Fun with Franchises: The Marvel Universe – Iron Man 2 (2010), Part II — “Hi I’m Tony Stark and I Have Diabeetus”

We continue with another entry in our Fun with Franchises series. This week’s film is Iron Man 2.

Fun with Franchises is a series born out of my friend Colin and I realizing how much fun it was for the two of us to watch the same movie separately and then share our reactions. We started by watching all of the James Bond movies, for the purposes of ranking them for the blog. I brought him in because he was much more of a Bond expert than I was at the time, and I felt his perspective would liven things up. He would be the color commentator to my play-by-play man.

We soon discovered that, by watching the movies separately and then putting everything we said together in the same place, hilarity ensued. We each brought in our own observations, not knowing what the other would say, and then reacted to what the other said. And we loved every minute of it.

We had so much fun, we figured we had to do it again. So we graduated from a single franchise, to all franchises. If you’re gonna have fun with franchises, it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t franchise it. Season 1 included the Harry Potter movies, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Twilight (which neither of us had seen before we watched them for the articles) and Pirates of the Caribbean. All of those articles can be read on the Fun with Franchises page.

Also, just so we’re clear, this is all for parody. We’re just messing with them because we love them. (Well… Twilight…) We’re watching movies we enjoy and are simply having some fun with them.

Right now, we’re doing the Marvel Universe, and today is the first part of Iron Man 2.

Iron Man 2 - Title Card

We begin Part II in…

Iron Man 2 - 332

Ah, The Hague.

Iron Man 2 - 333

Yes, I know where it is.

Colin:

Monaco’s the shit. I’m going there.

Iron Man 2 - 334

REALLY, Marvel?!

Colin:

Which reminds me, as I write this, F1 is in its first race weekend of 2015. I’m sure that excites none of you.

Iron Man 2 - 335

Iron Man 2 - 336

I’m okay with these shots. Monaco looks better than everything else in this movie.

Iron Man 2 - 337

Colin:

Wrong town, dinguses.

Iron Man 2 - 338

Iron Man 2 - 339

Nice hat.

Iron Man 2 - 340

Iron Man 2 - 341

“Whatever happens in the next twenty minutes just, go with it.”

That is a great thing to say walking into any place.

Colin:

Where couldn’t you say that? It works everywhere.

I wanna work that line into everything I write.

Iron Man 2 - 342

Ah, look who’s here.

Colin:

Goddamn, she DOES look good. Good for him for just making that happen.

Iron Man 2 - 343

“What’s on the docket?”

“You have a 9:30 dinner.”

“Perfect, I’ll be there at 11.”

Colin:

THAT’S the assistant I want. That is amazing. “Is this us?” “It can be.” And then she just makes it happen! I think I’ve gotten meek from being around Japanese people this long, cause that is mind-blowing.

Iron Man 2 - 344

Elon Musk. Because why not?

Colin:

Never noticed that he was talking to Elon Musk in this. That’s so perfect, cause Elon Musk is easily the closest we have to a real-life Tony Stark. PayPal, SpaceX, Tesla…all good shit. And now he’s really pushing the space thing. The man has a sense of humor, too. The other day he actually addressed the crazy people on Twitter and denied that there was any truth to the rumors that he’s only funding space development to return to his home world. Good for you, sir.

Iron Man 2 - 345

Colin:

I wonder how many individual sound clips there are in Hollywood of ice clinking around in crystal glasses. And, Asian chick wants him, and douche white guy wants to be him.

Iron Man 2 - 346

Nice.

Colin:

Fucking Dan’s here.

It’s Hammer time.

Iron Man 2 - 347

Iron Man 2 - 348

And look who he’s banging.

Colin:

How much more comic book can you get? He actually brought the chick who Tony slept with and who then tried to bring him down with all those hatchet jobs. Cause of course everyone’s working in concert and trying to thwart our hero.

Naturally she wants a quote.

Colin:

And Heigl has to get the quote for the women’s issue. Funny how Pepper’s still like the only one never to have slept with him.

“She’s actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Fair. I thought I’d throw her a bone, you know.”

Colin:

“Spread.” Hah. This could be made better if he told Hammer to ask her about “the thing with the beads.”

