Advertisements

Fun with Franchises: The Marvel Universe – Iron Man (2008), Part III — “Just When I Thought Wrongful Termination Couldn’t Be Romantic”

We continue with another entry in our Fun with Franchises series. This week’s film is Iron Man.

Fun with Franchises is a series born out of my friend Colin and I realizing how much fun it was for the two of us to watch the same movie separately and then share our reactions. We started by watching all of the James Bond movies, for the purposes of ranking them for the blog. I brought him in because he was much more of a Bond expert than I was at the time, and I felt his perspective would liven things up. He would be the color commentator to my play-by-play man.

We soon discovered that, by watching the movies separately and then putting everything we said together in the same place, hilarity ensued. We each brought in our own observations, not knowing what the other would say, and then reacted to what the other said. And we loved every minute of it.

We had so much fun, we figured we had to do it again. So we graduated from a single franchise, to all franchises. If you’re gonna have fun with franchises, it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t franchise it. Season 1 included the Harry Potter movies, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Twilight (which neither of us had seen before we watched them for the articles) and Pirates of the Caribbean. All of those articles can be read on the Fun with Franchises page.

Also, just so we’re clear, this is all for parody. We’re just messing with them because we love them. (Well… Twilight…) We’re watching movies we enjoy and are simply having some fun with them.

Right now, we’re doing the Marvel Universe, and today is the third part of Iron Man.

Iron Man - Title Card

We begin Part III at Top Gun.

Iron Man - 750

Colin:

F-22! It is a sexy piece of tech. America still makes the sexiest planes. And I’m so glad we chose the X-35 over the X-32, the Kevin James of multi-role fighter aircraft. You know what I’m talking about.

The Honda Civic of the skies?

Colin:

I like the idea. Probably more like an Infiniti QX80. Bulky, unattractive, expensive.

Iron Man - 751

Sean William Scott Airman.

Oh, and Rhodey is going on about unmanned jets or some such shit. Not important except they’ll show up later.

Colin:

This hangar has also been set up so clearly for this speech. An F-22 and a Northrup Grumman UAV to represent the two possibilities for future air combat.

But still not be important.

Basically he says pilots have better instinct and judgment than a computer.

Colin:

You can’t say “in my experience” and then continue with the future tense. Am I the only person who gives one shit about grammar?

Unprobably.

Iron Man - 752

“Why not a pilot without the plane?”

Do people not pay attention to cryptic statements anymore?

Though, that is the beauty of being a sarcastic asshole most of the time. You can tell people the truth and they’ll think you’re being an asshole.

Iron Man - 753

“Speaking of manned or unmanned, you gotta get him to tell you about the time he guessed wrong at spring break. Just remember that. Spring break, 1987, that lovely lady you woke up with, what was his name?”

Colin:

“HAHAHA GAYYYYYYY!” *High fives* – this scene

Why are there always people milling around? Is that making the scene more realistic to casual eyes?

Iron Man - 754

“Don’t do that, they’ll believe that.”

Iron Man - 755

“Rhodey, I’m working on something big.”

Weird how the trainees just left.

Colin:

Why would he want Terrence Howard to be involved in something that doesn’t involve the military? He’s the military liaison for this weapons company. What kind of involvement does Tony envision?

Iron Man - 756

“What you need is time to get your mind right.”

That was a very Terrence Howard delivery.

Iron Man - 757

Reaction shots are the key to comedy.

That was a useless scene.

Iron Man - 758

Hello, Malibu.

Colin:

HELICOPTER PAN TO ESTABLISH A LOCATION WE’VE ONLY BEEN AWAY FROM FOR 70 SECONDS

Welcome to Marvel.

Iron Man - 759

Apparently this shit means something.

Colin:

What is this bizarre keyboard? What does this do? Tell me this doesn’t look like the twins from Men in Black, with their long fingers moving in weird ways on a strange keyboard? This reminds me of the stupid wizard crossword puzzle in the Daily Prophet that someone was doing on the Knight Bus, with triangular spaces for words and strange geometry. You don’t need to make every little thing in the periphery conspicuously weird to remind viewers they’re in a cool universe. Sometimes it comes off heavy-handed.

Also like the Yule Ball in Goblet of Fire, where the band’s lyrics are all about magical shit, and you’re like…maybe you should try to make them relatable as people who like regular, non-magical music, because literally everything else in the movie is already doing a good job of distancing us from the characters and the world they inhabit.

