Advertisements

Fun with Franchises: The Marvel Universe – The Incredible Hulk (2008), Part II — “It Hulkened One NIght”

We continue with another entry in our Fun with Franchises series. This week’s film is The Incredible Hulk.

Fun with Franchises is a series born out of my friend Colin and I realizing how much fun it was for the two of us to watch the same movie separately and then share our reactions. We started by watching all of the James Bond movies, for the purposes of ranking them for the blog. I brought him in because he was much more of a Bond expert than I was at the time, and I felt his perspective would liven things up. He would be the color commentator to my play-by-play man.

We soon discovered that, by watching the movies separately and then putting everything we said together in the same place, hilarity ensued. We each brought in our own observations, not knowing what the other would say, and then reacted to what the other said. And we loved every minute of it.

We had so much fun, we figured we had to do it again. So we graduated from a single franchise, to all franchises. If you’re gonna have fun with franchises, it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t franchise it. Season 1 included the Harry Potter movies, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Twilight (which neither of us had seen before we watched them for the articles) and Pirates of the Caribbean. All of those articles can be read on the Fun with Franchises page.

Also, just so we’re clear, this is all for parody. We’re just messing with them because we love them. (Well… Twilight…) We’re watching movies we enjoy and are simply having some fun with them.

Right now, we’re doing the Marvel Universe, and today is the second part of The Incredible Hulk.

The Incredible Hulk - Title Card

We begin Part II back at the fav-and-dime.

The Incredible Hulk - 479

The Incredible Hulk - 480

Colin:

“Hey, so is this movie gonna keep sucking?” 

The Incredible Hulk - 481

“A girlfriend? She helps him, maybe.”

Like what, with his dick?

The Incredible Hulk - 482

“She is no longer a factor. They closed that door to him a long time ago. He’s alone.”

Colin:

She’s the general’s daughter, right? Everyone’s related to someone in these things. Comic book writers are limited.

The Incredible Hulk - 483

“Doesn’t anyone want to talk about what went down in there, because that was – he didn’t lose us. And he was not alone, sir. We had him, and then something hit us. Something — something big hit us. It threw a forklift truck like it was a softball!”

Colin:

“Does anybody wanna talk about what went down?” No, we don’t. Americans don’t talk about our feelings, Nancy.

The Incredible Hulk - 484

“It was the most powerful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Colin:

There’s no reason for him to be saying it was the most powerful thing he’d ever seen. This implies he’s some sort of big game hunter who frequently classifies things in terms of power. And I don’t see a scouter on his face.

The Incredible Hulk - 485

“Well it’s gone.”

The Incredible Hulk - 486

“Well if Banner knows what it is, I’m gonna track him down, I’m gonna put my foot on his throat and –”

The Incredible Hulk - 487

“That was Banner.”

The Incredible Hulk - 488

“It was Banner.”

The Incredible Hulk - 489

That’s a proper reaction.

He even says, “You have to explain,” which is exactly what my reaction is to this movie right now. “You know you have to explain how this shit happened, right?”

The Incredible Hulk - 490

“No I don’t.”

Wow. This is the most accurate representation of my relationship with a movie in this series.

Colin:

Mike Does Metaphors

The Incredible Hulk - 491

The Incredible Hulk - 492

I love how they’re just leaving. Because, fuck, he got away once, now we’ll never find him.

Colin:

Kay, I guess that’s the movie? Let’s blow out of here. Shouldn’t these guys be somewhere more desert-y?

How about walking around going, “Hey, have you seen the great big green giant guy running around?” or “Hey guys, can you check satellite to see what areas of the forest have had bunches of trees ripped out in the last ten minutes?”

Colin:

But seriously, these guys should all be in the desert fighting a real war, no?

Apparently Stark is doing it for them.

The Incredible Hulk - 493

The Incredible Hulk - 494

Actually though, I’d rather have shots of the favelas and that Brazilian chick than I would that entire action sequence we just saw.

The Incredible Hulk - 495

Is this the Misty Mountains? Why are we seeing this?

The Incredible Hulk - 496

This is where they honeymooned in Twilight, right?

Colin:

One of those times when either Mike or I get ready to make a comment, scroll down a bit, and it’s already there. I was about to say, “Stupid Twilight.”

The Incredible Hulk - 497

How about a deer asshole, for old time’s sake?

(This is my, “Play it again, Sam.”)

