Archive for December, 2019

Mike’s Top Ten Films of 2019

We’re closing out a decade with this one. We’re ending the 2010s with my tenth annual Top Ten list. Can you believe that? I’ve been making these things for ten years. Which coincidentally matched up with the entire decade in film.

This year felt pretty underwhelming all throughout it. I know I say a version of that every year and it’s basically tradition for me to say that in this article. This year’s version means that, throughout the year, I was aware that I wasn’t liking stuff as strongly as I have in years past. Fortunately I did decide not to even consider this list until very late, so I didn’t do the thing I usually do of, “How am I gonna get ten films out of this?” This year was actually pretty easy for that. When I first started looking to do it, I came up with most of the list very quickly, and it turned out to be just one spot I had to put any sort of real consideration into.

The one thing I did notice was that I struggled to really figure out the lower tiers. There’s some stuff that went higher this year than it would have in other years just because there was so little for me to put above it. It felt like a much thinner year than others. But unlike other years, I do feel really confident about this list holding up over time. These are pretty consensus films for me, and it would surprise me to see more than one jump up and take the spot of some of the things on this list.

Overall, while it might be a bit top-heavy, and the year as a whole falls apart after the top 20-25, I do feel pretty good about this one and the cool stuff hidden inside it. So let’s get into this.

Here are my Top Ten Films of 2019: (more…)


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Pic of the Day: “I’m here tonight to say that this war is wrong, that this society lied to me, lied to my brothers. They’ve deceived the people of this country, tricked them into going 13,000 miles to fight a war against a poor, peasant people who have a proud history of resistance, who have been struggling for their own independence for 1,000 years – the Vietnamese people. I can’t find the words to express, and the leadership of this government sickens me. People say that if you don’t love America, then get the hell out. Well, I love America. We love the people of America very much, but when it comes to the government, it stops right there. The government is a bunch of corrupt thieves, they are rapists and robbers. And we are here to say that we don’t have to take it anymore. We are here to say that we are here to tell the truth; they are killing our brothers in Vietnam! We want them to hear the truth tonight!” (30th Anniversary)


The Unforgivable Films of 2019

This article has gotten so much more difficult for me to write over the past couple of years. It was easy when I was 22 and could get up a good, deep hatred for a movie I thought was inferior. But as the years have gone on (this is the tenth Unforgivables list, can you believe it?), the amount of films I was truly angry about each year grew to be less and less. At this point, I’d have a hard time even telling you 50% of the stuff I listed over the past three years. Because now, what makes me angry is more esoteric. Sure, bad stuff gets made, but usually I’m mad because they spent $200 million on something that was never going to be good, or the same tired actors are making the same tired comedies over and over. I find that, most of the time, I just don’t care when something is bad anymore. And really, the thing that drove this article wasn’t listing all the worst films (I never really did that and there are already dozens of people who do), it was the fun gotten out of all the shit I would come up with in my anger toward a movie. But now, when the anger’s gone, what’s left?

I think what I’m saying is that this is going to be the last Unforgivables list I write up for this site. I’m going to retire it. I like it, I think it’s provided some great stuff over the years (the Batman v. Superman rant remains one of my favorite things I’ve done), but I think it’s run its course. I may continue with some version of this in the future, or I may just move onto something new that I haven’t even thought of yet. But for now, I think it’s time we put this old girl out to pasture, and go out a year too early than three years too late. (Though arguably if I consider Batman v. Superman the peak, this does technically count as three years too late. So maybe let’s just stick with the ‘on my own terms’ angle of this retirement.)

Of course, now that I said that, next year is gonna be full of awful movies and I’m gonna regret having done this. But that’s the beauty of it… who says I can’t come out of retirement if I want?

Anyway, let’s saddle up this pony one last time and go see what fresh garbage the year has given us. (more…)


Pic of the Day: “It’s less trouble to feel sorry for her than it is to teach her anything better.”

 

 


2019: The Year in Reviews (The Wrap-Up)

We just wrapped up the year, month by month, and now we get to my favorite part… analyzing it all.

The last thirteen days were for everyone else, but today is for me. Today is where I see how well I guessed everything back in January, how all the films I saw this year shook out. Where all the ratings went, what the average ratings for each month were… stuff that I’ve been tracking for a decade now.

Here’s all the previous articles in a handy chart so you can crosscheck anything I’ve said to this point, should you want to:

2019 Film Release Calendar

2019: The Year in Reviews

January

January

February

February

March

March

April

April

May

May

June

June

July

July

August

August

September

September

October

October

November

November

December

December

Films Without Release Dates (A-L)

Films Without Release Dates (M-Z)

Unreleased Films

(more…)


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Pic of the Day: “It’s not a question of losing my nerve; I never had nerve!”


