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Fun with Franchises: Star Wars Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Part I — “You’ve Really Made It When You Have an Entourage That Partakes in Your Evil Laughter”

Today we continue with another entry in our Fun with Franchises series, Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.

In case you don’t know how this works — a while back, I decided to rank my favorite Disney movies and rank my favorite James Bond movies. And the Disney ones were mostly straight synopses and not too much fun, but when I got to Bond, I enlisted the help of my friend Colin (whose blog is TokyoRemix.com. Fuck yeah, promotion!), who knows everything about the Bond franchise that I do not, for those articles, and along the way, learned how to have fun with it. And, by the end of the Bond articles, we were having so much fun that I said, “Man, we have to do this again with other stuff.” Because I spent about a straight month and a half putting together those articles. That’s how much time and effort actually goes into something like that. And not once did it feel like work. It was so much fun that I knew, as long as we were doing it for comedy purposes and able to riff off of each other — we could do pretty much any film and it would work.

And very quickly, the first ones you come up with are the major franchises, because those are not only the most fun, but also the most universally known. Everyone’s gonna understand all the jokes we make (well… most of them. Some of them might be limited to three people) about them. So that’s what we’re doing. And if you’re gonna have fun with franchises, it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t franchise it. Also, just so we’re clear, this is all for parody. We’re just messing with them because we love them.

And that’s Fun with Franchises. Right now, we’re doing the Star Wars franchise, and today is the first part of Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi:

Star Wars - Title Card

Return of the Jedi - Title Card

20th Century Fox Logo - Star Wars

Lucasfilm Logo - Star Wars

You know what it do.

Star Wars - A long time ago in a galaxy far far away

Colin:

For shit’s sake, guys. We get it.

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“Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine in an attempt to rescue his friend Han Solo from the clutches of the vile gangster Jabba the Hutt.”

Well this is surprisingly simple. And that’s not a bad thing. This is where this franchise should be going. Luke is going to rescue Han. So I have no problem with this at all.

Except that Lucas showed us Jabba in New Hope. I’m talking after the fact. It works better if you don’t see Jabba until now.

Colin:

Okay, I’m starting to see what you mean about the title crawls being like pulp novel digests. The “vile gangster Jabba the Hutt?” Sounds pretty awesome. I’m kinda bummed at how little chance there is of me ever being referred to as a vile gangster.

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“Little does Luke know that the Galactic Empire has secretly begun construction on a new armored space station even more powerful than the first dreaded Death Star.”

Why more powerful? What can be more powerful than the Death Star? It’s basically the same thing. Essentially you’re saying, “We’re building it again but without the self-destruct button.”

This is the part that leads to this movie going off the rails.

But again — simple explanation, so it’s not so bad.

Colin:

LITTLE DOES HE KNOW! This is some 30s adventure serial shit. I like it. It’s too bad that they tell you it’s another Death Star-like thing, but I do enjoy how it’s like, “Remember that first thing we threw at you that was all ‘OH SHIT’ and stuff? It’s like that, but even WORSE!”

Really. The only explanation that makes sense was in that one video you showed me where they said Lucas only did the whole Death Star thing in the first one because he didn’t think he’d get to make another one, so he threw everything in.

Completely sucks that he went back to that well and couldn’t think up a different story due to circumstance.

Colin:

I also really love the timing – if you notice, the score’s phrasing coincides with the new paragraphs appearing on the screen. It’s a small thing, but it demonstrates an attention to detail.

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“When completed, the ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore freedom to the galaxy…”

The scroll is fine, but the story is boring. We saw this already.

Colin:

Once again, “spell certain doom” is not the sort of thing that’d turn up in the new title crawls, is it? It needs to be said in an ominous, booming voice. The tone here is like that of a comic book.

I’m glad you’re starting to see what they’re going for. Since I bet when we get to those titles, they’ll be more accurate, but less interesting. I love that they have those buzz words here. “Vile,” “certain doom,” “dreaded”… it’s complete adventure serial titles. You got the booming voice exactly right. “Previously, on…”

And you half expect them to go into this.

