Advertisements

Fun with Franchises: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), Part III — “Tiananmen Squid”

We continue with another entry in our Fun with Franchises series. This week’s film is The Matrix Revolutions.

Fun with Franchises is a series born out of my friend Colin and I realizing how much fun it was for the two of us to watch the same movie separately and then share our reactions. We started by watching all of the James Bond movies, for the purposes of ranking them for the blog. I brought him in because he was much more of a Bond expert than I was at the time, and I felt his perspective would liven things up. He would be the color commentator to my play-by-play man.

We soon discovered that, by watching the movies separately and then putting everything we said together in the same place, hilarity ensued. We each brought in our own observations, not knowing what the other would say, and then reacted to what the other said. And we loved every minute of it.

We had so much fun, we figured we had to do it again. So we graduated from a single franchise, to all franchises. If you’re gonna have fun with franchises, it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t franchise it. Season 1 included the Harry Potter movies, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Twilight (which neither of us had seen before we watched them for the articles) and Pirates of the Caribbean. All of those articles can be read on the Fun with Franchises page.

Also, just so we’re clear, this is all for parody. We’re just messing with them because we love them. (Well… Twilight…) We’re watching movies we enjoy and are simply having some fun with them.

Right now, we’re doing the Matrix franchise, and today is the third part of The Matrix Revolutions.

The Matrix Revolutions - Title Card 1

The Matrix Revolutions - Title Card 2

We begin Part III right as the shit is about to go down.

The Matrix Revolutions - 689

This franchise loves shots of feet entering the frame. Not that I’m complaining. It’s an awesome shot most of the time. I’m just pointing out that it does.

The Matrix Revolutions - 690

“Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk…”

Colin:

You look like midgets in those suits.

The Matrix Revolutions - 691

Those clothes are very Asian inspired.

The Matrix Revolutions - 692

Is that just a random crane?

What kind of construction crews did you guys have to build that thing?

Colin:

This looks crazy fake. Like, I don’t know why we’re being shown any of this, because it’s not terribly impressive and we don’t even get what this place is or why it’s important.

This is apparently the dock. Never once do we get an idea of the size or scale of Zion, or where this is in relation to anyone else. All we know is, people are going to die, and action is coming.

The Matrix Revolutions - 693

Man, CGI’s come a long way. And yet… still looks as cartoonish as this. (Don’t believe me… watch Amazing Spider-Man 2.)

Colin:

Didn’t they say stuff was going down at the base of the temple? Isn’t this a dock of some kind?

Someone’s peeing on the temple steps.

The Matrix Revolutions - 694

There’s no way you could have fortified that more?

The Matrix Revolutions - 695

Colin:

Is it gonna be a baby dino-saw?

The Matrix Revolutions - 696

The Matrix Revolutions - 697

Hoth actually looked better than this.

Colin:

You say ‘actually’ like we should be surprised that this doesn’t look as good as Hoth. I think we all went into this knowing that would be the case.

I think that was a blanket statement of — practical sets from 20 years earlier that looked borderline fake actually look better than digital sets that can be made however they want and do whatever they want. This is still the case more than half the time. I don’t understand why people go for this sort of stuff.

The Matrix Revolutions - 698

Colin:

Still, what a total Hoth rip-off.

The Matrix Revolutions - 699

The Matrix Revolutions - 700

How can you even become invested when you know you’re watching a cartoon?

The Matrix Revolutions - 701

Horn drill. (He said, knowing that phrase fills Colin with anxiety, and me, nothing.)

Colin:

Have we never discussed that? How I’d use Double Team (yeah!) like 5 times and still get hit with every attack, and Mike send his Pokemon in like an asshole and never get hit with anything? Douchebag’s luck, I call it.

The Matrix Revolutions - 702

The Matrix Revolutions - 703

“OPTIMUS!”

The Matrix Revolutions - 704

Is that ergonomic?

The Matrix Revolutions - 705

The Matrix Revolutions - 706

Seems like a poorly thought out plan from all sides.

The Matrix Revolutions - 707

The Matrix Revolutions - 708

The Matrix Revolutions - 709

The Matrix Revolutions - 710

Battleground maps. Always great. Even if they are CG.

The Matrix Revolutions - 711

So this was apparently built with 23 people.

The Matrix Revolutions - 712

Are Tiger Tanaka’s ninjas gonna come down?