This is what computers will be able to do before too too long. Instead of Googling how to do a certain type of Excel macro and then realizing it still doesn’t do what you want, you could be like, “Can you just…find all the bullshit values and put them in a new sheet called ‘DOO DOO PILE?’” And it’ll just know what you mean or even anticipate that. For Mike, he’ll say something like, “Oh, hey. That’s more ad revenue than I was expecting this month,” and the computer will reply, “Chinese food is on its way.”

Iron Man - 760

He’s doing this shit on the private server.

As if any server Tony Stark is on isn’t a private server.

Iron Man - 761

Nice jukebox.

Colin:

You couldn’t really have a jukebox these days, huh? Maybe you could have one where it’s actually digital, but there’s a bunch of fake records that it pretends to play randomly.

Iron Man - 762

Iron Man - 763

Iron Man - 764

I like how he’s got such cool technology that they don’t waste time explaining. This is how movies should do it.

Iron Man - 765

Iron Man - 766

So that shit works.

Digital trash can.

Iron Man - 767

Iron Man - 768

Iron Man - 769

Anyone can walk down those stairs and see you right now.

Iron Man - 770

Iron Man - 771

Filthy creatures.

Iron Man - 772

Colin:

Sand farming’s no way to make a living.

Iron Man - 773

Iron Man - 774

Those guys digging back there must be pissed that they have to do this.

Colin:

I don’t know why, but it’s always funny to me when people hold stuff up like that.

You’d think Homeland Security would be watching this area after such an obvious event like, I don’t know… the hostage crisis involving their number one weapons manufacturer.

Iron Man - 775

But seriously, that’s what this scene is.

Somebody better rise up from the bottom of the frame.

Colin:

I bet that was a conscious thing. Someone was shooting this and thinking, “Shit, this is Star Wars.”

Oh, it’s Favreau. You know it’s Favreau.

Iron Man - 776

Maybe you should have a bandage or something. That looks pretty fresh. And there’s a lot of sand and shit flying around.

Colin:

What glasses are those? I got a bit of a LeVar Burton vibe there. Have you guys seen Milk Roots?

He looks like he has Africa on his face.

Iron Man - 777

What exactly is this operation for? Because there are a lot of parts just laying around there.

Iron Man - 778

Colin:

I’m missing what there is to look at during all of this. Yes, that is the face of the metal suit that blew up your whole camp of extremists.

I like that he’s got designer sand goggles.

Iron Man - 779

He looks like Vin Diesel.

Iron Man - 780

Iron Man - 781

Iron Man - 782

I love that he talks to this robot.

Colin:

Mama said they was my – too easy.

Iron Man - 783

“Not in the boot, Dummy. Right here. You got me? Stay put. Nice. You’re of no benefit at all. Move down to the toe. I got this. Okay, I’m sorry, am I in your way?”

Iron Man - 784

“You are a tragedy.”

Iron Man - 785

Flight test recording.

Iron Man - 786

“Start mark, half a meter, and back and center. Dummy, look alive. You’re on standby for fire safety.”

Iron Man - 787

“Activate hand controls. We’re gonna start off nice and easy. We’re gonna see if 10% thrust capacity achieves lift.”

Colin:

There’s a lot of movement to this camera, considering that the cinematography is being done by Fister Roboto.

Iron Man - 788

Anyone can just see him. Maybe activate some glass darkener or something.

Iron Man - 789

This is how it feels most found footage films are shot.

Iron Man - 790

The fact that the shot is stationary tells you exactly how this’ll end up.

Iron Man - 791

Iron Man - 792

Iron Man - 793

Iron Man - 794

Iron Man - 795

Iron Man - 796

Iron Man - 797

Colin:

And, DEATH.

Iron Man - 798

Iron Man - 799

Iron Man - 800

Long takes are another key to comedy.

Iron Man - 801

Building montage.

Colin:

More montages for making things. You have to wonder how much time passes here. They should show all the milk bottles full of urine and the chocolate chip cookies and all that stuff. Which – is Howard Stark named Howard because they wanted to link him to Howard Hughes?

Yes to all of it.

I also need to clean out my milk urine bottles, now that we’re on a new franchise.

