Fun with Franchises: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), Part V — “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… Duggory”

We continue with another entry in our Fun with Franchises series, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

In case you don’t know how this works — after doing a couple of trial runs without realizing it (Disney movies, Bond movies), I realized that I really enjoyed going through movies frame by frame, commenting on them and cracking jokes like I would if I was sitting around watching them with friends. So I decided to make it a feature on the site and enlisted my friend Colin to help (since it’s better when you have another person to play off). None of this is meant to be any real in-depth analysis. We’re just doing it for comedy and parody purposes. We’re basically just doing what we would normally when talking about this stuff, which I’m sure are versions of the same conversations most people have.

And of course, if you’re gonna do something called Fun with Franchises… you kinda have to franchise it. So we scribbled down a handful of franchises we knew we’d have the most fun going over, and that’s what you’re about to see. This is all done out of love and purely for the benefit of entertainment.

And that’s Fun with Franchises. Right now, we’re doing the Harry Potter franchise, and today is the fifth and final part of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Title Card

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1302

We start Part V right at the start of challenge #3.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1303

Colin:

There he is, Filius Flitwick –

Baddest motherfucker at Hogwarts.

Colin:

– conducting the band like a motherfucking boss, and I need to say this live.

I like that they’re all just gonna sit there and watch a maze without having any idea of what’s going on inside. No cameras and big screens? Even The Hunger Games had TV.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1304

Why does he get to introduce his son? Outside of the fact that you need to remember him when he dies later? Or is he one of those overbearing stage fathers?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1305

Are they doing the Macarena for Fleur?

And doesn’t that chick on the right look like Keira Knightley?

Also, Natalie Portman’s husband is here.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1306

“Kiss the rings, bitch.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1307

Colin:

It’s great how Hogwarts has TWO champions and the Slytherins are still cheering for Krum. They should just leave the school. There should be no more Slytherin. This is a divorce about 1020 years in the making.

Slytherin is the South of Hogwarts. They’d be the assholes who secede, get their asses kicked, crawl back in, and then be proud of their secession years later and talk about how they should secede again.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1308

The Headmaster is supporting one of his students over another.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1309

They should have to do this drunk.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1310

Fleur’s sister has a great fashion sense.

And Cedric is freaked out, seeing Dumbledore do that with his voice box.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1311

Dumby says Professor Moody placed the Tri-Wizard Cup deep within the maze. Only he knows its exact position.

Red flag, maybe?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1312

I love Seamus.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1313

“The first person to touch the cup will be the winner!”

What’s weird is — how can this be every student from all three schools? Do they not allow all the kids to watch? Is it because there’s a curfew for the younger students? Did they eat before this? Or are they just chilling here all afternoon? And what do they do during the challenge? There clearly aren’t cameras broadcasting what’s going on inside, otherwise people would be privy to what’s actually happening, so are they just sitting there in the stands, waiting for someone to come out? Not really a spectator tournament, is it? And people are all over these fucking challenges. And they can’t even see shit. What kind of tournament is this?

Seriously, though, what company puts this tournament on? The Ministry? What a weird thing, to just have, that nobody really comes to except the schools involved, but apparently it means something? How can you have something so marginal with magically binding contracts?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1314

Get it? He doesn’t have any parents.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1315

“In the maze, you’ll find no dragons or creatures of the deep. Instead you’ll face something even more challenging. You see, people change in the maze. Oh, find the cup if you can, but be very wary – you could just lose yourselves along the way.”

Colin:

Great speech, Dumbledore. I love it when he does stuff like this. They’re all riled up to fight monsters, and he’s like, “Oh no. You must first face the enemy within.” Which, you know that Cho’s the only one who can make heads or tails of that Asian stuff.

It sounds like he’s making a Shining reference.

If I were Dumbledore, I’d totally have made a “hedging your bets” joke.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1316

Sup, Fleur?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1317

On the count of three. One…

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1318

Colin:

Hah! Get it? Filch is a premature ejaculator. I confirmed with Mrs. Norris.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1319

“What?”

He’s the best.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1320

“Motherfucker’s taking away all my suspense.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1321

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1322

Did no one else see that?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1323

Nice look.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1324

Colin:

Whoa, noise-canceling hedge? Gotta get me some of THAT! I’m also really grateful to Mike for suggesting baller movies to me, cause now when I think of a hedge maze, I think of Sleuth before I think of The Shining. Seriously. Watch Sleuth.

I cannot second this suggestion more strongly.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1325

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1326

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1327

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1328

Was that always just there?

Colin:

They can grow THAT much hedge in that little time? How about using your magic herbology skills to grow some crops and fight world hunger? No? Okay, I guess just continue with your little Olympics for the high school wizarding population. Only about 7,500 kids die of starvation every day. Under the age of five.