Colin:

“Oh, I can’t remember it, Mr. Mike. I’m a little rusty on it.”

“I’ll hum it for you.”

*Mike humming deer asshole*

The Incredible Hulk - 498

The Incredible Hulk - 499

The Incredible Hulk - 500

Are we counting the current day? Or did he actually pass out for 24 hours?

Colin:

I love NyQuil.

That was a fun day, when you almost didn’t make it back to your room when the nyquil hit.

The Incredible Hulk - 501

We’ve all been there.

Colin:

I love how this character is basically a drunk. No other superhero wakes up naked somewhere with no memory of what happened the night before.

Well…

The Incredible Hulk - 502

The Incredible Hulk - 503

South America has such weird cars.

The Incredible Hulk - 504

The Incredible Hulk - 505

The Incredible Hulk - 506

The Incredible Hulk - 507

Colin:

I’d be impressed if it was like, Pasadena.

Well…

The Incredible Hulk - 508

Jesus, with these camera movements. I understand that without them, we have zero good looking shots in this movie, but my god, to do it for the sake of doing it – that’s not filmmaking.

Colin:

Are there movies that do no moving shots? I feel like if I was gonna make movies, I’d start by teaching myself through limitation. And make my whole first movie in black and white with no camera movement at all.

Which is why so many senior theses look the way they do.

The Incredible Hulk - 509

The Incredible Hulk - 510

The Incredible Hulk - 511

What if home was the titty bar?

The Incredible Hulk - 512

Tim Roth looks about five feet tall.

The Incredible Hulk - 513

“This is a whole new level of weird.”

The Incredible Hulk - 514

“If you’re taking another crack at him, I want in.”

Why would you be out? You were hired for this express purpose.

The Incredible Hulk - 515

“And, with respect, you should be looking for a team that’s ready to fight, because if that thing shows up again, you’re gonna have a lot of professional tough guys pissing in their pants. Sir.”

The pause before the sir conveys such disrespect.

Colin:

We should tally these speeches. “I’m a professional. I keep coming in every day cause that’s what the job calls for. What the fuck is going on?”

The Incredible Hulk - 516

Colin:

This is the kid who escaped from the Temple of Doom and is coming back to the favela to give Indiana Jones the cloth to get him there. But seriously, the shot is exactly the same.

They’re dressed like people at Disneyland.

The Incredible Hulk - 517

STOP WITH THESE FUCKING SHOTS ALREADY.

Colin:

Did he just walk to Mexico? He should just Hulk again and hope he wakes up somewhere more middle class.

Was there not a pair of pants along the way?

The Incredible Hulk - 518

And now the sad hulk walking away music.

Now I guess it’s sad homeless music.

The Incredible Hulk - 519

Motherfucker, that was your college fund.

Colin:

This did remind me of one of my favorite moments from Kurosawa’s Stray Dog. Which, if you haven’t seen it, watch it. Toshiro Mifune is a rookie homicide detective in early postwar Tokyo, and his pistol is stolen while he’s on the bus. And in those days, a pistol was a big deal, so he has to find the thief, or it’s his ass. So the whole movie is him tracking down the guy by following the trail of the crimes that are committed with the gun, and all the while, he’s sinking into the shit and becoming this rough customer.

At one point, he’s staking out this neighborhood and passes out just like Norton is here, and a cop shows up, thinking he’s a homeless beggar or whatever. And Mifune stands up and shows him his detective’s ID, and it’s this perfect demonstration of how far he’s fallen in the pursuit of this gun. “Oh, you’re a cop too? Right, carry on, I guess.” Great movie, and put Mifune on the map.

The Incredible Hulk - 520

The Incredible Hulk - 521

Oh, good, now he can afford those anal beads.

The Incredible Hulk - 522

The Incredible Hulk - 523

Are those pants purple? Because they should be purple.

The Incredible Hulk - 524

That’s a little offensive.

Colin:

His anaconda don’t.

The Incredible Hulk - 525

He wants stretchy pants. Because clearly that’s the only hazard with them when he Hulks out.

The Incredible Hulk - 526

Ah, now grey. The other hulk color.

The Incredible Hulk - 527

A HA HA. “Perfect!” he said, as he bought a pair of pants. Cut to him, sleeping at a train station.

The Incredible Hulk - 528

The Incredible Hulk - 529

The Incredible Hulk - 530

Liv and let die.

