Fun with Franchises: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Part V — “A God Dick to the Nazi Hole”

We continue with another entry in our Fun with Franchises series. This week’s film is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Fun with Franchises is a series born out of my friend Colin and I realizing how much fun it was for the two of us to watch the same movie separately and then share our reactions. We started by watching all of the James Bond movies, for the purposes of ranking them for the blog. I brought him in because he was much more of a Bond expert than I was at the time, and I felt his perspective would liven things up. He would be the color commentator to my play-by-play man.

We soon discovered that, by watching the movies separately and then putting everything we said together in the same place, hilarity ensued. We each brought in our own observations, not knowing what the other would say, and then reacted to what the other said. And we loved every minute of it.

We had so much fun, we figured we had to do it again. So we graduated from a single franchise, to all franchises. If you’re gonna have fun with franchises, it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t franchise it. Season 1 included the Harry Potter movies, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Twilight (which neither of us had seen before we watched them for the articles) and Pirates of the Caribbean. All of those articles can be read on the Fun with Franchises page.

Also, just so we’re clear, this is all for parody. We’re just messing with them because we love them. (Well… Twilight…) We’re watching movies we enjoy and are simply having some fun with them.

Right now, we’re doing the Indiana Jones franchise, and today is the fifth and final part of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

We begin Part V right before all the shit goes down. I mean, that’s what Part V is.

I like how it’s so clearly marked when we’re hitting the home stretch.

“The Canyon of the Crescent Moon.”

Or it’s a big fucking smiley face.

Colin:

That canyon looks like a butt crack.

Great shot.

All you need to feel like an adventure movie is shots like this.

Greater shot.

There are at least two or three shots I can think of where only one lens of Connery’s glasses is reflecting.

This place is fucking awesome.

Also, begs the question… how has nobody found this, exactly? Ever?

I love red rocks.

Come on, I know it’s coming. Where are they?

This some Minas Tirith shit. And you know how we loved us some Minas Tirith.

AWW SHIT IT’S THE HOLY GRAIL SON EEEHEHEHEEHEHEHEE!

I have way too much fun writing for horses with crazy eyes.

It’s funny because the last horse with crazy eyes was in Minas Tirith.

RIGHT THOUGH?!

It’s insane how good this looks.

Colin:

Guess what’s better than filming on location? Hint: nothing.

I’d live in a house like this. Totally would.

Colin:

This music still sounds like Peruvian pipe flute.

Oh man. This is some silent film shit. Panning up to show you the scale of the set. Intolerance.

I love how in all these movies the main character gather together at the end to encounter whatever supernatural force is the MacGuffin.

Colin:

You know this place is used for enhanced interrogation these days. Let’s see Indiana Jones stand up to some waterboarding.

Indiana Jones and the Patriot Act

So apparently fucking everyone found the place at once?

(Also, just like the beginning.)

Scarecrow should have come prepared. That’s all I’m saying.

You know he dead.

Honestly, why not just wait for them to exhaust all of their resources? If the diary can only be read by Connery, how likely are they to get through all three traps before all of their henchmen are killed?

Colin:

Breathing: that’s not now you do it.

Pick one of them up and use them as a shield.

Maybe clear some of these webs out.

Colin:

I’m always creeped out by all the spider webs clinging to his sweaty face. That’s gross. How about we take a flamethrower to all these spider webs?

They are seriously ill-prepared for this.

Plus it’s like — you know it’s in here. Maybe put some people on finding another way in.

So I’m curious — did the knight decide to stay in here, and all these traps were built afterward? Seems like this guy just took it upon himself to protect the cup. Mostly my questions is — is there no one to clean out these spiderwebs?

And has no one stumbled across this place by accident?

The God Breath.

So the only reason the penitent man kneels is because otherwise he’ll be decapitated.

Colin:

Since they get decapitated by the blades, why is this one dead body so close to the entrance?

Nice shot. The head rolling.

Colin:

A shorter guy would be fine. Why does nobody crouch? I’m always about crouching in situations.

Colin:

Another ‘volunteer.’ Yeah, I’m sure they’re all volunteers.

Do we ever figure out why Marcus came along?

We needed a Short Round?

That’s a curious expression to make when someone pulls a gun on you.

Colin:

Notice how fast all the Arabs turn around and run forward with their guns. They’re all okay with the discovery of new bad guys here cause it’s something else to pretend to be doing instead of getting chopped. We all need distractions to keep from getting chopped sometimes.

