Archive for December, 2016

Mike’s Top Ten Films of 2016

Last year, I was really excited to get to the Top Ten list. This year, not so much.

I’m still not sure how I feel about 2016. By and large, there were more movies that I liked as compared to other years, but fewer movies that I loved. I liked a lot of stuff, but overall, you can’t help but feel like this year was a weak year for film, especially given the giant amount of major films that were either disappointments or straight up bad. But I think that’s a mask for what’s actually a pretty quietly solid year for smaller films. Though that still didn’t make it easy to figure out this list.

Last year, there was a workable top ten list ready to go by Thanksgiving, had I needed to. This year by Thanksgiving, I had about three movies. And I realized I had to reevaluate my expectations. This ended up being the most difficult top ten list I’ve had since 2013. (more…)


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Pic of the Day: “See, dogs like us, we ain’t such dogs as we think we are.”

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The Unforgivable Films of 2016

You know how the Razzie Awards are given out the day before the Oscars? Well, on this site, the day before I list my favorite films of the year, we have the Unforgivables.

What does it mean to call a film Unforgivable? For me, it’s not just that the film was bad. In fact, the film might have even been perfectly entertaining or even liked by a lot of people. It’s the fact that the film is so unholy and so despicable to you personally that it actually makes you angry that it exists as you watch it. That’s the only criterion. It’s not about quality. It’s about, “I fucking hated this movie and now let me tell you how mad I am.”

This list began in 2010, when I watched the movie The Switch (the one with Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston and the jizz cup) on an unassuming Thursday night in August. I got about fifty minutes into the film before I physically had to stop watching it in order to write to all my friends and tell them why they shouldn’t see the movie. And it was funny. Because nothing is more amusing than an unbridled spew of invective. So I posted it here, and a tradition was born.

This will be the seventh time I have posted an Unforgivables list, and I have become exceedingly efficient at it. (more…)


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Pic of the Day

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2016: The Year in Reviews (Observations & Wrap-Up)

As we always do, now that we’ve gone over all twelve months of the year and all the films that haven’t come out yet, we’re gonna analyze it all and figure out what it all means.

For reference purposes, here are all the articles involved in this:

2016 Film Release Calendar

2016: The Year in Reviews

January

January

February

February

March

March

April

April

May

May

June

June

July

July

August

August

September

September

October

October

November

November

December

December

Films Without Release Dates (A-L)

Films Without Release Dates (M-Z)

2015 Holdovers

Unreleased Films

(more…)


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Pic of the Day: “Nothing you do will change the outcome.” “So ‘Do nothing!’ Is that your philosophy?” “My philosophy is you can do what you like… but the outcome will be the same.”

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2016: The Year in Reviews (Films That Didn’t Get Released)

We’ve gone over everything that came out (almost all of which I saw, in case I hadn’t mentioned). Now we’re gonna go over what didn’t.

This list is populated predominantly with indies that weren’t given release dates, many of which will end up on VOD at some point over the next year, films I’ve been tracking for over a year that still haven’t come out, or movies that got pushed into the new year, probably because of quality issues. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, in some cases. Because it allows me to reevaluate. I can decide if I want to keep paying attention to it or drop it altogether.

These are all movies that either had dates and got moved, or are ones I talked about back in January that still haven’t come out. I’ll remind you what each film is about, tell you what the status of it is, and decide whether or not I want to continue paying attention to it for next year’s Film Release Calendar.

Here are the films of 2016 that didn’t get released: (more…)


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Pic of the Day: “If I’m to be anything as a painter I’ve got to break through that iron wall between what I feel and what I express. my best chance of doing it is here, where my roots are… the people I know, the earth I know.”

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2016: The Year in Reviews (December)

End of the year, time to recap. Every January, I go over everything that’s schedule to come out, and a bunch more stuff that isn’t yet scheduled. Based on what I know at that time, I guess my eventual ratings for them.

So what ends up happening is, I watch everything over the course of the year, writing up reviews articles every four months, recapping and rating all the films I saw during that period. Then, in December, I post these articles, which contain both the initial guess and the actual rating, along with a final rating, which is based on how I feel about the film having had time to sit and digest it for a period of time.

I do it to see how accurately I can guess ratings for movies a year in advance, but really it serves as a way to give a complete picture of my feelings about each movie I see.

Today we’re recapping December: (more…)


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Pic of the Day: “Tell me you don’t love me.” “I don’t love you.” “You’re a liar.” “I guess you ain’t go no problems then.”

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2016: The Year in Reviews (November)

End of the year, time to recap. Every January, I go over everything that’s schedule to come out, and a bunch more stuff that isn’t yet scheduled. Based on what I know at that time, I guess my eventual ratings for them.

So what ends up happening is, I watch everything over the course of the year, writing up reviews articles every four months, recapping and rating all the films I saw during that period. Then, in December, I post these articles, which contain both the initial guess and the actual rating, along with a final rating, which is based on how I feel about the film having had time to sit and digest it for a period of time.

I do it to see how accurately I can guess ratings for movies a year in advance, but really it serves as a way to give a complete picture of my feelings about each movie I see.

Today we’re recapping November: (more…)


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Pic of the Day: “I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It’s a depression. Everybody’s out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel’s worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there’s nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there’s no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV’s while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that’s the way it’s supposed to be.”