The Incredible Hulk - 531

The Incredible Hulk - 532

Explain to me two things:

  • Where is he going? Just gonna walk into the U.S. from Guatemala?
  • What the fuck is with these shots? Seriously.

The Incredible Hulk - 533

The Incredible Hulk - 534

The Incredible Hulk - 535

We’re just seeing things just to see them, aren’t we?

The Incredible Hulk - 536

He’s about to share some classified information with him.

The Incredible Hulk - 537

In World War II, they created a super soldier program.

(Which we will see in Captain America.)

He started it up again, naturally.

Colin:

They clumsily set up the backstory, which ends up alluding to Captain America in the process, and then move right onto establishing themselves as bad guys. “Now that we’ve discussed the particulars of our target, how would you like to be an modern day Mr. Hyde, but more evil?

The Incredible Hulk - 538

That look. That “I’m gonna be the villain” look.

Problem is – he’s not an unlikable person right now. This is gonna be one of those “villain by circumstance” situations. Where it’s gonna make him crazy and he’s just a guy trying to do his job.

The Incredible Hulk - 539

Banner was working on it. Had no idea what was really going on. Tross just decided… not to tell him. Which I’m sure is great. To have someone work for you and not know what they’re doing. Especially when it’s… you know… nuclear physics.

The Incredible Hulk - 540

He tested it on himself, naturally. Which is so much better, hearing it from him and not seeing it. I mean… why would seeing it be entertaining? Right, Marvel?

Colin:

I’d also like to stop for a second to point out the shots. Where this is being done. They had to do this in this dimly-lit hangar, which is inexplicably green, with a helicopter. So we have military stuff, and GREEN. Cause…I dunno, Hulk? They really tried to go full comic book with this one, and it doesn’t work.

It would be worse if it weren’t green. At least I can see colors and pretend like I’m interested. If this looked like a regular movie, I’d have checked out more by now.

The Incredible Hulk - 541

“And something went very wrong.”

Understatement of the century.

The Incredible Hulk - 542

“Or it went very right.”

Is there any other way it could have gone?

The Incredible Hulk - 543

“As far as I’m concerned, that man’s entire body is property of the U.S. Army.”

Good line.

The Incredible Hulk - 544

But yeah… Banner ran. Because he’s “a scientist. He is not one of us.”

Gooble Gobble.

The Incredible Hulk - 545

He’s 39.

I guess that’s the point of the character. He’s getting older and is using the super soldier shit to be able to still compete.

He should be a colonel. But no. He’s a fighter.

“If I could take what I know now and put it into the body I had ten years ago… that would be someone I wouldn’t want to fight.”

The Incredible Hulk - 546

“I could probably arrange something like that.”

Can you arrange a better movie?

The Incredible Hulk - 547

That face.

The Incredible Hulk - 548

I hate these aerial shots. Just show a shot of the grounds. You don’t need to be in a fucking chopper.

The Incredible Hulk - 549

Just in case we weren’t sure where he was.

Colin:

How’d he get to Virginia? How’d he cross the border? I want to see THAT. Whatever that was about.

The Incredible Hulk - 550

Colin:

By they way – scraggly looking white dude with a baseball cap? Mass shooter.

The Incredible Hulk - 551

Beautiful old universities shouldn’t be allowed to put up new posters.

Etch them in stone if you need to put them up. It’s disgusting, seeing those posters there.

The Incredible Hulk - 552

It took him 17 days to walk there?

The Incredible Hulk - 553

Why does an old school like that have metal detectors?

I distrust any school that has metal detectors. Especially colleges.

You didn’t really attend college if you didn’t risk being killed in a shooting.

Or on your way home from seeing The Forbidden Kingdom.

Colin:

Okay, that was a very unique incident. In which I acted freakishly calm, and Shiho made himself look huge[r than normal] and we somehow got away with not being jumped.

The Incredible Hulk - 554

The Incredible Hulk - 555

What? Does gamma poisoning prevent you from going through metal detectors?

Colin:

When you got that glow…

The Incredible Hulk - 556

Colin:

Tell me that doesn’t look like 50 Cent if he never succeeded at rap and was a security guard at 45.

That’s exactly what he looks like.

These articles are good for making everyone good at this game.

The Incredible Hulk - 557

Oh. Edward Norton hates black people. That’s what it is.

The Incredible Hulk - 558

American Hulkstory X.

The Incredible Hulk - 559

Is anyone really paying attention to him?