Iron Man 2 - 349

Iron Man 2 - 350

Reaction shots are the key to comedy.

Iron Man 2 - 351

“She did quite a spread on Tony last year.”

Iron Man 2 - 352

“And she wrote a story as well.”

Iron Man 2 - 353

Iron Man 2 - 354

Stonewall like a champ.

Iron Man 2 - 355

Colin:

Why are these competitors expected to be friendly? Why does anyone think that would be a thing? And why is Hammer still gravitating toward Tony when Pepper is actually the CEO now and therefore represents his true competition? Stark should just tell Hammer to fuck off and let Pepper deal with it.

Iron Man 2 - 356

Colin:

“We kid. We’re kidders.” You’re resorting to lines from Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

“I kid” was actually the immigrant altar boy’s last words.

Iron Man 2 - 357

This is the first time they’ve seen each other since the senate.

“Since he got his contract revoked.”

So who’s got the contract now?

“Actually, it’s on hold.”

“That’s not what I heard. What’s the difference between hold and cancelled? The truth?”

He’s actually hoping to show something at his Expo.

Iron Man 2 - 358

“Well, if you invent something that works, I’ll make sure I get you a slot.”

Iron Man 2 - 359

“Actually, I have a slot.”

Iron Man 2 - 360

“Hammer needs a slot.”

Iron Man 2 - 361

But he’s not even using the suit.

Iron Man 2 - 362

This also reminds me – since Hammer is bankrolling Rourke, why did he have to do some black market deal for IDs and plane tickets? Hammer could have just sent him that shit in the open. Meeting in an alleyway. Just fucking hand deliver them to the apartment. Who’s gonna know?

Colin:

He’s not bankrolling him yet. This is where he sees Rourke for the first time. But see how you could easily draw that conclusion?

Iron Man 2 - 363

Iron Man 2 - 364

“Got any other bad ideas?”

You mean besides this shot?

Colin:

“Hi. My name is Tony Stark, and I have diabeetus.”

Iron Man 2 - 365

Is that a bad idea? Or the best idea?

This doesn’t come off as self-destructive so much as it does random. I just don’t buy the toxicity thing enough to go along with this.

Colin:

He could not drive that car. And people don’t dress that way.

Iron Man 2 - 366

Colin:

I’m actually writing this on a bullet train to Hiroshima right now, and I just passed, at 186 mph, a love hotel in the middle of nowhere, made to look like an Arabian Palace. For those of you who don’t know, love hotels are hotels in Japan that give you a place to fuck if you can’t make it home. 3-hour stays and all.

Iron Man 2 - 367

Colin:

He couldn’t drive that thing without all his gadgets and electronic aids. This is a historic formula car. The amount of time and training required to reach the level of skill and precision to race one of those in a professional race rivals brain surgery. You can’t just say that he’s a genius and therefore can race this thing no problem.

Iron Man 2 - 368

“I love Tony Stark.”

Iron Man 2 - 369

“We’re not competitive.”

Iron Man 2 - 370

Colin:

I’m not sure what the regulation for that is. The point of qualification is to see who’s fastest and to put the fastest people in front. They now put an amateur 5th on the grid, and on what looks like the racing line, based on someone else’s qualifying performance. That’s not dangerous at all. None of this could happen. He doesn’t have that license, didn’t sit through the safety briefing…yeah, I’m through discussing this logically.

Iron Man 2 - 371

Colin:

“I got some caviar coming.” You fucked up, sir. Bond orders caviar and leaves it for the girl. The girl just left you with the caviar.

Iron Man 2 - 372

I’d rather be watching the Grand Prix Sans Importance.

Or maybe the Grand Prix Infame.

Iron Man 2 - 373

Iron Man 2 - 374

Iron Man 2 - 375

Colin:

I think we’re going to spend the rest of the Marvel block looking for good faces.

And good feces.

There’s a lot of both.

Iron Man 2 - 376

Iron Man 2 - 377

Did he Enrico Palazzo that other driver?

Iron Man 2 - 378

Iron Man 2 - 379

Hammer has a car, too.