Parlay.

There’s gonna be a rumble tonight.

This is some X-Men shit.

“I never expected to see you again.”

The correct response is, “Damn baby, you lookin’ fine as hell.”

Colin:

Elsa’s shirt is billowy. It’s unbelievable. She just turned 50 and still looks good. The Doody abides.

“I’m like a bad penny. I always turn up.”

All… right.

Colin:

‘Bad penny’ is a term I enjoy because it doesn’t really make sense unless you figure out what its original meaning was. It refers to counterfeit coins in the past, back when a penny was worth something. Now, a ‘bad penny’ that always turns up seems like more of an inconvenience, like, “Oh, it’s that penny again. I don’t want to pick it up.” And then you vacuum it like we all have at some point.

Bad pennies are always getting turnt up.

But what will they turn down for?

Jones is getting the Grail.

Colin:

Iggy and the Nazi Stooges. Worst punk band ever.

What if Indy dies? Then who goes?

Then he says some shit about Nazis. Basically, he doesn’t give a fuck. He just wants the Grail. Everlasting life.

Colin:

Wait. You’re working for Hitler and getting the grail for him, so even if you drink from it, won’t he also? Isn’t the idea that he can use it for evil and stuff? What makes you think that you drinking from it first means he won’t also gain eternal life?

And then, when Hitler gets eternal life… well, we know what that means.

“The Grail is mine.”

That’s a Walther. (Donovan.)

“And you’re going to get it for me.”

Connery’s got the tie loose. Casual Friday.

“Shooting me won’t get you anywhere.”

“You know something, Dr. Jones? You’re absolutely right.”

You walked right into that one.

Colin:

That’s cold blooded.

“Junior…”

Colin:

I’ve realized that Sean Connery mostly just says ‘Junior’ in this movie.

At least you saw Venice.

“Get back!”

Yeah! Get back, Loretta!

Colin:

We’re supposed to care about her a little more because of her crying at the book burning and being upset that the old man she fucked just got shot in the gut.

To be fair, she actually has more character development than both Karen Allen and Kate Capshaw. All of Allen’s development came before the movie even started, and all of Capshaw… well, she just yells a lot. At least with Doody, she’s invested in the Grail, she likes Indy, isn’t necessarily invested in the Nazis, hates the book burning — there’s almost a full-fledged character here. Probably the best we’re gonna get for a film like this.

That’s a 1938 bullet, too. That’s at least 43% more lethal than a today bullet.

What are you prepared to do?

“You can’t save him when you’re dead. The healing power of the Grail is the only thing that can save your father now.”

Because how are you gonna save him… if you’re DEAD?!!!

“It’s time to ask yourself what you believe.”

This is the point where USA would cut to commercial in the TV version.

Colin:

I’m into this, though. The Belloq speech in Raiders was good, but this is pretty forceful in getting him to submit.

“I believe y’all are fucked.”

And then he pulls out a giant shotgun and blasts him.

Look at Pvt. Pile Nazi.

I mean… what’s so nerve-wracking about this? Everyone else got beheaded. So… fucking duck.

“Remember who you are.”

“The penitent man will pass.”

He should put that on his syllabus.

Watch out for them temple guards, man.

That lion thinks this is hilarious.

Nice shot.

You guys ever see The Wrong Man?

This isn’t exactly more like that. This is more, he’s gonna get shot if he doesn’t go. That one’s more like sasquatch. They’re equally funny.

“The penitent man will pass.”

How many fucking times you gonna say penitent?

Colin:

How many times can two men say ‘penitent?’ Also, what did they do to Connery’s voice? Cause it’s awesome.

He’s still going!

Has this been turned into a remix? Because the fucking hobbits are going to Isenguard.

Speaking of, this is some Shelob shit right here. How can there be that many spiderwebs in one place?

Colin:

Doo doo slices.

Wow… God sure does know a lot about mechanical engineering.

So, wooden cranks operating very sharp metal… yeah, I’m sure that still works after 700 years.

Why are there no spider webs on that?

And why hasn’t the wood rotted through yet?

“I’m through!”

I said, on prom night.

If someone says “look at all the blood” in the next three minutes, things will start to get weird.

Colin:

He says he’s through. But is he finished?

“We’re through.”

Just taking credit, aren’t you?

Hey, hey! He’s not dead!

Oh, but he’s not doing well.