Iron Man - 802

Colin:

Drinking from a company mug. I only have one coffee mug. It’s black and says, “FUCK THE OLYMPICS.” Not kidding.

He does have it. I’ve seen it.

Honestly, if I’m getting a mug:

Iron Man - 803

Iron Man - 804

Iron Man - 805

Colin:

It just occurred to me that in this universe and with this technology, Stark could shoot the Tupac hologram.

Pepper Potts is actually not that far off from Suge Knight.

Iron Man - 806

This is cool. Wearing a hologram.

Though not much for us to say about this.

Iron Man - 807

Iron Man - 808

Iron Man - 809

Iron Man - 810

Iron Man - 811

Obadiah’s upstairs.

Iron Man - 812

“I thought you said you were done making weapons.”

God, she annoys me.

“This is a flight stabilizer. It’s completely harmless.”

Iron Man - 813

Iron Man - 814

Iron Man - 815

Iron Man - 816

Iron Man - 817

“I didn’t expect that.”

Colin:

The way she ducks and looks upset really reminds me of Jennifer Aniston for some reason.

Cause THAT’S something I always want to hear.

Iron Man - 818

Short, funny scenes. That’s all you need, really to make a building montage.

Iron Man - 819

He has t-shirts made now that have a hole for his heart reactor?

Colin:

I really hope he just cut a shirt.

Iron Man - 820

“How’d it go?”

Colin:

Jeff Bridges is playing Salieri here. Don’t we love F. Murray Abraham?

I’ll give you six guesses.

Colin:

Was that PIANO product placement? Is that how far we’ve fallen?

That’ll be funny in ten minutes.

Iron Man - 821

“That bad, huh?”

“Just because I brought pizza back from New York doesn’t mean it went bad.”

Colin:

I want to live in that world – where you can just bring pizza back from NY to LA like nothing. Instead of paying Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed to drive it, or whatever.

Iron Man - 822

Hey, you guys remember Elf?

“There are like, thirty Ray’s Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. The real one’s on 11th.”

Iron Man - 823

Crust looks a little thick, there.

Iron Man - 824

“It would have gone better if you were there.”

“You told me to lay low. That’s what I’ve been doing.”

Iron Man - 825

They had a board of directors meeting. Claiming PTSD. Trying to lock him out.

They’re claiming his new direction isn’t in the company’s best interest.

Iron Man - 826

“I’m being responsible. That’s a new direction. For me…. for the company.”

Iron Man - 827

Iron Man - 828

“I mean me on the company’s behalf. Being responsible for the way that—”

Iron Man - 829

He’s taking his pizza and going home.

Colin:

This, by the way, is my favorite face in the entire world to make. Raised eyebrows as you make an ass of yourself and put your foot in your mouth.

Iron Man - 830

He wants to have the engineers analyze his thing.

“Absolutely not. This one stays with me.”

Colin:

I don’t get why he’s being such a dick and not drawing up the specs for the arc reactor. Save your company and all the people who work for you first, maybe. They don’t have to take that one, but there’s no reason right now why he shouldn’t at least agree to give them the specs. Even though it ends up being the right call, I don’t see why he’s making it right now.

But also, literally, it stays with him. Because it’s attached to him.

Iron Man - 831

“All right, well this stays with me, then.”

Iron Man - 832

“Go on, here, you can have a piece.”

That’s the kind of shit that makes this movie feel realistic. Exchanges like this.

Colin:

I’d take the pizza. Bridges is actually being quite charitable, giving him a piece even after claiming the box.

Iron Man - 833

“Do you mind if I come down there, see what you’re doing?”

“Good night, Obie.”

He says that like he can’t just walk down the stairs and look through the glass and see.

Iron Man - 834

Day 11. New test.

Iron Man - 835

“If you douse me again, and I’m not on fire, I’m donating you to a city college.”

Colin:

What does that say about city colleges?

Iron Man - 836

“Please don’t follow me around with it, either, because I feel like I’m gonna catch on fire spontaneously.”

Iron Man - 837

Time for 2.5.

Colin:

Cars…he’s got the R8, which is no Porsche, but still great. He’s got an AC Cobra, which I just never got into. It’s one of those cars that you’re SUPPOSED to idolize, and I really don’t. I have a few of those, like this, the Jaguar E-Type, the Lamborghini Countach, and a few others. I know I’ll be assassinated for saying this, but there it is. Then the rust-colored Saleen S7, which…I’ve never liked those. That’s a horrendously gaudy vehicle, isn’t it? It looks too plastic-y and Hot Wheels-ish, and not in a good way. There is a way to do ridiculous American Hot Wheels supercar muscle, and it’s the new Ford GT concept.