The Incredible Hulk - 560

Also, we’re 34 minutes into this movie? Has there been a turning point yet? Has anything happened where we went, “Oh, there’s our inciting incident”? Because I’m pretty sure the only inciting incident was Tim Roth going, “I want some of that purple stuff.”

Nothing on the Banner front for character arc.

Great job, guys. Way to tell a coherent story.

The Incredible Hulk - 561

What’s with the Bigfoot shot?

And why would you roll up your sleeves if you can Hulk out at any time?

The Incredible Hulk - 562

Lotta mailboxes on this campus? Anyone else notice that?

The Incredible Hulk - 563

There aren’t enough obstacles for him keeping calm. He should almost be hit by random cars, or have to stand in line at the DMV or something.

The Incredible Hulk - 564

Only one Asian.

Also, Scott Peterson. Didn’t he kill his wife? What’s he doing teaching structural bio?

Also, Murray Steeles. He sounds like the kinda guy who did porn in the 70s.

The Incredible Hulk - 565

Wow, he’s really interested in Dr. Lester Richards.

Colin:

Her name is Elizabeth Ross? Like, Betsy Ross? I’ll never let her Liv that down.

Or maybe it’s Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman down there.

Colin:

Also, is Dr. Quinn a medicine woman?

Is Lester Richards a producer? I just assume that every random name you see in a movie is some producer.

The Incredible Hulk - 566

The Incredible Hulk - 567

STOP WITH THESE FUCKING SHOTS.

The Incredible Hulk - 568

Is he just gonna stroll up to her like nothing happened?

The Incredible Hulk - 569

Is that Murray Steeles?

I bet he’s hung like a traitorous Minuteman.

The Incredible Hulk - 570

Weren’t you just on some steps? How about some spatial relations?

The Incredible Hulk - 571

Is that what professors do? Just sit on benches?

Colin:

She’s a professor. I don’t doubt her as an attractive person, but I do doubt her as a young person. Like Emma Stone being hired right out of high school to do science at Oscorp. Come on. You don’t go from Bunsen burners to molecular bioengineering after senior prom.

The Incredible Hulk - 572

What kind of fucking phone is that?

“Hey dad, what’s up?”

“Oh nothing, just doing illegal government stuff jk lol smiley face”

The Incredible Hulk - 573

A HA HA HA. I can’t even say, “Really?!” because I just broke out laughing.

This is fucking ridiculous.

The Incredible Hulk - 574

That face.

The Incredible Hulk - 575

The Incredible Hulk - 576

She’s banging someone. As they always are when you go missing for months.

Colin:

Her vajeen’s around someone else’s neck now.

The Incredible Hulk - 577

How about you play the sad Hulk music now?

The Incredible Hulk - 578

People always hold hands at the most opportune moments.

Colin:

“How’s your day? I’m wearing a vest.”

The Incredible Hulk - 579

This lighting makes it look like something out of Dick Tracy.

The Incredible Hulk - 580

How fucking complicated is this shot?

The Incredible Hulk - 581

They panned down to show you that it’s a pizza parlor, and yet we SEE someone taking a pizza out. This is the kind of shit I’m talking about with this movie. How little respect do you have for your audience?

Colin:

I want pizza. I shall have pizza.

The Incredible Hulk - 582

Oh, I get it. This was supposed to be Stan Lee.

Colin:

Wouldn’t it be great if it was randomly the pizzeria from Do the Right Thing? And that Mister Señor Love Daddy was just Nick Fury’s first gig before he gave up DJing and joined S.H.I.E.L.D.? Tell me that wouldn’t blow your mind as a random tie-in?

The Incredible Hulk - 583

The Incredible Hulk - 584

Colin:

Isn’t it funny how once in a blue moon there’s someone you don’t hate? And it takes a second look for you to go, oh wait, maybe not fuck you.

The Incredible Hulk - 585

The Incredible Hulk - 586

Naturally he never believed Norton did any of those things. As the people you go to first when you come home always do.

Colin:

Wait, is THIS dad? No, right? Is he just the friendly restaurateur, and this place is just the Arnold’s to their Joanie and Chachi?

The Incredible Hulk - 587

And Betty is seeing someone. A “head shrink.” “One of the best.” Which clearly served a purpose. And of course they had to add that he’s also a nice guy. Because of course they did.