Second challenge. Footsteps.

Oh good. A spelling test.

“The word of God!”

“The name of God.”

How does he know all this? Did the bullet allow him to figure shit out?

“Jehovah.”

To the izzo.

“But in the Latin alphabet, Jehovah begins with an I.”

Colin:

So, this is a funny challenge. Cause back in the day, everyone would have known that “Jehovah” began with an ‘i,’ so it becomes a test of, can you read? Which back in the day, was hard.

Why is he wearing a bracelet like a teenage girl?

“J.”

Colin:

Uh oh. The score just went minor key, so something bad is gonna happen.

Colin:

I’ll always remember this as the first Leroy Jenkins moment I ever saw. He says the letter J like such an overconfident douche.

This doesn’t seem so bad.

Now, I’m cool with this trap and all, but how the fuck are only a certain number of stones reinforced there? How’d you make that one happen?

Also, it seems like there is some shit to do down here, so it’s not like you’re completely dead if you fall. Right? Or is it just a bad angle, Tyrone?

Colin:

What if it WAS J and it only crumbled because it was so old? The most interesting part is, nobody will ever make that mistake again cause he broke the J.

It’s strange how these places are only meant to be gone through once.

It’s kind of like Pokémon in that sense. How everything is set up to be done once, and only the worthy do it. And once it’s over… it’s just over, that’s it.

Yet these movies somehow have a way of destroying all of these places right when we’re done with them. Somehow they all have a self-destruct button.

He’s got an audience.

Hope you remembered how to put that monkey statue together.

“Idiot. In Latin Jehovah starts with an I.”

Of course it does. God always starts with an I.

Colin:

There’s a weird telepathy thing going here. Although, I suppose it’s more like – he’s a good son and an okay Christian, or at least his heart is in the right place, so he’ll get it just as well as his father.

So if he didn’t say anything, and hopped across the iehovah before they came through, theoretically, they would have no idea how to follow him.

What if that only took him half way? What then?

Colin:

Indiana Jones doesn’t get any more Sesame Street than this.

Still waiting for Sesame Street to use my idea for a letter song. Nuthin’ But a ‘G’ Thang.

“O…. shit.”

Twister should be more like this.

Do they know how to spell too?

Is this the lion’s head he has to leap from?

Leap of faith time.

Colin:

I appreciate a nice chasm.

My pickup line.

Objectively, there’s no way he shouldn’t see this.

Yes, we get it.

Every movie should have random cuts to Connery screaming like this.

It’s like he’s giving birth.

“You must believe, boy.”

How does he know where he is?

Colin:

It’s like him not believing is what makes Connery’s gut hurt, and not the bullet.

Religious bullshit.

That’s an exaggerated step.

CUE THE BEACH BOYS!

Seriously, how can you not see this?

That’s a pretty narrow footbridge to be taking a leap of faith on.

Also, what does it say about God if all the miracles and shit turn out to be nothing but cheap parlor tricks?

Also, no way that works in real life. At all.

Colin:

That looks like the Bridge of Khazad Dum.

You’re missing a ‘b’ on the end of that.

IT’S FUCKING CONNECTED. You should be able to see that.

Why throw the dirt? Make them figure it out.

This is how green screen works.

Colin:

I thought you had to believe for the bridge to work. This means it’s just invisible and the second he put the pebbles on it, it’s just a cheap trick. That’s kind of a bummer.

Religion.

This should have been Gene Wilder dressed as Willy Wonka.

Colin:

Is that just holy fire? How is that still burning? Does he go to 7-11 for food? How is that oil still going? Why does this make me feel like Hannukah wasn’t shit?

I have more questions. How does the water keep getting refilled when he drinks from it? Where does he shit? Is he pissing into the water? Is that how it’s getting refilled? How can you be sitting here for 700 years just chilling like this?

How is that book still together after that much time?

What exactly have you been doing for a thousand years? Just chilling, reading that book? How much do you masturbate?

Colin:

Here’s the dumbass knight, reading this whatever story for the 14,621^st time.

Does he just drink from the cup and then hide it for visitors? Because honestly, the right cup is probably the one he’s got next to him.

Colin:

Does the grail work with Strawberry Kiwi Kraze Hi-C?

The real Grail test should have been putting the Capri Sun straw into the container. Then you’re guaranteed everyone would fail.

That would suck. To get here and then be killed by a 700 year old man.

Well shit, man.