And then on the far right is his Tesla Roadster, which – meh. I am a major Tesla fanboy these days and Elon Musk is the closest we have to a real life Tony Stark, but I never loved the Roadster that much. It was an amazing first effort, but it was still a first effort. I want it to be behind us so we can move forward with all the awesome new stuff they’re doing.

Iron Man - 838

I hope his iCloud doesn’t get hacked.

Colin:

The really interesting thing here is that Robert Downey Jr. has a really solid car collection that I actually prefer to these. He has an R8, so that’s cool, but he also has a bunch of Mercedes, an old Volvo, a vintage Corvette, a Porsche, a Bentley, a VW Golf GTI and a 1970 Boss 302 Mustang, which is majorly cool. I don’t know who picked these cars, but…meh. Again, he’s a mechanical genius, so you expect him to have more baller pieces of engineering that he’s modified himself (maybe a Pagani or something like that) or something to match the playboy image, like a Lamborghini Reventon or something. I don’t know who buys an Audi R8 AND a Saleen S7, but they sound like the type of person who would wear a dinner jacket and board shorts.

Iron Man - 839

Iron Man - 840

Iron Man - 841

Iron Man - 842

Iron Man - 843

Iron Man - 844

Iron Man - 845

Iron Man - 846

Iron Man - 847

Iron Man - 848

There’s nothing to say about this, but it’s thoroughly entertaining.

Iron Man - 849

Iron Man - 850

Iron Man - 851

Iron Man - 852

Iron Man - 853

Iron Man - 854

That’s a new paintjob.

Iron Man - 855

Iron Man - 856

Iron Man - 857

Colin:

I enjoy how much they let us watch him just freaking out over this and not just skipping to the “WOO HOO!” You know who you are, Spider Man.

Iron Man - 858

Iron Man - 859

Iron Man - 860

Iron Man - 861

Iron Man - 862

Iron Man - 863

Iron Man - 864

Iron Man - 865

Iron Man - 866

Iron Man - 867

“Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!”

Iron Man - 868

“Yeah. I can fly.”

Iron Man - 869

Iron Man - 870

I like this because they hold back outside the suit. Also… he doesn’t become Iron Man until over an hour into the movie and nobody gives a shit. This is how you do things correctly.

Colin:

Ugh. The rest of these movies are not fun, but at least that leads to enjoyable articles.

Iron Man - 871

Colin:

Only, now he’s gonna get to the woo hoo moment that we seem to always have with a hero origin story. Except Thor cause he was already a god, I guess.

Iron Man - 872

Iron Man - 873

Interesting POV shot out of nowhere.

Iron Man - 874

Iron Man - 875

Also, JARVIS being uploaded to the suit is one of the smarter decisions they made with this franchise.

Colin:

Other than the spontaneous CEO epiphany, the HUD and Jarvis are the two most unbelievable things in this movie.

Iron Man - 876

Is that bad for his eyes?

Iron Man - 877

Iron Man - 878

Iron Man - 879

Iron Man - 880

Iron Man - 881

Colin:

I want to be that guy. I’d have an underground garage and decorate it with banners and posters and old signs and stuff. Jay Leno has a fantastic garage. Not underground, though.

Iron Man - 882

Slightly creepy image.

Iron Man - 883

Iron Man - 884

Iron Man - 885

Iron Man - 886

Iron Man - 887

Colin:

Not to sound robo-gay, but there’s a lot of ass on that thing.

Iron Man - 888

Iron Man - 889

Iron Man - 890

Iron Man - 891

Bam. 62 minutes exactly.

Iron Man - 892

Colin:

This is all for us to soak up the badass.

Iron Man - 893

Naturally he’s gonna take this thing out, even though there are shitloads of calculations left to do.

Colin:

Remember when a terabyte was a lot? And how we went to the moon on the computing power of a Gameboy?

Iron Man - 894

Those planes look pretty close to one another.

Iron Man - 895

“JARVIS… sometimes you gotta run before you can walk.”