I’m hungry.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1329

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1330

How ‘bout an “Accio, Firebolt” now, motherfucker?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1331

This reminds me of a level in one of the “Twisted Metal” games, where you’re racing around a giant hedge maze and people just come out of nowhere like, “Surprise, motherfuckers!”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1332

If I were in this maze, I’d be all left-right-up-up freeze missile like a motherfucker. This is where someone gets accidentally Avada Kedavra’d.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1333

Colin:

This looks….boooooring. How do they expect you to go through a maze this size without an iPod? (My maze playlist would be only one song on repeat.)

I would love it if they just cut to Harry, walking through the maze, bouncing up and down, listening to an iPod. Everything’s quiet except for him, quietly singing along. “I got a bitch to suck my dick til I nut / Spit it on my gut, slurp that shit back up….”

Hagrid:

Ain’t that a slut / Hell yeah, she’d even take it in the hut / Fuck for ’bout an hour, yeah you know she liked my flower!

Cedric’s gonna be Swayze soon.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1334

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1335

Japan loves this scene.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1336

This is the moment the white girl walks over to check the closet.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1337

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1338

Let’s appreciate these two shots.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1339

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1340

But not these two.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1341

We really do have a 10-82.

Colin:

Oh, what a lovely tea party.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1342

“Hey you guys, what’s going on?”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1343

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1344

Seriously, dude with white eyes — shoot first, answer questions to the authorities later.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1345

Well that was weird. He just leaves him alone.

I love how never once does Harry think something’s afoot here, when one of the competitors is clearly under a curse (which he only had ever seen done to a spider, yet correctly identifies).

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1346

And now she’s getting tentacled.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1347

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1348

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1349

That’s one gone.

I forget. Does he take her wand here and do it? How does that work? Do they measure flares by which wand calls it or who’s there when they call for help?

Also, what happened to binding magical contract? Sure as shit seems like people can tap out of these things whenever the fuck they want. Though, I guess as Colin already established, “Harry Potter don’t pull out of nothing.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1350

And there’s the cup.

I like how they just let these kids wander around a maze for several hours and everyone else at the school just stayed chilling at the stands.

I wanna make a comment about how they don’t have TVs or anything, but I appreciate their commitment to “do whatever the fuck you have to do. What happens in the maze, stays in the maze.”

Though I do wonder why there wasn’t more weird shit to stop them. So far, the dragon challenge was the only remotely dangerous one. The underwater one, so long as you figured out how to breathe and didn’t take more than one person, was just a grab and go. And this one’s just a maze. They didn’t drop any creatures or anything here for them to have to combat. Or, you know… that plant that is stymied by ‘Standard Book of Spells, Chapter 1’.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1351

Colin:

Be calm, Harry. Only the penitent man shall pass.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1352

Don’t worry, Harry, he’s just trying to kill the spare.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1353

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1354

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1355

There’s that Expelliarmus shit again.

Colin:

Isn’t the point of Expelliarmus to disarm the opponent? Why is it that sometimes the person hit with it is left standing and their wand goes flying, but other times (like with Krum here) the person goes flying and they land with their wand still in their hand?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1356

Harry stops Cedric from fucking up Krum because he knows he’s bewitched.

Really? You know that but you don’t know gillyweed? Also, wouldn’t you say he’s been “Imperiused,” just so we know we’re dealing with an Unforgivable curse? Or is he under the impression that the maze did this to him, because of Dumbledore’s weird ass speech?

This is why Harry is a Gryffindor, I guess.

Also, how did Moody manage this? Did he apparate and then Imperius Krum? Did he randomly do it from a distance?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1357

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1358

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1359

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1360

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1361

How come the vines only stopped at Cedric?

Colin:

Hufflepuff. Duff. They suck.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1362

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1363

“Harry!”

Why would you scream like that? Clearly this whole thing is designed to try to keep you alive. The only reason you do that is because you’re not as brave as you pretend to be or you’re trying to get him close so you can throw him in the vines.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1364

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1365

Colin:

Harry just gave Cedric the Isildur/Frodo look. That, “You want me to do the right thing? Hah. Fuck the right thing” look.

He did though. And it’s weird, because they don’t ever set up that he might do something evil. There’s no real competition with Cedric. They’ve been helping each other out the whole time. Hell, they held a boot together.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1366

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1367

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1368

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1369

Doesn’t that seem like the right thing to do for the next three minutes?

Wonder if he’s gonna replay this over again in his head for the next twenty to thirty years.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1370

Cedric says “For a moment there, I thought you were gonna let it get me.” “For a moment there,” Harry responds, “So did I.”

And then they took each other tenderly into each other’s arms, and suddenly the tournament didn’t seem so important anymore.

