quickly?

Iron Man 3 - 1702

Nice face.

Iron Man 3 - 1703

You got a hell of a grip there, with those nails.

Iron Man 3 - 1704

Iron Man 3 - 1705

Iron Man 3 - 1706

Iron Man 3 - 1707

Iron Man 3 - 1708

That looked like a broken leg.

Iron Man 3 - 1709

Iron Man 3 - 1710

Iron Man 3 - 1711

Iron Man 3 - 1712

Just like Moonraker.

Iron Man 3 - 1713

“How many in the air?”

“Thirteen, sir.”


I’m kinda into this. People flying out and he has to go save them. Oh, and he can’t save them all? But he has to find a way to, right?

Iron Man 3 - 1714

“How many can I carry?”

“Four, sir.”


This is cool. I really like that they did this sequence and that he can’t just hold them all.

Iron Man 3 - 1715

Iron Man 3 - 1716

This is brilliant in theory. Not quite sure they got the most out of it, but it’s terrific.

Iron Man 3 - 1717

Iron Man 3 - 1718

Iron Man 3 - 1719

Iron Man 3 - 1720

“Heather – shut the fuck up.”

Iron Man 3 - 1721

Iron Man 3 - 1722

“Just your friendly neighborhood Iron Man.”

This actually looks like he’s addressing the camera.

“Imma ’bout to get it in, kids!”

Iron Man 3 - 1723

Most awkward quickie ever.

Iron Man 3 - 1724


Hey, so….pilots?

Iron Man 3 - 1725

Iron Man 3 - 1726

“Listen to me – see that guy? I’m gonna swing by, and you’re gonna grab him.”

What if she said, “Eww, no, he’s black”?

Iron Man 3 - 1727

“I’ll electrify your arm, you won’t be able to open your hand.”


Iron Man 3 - 1728

Iron Man 3 - 1729

Iron Man 3 - 1730

How are you gonna electrify her arm? Won’t you get more than that?

Iron Man 3 - 1731

Iron Man 3 - 1732

Iron Man 3 - 1733

“Easy, see? Eleven more to go.”

Iron Man 3 - 1734