Colin:

There’s not that much space inside the helmet that he would be able to read stuff down in front of his lips. I don’t really care because this looks better for the interior view than what it would actually be, which is just a scouter. It’d be Google Glass inside the helmet.

Iron Man - 896

Where do those doors back there go?

Iron Man - 897

Iron Man - 898

Iron Man - 899

Iron Man - 900

Is his garage just open? No door?

Iron Man - 901

Iron Man - 902

Iron Man - 903

Just a woo. Not a woo hoo. But fuck, man. Every movie.

Colin:

I’d like to hear what would really come out of your mouth in this situation, which probably be some kind of four-letter word.

Or a “goddamn.”

Iron Man - 904

Iron Man - 905

Colin:

I’m just interested in how that would all work, aerodynamically. I know someone’s done a thesis or something about how much thrust he would need and how the force being expelled from his palms would probably push his arms in some way that destabilized him or something. Nerds.

At this point, that’s not even a thesis thing. That’s shit people do on the internet for fun.

Like the guy who calculated exactly when Ice Cube’s “It Was a Good Day” happened.

Which was a much more important endeavor for humanity.

Iron Man - 906

Iron Man - 907

Iron Man - 908

No one’s looking out their windows?

Though, I guess it’s Malibu. They’re all rich and don’t give a shit.

Iron Man - 909

Iron Man - 910

Sure, just freak out all the people at the Santa Monica pier.

Iron Man - 911

Iron Man - 912

Iron Man - 913

Colors.

Iron Man - 914

Iron Man - 915

Iron Man - 916

Colin:

That kid was not sufficiently surprised or aware of what he was seeing. I also hate that they threw that in.

I will say… Favreau is much better at incorporating the stuff for children than other directors are.

Compare something like that to the Wachowskis.

Colin:

What was their kid stuff? Oh, like the sploosh cake?

Speed Racer. The kid and the monkey.

Jupiter Ascending had a bit of it too.

Iron Man - 917

Iron Man - 918

Iron Man - 919

Iron Man - 920

Iron Man - 921

Also, that thing can sense a stealth jet?

Iron Man - 922

Iron Man - 923

Colin:

I like the daredevil in him–

The blind lawyer who fights crime?

Colin:

–how he’s gonna push it to the level on his first flight and how even his digital butler seems exasperated.

Oh.

I prefer my digital butlers exasperated.

Iron Man - 924

You got a sniper rifle in there?

Iron Man - 925

Iron Man - 926

Iron Man - 927

Iron Man - 928

Iron Man - 929

Iron Man - 930

Iron Man - 931

Iron Man - 932

This is a nice sequence. He oversteps his boundaries by being cocky, but we get an important plot point for later. But not an obvious set up one. This is a moment that he learns that he then uses later. Rather than the film introducing it for it to come in play later.

Iron Man - 933

Iron Man - 934

Iron Man - 935

Iron Man - 936

Colin:

Pretty decent foresight, adding a manual control for the flaps. Those can help, if you remember Anakin Skywalker landing a tiny piece of an enormous battle cruiser on Coruscant by simply extending all flaps and drag fins. Cause what a brilliant pilot he was.

And actor, too.

Iron Man - 937

Iron Man - 938

Iron Man - 939

Iron Man - 940

Iron Man - 941

Sure, just fly down Wilshire Boulevard.

Iron Man - 942

Laugh at the peasants.

Iron Man - 943

Iron Man - 944

Iron Man - 945

Iron Man - 946

Iron Man - 947

Iron Man - 948

Iron Man - 949

Iron Man - 950

Iron Man - 951

Iron Man - 952

Iron Man - 953

Colin:

Bye bye, product placement piano.

Iron Man - 954

Iron Man - 955

Colin:

And he killed the Cobra, which is kinda okay as far as I’m concerned. The piano was an unfortunate casualty, even though he probably didn’t play it.

Iron Man - 956

Iron Man - 957

Nice shot.

Also, Tuesday.

Iron Man - 958

It’s funny, but how did the robot know to be right there?

Iron Man - 959

Iron Man - 960

Iron Man - 961

Iron Man - 962

Why does your head hurt?

Colin:

No ice when he slammed into the concrete ceiling with no head protection, but now he has ice for when he fell through the ceiling feet first with his armor on.

Iron Man - 963

Is it her head in a box? I hope it is.

Colin:

I hate your handwriting. That said, WHAT’S IN THE BO-OX?!?!?!?!