Also, what if you put super elastic over that right now? Just made them bounce back. I bet they’d be like, “What the fuck?”

The Matrix Revolutions - 713

The Matrix Revolutions - 714

The Matrix Revolutions - 715

The Matrix Revolutions - 716

Why were you guys not ready to shoot before this?

The Matrix Revolutions - 717

The Matrix Revolutions - 718

Why not have EMP rockets or grenades or some such shit? Or like an EMP forcefield, so when they run through it, they die?

You guys were pretty lackadaisical about your defenses all these years.

The Matrix Revolutions - 719

Always scream when firing automatic weapons.

The Matrix Revolutions - 720

We have no emotional attachment to any of this.

The Matrix Revolutions - 721

I guess now would be a good time to get back into that discussion we held off on back in Part I. Because I’ve got nothing else to talk about here.

The Matrix Revolutions - 722

The Matrix Revolutions - 723

Colin:

So here’s the drill squad. They should just put a single nuke in that drill and blow it. Seems useless wasting all these sentinels. See? I would clinch the win for EITHER side. I’m basically God in this universe.

The Matrix Revolutions - 724

I mean, yeah. But shouldn’t you guys be coordinated and do it in waves, so when the first group runs out of ammo, the second can keep firing during the time they reload?

The Matrix Revolutions - 725

I like how the rounds are bigger than a human finger.

The Matrix Revolutions - 726

Where are they gonna dump all the bodies?

The Matrix Revolutions - 727

Who is taking their aim away from the hundred that are coming through the hole to shoot at two loose ones flopping against the wall like a fly that can’t get out?

The Matrix Revolutions - 728

They really missed out by not including a musical number with these things.

The Matrix Revolutions - 729

The Matrix Revolutions - 730

Imagine one of these things doing the wire dance from Ocean’s Twelve.

Colin:

I wanna see the places where all these robots get made. Where’s the robot Isengard where we see them all being forged and birthed by evil magic or whatever?

Speaking of Isengard — that does kind of look like the Black Gate.

The Matrix Revolutions - 731

Sentinels would have made the opening to Revenge of the Sith so much more interesting.

The Matrix Revolutions - 732

Uh oh, Bruce Campbell is fucked.

The Matrix Revolutions - 733

The Matrix Revolutions - 734

The Matrix Revolutions - 735

The Matrix Revolutions - 736

The Matrix Revolutions - 737

The Matrix Revolutions - 738

This seems like a really poorly organized military force. These people are just going wherever they want.

The Matrix Revolutions - 739

These things have a killing power of one. What are you adding to this battle?

The element of guerrilla warfare?

The Matrix Revolutions - 740

What should really be happening is a ground battle. Think all the air warfare stuff in the sky and all the troops on the ground. Keep them separate. This is sentinels versus people on the ground, and other assholes shooting drills.

The Matrix Revolutions - 741

Unnecessary screen time.

The Matrix Revolutions - 742

Is that a sentient drill?

The Matrix Revolutions - 743

The Matrix Revolutions - 744

The Matrix Revolutions - 745

That… doesn’t look like a very comfortable dildo.

The Matrix Revolutions - 746

The Matrix Revolutions - 747

How do you maintain those pipes? Or is this a deal where they don’t need to last more than 30 years anyway because of this exact situation.

The Matrix Revolutions - 748

Oh boy. These two.

The Matrix Revolutions - 749

What are they slicing into? You realize you’re gonna hit core at some point, right? And that probably won’t be very good.

The Matrix Revolutions - 750

I guess the dock is the outer layer of Zion. That’s the only explanation here.

Good thing we’re explained exactly how this works so it’s not confusing in the least.

The Matrix Revolutions - 751

So sentinels are banding together to power this thing?

I… I just don’t care enough to put any thought into this.

The Matrix Revolutions - 752

The Matrix Revolutions - 753

The Matrix Revolutions - 754

This is how they keep her involved in the plot.

Yawn.

The Matrix Revolutions - 755

Yes, fire both at once. There’s no way anything bad can happen with that.

The Matrix Revolutions - 756

The Matrix Revolutions - 757

The Matrix Revolutions - 758

What is wrong with your face?

The Matrix Revolutions - 759

The Matrix Revolutions - 760

These things seem like good defenses against sentinels. Are the machines simply playing a numbers game?

