Archive for October 21, 2012

Ranking the Bond Movies: #19 – Die Another Day (2002)

I’m actually a little bit surprised this ended up here. At first glance, I’d have said this woud go #22 or #21. And when Living Daylights dropped down in there, I was certain this would be #20. But no — it ended up here. In retrospect it’s not too surprising, but still, you’d think this would be a lock for bottom three.

The reason I put this higher than For Your Eyes Only is because I see a good movie here. There is actually a potential good movie here. And in execution, there’s even a passable movie here. The real problem with this is that there’s too much stuff in it. The chases are extended and unnecessary, the dialogue is horribly written, and Halle Berry is probably the most miscast Bond girl in franchise history. It’s rare to have someone who can act in the role of a Bond girl, since they’re typically given ridiculously bad dialogue. You’d think a real actor could make that stuff work, but no, she only makes it sound worse.

The film is just so overdone it teeters on the point of ridiculousness. And then you think about what the first twenty minutes of this movie are like, and you go, “Man, they really could have done something good here.” Bond in a North Korean prison, getting tortured, going out to find who the traitor is — how the fuck do you end up with invisible cars and a Korean guy becoming a white guy?

There’s no way you can honestly tell me this movie belongs anywhere outside the bottom five Bond movies of all time. It’s just not very good amongst the other films of the franchise. The real shame is that they had a chance here to make something good. And they fucked up the end game.

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Pic of the Day: “Well, you’ll have to forgive me, my kitchen ain’t in operation yet, but I could take you up to the restaurant up there if you’re hungry enough.” “I’m hungry enough I could eat a bloody horse.” “Well, at Sheehan’s place you probably will.”