Iron Man 2 - 380

Iron Man 2 - 381

Iron Man 2 - 382

Iron Man 2 - 383

Nothing to say here. The visuals of a Grand Prix are pretty cool.

Colin:

That is actually what they do in Monaco. People get drunk on their yachts, watching the race that’s RIGHT THERE on a screen tilted their way.

Iron Man 2 - 384

Naturally he’s just there. If you considered how he would have gotten there for a second, you’d realize someone is helping him. And then it’s, “Who could be helping him? Well, Hammer, of course.”

Colin:

He doesn’t expect Tony to be racing, right? His plan can’t have anticipated Tony deciding to hop in this car last minute. But again, Hammer isn’t helping him. That would have been better if they’d done it that way because at least Hammer would have looked into the past for enemies of the Stark family and found someone instead of having it dropped in his lap like it is.

Iron Man 2 - 385

I bet he made them allow the toothpick. Method actors seem to love props.

Colin:

What race marshal has a lollipop?

Iron Man 2 - 386

Colin:

They removed the chicane for this race? What’s with that? Do you WANT people to die?

Iron Man 2 - 387

Iron Man 2 - 388

Iron Man 2 - 389

Iron Man 2 - 390

Iron Man 2 - 391

I can’t tell if the camera shaking as the cars zoom past is legit or CGI pretending to be legit.

Normally I’d say, “Well that’s the point of CGI,” but I want to know whether I should hate this or not.

Iron Man 2 - 392

Iron Man 2 - 393

I love that all it takes is one drunk asshole to fall off a balcony and at least three people end up dead.

This is so dangerous it could only be Europe.

Colin:

But Asia’s dangerous too. I think the distinction is that Monaco is classy-dangerous.

Iron Man 2 - 394

Weird how he know exactly where Stark was gonna be.

And how no one is monitoring the way ONTO THE TRACK.

Colin:

Technically, he’s dressed as a marshal, which means he’s the one who’s supposed to be monitoring the track. Kinda like Javier Bardem dressing as a cop and waltzing through London without being noticed.

Iron Man 2 - 395

Colin:

What a dumbass. There was actually a pretty crazy moment at the Canadian GP in 2011, I think (seriously, one of the best grands prix I’ve ever watched), when a marshal was picking up debris during the race, tripped while leaving the track and almost got hit by a car coming through at high speed.

Iron Man 2 - 396

Iron Man 2 - 397

The dress looked better on Keira.

And why does the guy on the right look like the Broken Lizard dude in a 70s porno?

Iron Man 2 - 398

Iron Man 2 - 399

How did he get through customs?

Or into the stadium?

Iron Man 2 - 400

Iron Man 2 - 401

Iron Man 2 - 402

Iron Man 2 - 403

Iron Man 2 - 404

Well that seems dangerous.

Iron Man 2 - 405

Iron Man 2 - 406

Pretty sure that would catch fire and not do what it just did.

Especially since these people are meant to be able to help people out of wreckage.

Colin:

I would like that, if he just caught fire.

Iron Man 2 - 407

Why would you cast Mickey Rourke in this?

Iron Man 2 - 408

Iron Man 2 - 409

That face.

Iron Man 2 - 410

Iron Man 2 - 411

Iron Man 2 - 412

The Hammer car went first.

Iron Man 2 - 413

Why are the cars not closer together?

Iron Man 2 - 414

Iron Man 2 - 415

Iron Man 2 - 416

Iron Man 2 - 417

Colin:

Shit like this does happen in races. Back in the late 90s, Le Mans prototypes didn’t have enough downforce and would take off on little hills, flip backwards in the air and crash. Scary shit.

Iron Man 2 - 418

Like the sound of air popping when the tire hits. Nice sound design.

Iron Man 2 - 419

Iron Man 2 - 420

Iron Man 2 - 421

Iron Man 2 - 422

Are there not police there to take him out?

Iron Man 2 - 423

Iron Man 2 - 424

That’s her only job in this movie.

Colin:

She is a pretty worthless character. Why can’t we have a better female lead?

Iron Man 2 - 425

See that dude to Favreau’s right? He’s like, “I just popped a tab of acid. Shit’s about to get real interesting.”