Iron Man - 964

What a shitty present.

Colin:

I would be pissed that she didn’t throw away this garbage and instead used my money to make it into a statue mocking my personality.

Iron Man - 965

Oh, I bet that shit must not be fun.

Worst Erector set ever.

Colin:

Meanwhile, in the sand farm leagues….

Iron Man - 966

Colin:

What are they hoping to achieve here? This isn’t an Erector Set.

Iron Man - 967

I bet he’s just been standing there as that cigarette burned down.

Iron Man - 968

Iron Man - 969

Iron Man - 970

Colin:

The way comic book solutions occur, you wonder why they wouldn’t think of them earlier. Like, “Gee, maybe icing would be a problem, the way it is on other aircraft and projectiles. I could make it out of the stuff we used to prevent that on another thing I make.” But no, he encounters the problem, which is the only obstacle to solving it, because then there’s instantly a way to fix the issue that doesn’t require anything beyond an order to his imaginary friend. And he just happens to have this super high-tech alloy on hand at home, where he also apparently has metallurgical facilities to just make it.

Iron Man - 971

He’s drinking a juice?

Colin:

Is that not the green stuff from later? Cause it looks like it now.

Iron Man - 972

Oh look. Tony Stark’s having a benefit and he knows nothing about it.

A benefit for the firefighters? Do people care about them outside of New York?

Iron Man - 973

Iron Man - 974

Iron Man - 975

Iron Man - 976

Little ostentatious, the gold.

“What was I thinking. You’re usually so discreet.”

Colin:

Dark Knight here, when Wayne takes the Lamborghini and Alfred makes the same crack.

Technically this came out first.

Iron Man - 977

Iron Man - 978

“Tell you what, throw a little hot rod red in there.”

“Yes, that should help you keep a low profile.”

Love sarcastic robots.

Iron Man - 979

Iron Man - 980

There we go.

It’ll take five hours.

Iron Man - 981

Just enough time, for another product placement.

Colin:

Nice little watch plug there for a watch I couldn’t be less into. It’s very simple, people. TAG Heuer Carrera.

Iron Man - 982

FYI… dude’s going from Malibu to the Disney Concert Hall, which is downtown LA. Even if he’s doing that kind of speed, that’s like, 30-40 minutes, minimum. Just FYI.

Iron Man - 983

Iron Man - 984

Yeah, I kinda doubt the roads would look like that ever.

Colin:

This is a 5 second sequence that they went to great lengths to shoot for product placement. He’s weaving in and out of cars on the highway, in the wet, while he gets close to redlining the V8. This required all kinds of stunt guys on a closed course over multiple runs. Then the closeup on the engine. They put so much time into this, and you just skip over it in your mind, even though somewhere deep down, Audi is being registered in your brain.

Not if you live in LA. Because if you do, then you’re only thinking about the traffic, and how that shit is impossible.

Iron Man - 985

Iron Man - 986

Iron Man - 987

That is a nice concert hall, though.

Iron Man - 988

“Weapons manufacturing is only one small part of what Stark Industries is all about.”

Strange how aside from him trying to have Tony killed and all, he’s really doing all he can for the company.

Colin:

He said “man-a-facturing” again! I’m so glad Jeff Bridges is in this movie.

Iron Man - 989

Iron Man - 990

“Hi, Tony. Remember me?”

“Sure don’t.”

Colin:

Everyone loves the guy who’s an asshole to bimbos.

Iron Man - 991

“Look great, Hef.”

Iron Man - 992

Colin:

I don’t hate the Stan Lee cameos. Give the fans a bone in a way that doesn’t harm the plot at all. It gives the new take on the franchise some credibility too, like when they put Nimoy in the new Star Trek movies.

Yeah, but there, it’s “Hey, it’s Leonard Nimoy! Oh shit, I have to pay attention to see what he’s saying because he’s part of the plot.” Here, it’s like, “Oh hey, Stan Lee.” And it takes you out of the movie for a second. Not that it’s really possible to be “in” these movies.

Iron Man - 993

“What’s the world coming to when a guy’s gotta crash his own party?”

What are you talking about? That sounds amazing. Every host should have to do that.

Iron Man - 994

“Take it slow, all right. I think we got the board right where we want ‘em.”