Wait, where was I? I blacked out.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1371

“Some game, huh?”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1372

“Some game.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1373

Cedric tells him to take it.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1374

Harry says they’ll take it together.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1375

Colin:

Cedric’s gonna wish that Harry hadn’t saved him, and that he hadn’t then offered to touch the cup at the same time.

Cedric ain’t gonna wish shit. Cedric gonna be dead.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1376

But actually, though, Harry is responsible for this kid’s death.

Colin:

This is pretty much all on Harry for being a nice guy. JK Rowling’s moral of this story? Greed is good. Being an asshole saves lives.

You hear that, Harry? Cast that Hufflepuff into the fiery chasm from whence it came.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1377

They going into their Avatars.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1378

Part of me wishes they set this up earlier. I mean, they set up the location with Frank Bryce getting murdered, but I mean like, randomly, when you don’t know they set it up.

I say this because they’re in a graveyard, and graveyards always make me think of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Early on in that movie, when Eastwood is turning Eli Wallach in for the bounty (before he frees him and you realize they’re working together), Wallach is squirming and calling him names and shouts, “I hope you end up in a graveyard!” And then they do, at the end of the movie. And I always loved how they did that.

There’s no real point to this story except to say that I really love The Good, the Bad and the Ugly and that’s what I think of whenever there’s a graveyard in a movie.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1379

How long do you think it would take you to realize this isn’t part of the game and is a trap?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1380

“Miiii-ke!”

Colin:

For how often we reference that, I bet most people have no idea what we’re talking about.

This is one where — if they don’t know, don’t tell them. It’s so much better for someone to stop and go, “Are you talking about (that)?” Because it’s such a random moment that it’s better when people randomly know it.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1381

“Where are we?”

Gee, if only there were written clues somewhere in the periphery.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1382

You’d really think the big fucking tomb with the name on it might be a clue.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1383

“Isn’t good we learned about portkeys this movie?”

(Also, why not just touch it and go back?)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1384

You know what that means…

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1385

This is some wrestling entrance shit.

“From Parts Unknown, weighing 25 pounds, being accompanied by his manservant Wormtail, the Man Who Must Not Be Named… VOL-DE-MORT!!!!!!”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1386

Tip that shit over and run, man. You think they just have another cauldron of that shit at the ready?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1387

Colin:

Ew! It’s the Rod Stewart baby!

I just imagine what Timothy Spall had to do when this was shot, and what he thought was going on.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1388

“Who are you? What do you want?”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1389

“Kill the spare!”

Best line in the franchise.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1390

See that? No hesitation.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1391

Dude, barrel roll or something. Double tap that Z button.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1392

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1393

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1394

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1395

Colin:

DUGGORY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1396

Driver’s license photo.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1397

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1398

He did all that while carrying a mutilated corpse. Or whatever that baby fetus thing is.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1399

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1400

Anyone else hungry?

Colin:

Voldemort is totally like a little ET. That’s so gross. And Pettigrew is effectively drowning a baby in a cauldron.

Imagine if he didn’t just murder a teenager before he did this and just came out of the backstage area and threw Benjamin Button in the cauldron like that.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1401

This one time, we were in Chinatown, right, and this old lady ordered some soup, right…

Colin:

Oh no. I can’t let that pass you guys, cause ninety percent of the time, Mike’s joking about these things, but…

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1402

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1403

“Bone of the father, unwillingly given.”

Unwillingly. That’s fun.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1404

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1405

“Flesh of the servant, willingly sacrificed.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1406

You ain’t got no hand no more, Peter Pettigrew.

But also, that shit just lopped right off.

Yet another reason to not be using those dumbass Expelliarmus spells, Harry.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1407

“And the blood of the enemy –”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1408

“Forcibly taken.”

Which is kinda the same as ‘unwillingly given’, but I guess the recipe sounds better this way. Though I guess ‘unwillingly given’ could just mean theft and ‘forcibly taken’ is more… assault.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1409

That’s a pretty sinister shot.

He showed him the knife.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1410

Colin:

That’s a pretty easy potion. Shit. No flobberworms or sneezewort?

But like, did the recipe actually call for Abort-emort to be thrown into it?

What happens if you have to stir it and the body is in there?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1411

That’s a pretty cool entrance.

Especially with the corpse just laying there in the back.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1412

Colin:

This looks like Cell regenerating in space. Which is funny, cause he ends up looking a lot more like Krillin.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1413

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1414

Wouldn’t you gather all the Death Eaters before you did this so that way people could see the entrance? This has about as many people watching as an open mic night in college.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1415

Voldie’s back.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1416

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1417

L’Oreal. Because you’re worth it.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1418

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1419

Yeah, Ralph Fiennes!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1420

“New legs. You got new legs!”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1421

“My wand, Wormtail.”

I love that Cedric’s just dead back there. And Harry looks like he’s getting choked out by a statue.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1422

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1423

“Hold out your arm.”