And, also, I’d like to point out — once again, the scroll is gonna be representative of the film. Because here, the first act — really good. Not great, but solid. The rest of the film — falls off a cliff, then becomes entirely derivative.

Isn’t it great what you can learn when you analyze opening titles?

Anyway, we open with —

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Colin:

Guess it doesn’t really matter that they gave away the new Death Star, cause here it is. So much for a big reveal.

So how do they build that thing? Just thousands of people working from the outside? Or do they make droids do it, since they don’t have to breath and can work almost round the clock? There are actually holes in that thing, so someone has to be working on it. Who? And when? And what kind of compensation are they getting for this? This is a pretty huge job. I have concerns about the labor situation on this ship. Space unions won’t be happy.

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Oh look, we’re repeating the shot from the first movie. This basically hints at how few ideas Lucas had in the tank.

Colin:

Gotta say, though…I have such a boner for spaceships flying into shot from above the camera.

Well, we got that going for us.

Which is nice.

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Also – where do you build a Death Star? Aren’t people monitoring the area? Or is it like a Bond villain thing? Anyone who goes near it is abducted and killed.

Colin:

Meh. Space is pretty fucking big. There are several billion systems in the galaxy, you figure you can pick a planet that has like…frogs or something on it to use as a base of operations. The kind of place that supports life, but doesn’t have any sentient beings to cause problems.

Ah, the planet Ribbyyyt.

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Colin:

Hmm, they certainly are going into quite a bit of detail with the code clearance and all that. I wonder if it’ll be significant later on.

I must say — I do really like the image of the partially completed Death Star. I’d love a section of a movie where we just go into the construction — Bridge on the River Kwai style.

Imagine if that happened. A miniseries about the construction of the Death Star, and we follow all the people who work on it and all that. There’s such range to it, since you get broad strokes and get into minute stuff.

(I wouldn’t say go full on TV series, since they’ve already beaten that horse to death, plus I’d rather do Harry Potter, if we got down to it, but a miniseries would be interesting.)

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What a great shot. I love this so much.

Fuck the story. More of this.

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I see construction equipment. That implies that actual people are working on it. Do you think they make them work in Stormtrooper outfits? Or are there Stormtrooper space suits?

Colin:

Actually, there’s a lot of different groups working on it, both human and otherwise. Including slave labor. It’s all in reference books and novels and shit, but it IS canon and you DID ask.

No, I get it. I just wish that Lucas came up with it himself (or rather, gave us some background image of it in the movies), rather than them going into detail later.

That’s my big problem with the books — it’s not Lucas. It’s teams of people. (Like the Bible.) At least Rowling and Tolkien did shit themselves. So as much as I want to keep asking about all the people and species they made work on this thing, I’ll eventually get frustrated because it’s just people filling in blanks and expanding after the fact.

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Also, how does this thing have a security shield? That’s literally like having ADT for a house with no roof.

Colin:

What are these alarms that go off every time a ship goes in or out of the magnetic field? For that matter, there’s two of them at different pitches, so it sounds like two whales fucking.

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Is that the same fucker from the last movie, or have we moved onto a new sheep?

Colin:

I love that little cut back to the guy meeting Vader’s ship, where you see him gulp a little bit. A consistent issue with this franchise is that we’re told to care about the Rebels because of how evil the Empire is and how the galaxy will be better off without them. But we never REALLY see the plight of the average person – if there’s anything to be protested, it’s the lack of representation in government; the only crime we the Empire really committing in general (besides destroying a whole fucking planet) is extinguishing democracy.

In the new trilogy, nothing bad really happens to anyone. But at the very least, we’re seeing here that even Imperial soldiers are fucking terrified of Vader – that’s how you know he’s evil. If all the normal flunkies were on board with Vader and went out drinking with him and shit, you’d be like, “Fuck you Rebels, you’re just jealous you aren’t invited!” But this guy is so detestable that even his own inferiors gulp before talking to him. So I guess we should support his enemies.