The Matrix Revolutions - 761

Also, to backtrack a second – so because Neo is not returning to the Source, Zion is going to be destroyed, and people won’t be able to start over. Correct? And this is all while risking a giant system-wide failure of the Matrix, threatening the lives of machines and humans. Is this a game of chicken? I mean, what exactly is the end game here? I feel like they’re only doing this because that’s what was written.

The Matrix Revolutions - 762

Just like in the club.

The Matrix Revolutions - 763

Time to reload.

You’re Up(ham).

The Matrix Revolutions - 764

The Matrix Revolutions - 765

Rayquaza.

The Matrix Revolutions - 766

The Matrix Revolutions - 767

HA HA look at him and his little douchebag helmet.

Also like the guy with the giant blood stain in the center of his outfit.

The Matrix Revolutions - 768

You should probably move it out of the way so you can walk.

The Matrix Revolutions - 769

Love this shot. There should be more stuff like this. This is almost video game level, where you see the guys go ahead and fight off the bad guys while you have your obstacle to do.

But even in terms of films, I love shit like this. Deep focus, people fighting, and your main character in the foreground, about to go through what we see ahead. It’s the little things that make films more exciting. It’s shit like this that studios like Marvel just don’t get (or care about).

The Matrix Revolutions - 770

You’re blowing holes in your own ceiling.

The Matrix Revolutions - 771

Looks like someone’s about to toss a dwarf.

It might be me.

The Matrix Revolutions - 772

KAMIKAZE!

The Matrix Revolutions - 773

The Matrix Revolutions - 774

The Matrix Revolutions - 775

Colin:

That robot’s got some goddamn reflexes. I woulda fallen.

The Matrix Revolutions - 776

Well that was coincidental, wasn’t it?

And what’s with the Mr. Popo lips?

The Matrix Revolutions - 777

The Matrix Revolutions - 778

Is that a giant light saber?

Are the beacons lit?

Did Voldemort get the Elder Wand?

Was the Arc of the Covenant opened?

This is what I’m used to when I see a beam of light going up to the sky in a franchise.

The Matrix Revolutions - 779

Maybe EMP would have been a good idea.

The Matrix Revolutions - 780

Colin:

Cypher had the right fucking idea, man. Shit.

The Matrix Revolutions - 781

This would be one of those video game levels where the objective is to just not lose until the level is over. Just, don’t get overwhelmed and hold them off until the cut scene.

Colin:

That’s smart. The sentinels block your shit. They’re like Trade Federation battle droids. They’re useless, but you can throw like a shit zillion of them at something til it just dies, and then you melt down all the broken ones and make new ones.

The Matrix Revolutions - 782

The Matrix Revolutions - 783

Colin:

I got nothing to say. This is a bloodbath. Doo doo. Not even a doo doo cloud. A slow, growing doo doo mound.

The Matrix Revolutions - 784

The Matrix Revolutions - 785

The Matrix Revolutions - 786

The Matrix Revolutions - 787

The Matrix Revolutions - 788

The Matrix Revolutions - 789

This place has air vents.

This is about the only thing that interests me right about now.

The Matrix Revolutions - 790

The Matrix Revolutions - 791

“Oh my god.”

Thanks, random black guy.

Anything else you got?

What can brown do for you?

The Matrix Revolutions - 792

Why did you guys need to be in there in the first place, if it’s all automated?

The Matrix Revolutions - 793

The Matrix Revolutions - 794

The Matrix Revolutions - 795

The Matrix Revolutions - 796

Colin:

Ladies, that’s what an evening with me is like.

The Matrix Revolutions - 797

I like when tunnels collapse on people.

The Matrix Revolutions - 798

Oh my god. Doesn’t this look like a shot from a 90s movie?

The Matrix Revolutions - 799

This looks exactly like something out of a 90s movie.

If I told you this was something out of Super Mario Bros. or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, you wouldn’t even think twice about it.

The Matrix Revolutions - 800

Oh, but he’s dead.

We also cut away to Lock here (which I’m not showing, because who gives a fuck?), who says he wants that “goddamn machine taken down.”

Kinda wondering how he sees the exact play by play of everything, but fuck it I’m just gonna keep drinking.

The Matrix Revolutions - 801

Hey, this is one of the few real things in this movie.

The Matrix Revolutions - 802

Oh, it’s you.