He should chop off the other one as a goof.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1424

“Master – thank you.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1425

“The other arm, Wormtail.”

A ha. He don’t give a fuck about you.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1426

You just got Punk’d!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1427

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1428

What kind of tattoo ink spell is that? Is that how easy it is to give a wizard tattoo?

(I should have asked this during the Godric’s Hollow flashback.)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1429

How come he doesn’t have a nose, again?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1430

Is that like a Life Alert for Death Eaters?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1431

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1432

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1433

Aww yeah, it’s an Eyes Wide Shut party!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1434

Colin:

So were these dudes all chilling with those outfits on wherever they were, just waiting for this shit?

All their motherfuckin’ life!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1435

“Thirteen years it’s been. And yet, here you stand before me, as though it were only yesterday.”

But actually, did they just have to leave dinner to answer the call? Do they know this one’s legit? How does that work?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1436

Look at Cedric’s corpse, all splayed out like that.

I know it’s sad that he’s dead, but objectively it’s funny when movies just have a corpse laying around in a wide shot or in the background for a long period of time. It just is.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1437

“I confess myself – disappointed.”

Look at you — two minutes into your new body and already you have feelings.

And… clothes. Wait, how did that part work? I’m gonna allow the body regeneration part, but the clothes part doesn’t make any sense.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1438

Not one of them tried to find him – Crabbe – Macnair – Goyle…

First off, how could any of them have known he was even still alive? I feel like the horcrux thing was not a widely known deal. Also, isn’t it funny that they threw Macnair in the middle of Crabbe and Goyle like that? You could’ve said any combination of names, but they just had to be two of the ones we know (which, of course those two’s parents are Death Eaters).

Also, just because he was thrown in there, I looked up who Macnair was — turns out, he’s one of the people who claimed to have been Imperius’d into working for Voldemort and he avoided Azkaban by working for the Ministry of Magic as an executioner. He was the dude who was pissed he didn’t get to kill Buckbeak.

I’d say small world, but yeah… it is.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1439

So does he just know who’s under all the hoods? It’s like some weird magic trick, saying their names and then ripping the masks off. It’s like a game of “Is This Your Douchebag?”

“Not even you…”

Mister Bond.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1440

“Lucius.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1441

Colin:

LUCIUS MALFOY IS A DEATH EATER?! WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED SUCH A THING?!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1442

Was that meant to imply that Lucius was the most devout of all the Death Eaters or was that this movie’s way of stating the obvious and trying to make a reveal out of it?

Also, I mean, he was the dude that gave the little redheaded girl a diary that led to the Chamber of Secrets being opened, so if we’re ranking shit the Death Eaters got done in his absence, it’s gotta be Wormtail one, Lucius two, right? Plus he’s the only one other than Voldemort to directly attempt to kill Harry thus far. And it wasn’t even because he’s Harry Potter. He was just gonna do it because he gave Dobby a sock. I feel like that puts him solidly in the running of ‘not as bad as the others who’ve tried to run from their Nazi pasts’. He’s at least working to bring the Reich back (Episode Title: ‘I’ll Be Reich Back’).

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1443

Lucius says some bullshit, and then Wormtail is like, “But I came and found you, Master.”

Technically Quirrell found him, but okay.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1444

“Out of fear! Not loyalty. But still – all right.”

Which — why did he do that? How did he do that? When did he do that? Was Pettigrew just taking weekend sojourns to Albania while masquerading as Ron’s pet rat? You’d think they’d miss him during that time. I don’t get it. Why bother acting as a pet rat anyway? Why not just fucking hide as yourself? Pettigrew’s actions make no sense at all, really. He fakes his own death, then hangs out as a rat, but then also goes and disappears for however long it takes to find Voldemort, and then also when Voldemort is back alive again. Does Ron not know that he’s gone for all this time, or is it like, “Oh, well, Scabbers is gone again… he’ll turn up in a few days”? Why the fuck do you need the cover of pet rat then if you’re gonna just be off doing your own thing all the time?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1445

He got that Alex Mack hand.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1446

He’s a T-1000 now.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1447

Moonwalker?

Colin:

Is that just a Voldemort thing, or could other skilled wizards make new appendages? Seems like something Mad Eye might want to look into. (Get it?)

Also, couldn’t he at least make it look like a hand? How come it’s gotta look metal?

It also must be asked — what if that was his jerk off hand? Can’t have been, right? No way you’d willingly cut that one off.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1448

“Such a handsome boy.”

Colin:

His brand new body needs its toenails clipped already.

Weird how he’s even considering the dead kid, let alone his attractiveness.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1449

Voldemort is awesome.

I bet that was a fun day for Pattinson to shoot.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1450

“Don’t touch him!”