Meh. I support space carnage.

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“What’s crackin’, bitches?”

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This is great. Dude’s like, “So nice of you to join us,” and Vader’s like, “Yeah, yeah, shut up. I’m here to make sure you motherfuckers do work.”

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The Emperor is coming.

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Vader doesn’t get many overheads. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Colin:

This whole scene is so awesome. It’s like the Soviet commanders catching hell from Bob Hoskins as Khrushchev in Enemy at the Gates. The Nazis are fucking them up and they have nothing to work with, but when Khrushchev shows up, their excuses ain’t worth shit. This is the guy who goes in the next room and blows his brains out. He thinks he’s doing his best, and Vader’s there to tell him about fucking prom queens and shit like that. I guess technically he fucked a real queen, which is better.

(Favorite line in that movie.)

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Wow, we’re breaking out all the hits now, aren’t we?

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This reeks of Lucas being like, “Fuck, Empire sucked… we need to get back to what we did with the first one.” That has to be why they essentially repeated these shots. And we’re just getting started, too.

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That’s pretty great, though. That palace.

Terrific locations for stuff in this franchise. One thing they did get right are the visuals. You know… the original ones. Not the ones that look like a fucking ten year old with unlimited access to KidPix… throwing shit in front of the frame.

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Ahh… Mordor.

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That’s great. They look like toys.

That’s what’s great about this shot. You know the size of that gate was like, the size of a diorama.

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“R2, are you sure this is the right place?”

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Well… those are back too. Didn’t’ see many of those in the last one.

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He’s knocking on the door of a known criminal boss.

Colin:

This is one of the rare moments where I liked something C3PO does and says. “I’d better knock.” (Tap tap tap) “NOBODY HERE, BETTER BREAK OUT!” There was less than a second between the knock and him deciding to leave. You’re only knocking to say you did.

Which is weird — since he knows how to say “friend” in every language.

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Well that’s a droid of a different color.

Colin:

This door has a luminous dick that speaks some African language.

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So what’s the person on the other end of that camera thinking?

I might actually also have let it slide if 3PO could smile and we just saw him looking like an idiot from the point of view of the camera.

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I like how R2 just strolls into places. He don’t give a FUCK.

Colin:

R2 is indeed the honey badger of this franchise.

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Look at this shot – Aziz would nut in his pants if he saw this.

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What the fuck? Is this Andy’s room?

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I forgot these claymation things exist. They looked more at home in Moonwalker.

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Tilda?

Colin:

This disgusting motherfucker, who can only be the space equivalent of an Eastern European.

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Oh yeah… that’s Tilda.

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Please… you set up something like The Third Man and don’t expect me to notice it?

“I have a bad feeling about this.”

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Ahh… Tuesday.

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This is basically Marlon Brando in The Island of Dr. Moreau.

Colin:

Say what you want about Jabba, but he sure does know how to sit around on his slug ass being entertained and eating like a fucking slob.

Jabba the Hutt is basically the universal representation of Americans. Let’s not sugar coat it.

(Though… mmm… sugar…)

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He brings a message from Luke.

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When did he get all zen?

Also, how come Luke is regular sized? All the other holograms are palm-sized.

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What the fuck is that? Don’t feed it after midnight.

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Luke wants to bargain for Hans’ life.

Jabba finds that laughable.

Colin:

Luke’s being so Japanese here. No matter what your actual intentions are, you pretend to be all polite and praise the other person. “Since you’re such a smart guy, blah blah blah.” What if Jabba was actually a chill dude, and when Luke showed up he was ready to bargain? He’d tell Luke that he would give up Han for 100,000 credits or something, and Luke would be all, “Uh…see…what had happened was…I just assumed you were a dickbag and wouldn’t accept any deals so I didn’t bring any money. All I have is this lightsaber. Chop?”

(Also, chick on the left. Definitely related right?)