Colin:

Wasn’t expecting that shit.

You old bastard.

Colin:

Go home, man. You’re drunk.

Apparently they wanted Laurence Olivier to play this part. But he was dying at the time. So…. He chose poorly.

Colin:

My brother has a real broadsword. I think I mentioned this once. It’s real folded steel, so you can wail on a brick wall and it doesn’t bend.

He should start touching his head and acting all weird. The guy would have no idea what to make of current society.

Lighting to make him look deathly. It’s the simple things.

“Knew you’d come. My strength has left me.”

Colin:

Why does he speak English? And proper English?

“Who are you?”

“The last of three brothers.”

He’s the one with the Invisibility Cloak, right?

“Who swore an oath to find the Grail, and guard it.”

Why would that be your oath?

That’s like saying, “I’m gonna find the Loch Ness Monster… and then, if it’s not fake, make sure no one else ever sees it.”

“That was 700 years ago.”

Colin:

How does he know how long it was? Not Jones, but the knight. Does he go outside? Does he know day and night while hanging out here?

“I know, motherfucker. Look at me.”

“Strangely dressed, for a knight.”

Colin:

This guy has clearly been practicing this for like…699 years, 11 months and 30 days.

He offers Indy his sword. Apparently he “vanquished him.”

“Listen, I don’t have time to explain, but…”

But the Doody is about to hit the fan.

Colin:

How much would that fuck you up? You’ve been waiting for 700 years and finally someone shows up, and then within 20 seconds, two more people. And one of them is a CHICK.

Pretty funny how the last test for finding the Grail is a multiple choice.

“Which one is it?”

“You must choose. But choose wisely.”

He looks like he’s giving a huge line of bullshit right here.

Colin:

Why’s he telling Donovan to choose? Wouldn’t you be like, “Oh, actually, this guy got here first.”

Why not wait it out? This guy will die if he doesn’t drink from it. Play chicken with him.

“For as the true Grail will bring you life, the false Grail will take it from you.”

Colin:

But how is he gonna choose WHEN HE’S DEAD?!

“I’m not a historian. I have no idea what it looks like.”

Colin:

Where’d he get all these cups? Ye Olde Crate and Barrel? Oh, wait. Weren’t they French? Le Vieux Sur la Table? Wait, they were totally French, but they’re speaking English! What?

They stole it from the Jews, naturally.

Isn’t that where all treasure is gotten from?

“Let me choose.”

Her panties are flooded.

Colin:

It’s pretty great how Indiana and the knight are both covered in such white light. They seem holy, while these two seem…mortal.

Again, we enter a climax where our hero is essentially passive. He does everything to get people there, and then the villain does too much and ruins it, and he just gets out of there alive.

How exactly did that selection process go?

Colin:

He has more faith than anyone else here if he’s gonna let her choose, watch her put ZERO thought into it and then just go for it.

She’s so confident that she picked the right one.

And he just doesn’t give a fuck. He’ll wait and see how this plays out.

Why do you assume that’s the right one? You have an infinitesimal chance at getting it right.

Colin:

Ew, don’t drink from that stagnant pool of old ass water! I can’t find a single aspect of this whole situation that I’m okay with.

This certainly is the cup of the King of Kings.

Well shit, make the knight drink it first.

You made everyone else go first, and here you take the lead? Logic just went right out the fucking window right now, didn’t it?

Colin:

Whatever happened to goblets? I’d love a gimlet in a goblet.

Nice flash of green there.

Colin:

Musical tinglies. Bad sign for your everlasting life.

Well now don’t you feel like an asshole?

Colin:

I hope that was a god dick fucking him in the Nazi hole.

It would be interesting if she deliberately gave him the wrong one just because.

But no, she just has no idea what she’s doing, seems to be the case.

So if you now drink from the actual Grail, does the process reverse?

You had a good run.

You think she fucked him too?

Love the Harryhausen effects.

Colin:

This is just gross. Gross. Still. Donovan got what was coming to him, the bastard.

Honestly, the worst part is now having to be covered in that stuff.

What’s the Nazi version of the Sierra Madre?

“He chose… poorly.”

No… she chose poorly. He was just an idiot.

Colin:

What a versatile line. Like when you see a guy fighting with his ratchet girl at the store. Or when a dude gets Taco Bell shits.

So now he gets to choose?

“It would not be made out of gold.”

“That’s the cup of a carpenter.”