The Matrix Revolutions - 803

I’m guessing the implication is that she’s a lesbian, therefore has no one to be home with and is fighting because she can.

The Matrix Revolutions - 804

The Matrix Revolutions - 805

This is nice framing.

The Matrix Revolutions - 806

“Dig this.”

Fuck you.

The Matrix Revolutions - 807

The Matrix Revolutions - 808

The Matrix Revolutions - 809

Only one breaks off from the pack?

Or gaggle?

What do you call a pack of squid?

A Japanese schoolhouse?

The Matrix Revolutions - 810

The Matrix Revolutions - 811

Probably should have been a bit quicker about that. Fire and then go back down.

The Matrix Revolutions - 812

Face hugger!

The Matrix Revolutions - 813

The Matrix Revolutions - 814

The Matrix Revolutions - 815

What is that thing thinking right now?

The Matrix Revolutions - 816

The Matrix Revolutions - 817

Drill down!

The Matrix Revolutions - 818

Colin:

So the two girls bring down a second leg, and that’s basically it. Cause out of like a hundred people, they were the only team who could do shit. Twice. But anyway. Link’s chick can’t die, so I’m expecting the other one to bite it. Cause the Wachowskis hate lesbians.

Aww… Racer X.

The Matrix Revolutions - 819

The Matrix Revolutions - 820

Colin:

Oooooh, double penetration.

DVDA.

The Matrix Revolutions - 821

Oh y’all are proper fucked.

Colin:

What can men do against such reckless hate? Ride out against THIS shit, Aragorn.

The Matrix Revolutions - 822

Colin:

Wait, what’s happening with Jada? Aren’t we supposed to be there too?

There’s only so much flying around tight quarters you can cut to before we stop caring.

I think the idea is to have you forget about them and get excited when you realize they’re coming in to save the day.

The Matrix Revolutions - 823

I’d rather be watching The General right now.

The Matrix Revolutions - 824

The Matrix Revolutions - 825

Here we go. Mechanical line.

The Matrix Revolutions - 826

Naturally taking fire.

And giving off way too much electricity to be considered safe.

The Matrix Revolutions - 827

The Matrix Revolutions - 828

The Matrix Revolutions - 829

“Shit, she’s got a fat ass.”

Colin:

I make sure to use that line at least once an hour. Sometimes in reference to nothing. But I always use that line. It’s something that should be said.

It’s funny how jacked up she got considering how little she’s got to do.

The Matrix Revolutions - 830

The Matrix Revolutions - 831

The Matrix Revolutions - 832

So yeah, shit’s happening.

The Matrix Revolutions - 833

This only really works as a video game. It’s hard for me to care about any of this.

The Matrix Revolutions - 834

The Matrix Revolutions - 835

I can’t even pretend to get excited about this.

Colin:

This is the video game shit I was talking about. All of these turret games were the shit. I remember there was an arcade game when I was a kid, and it was 3D and everything, and you were in a turret on Normandy Beach. I remember thinking just how fucked up it was that I was the Nazi, shooting people coming up the beach, but at the same time, that shit was fun as hell.

It’s cause they’re adults. Y’all should have spent more time playing video games. I’d get one-ups and everything.

The one arcade game I really got into was the one they had at the laser tag place down on Main Street. They had that sniper game, where you had these missions and had to take out targets. They had the gun sitting there, and you had to use the scope and shit and actually make sure hostages didn’t get killed. And whatever it was, I was scarily good at it. Which made me happy, since I love snipers. That was always my preferred position in any of those military games. Because I’m only good for one of two things, patience and precision without moving, or screenwalking. It can only be one or the other. Either I’m sitting on my ledge, taking out hundreds of people, or I’m using Blastoise by himself to beat the entire Elite Four.

The Matrix Revolutions - 836

You guys have so little to do.

The Matrix Revolutions - 837

The Matrix Revolutions - 838

Colin:

That’s fucking ridiculous. You’re trying to fly a crazy path in a hovercraft, worrying about three dimensions, and they’re constantly shooting out your stabilizers. There’s no way you keep this up. That’d be like in a drift race and they shoot out one of your tires. Done, right there. Holy fuck.

The Matrix Revolutions - 839

When was the last time we saw Neo?

Remember Neo? This is a movie about Neo.