(I actually feel bad I did that, because now I’m thinking how much better that movie is to this one. And maybe all of them.)

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That chick was made for doggystyle. You’re thinking it, I’m thinking it. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Actually, she kind of looks like Irene Cara.

(I hope she didn’t get Coco’d.)

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Luke presents Jabba with 3PO and R2 as a gift.

Colin:

But Luke also gives away the droids, which isn’t like slavery at all.

(Apparently he also has the vitiligo in that right hand.)

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Stripe thinks its hilarious.

Colin:

You’ve really made it in life when you have an entourage that partakes in your evil laughter.

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Jabba ain’t giving up his coffee table.

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Ahh… Wednesday.

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He can smell your cunt.

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You’re welcome, Japan.

Colin:

And again, getting into that Japanese influence, we have a random tentacle that comes out of the wall for a grope.

Oh, this wasn’t coordinated. Everyone do a shot.

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The… Thin Man?

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Are they torturing droids?

Colin:

That’s just fucked up and medieval. The real question is, why is that torture? A droid can’t feel pain, so…what exactly are we doing?

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Colin:

This is the droid that runs all the droids…like a black slaver? He even tells the pig to slap some chains on 3PO so he can’t run away and shit. Seriously. Droiddingo fights.

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They need a new protocol droid. The last one done r-u-n-n-o-f-t.

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Or something like that.

Forrest Gump:

He’s on vacation.

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Is that Casper doing Thriller?

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“So, uhh…. two dudes walk into an Ackbar… and it’s a trap!”

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“Man… tough crowd.”

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^ ^ ^ ^ ^

(And a wipe.)

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Was he cheating at cards or something? Holy shit. This is some mob level Vegas shit.

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Yeah, party at Jabba’s!

(What’s party hopping in this universe like?)

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How many moons would have to hit you just right for that one?

Obi-Wan:

That’s no moon.

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Look at this fucking guy.

Tearing that shit up.

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Better calm down or the crowd’s gonna get too growdi.

(I had to look that one up. I had no idea. I was just trying to be Rappertunistic with that pun.)

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Oh, so that’s how it is.

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The Max Rebo Band.

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Colin:

Nothing like a meaty broad to dance to your space music.

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Seriously, though… how many moons?

(♫ How many moons must a Jedi walk down… ♫)

(Look, we’ve already established that it’s a disease I have. Just deal with it.)

Colin:

Even though the main Twi’lek dancer (Oola) was played by a Nigerian-British actress, I’ve always seen Twi’leks as being sorta…Thai. They just wear skimpy clothes and do the dancing thing. Although, maybe they aren’t Thai. Ask them what we get for 10 dollars.

Oola… go to work.

(Right, though?)

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I think that’s Greedo in drag back there.

Like he’s doing this universe’s version of Tank Girl.

And that other one is Mystique dressed like Tina Turner.

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Oh my god. Her tits are hanging down over her stomach.

Just gonna leave that one right there.

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Thank you, subtitles.

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YEAH SAXOPHONES!

(Are there bongs shaped like saxophones? Because there should be.)

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The one on the right is totally Asian.

(Well… Colin already beat me to it and said she is.)

Though, it’s the same scene, so I guess you can say it’s a… Thai.)

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I stand by my description on the other two.

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All righty, then.

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That must be fun.

Colin:

The guy wailing on the stand-up drum set wins at life.

This makes me think of how awesome a zombie band would be.

This kind of zombie band, not like, emo teenagers.

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Boba Fett does not approve of your merriment.

Also, I love that she’s just chained to him all the time.

And that the floor is all grated. So it can filter out all the… secretions.

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Look, we’re all thinking it. And I’m just gonna say – it’s probably nice.

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And for my money you can take out the probably.

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Oh yeah… she’s Asian. It’s like, half-Japanese, half-Rita Repulsa.

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Is he the Mike Shinoda of the group? Does he just handle the rap parts of the songs?

Colin:

Also, how this furry little bastard – Joh Yowza – sings is awesome. The Max Rebo Band does work.