Yeah, right, just shout instead of trying to get the fuck out of there. Also, he’s fucking dead, so who gives a shit if he touches him? How can that possibly make this situation any worse for him?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1451

“Harry – I’d almost forgotten you were here.”

Just a reminder — he’s 67. Harry is 14.

It’s a real Harry and Maude situation.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1452

He’s got evidence against all of these motherfuckers. Though I guess now that Magical Hitler is back, democracy’s about to go out the fucking window.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1453

What do you think they did with the caretaker’s body?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1454

“The Boy Who Lived.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1455

“How lies have fed your legend, Harry.”

True.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1456

He explains how he was able to be defeated that night, thirteen years ago – love. When Lily Potter gave her life for Harry’s she provided the ultimate protection.

Phrasing.

Colin:

The ultimate protection? What does love have to do with Durex?

See, before he couldn’t touch Harry. But now –

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1457

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1458

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1459

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1460

“I can touch you now.”

Colin:

I love how for a second, Voldemort’s doing the “Not touching, can’t get mad! Not touching, can’t get mad!” thing.

He should have booped him on the nose and then laughed in his face. How psychotic would that have been?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1461

Scar porn.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1462

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1463

This is awesome. It’s one of those “who can blink first” moments.

Technically he’s touching a piece of his own soul right now.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1464

“Pick up your wand, Potter.”

I love this. He wants to do this all legit like, even though this is straight up unfair murder.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1465

“You’ve been taught how to duel, I presume. First, we bow to each other.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1466

This is so sanctimonious. I love it.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1467

“Come on, Harry, the niceties must be observed. Dumbledore wouldn’t want you to forget your manners, would he?”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1468

“I said BOW!”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1469

Colin:

This is strangely Japanese. Actually, this happens at work occasionally. 

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1470

Crazy that they’re all just gonna witness the murder of a 14-year-old.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1471

“Crucio!”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1472

Colin:

This movie is the clear line of demarcation between the kid films and the more grown-up shit. We have sex jokes, several murders, menacing and Zero Dark Thirty levels of torture. I’m liking it.

We still haven’t figured out the official timeline to these movies. Is this a post-9/11 world? Or are we pretending it’s still the 90s and just the continuity is out of whack with the cars and stuff?

Mostly I’m wondering because of the wormhole my brain just went down about Wizard Guantanamo and all the fucked up shit they could be doing if the wizarding world were anywhere near as fucked up as this one.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1473

“There you go, Harry. Your parents would be proud. Especially your filthy muggle mother!”

But she wasn’t a muggle. What’s the matter? Don’t want to make him say a bad word?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1474

“Expelliarmus!”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1475

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1476

He eats those.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1477

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1478

“Get that weak ass shit out my face!”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1479

“Using Expelliarmus on me. Motherfucker, you must be crazy.”

He deserves all of this, just for being stupid and not trying to kill that motherfucker where he stands. Expelliarmus. Seriously, dude.

I wish these movies had a moment where someone used Expelliarmus and then the other person looks at them like, “Really?” and then punches them right in the fucking face. And then goes over and picks up their wand again and fucks them up. Fucking Expelliarmus. You don’t bring Expelliarmus to an Avada Kedavra fight. That’s the Chicago Way.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1480

“I’m going to kill you, Harry Potter.”

love this line. I love how direct it is and how matter-of-factly he says it. You don’t need to get complicated to deliver a sinister line. Sometimes just telling someone you’re gonna kill them is the worst thing you can say.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1482

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1481

“Hi.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1483

Harry runs for cover and Voldemort tells him to get up. He wants to look at him when he kills him. Which is just great. This dude knows how to be evil.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1484

End this like Butch and Sundance, you cowards.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1485

Is that Chloe Sevigny back there?

Or is that just them putting a generic person who may or may not be Narcissa Malfoy before they cast a known actress in the part later?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1486

“Fuck it.”

We need a badass guitar riff here. Some “Mannish Boy.” You know what I’m talking about. Da na na na na.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1487

Look at those stupid fucking outfits. I know they’re supposed to be KKK, but you look like reject Coneheads. How not scary at all.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1488

Deadric Duggory.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1489

“Fine, then. Have it your way.”

As much as he is pretty average all around — he does pull some badass shit like this a couple times when facing almost certain death.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1490

“Expelliarmus!”

“Avada Kedavra!”

Well those are not two evenly matched spells.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1491

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1492

Yeah, sure, that’s how that works.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1493

If Blastoise uses Hydro Cannon and Rattata uses Tail Whip, the result is not a stalemate.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1494

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1495

And yet, here we are. Force battling.

It’s weird to think that this battle has nothing to do with what spells they’re using, but that their wands are so linked that really nothing is gonna come of this except dead people spirits.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1496

Man, you sure are lucky your wands are made from the same material.