Iron Man 2 - 426

Iron Man 2 - 427

WHY ARE YOU IN THE CAR?!!!

Someone’s trying to kill Tony Stark. So you, the head of his company, go TO HIM.

Iron Man 2 - 428

Iron Man 2 - 429

Iron Man 2 - 430

Iron Man 2 - 431

Colin:

The shot of Pepper being kicked back in the seat is the same as the shot in Skyfall when Bond abducts Judi Dench from the hearing and peels out in her Jaguar. Which do you think I prefer?

Iron Man 2 - 432

Colin:

He’s driving a Rolls Royce Phantom, a car large enough to pull several smaller cars into its gravitational field, in the wrong direction on a street circuit. This is actually AS ridiculous as Trinity going the wrong way on the motorcycle.

Iron Man 2 - 433

Wouldn’t people be getting in the drivers’ ears and being like, “FUCKING STOP!”?

Sure, you can explain this by Tony saying, “Fuck that,” and tossing his earpiece out at the start of the race (assuming he even had one to begin with), because he’s not listening to anybody. But the other drivers still racing? That’s ridiculous.

Colin:

They have radios. They should have shut this mother down IMMEDIATELY. It’s been long enough for Pepper to see what was happening on TV, get Happy, have him get the suit and the car, get in the car and start driving down the track. And in this period of time, the racers, who have radios to their pit crews and clear sight of visual signals that can halt the race all around the track, have not been alerted to what’s going on.

Iron Man 2 - 434

How do you leave your hotel during this race?

That would suck, to be hungover and stumble outside for some eggs. “What the fuck?”

Iron Man 2 - 435

Iron Man 2 - 436

Iron Man 2 - 437

Iron Man 2 - 438

Iron Man 2 - 439

Iron Man 2 - 440

Wouldn’t you aim to take his head off and not keep him alive?

Or is it an Indigo Montoya thing?

Iron Man 2 - 441

Iron Man 2 - 442

Iron Man 2 - 443

Colin watches way more Formula 1 than I do… but you don’t survive that.

Iron Man 2 - 444

Iron Man 2 - 445

Iron Man 2 - 446

Iron Man 2 - 447

Iron Man 2 - 448

Iron Man 2 - 449

Iron Man 2 - 450

Iron Man 2 - 451

Iron Man 2 - 452

Iron Man 2 - 453

Colin:

Remember when Brad Pitt survived a plane crash?

You guys ever see Troy?

Iron Man 2 - 454

Iron Man 2 - 455

Iron Man 2 - 456

Colin:

That’s serious injury in one of those cars. The new ones break away from you to protect you from being crumpled, but these just smash with you inside.

Iron Man 2 - 457

Colin:

How are there no cops with guns? This guy is thwarted by projectile weapons. Tony’s energy blasts don’t work, but a bullet would. Or a lot of bullets.

Iron Man 2 - 458

Iron Man 2 - 459

Iron Man 2 - 460

So how many people are dead right now?

Colin:

That’s basically death. Two cars flipping behind him and one blowing up. No way he isn’t What Dreams May Come’ed. And he doesn’t even LOOK.

Iron Man 2 - 461

Iron Man 2 - 462

RANDOM FLYING TIRE!

Iron Man 2 - 463

Iron Man 2 - 464

Pretty sure the news wouldn’t put this on live.

Or would it?

Maybe that is the most realistic part of this movie.

Iron Man 2 - 465

These extras aren’t getting paid enough.

Colin:

Why is nobody drinking? This lady has a drink, but she’s not sipping. When stuff starts going down, you sip.

Iron Man 2 - 466

Colin:

These cars go so fast that the fact that they’re still driving through the field means that they’re a LONG way in the other direction of where the action is happening. That is, all of these cars that they’re passing through would have had to have passed through where Tony and Vanko are before Vanko started shit.

In clock terms, these cars were at least at 1 o’clock when Vanko popped out at 12. And they’re really fast, which means they’re probably somewhere between 6 and 12 now, but Pepper and Happy, also between 6 and 12, are heading to 12 by going COUNTER clockwise. Spatial relationships, people.