Joh Yowza sounds like the name of the host on one of those batshit crazy Japanese talk shows.

(Though I guess the batshit crazy part is redundant.)

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“Hmm.”

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That’s cool.

Colin:

I love every part of this universe’s music scene. The band is the Max Rebo Band, but it was originally called Evar Orbus and His Galactic Jizz-Wailers. What the fuck is a jizz-wailer? I don’t know, but that sounds awesome. And what’s even better is that after the events of this film, Joh Yowza (fuzzy little singer guy), Rystall Sant (half-Theelin) and the Rodian singer (who looks like a female Greedo) joined forces (zing!) to form a new group called “The Palpatones.” Yes.

I don’t know if there’s a better backing band name than “The Jizz-Wailers.”

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Oh my god, and she has facial sores like a prostitute from the 1800s.

Why do I feel like there’s at least one person reading this who still would?

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There’s an Olympic event for you.

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That’s my flirting face.

One at a time, ladies.

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Oh, she’s actually trying to kill him. (You picked a really poor time. Why not wait until he was mid-climax? Because you know she has to fuck him.)

She’s making the Japanese woman rape noises too.

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The inside of his mouth looks like fatty liver disease.

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Bye, bitch.

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Colin:

This was the same actress for the original release and for the Special Edition. She looked exactly the same, so they didn’t need any [more] obscuring makeup.

No joke, until you mentioned that, I never actually gave any thought that this wasn’t in the original release. That’s how little I’ve watched these movies. And yet… Rings — I can spot that shit instantly. It’s weird how often he fucks with stuff.

You never have to go back to Gone With the Wind and go, “Did they add this scene later on?”

Just sayin’.

Colin:

That’s because they made Gone With the Wind with plenty of scenes to begin with. I can’t even imagine what they could come up with to add to that movie. Mammy playing stickball?

Lesbian shit. It’s always lesbian shit.

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Release the Kraken.

(Which is my preferred title if I ever do porn.)

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Now’s your time to learn how to fly (high).

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“Yes… the bitch is going to die. Let me feast.”

Colin:

“I eat shit alive and whole, motherfucker.”

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Uh oh… they shootin’.

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That is the official, “Uh oh, it’s the po-po, I didn’t do it” reaction.

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They got the Wookiee.

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This line says a lot.

Colin:

Is it me, or is Jabba’s language vaguely Asian sounding?

Just you? I don’t know. He sounds like Barry White on a bender after a stroke to me.

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Of course Boba Fett’s got two bitches with him. And that’s just his warm up.

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3PO’s translating. (That’s pretty much all he’s good for. That and cockblocking.)

Bounty hunter wants 50k. Jabba don’t wanna hear that shit.

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“Sorry, baby. Daddy’s gotta go to work.”

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They want the dick.

Colin:

There’s actually a backstory to this little exchange between Boba Fett and the backup singer. She was raised on Coruscant, a half-human, half-Theelin. She and her adopted parents were slaves at one point, were won by Lando Calrissian, who set them free (Yes. I’s free.) Then she joined the band, fell in love with Boba Fett and was gonna make that a thing before…well, the shit that’s about to go down.

More movies need sassy transvestites.

That’s it. That’s all I got.

Imagine if a movie had a sassy transvestite named Yukon Cornelius.

I’d watch that movie.

I’d watch the fuck out of that movie.

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3PO knows the secret of the ooze.

(Where did that come from, again, by the way? Because it’s only on his hand, above his eye, and right on his chest. Pretty sure there’s only one activity that leads to fluids being on those exact same locations.)

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“Jabba wants to know why he has to pay 50k.”

Colin:

I heard “Yo-to. Yo-to.” How does that mean, “50,000 – no less?” You clearly said the same thing twice. When I was a kid, I was super into this shit, trying to get any part of the languages being spoken, and knowing full-well that someone had come up with them for the film. But this is where Star Wars loses out to Lord of the Rings. Tolkien was a professor of linguistics and put in the time creating WHOLE FUCKING LANGUAGES.

