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Archive for January 21, 2017

Five Word Film Reviews (2016 Edition)

One of my favorite traditions I’ve started on this site is coming up with these Five Word Film Reviews. It’s my version of the Six Word Short Story. I came up with one by accident, thought it was funny and said, “What if I did this for every movie this year?” And here we are.

Some examples of five word film reviews from last year, to give you an idea of what we’re going for: Beasts of No Nation — Child Soldier Sees Some Shit; The Danish Girl — Hawking Cuts His Dick Off; A Very Murray Christmas — And a Happy Bill Year; Spring — Before Sunrise with Squid Monsters; Everest — Climbing Mountains Usually Ends Badly; Rock the Kasbah — The Shareef Don’t Like It!; Terminator Genisys — Hasta La Vista, Terminator Franchise; Straight Outta Compton — Crazy Motherfucker Named Ice Cube.

I think you get the idea. It’s a fun exercise to try. And of course, me being me, I try it 400 times. And because this year I forgot to start working on it throughout the year, I had to come up with shit to say over like, two weeks. That was fun. The words “hot off the presses” are an understatement with this one.

Here are five word film reviews of the movies I saw in 2016:

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The 2017 Film Release Calendar: September

Every January, I preview all the films that are scheduled to come out for the year. I go through the existing release calendar, month by month, and guess how much or how little I’m going to like each of the films.

The major benefit is that it allows me, come the end of the year, to see which movies ended up surprising me for better or for worse, or which ones I had wildly disproportionate expectations for. It also gives me a chance to know what’s coming out and what to look forward to.

I also take all the films that are filming or in post and theoretically able to come out that year and preview those too, along with all the films from the previous year(s) that have yet to come out that I’ve been tracking. In all, I end up previewing more films than pretty much anyone else, I’ve been told. (more…)


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Pic of the Day: “Mama says not to be too late, Papa.” “Look, God invented time and when He invents something, there’s always plenty of it.”

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