Ah, that one we’ve never seen before. Also, it’s the only cup that doesn’t look like the others. Why the fuck wouldn’t it be that one?

Colin:

Once again, you don’t even look at ALL of them. You’ve made it through a third of them and just grab it.

“There’s only one way to find out.”

Colin:

The amusing part? Harrison Ford was a carpenter before he started acting.

Maybe it’s the shitty water that killed Donovan.

That cup looks like soft clay.

“You have chosen… wisely.”

At least give him a minute to finish drinking. No suspense at all.

“Now fucking wash that shit. I gotta stay here.”

Colin:

What the cashier at Chipotle should say. And what I tell ladies.

I tell them the other one.

“But the Grail cannot pass beyond the great seal. That is the boundary. And the price of immortality.”

Uhh… sure. Why, exactly? Just cause? Convenience?

Colin:

The grail can’t leave, but ‘the price of immortality’ sounds like you can’t leave either.

He’s got that Jim Broadbent look.

Colin:

It’s hard to feed someone doing Connery lips.

How come no one else gets a hit of the Jesus cup?

Also, have we established what exactly one cup of Jesus juice gives you, life-wise?

Colin:

Weirdly – or not – this is not the first time in franchises that we’ve seen someone bathe Sean Connery.

Ahh… Twilight.

That doesn’t look very healthy.

Also, The Fountain is a really underrated movie.

They had to shave him for this.

So what happens to the bullet?

What did you do?

Is this where he realizes it’s the Grail?

Your life’s work. That’s gotta feel nice. And all you had to do was get shot.

Put some booze in it!

Also, how does that cup work, exactly? Can you put any water in it and it just works? Seems like a weird ability for a cup to just have.

I’d love to be a Grail-coholic. Destroying my liver and fixing it at the same time.

How much are these guys getting paid?

The peasants run away, naturally.

“Drop your guns. Please.”

Colin:

Of course the flunkies run away. And then Sallah chimes in with his cautious braggadocio.

Colin:

Why did you leave it on the floor? I’m pretty sure if you kick the grail, you get the god dick.

It takes the grail off the floor or else it gets the dick again.

“We have got it!”

What did he JUST say?!

Also, “we”? You’re still with the Nazis? Do they know what happened to Donovan? How does the chain of command work here?

Ladies and gentlemen… the Great Seal!

“It’s ours.”

Maybe she’s talking to Indy? She thinks they’re gonna end up together?

Colin:

Who edges away like that while someone’s telling them not to move? Either you stand still and listen, or you tell them to fuck themselves and just leave. There’s no slow walk backwards.

Maybe don’t walk over the seal. Just saying.

Yeah, if shit starts shaking, don’t look at the walls, you run.

Not sure what kind of system this is. How it knew the wooden cup crossed the line.

Colin:

You can see the crack in the floor there. I wonder how many times they dropped it to get it just right.

I like sets that were built like this, to just separate. That

Not even gonna ask how that shit’s possible. Because apparently it just is.

Also, remember when they repeated this ending in the next movie?

Great job. You just lost the Grail.

One hell of a dive though. She laid out for that shit.

HOW DO YOU FUCK THAT UP?!

Colin:

Oh, and she fumbles it.

First… that must be fun as hell.

Second… LOVE the tally hos.

Safe!

Colin:

Nice slide. I’d have let her die. She was a freak, no doubt, but you have to let her go.

Why can’t we build sets like this anymore?

Somehow it managed to stay just there.

That face is never good for your survival.

Unless you’ve had your face taken off and swapped for that of your rival.

Colin:

Sweaty hands in a leather glove. A recipe for success.

That’s the name of my third autobiography.

Colin:

Good scream. The Call of Doody.

Nice stunt. Like the hiding of the mat.

Colin:

I wonder where she ended up. Is that just a crack to hell? Is that all it is?

I think she’s just further down in the mountain.

“Junior, give me your other hand!”

Motherfucker… we JUST had that lesson.

Colin:

Ah hah, and now the shoe is on the other foot or whatever.

“I can get it — I can almost reach it, Dad.”

Colin:

This is when having the Force would be great. This and EVERY OTHER TIME EVER.

“Indiana… Indiana…”

“Let it go.”

Colin:

The music stopping and everything calming down only confirmed what we all already knew. Sean Connery is God.

Yesh.

Shweaty hands.

What an awesome set.

This face is amazing.