Iron Man 2 - 467

So naturally she wants the case, and has to get the key from his pocket in order to uncuff it from his wrist. At ninety miles per hour driving against traffic going at least 150 miles an hour.

Iron Man 2 - 468

What the fuck is this asshole doing?

He’s the human version of Tony’s robot.

Iron Man 2 - 469

Yeah, there was fuel leaking. You’re both incinerated right now.

Iron Man 2 - 470

Not without my toothpick.

Iron Man 2 - 471

Iron Man 2 - 472

Iron Man 2 - 473

Iron Man 2 - 474

And how did you not see that earlier?

Iron Man 2 - 475

Colin:

Surprise, motherfucker?

Iron Man 2 - 476

Iron Man 2 - 477

That probably should have knocked him concussed. That’s a piece of metal.

Iron Man 2 - 478

Iron Man 2 - 479

Iron Man 2 - 480

Colin:

Why’d the whips that cut everything else instantly not cut through the thing he was holding just then? Do they cut adamantium? Can Wolverine fight Mickey Rourke?

Iron Man 2 - 481

Iron Man 2 - 482

Iron Man 2 - 483

Iron Man 2 - 484

Iron Man 2 - 485

Iron Man 2 - 486

Iron Man 2 - 487

Iron Man 2 - 488

Colin:

You’re like, super good with whips, dude.

He’s one of those weirdos who knows about leather.

Iron Man 2 - 489

You knew that shit was going to happen at least once.

Iron Man 2 - 490

Iron Man 2 - 491

Iron Man 2 - 492

Iron Man 2 - 493

The spin is unnecessary.

Iron Man 2 - 494

Iron Man 2 - 495

Iron Man 2 - 496

Iron Man 2 - 497

Iron Man 2 - 498

Is that all it did?

Iron Man 2 - 499

Fuel. Again. There is no way either of you survives this.

Colin:

Always with the spatial relations. He whipped right to Tony’s foot in that last shot, and now we turn the shot around and he’s like 30 feet away.

Iron Man 2 - 500

Iron Man 2 - 501

Is this the realization of what an idiot he was?

Iron Man 2 - 502

NOW IT MATTERS?!

Iron Man 2 - 503

Iron Man 2 - 504

Iron Man 2 - 505

Iron Man 2 - 506

Iron Man 2 - 507

Iron Man 2 - 508

Iron Man 2 - 509

Iron Man 2 - 510

Iron Man 2 - 511

Iron Man 2 - 512

Iron Man 2 - 513

Iron Man 2 - 514

Must have been fun to see him walking around with jump ropes in his hands.

Iron Man 2 - 515

Iron Man 2 - 516

Maybe… move?

Iron Man 2 - 517

Iron Man 2 - 518

Iron Man 2 - 519

Iron Man 2 - 520

Iron Man 2 - 521

Iron Man 2 - 522

Iron Man 2 - 523

Great how no one’s cleared out and they’re all watching this.

Iron Man 2 - 524

Iron Man 2 - 525

Iron Man 2 - 526

Iron Man 2 - 527

Colin:

His reaction to the sleeve on fire reminded me that he played Chaplin. Which is a compliment.

Iron Man 2 - 528

Colin:

Hey, Martini! One of the greatest racing liveries of all time. We love Gulf, and we love Martini.

Iron Man 2 - 529

Iron Man 2 - 530

It’s funny now that Mickey Rourke was a thing for two years.

Iron Man 2 - 531

Iron Man 2 - 532

Iron Man 2 - 533

Iron Man 2 - 534

Wasn’t there a driver who used to do that? I feel like that’s all I know about racing. That someone used to do that.

Iron Man 2 - 535

Iron Man 2 - 536

Iron Man 2 - 537

Iron Man 2 - 538

Iron Man 2 - 539

Colin:

Haha. He just got Signs’ed. I have a euphemism for almost every different way you can be hit by a car. The funniest being Meet Joe Black’ed.

Iron Man 2 - 540

Iron Man 2 - 541

Colin:

This happens every time. You don’t let bad guys get up. You put a nail through his temple RIGHT NOW.