The Matrix Revolutions - 840

You guys ever do that thing where, you’ve just woken up and you go into the bathroom for your morning piss, and as you’re pissing, you spit into the toilet to get all the germs and bad breath shit out of your mouth, but as you do, it comes out as one of those long spits that just hangs all the way down without ever breaking off? And you’re standing there, mid-stream, trying to both keep the urine in the bowl and shake the spit off? And then it kind of breaks off, but not fully, and you’re standing there like, “I know this isn’t logical, but I really don’t want to suck this little bit of spit back in my mouth, because in a weird way, it feels like there’s piss on it.”

Oh, I’m sorry, is there a movie going on here?

The Matrix Revolutions - 841

The Matrix Revolutions - 842

Even though they’d not looking down, that’s too close.

The Matrix Revolutions - 843

Spit on them.

The Matrix Revolutions - 844

Drill asshole.

The Matrix Revolutions - 845

What is your purpose here, Zee?

The Matrix Revolutions - 846

Jesus, look at the dick and balls she’s standing on.

The Matrix Revolutions - 847

The Matrix Revolutions - 848

That’s your purpose?

Colin:

Oh hell no, GI Jane is gonna get ROUGHED UP here, no doubt.

She should let her drop and make a run for it. Let her fire, then drop her so the machines go after her. That would be awesome.

The Matrix Revolutions - 849

So many shots of drill asshole.

The Matrix Revolutions - 850

She makes dumb faces.

The Matrix Revolutions - 851

So these shot straight? The one time we need them to?

The Matrix Revolutions - 852

Colin:

You missed? Fucking useless.

And now she’s gonna be killed for it.

The Matrix Revolutions - 853

The Matrix Revolutions - 854

The Matrix Revolutions - 855

Ain’t no hatch here. You’re gonna get squid raped.

The Matrix Revolutions - 856

The Matrix Revolutions - 857

The Matrix Revolutions - 858

The Matrix Revolutions - 859

I hope she lives. Damn fine waste of titties if not.

The Matrix Revolutions - 860

Colin:

Hah, here it comes. This is too much. This is the part that gets paused and rewound in Japan.

The Matrix Revolutions - 861

Imagine how they shot this.

The Matrix Revolutions - 862

That’s an achilles.

The Matrix Revolutions - 863

When they use blood, they really use it.

I’ll give them points on that.

The Matrix Revolutions - 864

Bitch you just got impaled.

The Matrix Revolutions - 865

The Matrix Revolutions - 866

The Matrix Revolutions - 867

The Matrix Revolutions - 868

The Matrix Revolutions - 869

Aww, shit, it’s the Logos.

Oh, wait, it’s not the Logos. It’s the Hammer. That’s right.

“It’s a trick. That’s not one of ours, it can’t be. That’s a mechanical line. No one can pilot mechanical.”

(Same exact dialogue.)

The Matrix Revolutions - 870

Cut to someone piloting mechanical.

Colin:

So Jada’s gonna make it there and blow the EMP? But I remember the machines come through anyway, right? Doesn’t Neo end up stalemating them or something? Anyway.

The Matrix Revolutions - 871

The Matrix Revolutions - 872

Why is only your chest sweating?

The Matrix Revolutions - 873

She yells coordinates, then yells at him to keep up, and he’s like, “Bitch, I’m trying!”

Remember when Morpheus was a badass?

The Matrix Revolutions - 874

The Matrix Revolutions - 875

“Man, if I had a rock…”

The Matrix Revolutions - 876

These colors are nice.

The Matrix Revolutions - 877

Are you listening to them?

The Matrix Revolutions - 878

The Matrix Revolutions - 879

The Matrix Revolutions - 880

Is this one disabling the gate?

Because that’s actually smart.

Did it know to do that? Or is this part of their strategy? Getting efficient and shit?

Because if so, there shouldn’t only be one doing it.

This comes off like chaos and random things happening at the right time because of the plot and not something organically coming of the situation.

The Matrix Revolutions - 881

“Sir, holographic confirms. It’s the Hammer.”

Well all right, then, Chris Pratt.

They’re gonna get to Gate 3 in 12 minutes.

The Matrix Revolutions - 882

“Sir, their EMP can take out every sentinel up there.”

Well that’s convenient, isn’t it?

Oh, but if they blow it, they lose the entire dock. So at least there’s that. It’s not entirely a deus ex machina. (In a movie that’s going to have a literal deux ex machina.)