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2016: The Year in Reviews (October)

End of the year, time to recap. Every January, I go over everything that’s schedule to come out, and a bunch more stuff that isn’t yet scheduled. Based on what I know at that time, I guess my eventual ratings for them.

So what ends up happening is, I watch everything over the course of the year, writing up reviews articles every four months, recapping and rating all the films I saw during that period. Then, in December, I post these articles, which contain both the initial guess and the actual rating, along with a final rating, which is based on how I feel about the film having had time to sit and digest it for a period of time.

I do it to see how accurately I can guess ratings for movies a year in advance, but really it serves as a way to give a complete picture of my feelings about each movie I see.

Today we’re recapping October: (more…)


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Pic of the Day: “I can’t put my arms down!” “Well, put your arms down when you get to school.”

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2016: The Year in Reviews (September)

End of the year, time to recap. Every January, I go over everything that’s schedule to come out, and a bunch more stuff that isn’t yet scheduled. Based on what I know at that time, I guess my eventual ratings for them.

So what ends up happening is, I watch everything over the course of the year, writing up reviews articles every four months, recapping and rating all the films I saw during that period. Then, in December, I post these articles, which contain both the initial guess and the actual rating, along with a final rating, which is based on how I feel about the film having had time to sit and digest it for a period of time.

I do it to see how accurately I can guess ratings for movies a year in advance, but really it serves as a way to give a complete picture of my feelings about each movie I see.

Today we’re recapping September: (more…)


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Pic of the Day: “Dear Father in heaven, I’m not a praying man, but if you’re up there and you can hear me… show me the way… show me the way.”

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2016: The Year in Reviews (August)

End of the year, time to recap. Every January, I go over everything that’s schedule to come out, and a bunch more stuff that isn’t yet scheduled. Based on what I know at that time, I guess my eventual ratings for them.

So what ends up happening is, I watch everything over the course of the year, writing up reviews articles every four months, recapping and rating all the films I saw during that period. Then, in December, I post these articles, which contain both the initial guess and the actual rating, along with a final rating, which is based on how I feel about the film having had time to sit and digest it for a period of time.

I do it to see how accurately I can guess ratings for movies a year in advance, but really it serves as a way to give a complete picture of my feelings about each movie I see.

Today we’re recapping August: (more…)


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Pic of the Day: “Listen, all of you! You’ve got to take direction! You’ve got to have discipline! You’ve got to have respect for your director! I oughta slug you! …Ugh! I’ve been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some Iodine!”

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2016: The Year in Reviews (July)

End of the year, time to recap. Every January, I go over everything that’s schedule to come out, and a bunch more stuff that isn’t yet scheduled. Based on what I know at that time, I guess my eventual ratings for them.

So what ends up happening is, I watch everything over the course of the year, writing up reviews articles every four months, recapping and rating all the films I saw during that period. Then, in December, I post these articles, which contain both the initial guess and the actual rating, along with a final rating, which is based on how I feel about the film having had time to sit and digest it for a period of time.

I do it to see how accurately I can guess ratings for movies a year in advance, but really it serves as a way to give a complete picture of my feelings about each movie I see.

Today we’re recapping July: (more…)


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Pic of the Day: “So how do you want to get in?” “We’ll go thru the back. Maybe the kid will let us in, you never know.” “Yeah. He’s a kid. Kids are stupid.”

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Oscars 2016: Best Makeup & Hairstyling Shortlist

They announced the Best Makeup & Hairstyling Shortlist today.

This is the one shortlist I don’t question. I don’t know how they figure it out, and I don’t really care what they left off, because you could spend days trying to figure out the methodology. All I know is — they give me seven, so I work with those seven. The rest is a fool’s errand.

Here are your shortlisted films for Best Makeup & Hairstyling: (more…)


Oscars 2016: Best Original Song Eligibles

I love when they announce the Best Original Song eligibles. Nothing is more fun than going through all of them and listening to as many as I can (which is usually 90-95% of them). Definitely one of my favorite articles of the year to write.

This year, there are 91 songs eligible. Of those 91, at least 65 are never gonna get nominated and another 15 stand no realistic chance. So basically we’re gonna listen to 91 songs to find 11 that maybe have a chance, of which only 5 will be nominated.

They’ve updated the system for voting, so now there will be five nominees and they basically just vote for what they like the best and the top five vote getters get nominated. So we’ll gauge accordingly for that. Generally you can listen to them and know which ones have no chance and then also know by sight which ones will get pushed through by studio campaigns or previous nominees.

Anyway, here are your 91 potential nominees for Best Original Song: (more…)


2016: The Year in Reviews (June)

End of the year, time to recap. Every January, I go over everything that’s schedule to come out, and a bunch more stuff that isn’t yet scheduled. Based on what I know at that time, I guess my eventual ratings for them.

So what ends up happening is, I watch everything over the course of the year, writing up reviews articles every four months, recapping and rating all the films I saw during that period. Then, in December, I post these articles, which contain both the initial guess and the actual rating, along with a final rating, which is based on how I feel about the film having had time to sit and digest it for a period of time.

I do it to see how accurately I can guess ratings for movies a year in advance, but really it serves as a way to give a complete picture of my feelings about each movie I see.

Today we’re recapping June: (more…)


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Pic of the Day: “SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA’S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!”

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