I Know When to Kill My Problems

Iron Man 2 - 542

Iron Man 2 - 543

OPTIMUS!

Iron Man 2 - 544

“God, this is embarrassing!”

Iron Man 2 - 545

So they’re arguing instead of killing their problem.

Is this what rich people do? Hit someone with the car and argue over whose fault it was as they drive away from the body?

Iron Man 2 - 546

Iron Man 2 - 547

Iron Man 2 - 548

Iron Man 2 - 549

Iron Man 2 - 550

GPOY

Iron Man 2 - 551

Iron Man 2 - 552

Weird how the world is watching a billionaire encourage vehicular manslaughter.

Iron Man 2 - 553

Iron Man 2 - 554

Iron Man 2 - 555

Iron Man 2 - 556

Iron Man 2 - 557

Iron Man 2 - 558

And… no cops? Nothing?

They’re all finishing their lunch first, aren’t they?

Iron Man 2 - 559

Iron Man 2 - 560

Colin:

This is a strange shot.

It was handcuffed to Favreau a minute ago, wasn’t it? Or did he take it off before they even got in the car? Oh, who cares anymore.

Iron Man 2 - 561

Just hop on the yacht and float away.

“Bye, bye, cunts!”

That’s how I’d do it.

Iron Man 2 - 562

Iron Man 2 - 563

Iron Man 2 - 564

Airbags. Reliable.

Iron Man 2 - 565

Iron Man 2 - 566

Iron Man 2 - 567

Colin:

I like how he’s chopping up the Rolls. That’s impressive in terms of effects. You know Rolls had to make this for them so they could cut it up in the right way.

Iron Man 2 - 568

Iron Man 2 - 569

Iron Man 2 - 570

Iron Man 2 - 571

This is all she does.

Iron Man 2 - 572

Iron Man 2 - 573

Iron Man 2 - 574

This does look cool, though.

Iron Man 2 - 575

Iron Man 2 - 576

“GIVE ME THE FUCKING CASE!”

Is basically what this is.

Iron Man 2 - 577

Iron Man 2 - 578

Colin:

No. She can’t throw that whole thing. She threw that like a piece of Styrofoam. That’s supposed to be a suit that can take a hit from an anti-aircraft gun or an explosion or something. There’s no way it’s made of something light enough that the WHOLE suit in suitcase form could be tossed. They’re just getting ridiculous. It should have been in the trunk.

Iron Man 2 - 579

Don’t think it slides, but whatever.

Iron Man 2 - 580

Iron Man 2 - 581

Iron Man 2 - 582

Iron Man 2 - 583

How about you just kill him while he’s putting it on?

Iron Man 2 - 584

Iron Man 2 - 585

Iron Man 2 - 586

Iron Man 2 - 587

Iron Man 2 - 588

Iron Man 2 - 589

Colin:

How did he get this through customs? Do sovereign nations want him showing up with this?

Iron Man 2 - 590

This suit automatically looks more fake than the last one.

Iron Man 2 - 591

Iron Man 2 - 592

Now they’re running closer to get a better look.

Iron Man 2 - 593

Iron Man 2 - 594

Iron Man 2 - 595

Iron Man 2 - 596

Iron Man 2 - 597

Iron Man 2 - 598

Iron Man 2 - 599

Iron Man 2 - 600

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, CAR!

Iron Man 2 - 601

Iron Man 2 - 602

Iron Man 2 - 603

Iron Man 2 - 604

This is a weird looking suit.

Iron Man 2 - 605

Iron Man 2 - 606

Iron Man 2 - 607

Iron Man 2 - 608

Well maybe get a little distance from him. Those whips only reach so far. And you have a long range… whatever that thing fires.

Iron Man 2 - 609

Iron Man 2 - 610

Iron Man 2 - 611

Iron Man 2 - 612

Iron Man 2 - 613

Iron Man 2 - 614

Colin:

This is not hurting him? It doesn’t cut this metal? You can cut through a Rolls Royce Death Star but not the little thing that Gwyneth Paltrow was able to throw?

Iron Man 2 - 615

Can’t you fly?