Colin:

You have to be older and bigger and of a different nature to pull off the scarf with the tuxedo. I will not have that for about 40 years.

Iron Man - 995

I do like that this was shot mostly around LA. That’s nice. Rarely happens much anymore.

Iron Man - 996

“Give me a scotch. I’m starving.”

Now there’s a line that speaks to both Colin and myself.

Colin:

That…went unnoticed by a lot of people. They’re trying to make this franchise better than it is, and I appreciate the effort.

Iron Man - 997

“Mr. Stark? Agent Coulson.”

“Oh, yeah yeah yeah, the guy from the umm…”

Yeah, that thing.

Colin:

Asian chick over Coulson’s shoulder just shot them a GLANCE.

Was Coulson invited? How’d that happen?

Iron Man - 998

“Phew… gotta get… a new name for that.”

“Yeah, I hear that a lot.”

One almost racist looking black bartender, one nerdy white guy, one chick. Just to balance things out.

Iron Man - 999

They need to debrief him.

Iron Man - 1000

But hold on.

Iron Man - 1001

Pepper in a blue dress.

Colin:

This never happens to me. Bitches don’t glow in real life and I certainly wouldn’t go after this one even if she was.

I feel like ‘glowing’ in your neck of the woods means something totally different.

Iron Man - 1002

So he just set something for the 24th at 7pm at Stark Industries.

Remember that shit for the credit sequence.

Also great that he knew to set separate meetings with Stark and Pepper because only one of them would actually pay attention to what was being said.

Iron Man - 1003

Iron Man - 1004

She looks so bad.

Colin:

What is with comic books and red hair? I only accept redheads in Powell and Pressburger movies.

Co-rrect.

Iron Man - 1005

“You wanna dance?”

“No.”

“All right, come on.”

Colin:

The way she sighed there? Aniston.

Iron Man - 1006

“You okay?”

“No, I always forget to wear deodorant and dance with my boss in front of everyone I work with in a dress with no back.”

Colin:

Everyone she works with? Like who? Him?

Iron Man - 1007

“I could fire you if that’d take the edge off.”

Colin:

Just when I thought wrongful termination couldn’t be romantic.

Iron Man - 1008

“I actually don’t think that you could tie your shoes without me.”

“I’d make it a week.”

Iron Man - 1009

“Really? What’s your social security number?”

“….Five.”

“You’re missing just a couple of other digits.”

“The other eight? I have you for the other eight.”

Colin:

“Five.” I remember how badly Shiho lost it when he first heard that joke. Cause that is pretty funny. His SSN is…five.

Social Security Numbers and Ammendments. You only need one.

Iron Man - 1010

“How about a little air?”

Iron Man - 1011

Colin:

What’s that? That makes him look like the bad guy.

Iron Man - 1012

She’s a mumbling idiot. Because she can’t improvise.

Basically the idea is, he doesn’t realize how that came off, because he bangs a lot of women, so now they think she’s cheap.

Colin:

She talks to him like he isn’t her boss and A boss.

Iron Man - 1013

Iron Man - 1014

I like how they accent her with the blue. At first I wasn’t a fan of it with the red, but I’m… warming up to it.

Iron Man - 1015

Colin:

I was surprised at how they just talked about it like that. I would never be talking to the chick about what had just gone down. She’s like, “You just knocked over my father’s ashes with your sombrero!” And I’m just looking for the queso.

Iron Man - 1016

Wow, that was the most awkward lean in ever.

Iron Man - 1017

Iron Man - 1018

Where the fuck did you learn how to kiss?

Iron Man - 1019

Iron Man - 1020

“I would like a drink.”

Wow, that moment is terrible, seven years later. Not that it was any better when it came out, I just… don’t remember that moment. So, here we are.

Man, that was awkward.

But, I guess that’s what happens when you cast Gwyneth Paltrow in your movie.

Colin:

Annnnnnd no kiss. They really let that go for a while, huh? How hard is that when she’s already come like 80 percent of the way? But I approve of any opportunity to get drinks. And that hard liquor is her response to this situation.

Iron Man - 1021

“I would like a vodka martini please. Very dry. With olives. Lot of olives. Like, at least three olives.”

This is the pinnacle of her improvising. And they had to leave a camera on her as she said that.

This is the classic improv take shot. Just leave the camera rolling and let her say shit. And this is the best she came up with.