Also, what are they losing? What kind of mechanical or computer power do you even have up there? Everything is in those suits.

The Matrix Revolutions - 883

“Sir, we already lost the dock.”

RIGHT?!

The Matrix Revolutions - 884

I like how he’s just waiting like… “Is he gonna kill him or agree?”

The Matrix Revolutions - 885

“Open the gate.”

Oh, but they can’t.

But it’s cool. You have TWELVE MINUTES.

The Matrix Revolutions - 886

This movie is gonna suck for shots.

The Matrix Revolutions - 887

This movie sucks for a lot of things.

The Matrix Revolutions - 888

The Matrix Revolutions - 889

The Matrix Revolutions - 890

The Matrix Revolutions - 891

Colin:

Damn, she can fly, though. That why Morpheus fucked her back in the day? I’m not sure I’d be cool dating a girl who could drive better than I could. It’d either ruin things or be a HUGE turn on. Can’t be sure which.

You know where I stand on this.

This is why you have people.

The Matrix Revolutions - 892

The Matrix Revolutions - 893

The Matrix Revolutions - 894

I feel like Morpheus is the only reason they haven’t crashed, and no one’s giving him enough credit for it.

The Matrix Revolutions - 895

The Matrix Revolutions - 896

That’s a tight corner.

Is that a Gambon?

The Matrix Revolutions - 897

The Matrix Revolutions - 898

Why is that thing giving off so much electricity? Is this a bumper car thing? Is that how it runs? What the fuck is that?

The Matrix Revolutions - 899

It looks cool, but I have no idea why this is happening.

The Matrix Revolutions - 900

The Matrix Revolutions - 901

Just like Flight.

The Matrix Revolutions - 902

The Matrix Revolutions - 903

“Goddamn, woman, you can drive.”

Oh yeah, they’re all on the turrets, like in Star Wars.

I’ve chosen to ignore all of this, because it’s dumb and pointless.

The Matrix Revolutions - 904

Reaction shots are the key to comedy.

The Matrix Revolutions - 905

What happened to your beanie?

The Matrix Revolutions - 906

I’m sure that means something.

The Matrix Revolutions - 907

All right, things are getting darker.

I guess because lights are going out.

We have no idea what time of day this is.

The Matrix Revolutions - 908

Well that’s a beheading.

I’m more interested in these guys than I am with the suits.

The Matrix Revolutions - 909

Oh, his head is still there.

That’s disappointing.

The Matrix Revolutions - 910

Oh my god. The bottom right hand corner looks like anime.

The Matrix Revolutions - 911

This could be Miyazaki.

I wonder what he could have done with the basic story of this trilogy.

The Matrix Revolutions - 912

Love action in tunnels.

The Matrix Revolutions - 913

Also, you guys are fucked.

The Matrix Revolutions - 914

Please slam him all around against things.

The Matrix Revolutions - 915

The Matrix Revolutions - 916

The Matrix Revolutions - 917

Maybe wipe it off a little better than that.

The Matrix Revolutions - 918

“How many APUs are operational?”

“Thirteen, sir.”

How can you possibly know that?

“Get me the one closest to Gate 3.”

The Matrix Revolutions - 919

The Matrix Revolutions - 920

The Matrix Revolutions - 921

Guessing it’s this one.

The Matrix Revolutions - 922

Of course it’s him.

Colin:

People who scream maniacally as they fight to the death entertain me.

The Matrix Revolutions - 923

Colin:

So there are images. I’m not sure why they haven’t just taken out these few stragglers at this point. How is there a SINGLE APU left?

The Matrix Revolutions - 924

Colin:

Never has a franchise Japan’ed so hard.

The Matrix Revolutions - 925

The Matrix Revolutions - 926

The Matrix Revolutions - 927

“Reload!”

The Matrix Revolutions - 928

“He’s pissing metal.”

That sounds painful.

The Matrix Revolutions - 929

Did you really not have to reload yet? How much fucking ammo do those things carry?

The Matrix Revolutions - 930

The Matrix Revolutions - 931

The Matrix Revolutions - 932

How can you possibly get all the way over there with the amount of bodies on the floor and pieces of the ground missing?

Colin:

How is there even still a walkway to reach him from?

The Matrix Revolutions - 933

At least he has a guy leading him out. That’s nice of them.

The Matrix Revolutions - 934

Remember, this fucking asshole tripped when there was nothing on the ground.