Colin:

That didn’t really hurt him at all, huh? He’s just looking at it like a math problem. It’s like the only thing we’re supposed to care about is the suit getting a little wrecked up. And later on we see that he has like 10 of them, like Batman. None with nipples, though.

Iron Man 2 - 616

Iron Man 2 - 617

Iron Man 2 - 618

Iron Man 2 - 619

Iron Man 2 - 620

You eat those? What?

Iron Man 2 - 621

Iron Man 2 - 622

Iron Man 2 - 623

Iron Man 2 - 624

Iron Man 2 - 625

Iron Man 2 - 626

Yeah, maybe keep walking backwards outside of the range of those whips.

Though presumably the implication is at longer range he’s not as accurate.

But the movie doesn’t bother to explain this at all through staging and choreography and all those important things that makes action coherent.

Iron Man 2 - 627

Iron Man 2 - 628

Iron Man 2 - 629

Doesn’t anybody here carry a gun?

Iron Man 2 - 630

Colin:

Look at the extras here. 

Iron Man 2 - 631

Iron Man 2 - 632

Iron Man 2 - 633

Why does the Iron Man suit have a watch band for an abdomen?

Iron Man 2 - 634

Iron Man 2 - 635

Iron Man 2 - 636

Iron Man 2 - 637

Iron Man 2 - 638

Iron Man 2 - 639

Iron Man 2 - 640

Colin:

I like how they’re still just sitting in the car. No, that’s fine. Don’t help.

Iron Man 2 - 641

Iron Man 2 - 642

Iron Man 2 - 643

Colin:

Those are the crazy eyes. Mickey Rourke does have the crazy eyes.

Iron Man 2 - 644

Iron Man 2 - 645

Iron Man 2 - 646

Iron Man 2 - 647

Iron Man 2 - 648

Iron Man 2 - 649

“So, uhh… guys… maybe do something?”

Iron Man 2 - 650

Iron Man 2 - 651

Iron Man 2 - 652

Iron Man 2 - 653

Iron Man 2 - 654

Why are you both just sitting in the fucking car?

Iron Man 2 - 655

Colin:

He did just pull Tony off the car pretty hard, and he’s been whipping him around, which suggests that he has the strength to swing the weight of Tony IN the suit around like nothing. I see no prosthesis that’s making him stronger or supporting any of the load. His arms are what make the whip go.

Iron Man 2 - 656

Iron Man 2 - 657

Iron Man 2 - 658

Iron Man 2 - 659

Iron Man 2 - 660

Iron Man 2 - 661

Iron Man 2 - 662

Iron Man 2 - 663

Iron Man 2 - 664

Has Mickey Rourke spoken a word yet? I don’t think he has.

Iron Man 2 - 665

Iron Man 2 - 666

Iron Man 2 - 667

Iron Man 2 - 668

And this is where he realizes he has to get closer because he can hit him when he’s closer.

Now, if you structured the action better, we’d have understood this and it would have felt like a realization.

Iron Man 2 - 669

Iron Man 2 - 670

Iron Man 2 - 671

Iron Man 2 - 672

Iron Man 2 - 673

Iron Man 2 - 674

Iron Man 2 - 675

Iron Man 2 - 676

Iron Man 2 - 677

Iron Man 2 - 678

Iron Man 2 - 679

Iron Man 2 - 680

Iron Man 2 - 681

Iron Man 2 - 682

Iron Man 2 - 683

Iron Man 2 - 684

Iron Man 2 - 685

Iron Man 2 - 686

Iron Man 2 - 687

Iron Man 2 - 688

Iron Man 2 - 689

Iron Man 2 - 690

Iron Man 2 - 691

Iron Man 2 - 692

Iron Man 2 - 693

Colin:

Another Tuesday pose.

Iron Man 2 - 694

Where the fuck were you assholes five minutes ago?

Iron Man 2 - 695

Iron Man 2 - 696

I like that they resisted the urge to give him a one-liner here.

Iron Man 2 - 697

Iron Man 2 - 698

What did he say? “You’re washed”? Like Boris the Blade?

Colin:

He says, “You lose.”

Iron Man 2 - 699

There’s so much AIDS in franchises.