See, I was more about the voices than what they were actually saying. I liked listening to people’s speech patterns and how they did inflections. I was always the wannabe impressionist who couldn’t do impressions. So I’m really good at getting people’s voice rhythms down and knowing how to sound like them, but not actually able to verbally recreate that sound.

Plus I find that most of the fake languages are pretty stupid or derivative anyway.

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Well this place just got more interesting.

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This motherfucker can draw!

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“This nigga’s my kinda nigga. But I’ll still only give you 35.”

Colin:

Yet again, Jabba is cool. This dude pulls out a thermal detonator, and Jabba’s all, “You think you the first person to pull the pin on a grenade in this place? You ain’t speddle. I got 35,000 for you, so if you don’t want it, you can blow me up. But then ain’t neither of us gon’ make no money. Want a drink?”

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That’s a nice nod. Respect.

Colin:

Boba Fett recognizes that this guy got some guts.

What’s Pat Morita doing back there?

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Aww shit, son. Lando is in commando.

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Yes… thank you. We figured out who that was. You don’t have to take the fucking mask off.

(Wait for it…)

Colin:

There is absolutely no reason to pull the helmet open like that other than to show the audience really fucking obviously who this is. Which is uncalled for.

Just once in these movies I wish someone would see them as they do that and shoot them in the fucking face.

(Also, isn’t that a great way to set up a sequence? Have a bunch of people on the same side infiltrate a place, separately, and in different ways? That’s awesome.)

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Colin:

The FUCK is this creepy ass space frog outside the palace? Also, if Jabba’s such a badass crime lord (which he is), why is this palace off in the middle of nowhere, and why does he seem to be doing nothing but lounging around?

Why wouldn’t that be what you did? If I were a crime lord, I’d live all out on my own, fuck bitches and make money. Don’t contact me, do my bidding, and I’m never connected to anything directly.

And if anyone comes to the compound, I’ll know.

(Also, this background just looks like Apocalpyse Now. Nothing specifically, that’s just the color I see in my head when I think of Apocalypse Now. Mostly because of the poster.)

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The orgy is over.

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Three people know where this is going, and I have to do it every time.

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Always foiled by the wind chimes.

Colin:

“I’m a ghost ghost ghost gho—fucking noisemaker!”

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This is a lesser version of the coloring in the last movie.

Notice how the direction of these films gets watered down with each successive one?

Empire was good, but the shots weren’t on the whole as beautiful as they were in New Hope, and here they’re just going through the motions. I’m curious how much of the blame is on Richard Marquand and how much is on George himself.

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Space oranges.

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Seems kind of easy to take someone out of stasis.

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Well that doesn’t look good.

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Oh god… sand.

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That voice sounds like Carrie Fisher now.

Colin:

Perfect opportunity to mess with Han, pull a Futurama on him.

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Oh, y’all motherfuckers thought that was Luke.

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Gotta admit – that’s a really tight moment. Aside from the superfluous partying (there’s a lot of prolonged unnecessary stuff in this movie), this first act is well-done.

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That’s awesome. You just hear Jabba’s laugh echoing throughout the palace.

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And he was behind a fucking curtain. How do you not keep tabs on Jabba the fucking Hutt?

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She still gets the keep that 35k, though, right?

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What the fuck has HE been doing?

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Jabba has his own mandingos?

(Also, that face. And the stain on his shirt… this actually looks legitimate.)

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“Bring her to me.”

(Tilda anticipates.)

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“Sup, Betty?”

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Colin:

This little rat muppet is really working for me.

I love that he has a creature living in his fat.

(Just like Lana Turner.)

I love that his name is also Salacious Crumb.

Because it has a name.

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Aww… reunited (and he can’t see shit).

Colin:

I like how Chewie fixes him up by fixing his hair. Cause as everyone who’s seen Grease or Happy Days knows, a cool guy derives all his power from his hair.