That’s how these movies work. If he’s a dick, then we have to see it, and there has to be a rivalry. If he’s a nice guy, then we can ignore him and assume he’ll just be pushed aside for our hero.

Colin:

And, even though he’s being pushed aside, he has to take the SIDE of our hero against the bad guys.

And there’s magically a spare room upstairs he can stay in. That was convenient.

The Incredible Hulk - 588

And he has a job, too.

Kind of an awkward way to carry pizzas.

The Incredible Hulk - 589

Colin:

HOW do you always get these amazing faces?

Someone’s gotta do it.

The Incredible Hulk - 590

Ah, Lou!

Lou’ll let you through.

Green recognize green.

Colin:

Lou. He looks well.

The Incredible Hulk - 591

Bribe him with the pizza.

The Incredible Hulk - 592

The Incredible Hulk - 593

Colin:

Oh, Lou. I’m not that kind of girl.

The Incredible Hulk - 594

“You are the man.”

“My pleasure, brother.”

The Incredible Hulk - 595

The Incredible Hulk - 596

Why won’t you show Lou Ferrigno eating pizza? That would have been the highlight of the movie for me.

The Incredible Hulk - 597

He’s so fucking suspicious looking.

The Incredible Hulk - 598

The Incredible Hulk - 599

The Incredible Hulk - 600

The Incredible Hulk - 601

These flashbacks are meaningless.

The Incredible Hulk - 602

The Incredible Hulk - 603

The Incredible Hulk - 604

The Incredible Hulk - 605

The Incredible Hulk - 606

Do all pizza guys have PTSD?

The Incredible Hulk - 607

The Incredible Hulk - 608

The Incredible Hulk - 609

They have Dells too?

Colin:

Who’s this schmuck? Do they know each other? Didn’t he work here? Have we met this guy yet? I don’t recognize him. Did he just trade pizza for access to their computer network, or does he think Norton’s just checking his Myspace? I’m sure there’s an Ed Norton anti-virus joke to be made, but I think we can skip it. I hate myself enough already.

The Incredible Hulk - 610

REALLY?

He just knew the password was gonna be his name?

The Incredible Hulk - 611

I made that joke already.

This brings me back to the days of actually having to worry about those things.

Colin:

Wait, no. They’re running Norton 360 on the screen right now. I take it back, I don’t hate myself. I hate them.

The Incredible Hulk - 612

The Incredible Hulk - 613

Man, searching computers in movies is easy as shit.

Colin:

I hate how in commercials and in movies the cursor always moves at a constant speed and so deliberately. They never let the person just do it quickly, cause there might be old people watching who need to follow along what everyone’s clicking.

The Incredible Hulk - 614

The Incredible Hulk - 615

“What? That’s not how this works.”

Colin:

This is the moment where we cut to the child from Attack of the Clones telling Yoda that the records have been erased from the archive memory, and somehow that’s a fucking revelation.

The Incredible Hulk - 616

Why has no one referred to him by his first name yet?

The Incredible Hulk - 617

Maybe not put a star where the rest of your name is. Maybe that’ll get you some hits.

The Incredible Hulk - 618

The Incredible Hulk - 619

Sure.

The Incredible Hulk - 620

The Incredible Hulk - 621

Oh god.

Colin:

Yeah, cause everyone has your weird ass chat software. AIM Deep Net or whatever.

The Incredible Hulk - 622

Colin:

This person just answers immediately like an asshole. One of those assholes whose Second Life is their only life.

The Incredible Hulk - 623

The Incredible Hulk - 624

Colin:

“Meh meh meh, I’m Trudy Beekman close to a cure, but without the data I guess I can’t help! MEH!”

The Incredible Hulk - 625

The Incredible Hulk - 626

The Incredible Hulk - 627

Or you could find out where he is and bring you.

The Incredible Hulk - 628

This looks like a Chinatown whorehouse.

Colin:

This looks like where they shot Deer Hunter.

The Incredible Hulk - 629

“What am I doing in this movie?”

The Incredible Hulk - 630

Colin:

I heard jingling and then you turned the lights off. Chinese movie rules say you’re about to be kidnapped. If it were Japan, there wouldn’t have been a jingling cause ninja aren’t that amateur.

The Incredible Hulk - 631

The Incredible Hulk - 632

Aww… look who wants pizza.

Colin:

She wants food. Hah. Women.

The Incredible Hulk - 633

Colin:

He used to say, ‘live and let Liv.’