Iron Man 2 - 700

Iron Man 2 - 701

Iron Man 2 - 702

Gotta love a guy who laughs manically as he’s being taken away to go to prison for the rest of his life.

Colin:

Mickey Rourke, laughing like a crazy person. Not much of a stretch.

Iron Man 2 - 703

Iron Man 2 - 704

Iron Man 2 - 705

Iron Man 2 - 706

Iron Man 2 - 707

Iron Man 2 - 708

How much do you think all this cost Mickey Rourke?

Iron Man 2 - 709

Good thing they didn’t fuck up those CG yachts.

Iron Man 2 - 710

Iron Man 2 - 711

Look at these extras.

Colin:

When you look at them in single images, you can imagine them shooting these cuts in a row. Three or four, one after the other. And then they tell Hammer to smile for the last one. 

Iron Man 2 - 712

They don’t know who he is. No prints. Hasn’t said a word. Doesn’t know if he can speak English.

Knives and lint.

Colin:

Oh, so his French accent is LOVELY. Almost as good as Uma Thurman’s Japanese accent.

Iron Man 2 - 713

Tony wants five minutes with him.

Naturally, what the billionaire wants, he gets.

Colin:

I love how rich people don’t have to follow the justice system.

Iron Man 2 - 714

Well this is creepy.

Colin:

Shitting pose.

Iron Man 2 - 715

“Pretty decent tech. Cycles per second was a little low.”

Iron Man 2 - 716

He gives him pointers on how he could have done better.

Calls it a “passable knockoff.”

Colin:

Yeah, tell the crazy Russian how to make a better thing. That serves a purpose.

It actually does. Characterization about how he’s got that kind of brain, where he’s more interested in the tech than the person. That actually does make sense and work as character building for me.

Iron Man 2 - 717

“I don’t get it. A little fine tuning you could have made yourself a decent paycheck. You could have sold it to North Korea, China, Iran.”

All those places we saw before.

I’m sure even the UK would have taken it.

Iron Man 2 - 718

“Come on, Comrade.”

What he actually says is, “You come from a family of thieves and butchers. And now, like all guilty men, you try to rewrite your own history. And you forget all the lives the Stark family has destroyed.”

That line could be from Game of Thrones and you’d never know.

Iron Man 2 - 719

“Speaking of thieves, where did you get this design?”

Iron Man 2 - 720

“My father. Anton Vanko.”

Iron Man 2 - 721

“Well, I never heard of him.”

Iron Man 2 - 722

Oh, I see. This is why they wanted Mickey Rourke.

“My father is the reason you’re alive.”

Colin:

It’s funny how he’s basically the Winklevoss twins of arc reactor technology. “Oh it was my family’s idea, WAHHHHHH.” “Fuck you, I did it better anyway.”

“The reason I’m alive is because you had a shot, you took it, and you missed.”

“Did I? If you can make God bleed, the people will cease to believe in him.”

Colin:

Ah, so he thinks Stark is Xerxes. What with all his weird fever dream orgies and his low voice and face piercings. Gotta show people he can bleed. Didn’t work well for Connery in The Man Who Would Be King, either.

Iron Man 2 - 723

“And there will be blood in the water. And the sharks will come. The truth, all I have to do is sit here and watch as the world will consume you.”

So his plan is, “Oh, I showed you’re vulnerable, so now people are gonna take shots at you.” That… seems unlikely. I don’t think one villain begets other villains. That’s not how escalation works.

Iron Man 2 - 724

“Where will you be watching the world consume me from? That’s right, a prison cell. I’ll send you a bar of soap.”

Colin:

He dropped the soap reference nicely.

Iron Man 2 - 725

“Hey Tony, before you go – palladium in the chest. Painful way to die.”

Colin:

Who else had palladium IN the chest? Why would he know this? There’s no way for him to know this.

Iron Man 2 - 726

Iron Man 2 - 727

Iron Man 2 - 728

Iron Man 2 - 729

Anyway, that’s the end of Part II.

– – – – – – – – – –

Tomorrow is Part III, and the best birthday party ever.

(See the rest of Fun with Franchises here.)

http://bplusmovieblog.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.