Colin:

Oh jam, the old guy showed up? How did he make it through the second test backwards? Didn’t you have to hop for that? I feel like he’s too old to make it through that.

He’s just gonna die now. That’s fucked up.

I kinda hope he starts breakdancing like the Six Flags dude before he goes.

And now you’re the one wanting to leave?

Colin:

What a weak wave. Shouldn’t he be pissed that he didn’t listen to him and fucked everything up? Is he gonna die in this rubble now? Isn’t that just old age for you, though? Everyone fucks everything up, and the best you can do is wave a little bit and say, “Okay…bye!”

I think that’s what crazy, smiling old people are thinking all the time. That if they skip being mad and just smile weirdly instead, they can get home and watch The Price is Right a little faster. Sure, it’s not Bob Barker anymore, but the guy had to retire sometime, right? And Drew Carey’s done quite a job with it, making it his own thing. Good for him. What do you think Bob Barker used to watch while he was at home eating soup from a tray table? What was I talking about?

So is this his way of protecting the Grail? Letting it fall into the mountain as the inside crumbles and you die because of Nazis and a teacher from Connecticut?

Colin:

Just look at him and remember how much work that hairpiece did in The Hunt for Red October. What a great fucking movie that is.

Connery and Cage are the two whose movie hairpieces have done the most work.

Willis is a distant, distant third.

I hope he finished his book.

Colin:

We’re running out of chances for Sean Connery to slip in a ‘Jamal Wallace’ before this movie ends.

Colin:

It’s funny if you imagine all the dust billowing from that cave to be the knight jizzing for the first time in 700 years. Cause of course it’d be dusty, and of course you’d run from it.

“Elsa never really believed in the Grail. She thought she’d found a prize.”

Colin:

The prize. After seeing Fallon on Seinfeld’s web series, I can’t hear that the same way. The story about how Fallon was at a World Series game with Lorne Michaels and Jack Nicholson, and while he’s eating Cracker Jacks, Nicholson asks him, “Did you get the prize yet?” And in the Nicholson voice, that’s amazing, like most things. Also, Jimmy Fallon does a decent Jack Nicholson impression.

“What did you find, Dad?”

Colin:

He found that getting shot in the belly (the job of secret service agents, coincidentally) is not a pleasant experience.

‘Pleasant experience’ is such a great Connery phrase.

“Illumination.”

Not your son?

Colin:

So how does this work now? He’s immortal? I mean, the next movie shows that his dad has died, so we know they’re not officially immortal, but what’s with that? I know the knight says the grail can’t cross the seal, but it must mean you have to keep drinking from it like every day to stay alive. “The price of immortality” doesn’t seem so bad if you just have to show up and drink from it and then be immortal. But I guess he has to keep drinking. Bummer.

Colin:

It’s weird to me that they don’t turn around and go back inside now that the shaking and shit has stopped. Maybe check the 700-year-old man’s vitals and stuff. Nah, he’s probably better off dead.

Or maybe see if the Grail is retrievable. It seems weird to be like, “Oh, well, no one will ever find this again, we’re good.”

“What did you find, Junior?”

“Junior?! Dad…”

Colin:

When you think about it, Jr. is a pretty shitty thing to be called. It means your identity is defined by your father, at least until he dies. And then once you die, it’s defined by him again. Also, you don’t get to be “the Second” unless the name skips at least one generation.

“Please, what does it always mean, this Junior?”

“That’s his name. Henry Jones, Junior.”

“I like Indiana.”

“We named the dog Indiana.”

“May we go home now, please?”

“The dog? You are named after the dog?!”

Colin:

John Rhys-Davies, you are divine.

Tree? I am no tree.

“I’ve got a lot of fond memories of that dog.”

Colin:

It just occurred to me that he’s covering his bald-ass head. There are a bunch of bald guys in my office and they’re always wearing hats to protect from exposure. I think I take hair for granted.

“Indy, Henry, follow me, I know the way. HAH!”

Colin:

This seems strange from Marcus, but what the hell. I mean, I get that it’s supposed to be a joke, but what person in this situation would say something like that and take off? This is not a time for levity or impulsive action. You just watched dozens of people die and you have no provisions, heading out into a desert on horseback. Also, you know the way through the canyon? Congratulations, asshole.

That’s like telling someone you know the way to New Jersey as you drive into the Lincoln Tunnel.

He just knows the way out of the crater. He has no idea where the fuck to go after that.