2019: The Year in Reviews (Films That Didn’t Get Released)

Now that we’ve gone over everything that came out this year, it’s time to go over the stuff that didn’t.

Of course not everything you track is gonna come out. Stuff gets pushed, stuff never gets picked up… shit happens.

I do this article mainly so I can keep track of what’s still left to come out, so I can organize the 2020 Release Calendar and figure out which movies are gonna roll over and which I’m just gonna let go.

So here’s all the 2019 films that weren’t released: (more…)


Pic of the Day: “You don’t seem like you’re from around here.” “Where… where do I seem like I’m from?” “Someplace… beautiful.” (20th Anniversary)

 

 

 


2019: The Year in Reviews (December)

You know what it is. It’s the last half of December, which means we’re wrapping up the year.

Like most things in my life, it’s built around a pun. What I do in January is preview everything I can possibly find that’s set to come out that year. And then what I do is watch as many of them as I can, dropping reviews each third of the year. And then in December, we recap how that all went, month by month and see how I did/what I liked.

Mainly I do this for me, just to see how accurate I can guess on stuff up to a year out (I used to hope for a solid 2/3 percentage, but at this point I generally hit above 70% and really wanna see if I can somehow get to 75%), but it also keeps me honest, since I don’t read anything I write after it goes up until I compile these articles and my reviews are done based on how I feel as I write them up. So really this is bringing the two together and considering my feelings as they stand at this moment in time. And then hopefully others can maybe find some cool stuff they didn’t know about or previously consider from it all.

Today is December. (more…)


Pic of the Day: “Someday I’m gonna sock that guy right on the beak.” “Hey you, Dink, lay off of that stuff. Is any fightin’ in this family, your old man’s gonna do it.”

 

 


2019: The Year in Reviews (November)

You know what it is. It’s the last half of December, which means we’re wrapping up the year.

Like most things in my life, it’s built around a pun. What I do in January is preview everything I can possibly find that’s set to come out that year. And then what I do is watch as many of them as I can, dropping reviews each third of the year. And then in December, we recap how that all went, month by month and see how I did/what I liked.

Mainly I do this for me, just to see how accurate I can guess on stuff up to a year out (I used to hope for a solid 2/3 percentage, but at this point I generally hit above 70% and really wanna see if I can somehow get to 75%), but it also keeps me honest, since I don’t read anything I write after it goes up until I compile these articles and my reviews are done based on how I feel as I write them up. So really this is bringing the two together and considering my feelings as they stand at this moment in time. And then hopefully others can maybe find some cool stuff they didn’t know about or previously consider from it all.

Today is November. (more…)


Pic of the Day: “A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.”

 


2019: The Year in Reviews (October)

You know what it is. It’s the last half of December, which means we’re wrapping up the year.

Like most things in my life, it’s built around a pun. What I do in January is preview everything I can possibly find that’s set to come out that year. And then what I do is watch as many of them as I can, dropping reviews each third of the year. And then in December, we recap how that all went, month by month and see how I did/what I liked.

Mainly I do this for me, just to see how accurate I can guess on stuff up to a year out (I used to hope for a solid 2/3 percentage, but at this point I generally hit above 70% and really wanna see if I can somehow get to 75%), but it also keeps me honest, since I don’t read anything I write after it goes up until I compile these articles and my reviews are done based on how I feel as I write them up. So really this is bringing the two together and considering my feelings as they stand at this moment in time. And then hopefully others can maybe find some cool stuff they didn’t know about or previously consider from it all.

Today is October. (more…)


Pic of the Day: “Deck the harrs with boughs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra. Tis the season to be jorry, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.” “No, no, no, no, no, no! Not ‘ra ra ra ra’, ‘la la la la’! Sing like this: Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la, la la la la! Try again.” “Deck the harrs with boughs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.” “Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Sing something else.” “Jingre berrs, jingre berrs, jingre arr the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sreigh!”

 


2019: The Year in Reviews (September)

You know what it is. It’s the last half of December, which means we’re wrapping up the year.

Like most things in my life, it’s built around a pun. What I do in January is preview everything I can possibly find that’s set to come out that year. And then what I do is watch as many of them as I can, dropping reviews each third of the year. And then in December, we recap how that all went, month by month and see how I did/what I liked.

Mainly I do this for me, just to see how accurate I can guess on stuff up to a year out (I used to hope for a solid 2/3 percentage, but at this point I generally hit above 70% and really wanna see if I can somehow get to 75%), but it also keeps me honest, since I don’t read anything I write after it goes up until I compile these articles and my reviews are done based on how I feel as I write them up. So really this is bringing the two together and considering my feelings as they stand at this moment in time. And then hopefully others can maybe find some cool stuff they didn’t know about or previously consider from it all.