Colin:

Why…would he still be trying to disarm Voldemort? I guess he needs to stay pure in our minds, so he can’t be seen even trying to kill someone, even Voldemort. But let’s say he succeeded in disarming the guy. What the fuck is the next step? Might as well just cap him.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1497

This wide shot makes the whole thing look so stupid. They’re just standing there, holding pieces of wood at each other.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1498

This looks a lot like that first light saber duel between Obi Wan and Vader.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1499

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1500

“My dick’s bigger than yours!”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1501

I guess those are not real sparks, because I feel like some shit would be burning down right now.

Also, apparently nobody lives nearby to hear any of this and call the cops.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1502

Now THAT’S a pose!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1503

Lens flare!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1504

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1505

How much acting had to go into this?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1506

Damn, Malfoy’s bored already.

Too bad Fred and George aren’t here to take bets.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1507

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1508

How did they get my driver’s license photo?

Colin:

The saddest part is that even with that non-nose, I bet he still has a better sense of smell than you.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1509

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1510

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1511

“What the fuck is this shit?”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1512

It must have sucked to be all those actors in the back, just having to stand there for hours if not days just waiting for them to get all the facial expressions covered and shot angles to cover all the VFX.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1514

Is that a Dugtrio?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1515

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1516

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1517

He IS a ghost ghost ghost ghost.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1518

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1519

“I don’t know who the fuck you are, old man.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1520

Voldemort has the best poses.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1521

Weird how they showed up right next to Harry.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1522

James tells Harry he’s gotta run to the portkey.

He can talk, by the way. He knows everything that’s going on.

Also weird that they didn’t just touch the portkey immediately before and go back.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1523

Colin:

Ah yes, another weird phenomenon that only exists so that Harry can escape. I remember in the book, when the ghosts are coming out of Voldemort’s wand, the old Muggle dude tells Harry to beat Voldemort. Which…how does he know what’s up? They’re pointing wands at each other and there’s some streams coming out, and the streams are touching….how does he know this isn’t gay wizard sex? He’s making assumptions hastily.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1524

“Harry, take my body back, will you? Take my body back to my father.”

He’s pretty happy for a dead guy. Wouldn’t you be all like, “WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU JUST TAKE THE FUCKING CUP LIKE I SAID?”

And also – what’s with, “Take my body back to the guy who loves me above all else. Ruin his life for me, will you, Harry?”

Is Amos Diggory actually a stage father? Is he pushing his son to achieve the glory that he himself never got even though it’s not what his son wants? Is this the final “fuck you” from Cedric, who never wanted to be in the spotlight, and forcibly toned down his skills and made sure he went into Hufflepuff so no one would know who he was?

I just completely rewrote this entire franchise. But don’t worry. My version’s better.

Colin:

I want to see that. After all the nit-picking we’ve done, we could totally fix this franchise. Or ruin it. Either way.

They need to give us that TV series. Because as much as I joke about it — I’d actually take that shit completely seriously and do cool shit with it.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1525

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1526

“Let go,” said Lily, who looks a lot like Ginny.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1527

Colin:

Ghost your ass, fool!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1528

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1529

He just Accio’d the shit out of that cup.

Honestly, if I were a wizard – “Accio Cinnamon Toast Crunch.” “Accio my pants.” “Accio self respect.” “Accio some of that ass!”

It works as long as you can think of the thing you want clearly, right?

Colin:

This is the correct order of summoning things.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1530

Why not just follow him to the school and kill him there?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1531

Well now you’re just a bunch of assholes standing around a graveyard in stupid outfits.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1532

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1533

“NNNOOOOOO!!!!!”

(Not gonna do it. I know what you all are thinking. I’m not doing it.)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1534

Harry brings Duggory’s body back.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1535

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1536

Colin:

So we’re back and everyone is happy. Except Harry, who looks like Rain Man when you turn on the bath water.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1537

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1538

Someone had to be the one to scream first.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1539

Colin:

“POTT-ER! POTT-ER! POTT-ER! POTT– really? Nobody?” Sometimes the slow clap works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Walter Huston wants to know what’s going on.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1540

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1541

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1542

I actually really liked that moment. Him refusing to get off the body. Kind of weird, but it also makes sense.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1543

“He’s back.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1544

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1545

“Voldemort’s back.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1546

I like how he sees that he’s not lying, yet Fudge is in complete denial about all of this.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1547

“Cedric – he asked me to bring his body back. I couldn’t leave him! Not there!”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1548

Colin:

How soon after this whole thing do you think Fred and George started collecting money that people bet on Cedric? HEY, HEY, IT’S A BUSINESS, PEOPLE.

At the funeral?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1549

Filch looks upset he can’t set off the cannon again.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1550

I know he just lost his kid and all, but this guy is the Ned Ryerson of this franchise.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1551

“That’s my boy!”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1552

And her boyfriend.