The Incredible Hulk - 634

Of course he shows up right now.

The Incredible Hulk - 635

The Incredible Hulk - 636

He looks fun.

The Incredible Hulk - 637

That face.

The Incredible Hulk - 638

The Incredible Hulk - 639

The Incredible Hulk - 640

The Incredible Hulk - 641

The Incredible Hulk - 642

Colin:

That’s the I-just-saw-a-chupacabra face.

The Incredible Hulk - 643

The Incredible Hulk - 644

The Incredible Hulk - 645

That does not look like the back of a pizzeria.

The Incredible Hulk - 646

Colin:

I can’t see a wet alley now without thinking of Matt Damon stabbing someone.

Have you guys seen We Bought a Zoo?

The Incredible Hulk - 647

“Bruce.”

She busted out the Eowyn voice.

Colin:

Arwen? Admittedly, I can see how you could mix up that universe’s three females.

We also just called her “Liv Tyler” throughout that entire franchise, too. Which doesn’t help.

The Incredible Hulk - 648

The Incredible Hulk - 649

The Incredible Hulk - 650

The Incredible Hulk - 651

This is the most ridiculous shot in the movie.

Totally unearned.

The Incredible Hulk - 652

“What the fuck, old man?”

The Incredible Hulk - 653

“Don’t make me withhold the meds.”

Actually, what she says is, “Just tell me, if I saw what I think I saw?”

The Incredible Hulk - 654

“My dildo funhouse? Yes. You did.”

The dialogue here?

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Please, just tell me the truth.”

Ugh.

Colin:

“Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. But you let slip that I got roaches, and I’ll have the Board of Health and Safety up my ass. Oh, what were you talking about?”

The Incredible Hulk - 655

The Incredible Hulk - 656

And there it is.

Colin:

This movie is a lot of hitchhiking. Does he have a special thumb or something?

It Hulkened One Night.

The Incredible Hulk - 657

The Incredible Hulk - 658

The Incredible Hulk - 659

He’s either gonna get run over or get fucked.

The Incredible Hulk - 660

Also, please don’t set up for a kissing scene in the rain. That’s disgusting if you do that.

Colin:

That’s happening. I think we all know that’s happening.

The Incredible Hulk - 661

The Incredible Hulk - 662

The Incredible Hulk - 663

White shirt.

Colin:

Was the white t-shirt thing on purpose? Is she supposed to just look terrified and confused and shocked and stuff? Can she be less breathy?

It’s Liv Tyler. She cannot be less breathy.

The Incredible Hulk - 664

The Incredible Hulk - 665

The Incredible Hulk - 666

Colin:

Her ears look…normal.

This casting director chose… poorly.

The Incredible Hulk - 667

The Incredible Hulk - 668

The Incredible Hulk - 669

The Incredible Hulk - 670

“I want you to come with me now. Please, come with me.”

Sure forgot about the boyfriend right quick.

Colin:

Did her new boyfriend get some pasta out of all this?

The Incredible Hulk - 671

The Incredible Hulk - 672

Colin:

I want to watch Birdman again. That has Ed Norton and a super hero. And is better.

That’s probably what he’s thinking, too.

The Incredible Hulk - 673

Colin:

Oh, whose VW Golf is this? I like that.

The Incredible Hulk - 674

Didn’t Cast Away sort of end like this?

Unrequited love in a garage with a car and rain?

Colin:

Why was he down there? Oh. It’s funny, cause she was expecting to eat out tonight, but he ended up doing it for her.

The Incredible Hulk - 675

The Incredible Hulk - 676

The Incredible Hulk - 677

The Incredible Hulk - 678

And she just kept all the data (data ex machina) in that little thing.

Colin:

She has the data he needs, naturally. Hop back online and send that shit to the Second Life dude NOW. I’m all about base covering. If you ever find me in a situation where my life is on the line and stuff needs doing, you won’t find me talking to Liv Tyler, trying to explain stuff.

I’ll be getting shit done, or at the very least, making it so that people will know what happened when I got killed. I’ll be uploading files and hiding shit in safe-deposit boxes and dropping padded envelopes in the mail and all that shit you do when people are trying to close in on you.

The Incredible Hulk - 679

“I hoped somewhere that it might tell us something someday.”

That’s gotta be a contender for one of the worst lines of dialogue of all time.

What’s with Liv Tyler putting her vagina on necklaces?