Colin:

“Ahhhhhhhhhh!”

Iron Man - 1022

“Two vodka martinis, extra dry, extra olives, extra fast. Make one of ‘em dirty, will ya?”

Colin:

With three olives, I think both of those are already pretty dirty.

Iron Man - 1023

That face.

Colin:

Sass the black bartender.

Iron Man - 1024

Iron Man - 1025

“Fancy seeing you here.”

Iron Man - 1026

Yeah… we’ve all been there.

“Carrie.”

Colin:

Everyone loves the guy who’s an asshole to bimbos.

Iron Man - 1027

“Christine.”

Someone’s a big Stephen King fan.

“You have a lot of nerve, showing up here tonight.”

Iron Man - 1028

That face.

Colin:

Once you’ve spent that long trying to get her name right, the damage is pretty much done. But I appreciate the “that’s right” after she corrects him. And my god, but that face.

Iron Man - 1029

“Can I get a reaction from you?”

“Panic. I would say panic is my reaction.”

“Because I was referring to your company’s involvement in this latest atrocity.”

“Yeah, they just put my name on the invitation, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Colin:

They’re really giving him one-liners wherever they can without caring if the average schmuck in the movie theater can catch all of it. Dickishness can be read without all the details. Good for you, Marvel. I’m pretty sure that drops off steeply after this movie.

Because after this movie, they had a brand to protect and couldn’t let Favreau and Downey do whatever they wanted.

Colin:

People would be more successful if they weren’t so successful.

Iron Man - 1030

The town is called… whatever it’s called. It’s the town Yensin’s family is from.

Colin:

Gulmira. 

Sounds like something he caught after he slept with her.

Iron Man - 1031

Iron Man - 1032

Damn shame what they did to that horse.

Colin:

There was this girl I went to middle school and high school with, and she had moved from Ukraine in the 3rd grade. I remember people used to make jokes about how in Ukraine, there were dead horses everywhere and how kids would play with the dead horses. Children are evil, and it can be funny.

Iron Man - 1033

Who gets such great pictures?

Colin:

Those do look like brochure-quality photos. Kinda weird that she has them. And Vanity Fair? Really?

Iron Man - 1034

Well that probably shouldn’t be there.

Also, isn’t that a US jet flying overhead? Maybe they should have done something about it.

Colin:

So they have the Jericho, which means something shitty is going on.

Iron Man - 1035

They were taken yesterday.

“I didn’t approve any shipment.”

“Well your company did.”

“Well I’m not my company.”

Iron Man - 1036

They’re double dealing, under the table.

Colin:

You just left Pepper standing there waiting for a drink. To leave her standing there is one thing, but drinkless?

One might say that’s a…. dirty thing to do.

Iron Man - 1037

Colin:

Where’d his scarf go?

Iron Man - 1038

Yup. Fuck the truth, let’s take pictures.

Colin:

Don’t answer. “Let’s take a picture.” See? I love that. And then how he just goes, “Picture time!” and all the tabloid photographers come running. I want that to be one of my skills. “Picture time!”

That’s the classic husband move when his wife catches him doing shit he isn’t supposed to. Diversion.

Iron Man - 1039

“Tony, who do you think locked you out? I was the one who filed the injunction against you.”

He didn’t need to know this. You probably had a week or two before he found that out.

Iron Man - 1040

Why would you tell him that? I mean, he could figure that out on his own, but why reveal it? He still thinks you’re his friend.

“It was the only way I could protect you.”

Well, I guess that doesn’t completely implicate him just yet.

Colin:

And TMZ is about to post these photos with the caption: “Why does Tony Stark look like his grandmother just got impaled on a walrus tusk? Lighten up, Tony! It’s ‘Picture time!’”

Iron Man - 1041

And you’re telling me this chick ain’t gonna print all of that?

Colin:

Heigl is behind you! That spells danger.

Iron Man - 1042

Colin:

He has a scarf flunky! Yes!

Fonzworth.

Iron Man - 1043

Colin:

Nobody leaves the multibillionaire playboy genius standing by himself on the red carpet. Someone’s showing up.

That’s the END OF PART III.

– – – – – – – – – –

Tomorrow is Part IV, and the actual suit. I like how it takes almost 90 minutes to get him into the actual suit.

(See the rest of the Fun with Franchises articles here.)

http://bplusmovieblog.com

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.