Seamus straight up looks like Nicholson as he watched the hookers eat coke out of each other’s snatches.

Right, though?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1553

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1554

Look at these shots. Amos Diggory is going all Sean Penn in Mystic River.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1555

Colin:

Hey tuba kid, now would be the time for a “womp womp!”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1556

So Moody absconds with Harry. As you do.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1557

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1558

That would be an interesting place to end the movie.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1559

So did they not talk all the way up there, or…?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1560

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1561

Harry tells him the cup was a portkey. Moody’s checking to make sure everything went according to plan.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1562

“What was it like?”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1563

Why would you give up your cover this easily? Either go to the graveyard and be with your fellow Death Eaters or stick to the script. I don’t get why he’d do this.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1564

“What was he like?”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1565

“What was it like to stand in his presence?”

Dude, didn’t you work for him? Did you not get to meet him before?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1566

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1567

Colin:

Perfect timing to be out of potion. How awkward would it have been if he’d still been down at the arena? “See….what had happened was….”

Did he only brew enough potion to get him to this moment?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1568

“Were there others? In the graveyard, were there others?”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1569

“I don’t think I said anything about a graveyard, Professor.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1570

Oh snap!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1571

Yeah, you done fucked up.

Also, one thing I just realized — the entire main cast of In Bruges has appeared in this franchise.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1572

He starts telling him how it was all his plan. How he suggested to Hagrid about telling Harry about the dragons. How he told Cedric about the egg, knowing he’d tell Harry. How he gave Neville the book that led him straight to gillyweed.

He did that one pretty early, too. I guess he knew about the three challenges beforehand.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1573

Harry realizes “Moody” put his name in the Goblet of Fire.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1574

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1575

And now he says he’s gonna kill Harry, because that’s what Voldemort wants.

For a guy who was thrilled to think about standing in the presence of Voldemort, I’m not sure presuming to know what he wants is a good idea.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1576

Colin:

LET ME IN!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1577

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1578

Seriously, now, with the Expelliarmus. Pick one.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1579

Why would you wear robes when they get in the way of fighting this often?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1580

Snape had that shit at the ready, son!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1581

Colin:

Yeah, we gonna make you guzzle dragon cum.

And he’s not even in Azkaban yet.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1582

They use the Veritaserum to prove that’s not Moody and that the real Moody is in the room.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1583

In there.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1584

In there.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1585

In there.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1586

In there.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1587

In there.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1588

There he is.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1589

“In 1994, Bartemius Crouch escaped from Azkaban Prison.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1590

“Polyjuice potion.”

“No we know who’s been stealing from your store, Severus.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1591

Love the look.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1592

Colin:

I bet this is the scene they had Brendan Gleeson do for the Audition.

I like it when people wear union suits. I’d totally go in on one of these.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1593

That’s a fucked up sunken eye socket.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1594

This one might actually be my driver’s license photo.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1595

It’s Old Man Winters who runs the carnival!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1596

Or… Barty Crouch Jr.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1600

Think of it this way, you just got an eye and a leg back.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1597

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1598

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1599

And he does.

Voldemort has returned.

Colin:

Okay. Barty Crouch Jr.’s voice is clearly not Moody’s and it changes back when he changes back. What? Come on, guys. Consistency.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1601

You must really trust this guy to be leaving him with Crouch like that.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1602

I like what he does, too. “Give me a reason.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1603

Somehow Crouch never is seen again and it never gets back to Voldemort that Snape is a good guy.

Crouch ends up getting kissed by a dementor and basically lobotomized. But the Snape thing I’ll be bringing up constantly over the next four movies.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1604

It’s weird how this school is so much smaller than it seems when we’re on the ground in certain areas.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1605

“Today we acknowledge, a really terrible loss.”

I love that he’s sitting down. Like, “I can’t handle another one of these goddamn speeches.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1606

“Cedric Diggory, as you all know, was exceptionally hard-working, infinitely fair-minded –”

He was a Hufflepuff. You can say it.

Also, why did he start in the chair and get up like he was Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1607

Colin:

We’ve already discussed this. Once he’s dead, it’s “Cedric Duggory.” We use the past tense. Also, the girl behind Ginny looks exactly like Chloe Moretz.

It’s funny how even in a world of magic, they still make everyone gather at an assembly when some shit goes down.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1608

“And most importantly, a fierce, fierce friend.”

Vigorous.

Also, how did you know that? Did you take a poll?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1609

Baddest motherfuckers at Hogwarts.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1610

Dumbledore says they have the right to know how he died.

“Cedric Diggory was murdered – by Lord Voldemort.”

Why do you call him Lord? It’s a self-appointed title. It only gets perpetuated when people like you use it.

Or is he technically a lord under the peerage system?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1611

The Ministry don’t want Dumbledore telling them that. But Dumbledore says fuck them, to do so would be an insult to his memory.