Colin:

This is like when Bay put cameras on the guns during Transformers 3. Kind of have to ask…why?

The Matrix Revolutions - 935

The Matrix Revolutions - 936

The Matrix Revolutions - 937

Nice side shot.

Colin:

There are some images here. Shit’s starting to get colorful and evil.

The Matrix Revolutions - 938

I like the framing here.

The Matrix Revolutions - 939

The Matrix Revolutions - 940

The Matrix Revolutions - 941

Like this shot too.

The Matrix Revolutions - 942

Don’t cross the streams.

The Matrix Revolutions - 943

Way to not trip.

The Matrix Revolutions - 944

The Matrix Revolutions - 945

The Matrix Revolutions - 946

I love the casual throw away.

The Matrix Revolutions - 947

It’s stuck.

Why?

The plot.

The Matrix Revolutions - 948

The Matrix Revolutions - 949

Great shot. Cool/warm.

The Matrix Revolutions - 950

The Matrix Revolutions - 951

The Matrix Revolutions - 952

This is it. This is your moment.

Colin:

This is the part where the kid proves himself worthy, right?

The Matrix Revolutions - 953

I love how even now he looks like he’ll kill him if he fucks up.

The Matrix Revolutions - 954

This looks like it’ll end well.

The Matrix Revolutions - 955

Weird how they all knew to congregate on this one guy at this exact moment.

It’s shit like this that’s why I could never write an action movie. Just the idea of this is ridiculous.

The Matrix Revolutions - 956

The Matrix Revolutions - 957

The Matrix Revolutions - 958

The Matrix Revolutions - 959

The Matrix Revolutions - 960

Yup. Your only purpose was to kick something.

The Matrix Revolutions - 961

The Matrix Revolutions - 962

You scream a lot whilst firing guns at giant squid.

The Matrix Revolutions - 963

The Matrix Revolutions - 964

Tiananmen Squid?

The Matrix Revolutions - 965

The Matrix Revolutions - 966

Well that was only a matter of time.

The Matrix Revolutions - 967

The Matrix Revolutions - 968

The Matrix Revolutions - 969

The Matrix Revolutions - 970

Blood.

The Matrix Revolutions - 971

You’re telling me his throat doesn’t get sliced open at all during this?

Also, holy shit look at all that blood. That’s awesome.

The Matrix Revolutions - 972

The Matrix Revolutions - 973

The Matrix Revolutions - 974

You know what this movie is missing? A random tree on fire running around.

The Matrix Revolutions - 975

The Matrix Revolutions - 976

Are those things not burning hot?

The Matrix Revolutions - 977

Oh, Bubba no!

The Matrix Revolutions - 978

Nice makeup job, though. I still remembered this even after not seeing the movie for like seven years.

Colin:

Got some pretty serious cuts, there, chum. Not sure that’ll buff out.

The Matrix Revolutions - 979

God DAMN look at his face!

Oh, but yeah, he lives long enough to tell him to open the gate.

“Captain, I never finished the training program.”

“Neither did I.”

Yeah, but that seems like an important piece of information.

The Matrix Revolutions - 980

The Matrix Revolutions - 981

The Matrix Revolutions - 982

Colin:

Now she’s dragging her fat ass. Holy shit, why the fuck did bullets start going everywhere? I swear, none of them would be having these problems if they weren’t disgusting blood bags. Everyone is just a big blood sac waiting to be popped.

The Matrix Revolutions - 983

The Matrix Revolutions - 984

CHESTBURSTER!

Colin:

It’s funny how he runs like a goofy Pixar character.

The Matrix Revolutions - 985

The Matrix Revolutions - 986

The Matrix Revolutions - 987

Colin:

There is NOBODY left alive. What are all these sentinels doing as a single APU walks deliberately toward one of the gates? Don’t they have iMessage or something? “Don’t let them open the gate LOL”

The Matrix Revolutions - 988

He had to pull that guy’s dead body out of that thing.

The Matrix Revolutions - 989

The Matrix Revolutions - 990

And… they’re not attacking… why?

The Matrix Revolutions - 991

That’s exaggerated.

The Matrix Revolutions - 992

The Matrix Revolutions - 993

The Matrix Revolutions - 994

Great, they just let him kill them. Good job, guys. Way to attack Zion.