The Incredible Hulk - 680

“Does the General know that you have this?”

Being real vague about names and relations, aren’t you?

The Incredible Hulk - 681

“No. I don’t think so. I haven’t spoken to him in a couple of years.”

She thinks they should just go and talk to him. Because he’s reasonable.

But he wants to dissect what Norton has and weaponize it.

Colin:

NO! You’re KIDDING! The comic book general wants to use a breakthrough for weapons technology? This is seriously groundbreaking stuff.

The Incredible Hulk - 682

Like this.

The Incredible Hulk - 683

Colin:

I don’t know why, but cold stuff under plastic makes me think of The X-Files. Remember how creepy that show was? That scared the absolute bejesus out of me when I was a kid.

The Incredible Hulk - 684

The Incredible Hulk - 685

Colin:

That tag had the name Dr. Reinstein on it. Ever wonder what religion people are?

The Incredible Hulk - 686

The Incredible Hulk - 687

Colin:

The evil general has to do everything himself, cause he can’t just order some corporal to do it. Why do these movies have to be so over-the-top lazy?

The Incredible Hulk - 688

The Incredible Hulk - 689

Colin:

Good tong game, though. I’ll give him that.

The Incredible Hulk - 690

The Incredible Hulk - 691

The Incredible Hulk - 692

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Where’d he get that shirt?

Colin:

Their screen chemistry is a lot like the chemistry in the story. Explosively unpredictable? No. Fake. And he’s good. I like him. But THEY? No.

The Incredible Hulk - 693

“I thought you might wanna – ”

Yuh huh.

The Incredible Hulk - 694

“I should leave early. As early as I can.”

“You can’t stay at all?”

Bitch, your father wants to KILL HIM.

Also, if you haven’t spoken to him in a few years, what are you doing working and living like twenty minutes from where he operates?

Colin:

Be less breathy. Like, really. You have a PhD, I’m sure you can manage a more substantial voice.

The Incredible Hulk - 695

But Norton needs to borrow some money. He’s gotta take a bus.

“Well, at least let me walk you to the station?”

What?

Drive him there, idiot.

Walk him there. Are you a fucking ass?

The Incredible Hulk - 696

They’re not gonna bang.

The Incredible Hulk - 697

Feel those titties.

The Incredible Hulk - 698

Colin:

This is the part where she rubs herself and wants green dick. And he’s like, “….eh.”

The Incredible Hulk - 699

Vagina round the neck.

The Incredible Hulk - 700

Colin:

“NO, but I NEED the green dick!” “That crack in the ceiling is gonna grow and grow until it starts to leak. I wonder what Pedro from Guatemala’s doing right now.”

The Incredible Hulk - 701

Colin:

Even his sheets are green. I really, really, really don’t like this movie.

The Incredible Hulk - 702

This is disgusting.

Colin:

“How am I supposed to LIVE without green dick?” “I hope someone’s taking care of my dog. Whatever, I’m sleepy.”

The Incredible Hulk - 703

But also…

The Incredible Hulk - 704

He’s getting a very low dose.

And apparently they’re going to do it in the dark. Because how could anything go wrong when you can’t see?

Colin:

Tim Roth’s ready to get dosed. Is it gonna be crack? I really hope it’s not just crack.

The Incredible Hulk - 705

“First sign of any side effect, we stop and you’re off team until you straighten out.”

The Incredible Hulk - 706

The Incredible Hulk - 707

Black doctor.

The Incredible Hulk - 708

The Incredible Hulk - 709

Yeah… stick that shit in. Stick it in real deep like.

Colin:

The first two shots looked bad. Anything you get injected via squirt gun is probably bad. My dad was drafted during Vietnam and apparently had to get a shit ton of shots at once, and they had a big gun of like 10 shots that they gave you all at once. That’s not cool at all.

The Incredible Hulk - 710

The Incredible Hulk - 711

The Incredible Hulk - 712

The Incredible Hulk - 713

I’d look like that too if I heard the snapping sound he just did.

Colin:

not gonna say what I thought that looked like first-time anal oops

The Incredible Hulk - 714

The Incredible Hulk - 716

The Incredible Hulk - 717

You guys remember cumming for the first time?

Anyway, that’s the end of Part II.

– – – – – – – – – –

Tomorrow is Part III, and a big ass action sequence that apparently the public just does not notice.

http://bplusmovieblog.com

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.