Colin:

He said “memory” in a funny way.

It’s funny how that exact line reading is one of those random things I most remember about this franchise.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1612

Colin:

So…..is Malfoy just chilling there? You’d think they’d take him aside after Harry identified the other guys who were at the graveyard pow wow. Which he should have done already.

Thing is, though, the ‘authorities’ don’t give a shit, so the only people he’d tell are teachers, and they’re of the opinion that children are innocent and should be protected, even if their parents are Nazis. So it makes sense that nothing would happen to Draco.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1613

So who won the House Cup this year?

(Is this a bad time?)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1614

“Now the pain we all feel at this dreadful loss reminds me, and, reminds us, that though we may come from different countries and speak in different tongues, our hearts beat as one. In light of the recent events, the bonds of friendship made this year will be more important than ever. Remember that, and Cedric Diggory will not have died in vain. You remember that, and we’ll celebrate a boy who was kind, and honest, and brave, and true. Right to the very end.”

You know, those tough bonds of friendship. With these people we’ll never see again. Save Fleur, who just happens to pick up a Weasley while abroad.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1615

What a horrible shot choice? I fucking hate the “beam of light meant to represent a person’s spirit or divine presence” shot.

Colin:

Why is it that all guys who fall for Asian chicks must be made to suffer?

Maybe there’s a magical Cambodian rock wall he can go whisper into.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1616

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1617

It actually makes sense that he’d be the only one left here because he doesn’t want to go home/doesn’t have anyone to take him home. Though I guess I’m thinking of this like college, whereas here they’re all just going to the same train to be taken home.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1618

“I never liked these curtains.”

Colin:

Hanging out in a high school boys’ dormitory while nobody else is around, commenting on the drapes…yeah. I think we all saw this coming.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1619

“Set them on fire in my fourth year. By accident, of course.”

If you did then why are they still there? Also, you run the school now. Maybe change them.

Though I guess, 14 year old boys in a room with others… you probably need the curtains.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1620

“I put you in terrible danger this year, Harry.”

Kind of hard to tell if that’s a remorseful statement or not. What makes this different from all the other years?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1621

Harry says there was a moment where he and Voldemort’s wands – they sort of – connected.

He crossed swords with Voldemort, essentially.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1622

“Go on…”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1623

“Priori Incantatem.”

Colin:

Wait, so in the movie, Dumbledore just says ‘priori incantatem’ and doesn’t explain it? We’re supposed to be like, “Oh, so THAT’S what that was! What…was that exactly?”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1624

“You saw your parents that night, didn’t you? They reappeared.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1625

“No spell can reawaken the dead, Harry. I trust you know that.”

Except for that time turner business. That was strictly for Buckbeak.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1626

“Dark and difficult times lay ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy.”

Like most of us do on Saturday night.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1627

“Remember this – you have friends here.”

And a magical spell that protects you at the house of the people you hate and who hate you.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1628

“You’re not alone.”

So basically we just got over the hurdle of the entire next movie right here.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1629

Colin:

Here go the foreign losers!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1630

Krum gives Hermione his address.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1631

He tells her all the things he’s gonna do to her. Angelina Johnson is intrigued.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1632

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1633

Ron gets a kiss from his future sister-in-law and… whatever that makes the sister.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1634

And Harry stalks around, looking like De Niro on the rooftops about to shoot Don Fanucci.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1635

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1636

I love that they work in one of these every movie. Good for them.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1637

“Everything’s going to change now, isn’t it?”

Colin:

What….what do you mean? Wait, did you just get your first period? Guys, Hermione’s a woman now. I’m just kidding. I’ve been ragging her for PMSing for the whole movie.

Also, Magical Hitler just came back. So yeah, I’d say things are gonna change.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1638

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1639

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1640

“Yes.”

*zip!*

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1641

“Promise you’ll write this summer.”

Colin:

Or, you could catch up with the muggle world and start texting. How is the wizarding community actually behind the muggle world in so much stuff?

They handled it well, though. Ron says, “I won’t. You know I won’t.” Which is funny.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1642

“Harry will, won’t you?”

“Yes, of course I will. Every day.”

Don’t they all end up living at the Burrow anyway?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1643

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1644

I guess I don’t have to point this one out.

Though unrelated to the framing and symmetry, the kid in the foreground looks like he’s hung himself like that background actor in the Wizard of Oz.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1645

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1646

Is there only one way out of here?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1647

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1648

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1649

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 1650

Colin:

And the Durmstrang boys all drowned. The end.

– – – – – – – – – –

So tomorrow we’re gonna go over our favorite images from the film, do our final thoughts on Sunday, and on Monday we start Order of the Phoenix.

(See the rest of the Fun with Franchises articles here.)

http://bplusmovieblog.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.