The Matrix Revolutions - 995

The Matrix Revolutions - 996

The Matrix Revolutions - 997

That’s all you gotta do? Shoot those things?

The Matrix Revolutions - 998

“Mifune. This is Lock. I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, The Hammer is two minutes away. You got two minutes, Captain. Get that gate open.”

He doesn’t know Mifune is dead.

I bet if he did he’d be… Mi-fuming.

The Matrix Revolutions - 999

Convenient that just happened to be there and working.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1000

Also weird that she heard that and that she assumes Link is on that ship. Considering he was on two other ships before he was on that one this movie.

Colin:

She’s gonna save him, right?

The Matrix Revolutions - 1001

She’s religious. Get it?

The Matrix Revolutions - 1002

Speaking of Link… he was just told to charge the EMP. Instead of keeping them alive.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1003

Send the black guy into the danger.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1004

There’s always one.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1005

The Matrix Revolutions - 1006

Tally ho! That’s a kamikaze squid.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1007

The Matrix Revolutions - 1008

The Matrix Revolutions - 1009

The Matrix Revolutions - 1010

The Matrix Revolutions - 1011

Is he squid monologuing? You’re taking a long time to kill this kid. Sam is gonna come from behind and stab you.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1012

Yup.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1013

He should be dead here too.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1014

Samwise Gamgee, out of nowhere with the sword.

Colin:

Action shit is so predictable. Can we go back to the Merovingian?

The Matrix Revolutions - 1015

The Matrix Revolutions - 1016

The Matrix Revolutions - 1017

“Neo – I believe.”

Oh… kay.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1018

I guess he believed in his aim?

The Matrix Revolutions - 1019

The Matrix Revolutions - 1020

The Matrix Revolutions - 1021

The Matrix Revolutions - 1022

“Can we make it?”

“We ain’t come this far.”

Well, you have.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1023

The Matrix Revolutions - 1024

The Matrix Revolutions - 1025

The Matrix Revolutions - 1026

The Matrix Revolutions - 1027

The Matrix Revolutions - 1028

The Matrix Revolutions - 1029

LET A NIGGA IN!

The Matrix Revolutions - 1030

This leads me to believe they could have gotten in without it being partially open too.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1031

The Matrix Revolutions - 1032

The Matrix Revolutions - 1033

The Matrix Revolutions - 1034

“Burn it, Link!”

The Matrix Revolutions - 1035

The Matrix Revolutions - 1036

Fuck you.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1037

The Matrix Revolutions - 1038

Colin:

Ugh, okay, so they bust in and blow the EMP. Hooray.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1039

I like the spiral thing going on here.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1040

The Matrix Revolutions - 1041

So, by “becoming increasingly efficient at it,” they mean they have another wave coming after this, right?

The Matrix Revolutions - 1042

Love this, by the way, the red glow and them falling and nothing but smoke all around.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1043

This looks like Godzilla.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1044

I love seeing places on fire and in ruin.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1045

Hooray, we just lost the dock!

The Matrix Revolutions - 1046

Lock knows. This wasn’t a victory.

And he just got shown up by Morpheus again.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1047

Uh oh. I sense bad dialogue coming.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1048

“You did it.”

Don’t say it. Don’t you fucking say it.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1049

“No.”

GODDAMNIT!

“We did it.”

Colin:

That may be more unforgivable than, “Here they come.”

The Matrix Revolutions - 1050

“You’re a hell of a pilot.”

“Some things in this world never change.”

That wasn’t the least bit humble.

Colin:

All of the clichés.

Subtitle.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1051

“But some things do.”

Just fuck already.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1052

The Matrix Revolutions - 1053

ASIAN IN THE FRONT!

The Matrix Revolutions - 1054

This guy’s getting all the praise like he did something.

The Matrix Revolutions - 1055

I guess you can say they’re… reunited, and it feels so good.

Wait…

The Matrix Revolutions - 1056

The Matrix Revolutions - 1057

“You did wear it.”

Is that the most important thing right now?

The Matrix Revolutions - 1058

“You kidding? I’m never gonna take it off.”

Even when they fuck?

Colin:

All of the clichés.

Hey, remember when Neo was in this movie?

– – – – – – – – – –

And that’s the END OF PART III.

Tomorrow is Part IV, and the Machine City.

(See the rest of the Fun with Franchises articles here.)

http://bplusmovieblog.com

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.