Shit, even the Bible has that message in it.

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This is a great conversation. Han’s like “Luke ain’t coming to rescue us, that motherfucker can’t even take care of himself,” and Chewbacca’s like, “Nah, man, he ain’t useless no more. He actually learned some shit. You’re operating under last movie principles.”

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Right there, that’s how you know Luke is a badass. He just waltzes into the place without a disguise or anything.

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“Move.”

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Colin:

See, that’s some sinister shit right there. No Jedi mind trick for these guys who are just doing their job. FORCE CHOKE YOUR DUMB ASS! This ties in with the Unifying Force ideology, cause even though Luke is clearly a good guy, he’ s blatantly using techniques associated with the “dark side.”

There’s an ideology?

Don’t even tell me what it is. I’d rather use the brain power for something else.

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Food coma.

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Oh yeah.

Colin:

This rat muppet is tripping balls.

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This image turned more boys into men than the haftorah.

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“Yo Jabba…”

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“What the fuck, man? Don’t you be interrupting my Itis.”

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Rack focus.

Colin:

What up, Leia? I like yo metal booby cups.

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Luke’s like, “I’m taking Solo and all my other people out of here. I can either take this shit or you can give it up willingly.”

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He tries to Jedi mind trick Jabba. It doesn’t work.

Colin:

His brain is bigger than your whole body. You can’t mind trick him.

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Good job, buddy. Way to mind your surroundings.

(He can’t tell you the license plate numbers of all six cars outside.)

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WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IT AGAIN? JABBA IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE!!!

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I like that fucker in the back standing over a grill.

Or maybe he’s trying to sell shit.

Ain’t nothing gonna stop a shifty ass A-rab.

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*Gulp*

(This is actually an appropriate time for that as well.)

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The Rancor.

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Look at the guy in back. “Keep the left up, man. Stick and move, stick and move.”

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Is the Rancor wearing an earring?

(He still looks cooler than Harrison Ford.)

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Why don’t you have a light saber on your person, again? It’s not like they frisked you at the door.

Colin:

R2 has it. Presumably in case he was captured or frisked at the door. Who knows. Either way, you can tell that Lucas had an idea for how he wanted the execution scene to go and just set it up without working out the logic.

Wow. That’s so unlike him.

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Out of context screenshots.

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I like how he does this like the Rancor doesn’t have hands.Didn’t you JUST pick up a dude and rip him in half with your teeth? You can pull a fucking bone out of your mouth.

(Dude, you got a fucking bone in your mouth.)

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Why is there a fucking Jawa here?

You think he’s looking for a… Jabba?

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Holy fuck, that’s hilarious. That’s also a genius thing to do to fuck with people.

What, you think this is the escape door? PSYCH! You’re fucked!

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I always wondered what dinosaurs and elephants feel like stepping in their own shit all day.

They must have other elephants to console them.

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She’s pretty close to that open wound. Might want to wear a space rubber, Han.

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And Yorick with the assist!

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Isn’t it funny how gates take forever to go up but always go down IMMEDIATELY?

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Why so sad, Bulk?

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“Bring me Solo and the Wookiee.”

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“He never saw Venice.”

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Colin:

This weird, tribal man who runs in to see if the rancor is actually dead looks so sad. Like the rancor was the source of all their fun and how life will never be the same now that it’s gone. It’s sort of like Belushi in Animal House when they drop the bottles of booze.

Why do you say Belushi like it’s not something we all do?

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“Hey – you got arrested too.”

Colin:

They do their little banter. “How we doing?” “Same as always.” “That bad, huh?”

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Jabba’s gonna throw them into the Sarlacc Pit.

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Reactions.

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That’s AWESOME.

Colin:

Leia has a great expression as they’re being taken away. “This situation sucks, and I hate this asshole…but he is comfy.”

And that’s where we’ll END PART I.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Tomorrow is Part II, and the last halfway decent part of this movie.

(See the rest of the Fun with Franchises articles here.)

http://bplusmovieblog.com

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