Today is September. (more…)


Pic of the Day: “Why don’t you kiss her instead of talking her to death?” “You want me to kiss her, huh?” “Ah, youth is wasted on the wrong people.”

 


2019: The Year in Reviews (August)

You know what it is. It’s the last half of December, which means we’re wrapping up the year.

Like most things in my life, it’s built around a pun. What I do in January is preview everything I can possibly find that’s set to come out that year. And then what I do is watch as many of them as I can, dropping reviews each third of the year. And then in December, we recap how that all went, month by month and see how I did/what I liked.

Mainly I do this for me, just to see how accurate I can guess on stuff up to a year out (I used to hope for a solid 2/3 percentage, but at this point I generally hit above 70% and really wanna see if I can somehow get to 75%), but it also keeps me honest, since I don’t read anything I write after it goes up until I compile these articles and my reviews are done based on how I feel as I write them up. So really this is bringing the two together and considering my feelings as they stand at this moment in time. And then hopefully others can maybe find some cool stuff they didn’t know about or previously consider from it all.

Today is August. (more…)


Pic of the Day: ♫ “You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch / You’re a nasty, wasty skunk / Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk / Mr. Gri-inch / The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: Stink, stank, stunk!” ♫

 


2019: The Year in Reviews (July)

You know what it is. It’s the last half of December, which means we’re wrapping up the year.

Like most things in my life, it’s built around a pun. What I do in January is preview everything I can possibly find that’s set to come out that year. And then what I do is watch as many of them as I can, dropping reviews each third of the year. And then in December, we recap how that all went, month by month and see how I did/what I liked.

Mainly I do this for me, just to see how accurate I can guess on stuff up to a year out (I used to hope for a solid 2/3 percentage, but at this point I generally hit above 70% and really wanna see if I can somehow get to 75%), but it also keeps me honest, since I don’t read anything I write after it goes up until I compile these articles and my reviews are done based on how I feel as I write them up. So really this is bringing the two together and considering my feelings as they stand at this moment in time. And then hopefully others can maybe find some cool stuff they didn’t know about or previously consider from it all.

Today is July. (more…)


Pic of the Day: “Kindness is of little use in this world.” “You didn’t always think so.”

 


2019: The Year in Reviews (June)

You know what it is. It’s the last half of December, which means we’re wrapping up the year.

Like most things in my life, it’s built around a pun. What I do in January is preview everything I can possibly find that’s set to come out that year. And then what I do is watch as many of them as I can, dropping reviews each third of the year. And then in December, we recap how that all went, month by month and see how I did/what I liked.

Mainly I do this for me, just to see how accurate I can guess on stuff up to a year out (I used to hope for a solid 2/3 percentage, but at this point I generally hit above 70% and really wanna see if I can somehow get to 75%), but it also keeps me honest, since I don’t read anything I write after it goes up until I compile these articles and my reviews are done based on how I feel as I write them up. So really this is bringing the two together and considering my feelings as they stand at this moment in time. And then hopefully others can maybe find some cool stuff they didn’t know about or previously consider from it all.

Today is June. (more…)


Pic of the Day: “Mother always taught me: ‘Never eat singing food.'”

 


2019: The Year in Reviews (May)

You know what it is. It’s the last half of December, which means we’re wrapping up the year.

Like most things in my life, it’s built around a pun. What I do in January is preview everything I can possibly find that’s set to come out that year. And then what I do is watch as many of them as I can, dropping reviews each third of the year. And then in December, we recap how that all went, month by month and see how I did/what I liked.

Mainly I do this for me, just to see how accurate I can guess on stuff up to a year out (I used to hope for a solid 2/3 percentage, but at this point I generally hit above 70% and really wanna see if I can somehow get to 75%), but it also keeps me honest, since I don’t read anything I write after it goes up until I compile these articles and my reviews are done based on how I feel as I write them up. So really this is bringing the two together and considering my feelings as they stand at this moment in time. And then hopefully others can maybe find some cool stuff they didn’t know about or previously consider from it all.

Today is May. (more…)


Pic of the Day: “This is the music I’ve selected for the Christmas play.” “What kind of Christmas music is that?” “Beethoven Christmas music.” “What has Beethoven got to do with Christmas? Everyone talks about how “great” Beethoven was. Beethoven wasn’t so great.” “”What do you mean Beethoven wasn’t so great?” “He never got his picture on bubblegum cards, did he? Have you ever seen his picture on a bubblegum card? Hmmm? How can you say someone is great who’s never had his picture on bubblegum cards?” “Good grief.”