Advertisements

Fun with Franchises: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (2011), Part II — “Isn’t It Weird That the Elder Wand Has Knuckles?”

Today we continue with another entry in our Fun with Franchises series — Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Part II.

In case you don’t know how this works — a while back, I decided to rank my favorite Disney movies and rank my favorite James Bond movies. And the Disney ones were mostly straight synopses and not too much fun, but when I got to Bond, I enlisted the help of my friend Colin (whose blog is TokyoRemix.com. Fuck yeah, promotion!), who knows everything about the Bond franchise that I do not, for those articles, and along the way, learned how to have fun with it. And, by the end of the Bond articles, we were having so much fun that I said, “Man, we have to do this again with other stuff.” Because I spent about a straight month and a half putting together those articles. That’s how much time and effort actually goes into something like that. And not once did it feel like work. It was so much fun that I knew, as long as we were doing it for comedy purposes and able to riff off of each other — we could do pretty much any film and it would work.

And very quickly, the first ones you come up with are the major franchises, because those are not only the most fun, but also the most universally known. Everyone’s gonna understand all the jokes we make (well… most of them. Some of them might be limited to three people) about them. So that’s what we’re doing. And if you’re gonna have fun with franchises, it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t franchise it. Also, just so we’re clear, this is all for parody. We’re just messing with them because we love them.

And that’s Fun with Franchises. Right now, we’re doing the Harry Potter franchise, and today is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, Part II.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - Title Card

We begin Part II as everyone prepares for war.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 309

The paintings are in on it too?

Or are they just breaking out?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 310

Ron and Hermione were thinking – it doesn’t matter if they find the horcrux, they need to be able to destroy it. So they were thinking…

“Well, Ron was thinking, it was Ron’s idea, it was completely brilliant…”

Jesus, you two. Get a room of requirement already.

Colin:

Who cares whose idea it was? Stop sucking Ron’s dick.

Really, though. It’s a ginger dick.

Just — eww.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 311

They’re gonna go get a basilisk fang.

I bet there are some wizard dildos shaped like that.

(Right, Emily?)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 312

Harry gives them the Marauder’s Map so they can find him when they get back.

One thing I like about franchises, especially this one, is how, in certain circumstances, they introduce something the first time and it’s a big deal, but by the end it’s just a commonplace thing you use. The invisibility cloak (which it turns out is a huge fucking deal), the Marauder’s Map – they used to have their own scenes when they were used. Now it’s like, “Take the map,” and it’s just an aside. I like that. I like that feeling like we’ve gone somewhere during all the time we spent here. We’ve grown and learned more, so the shit that was a big deal when we were eleven is like, “Oh, yeah, that.”

Of course, this works both ways. Colin and I have taken some issue with similar things. But you know – sometimes the magic works, sometimes it doesn’t.

By the way… where the fuck is the invisibility cloak?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 313

He’s going to the Ravenclaw common room.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 314

But Luna’s got something to say. And then she ain’t gonna say no more.

(It’s like a compulsion to finish that phrase with the rest of the line. It really is.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 315

Colin:

It’s been quite a while now that everyone’s been prepping – why are they all still running up and down the stairs? I’d have found my spot and be holding it down. Like, I’d find a remote classroom to hide in the back of. And then I’d pull a combination of Splinter Cell and Home Alone shit, putting broken glass and marbles on the floor so I hear them come in just before they slip and fall. Defense. 

You know what’d be REALLY effective? How about having a full-grown mandrake on hand and giving out earmuffs to students? You know who doesn’t wear earmuffs? Death Eaters.

The strategy here that’s not taken is quite incredible.

Send a dude up to the Dark Tower or the owlery as a sniper. Take some fucking Felix Felicis, for christ’s sake!

Then again, it’s not like they’ve had any consistent teaching in this area, so it stands to reason that they don’t know how to defend against the dark arts.

(You think anyone has a degree in the dark fine arts?)

Colin:

It’s a castle, too. It seems like everything about this place is medieval except its defenses. Ain’t got any boiling oil? Can’t you Wingardium Leviosa some shit down on them? Even if this wouldn’t stop the Death Eaters, it might slow down some giants. Even if they’re super strong and have magical resistances, you’re talking about a physical being that lives in a world based on rules. It will never be as strong or as fast as they are. Stop trying to hit them and hit them.

That is true — why aren’t there spells that throw boiling oil on a motherfucker? Also, why aren’t people breaking out right now? Take the fucking passageway to Hogsmeade. You’re making it like this is the one war to end all wars. No it’s not. This isn’t Sauron. This is literally Voldemort taking over this tiny ass area of London right now. He only wants Harry anyway. He literally does not give a fuck about any of you.

But back to the original point… what the fuck are people doing, running around? Are they trying to load their shit into cars? Are they trying to get on brooms and break out? This happens in every panic scene, and it leads me to believe it’s just to give off the idea of panic. This is one of those things I need to remember, since it seems like it’s one of those stupid things that movies do just because. One of those things nobody thinks about.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 316

“So let me get this straight – you’re actually giving us permission to do this?”

“That is correct, Longbottom.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 317

“To blow it up? Boom?”

“Boom!”

I love Maggie.

Colin:

Maggie Smith saying “boom” made this whole franchise worthwhile.

Ladies and gentlemen — the internet:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 318

“How the fuck are we supposed to do that?”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 319

“Why don’t you confer with Mr. Finnegan? As I recall, he has a particular proclivity for pyrotechnics.”

Colin: 

YES! The running gag about Seamus blowing shit up constantly has finally been put to good use! He gets to be the Don Cheadle.

Yes.

(By the way — one of my favorite moments in cinema. Ever. That’s so badass to me.)

Also, look at Filius Flitwick (baddest motherfucker at Hogwarts). He knows.

I heard Flitwick once rubbed his balls on Voldemort’s forehead while he was sleeping and Voldemort didn’t do anything about it.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 320

“I can bring it down.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 321

“That’s the spirit, now. On you go.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 322

Flitwick’s like, “You know this is only a temporary fix, right? He’ll get in. You-Know-Who will get in.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 323

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 324

“His name is Robert Paulson Voldemort! You might as well use it. He’s going to try to kill you either way.”

Colin:

Thank you for finally voicing this point, Maggie. Use the guy’s name, people.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 325

Maggie needs some protection.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 326

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 327

^ ^ ^ ^ ^

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 328

Tally ho!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 329

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 330

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 331

That’ll work.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 332

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 333

“You must protect this house!”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 334

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 335

“I’ve always wanted to use that spell!”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 336

Maggie.

Colin:

Mrs. Weasley’s like, “THAT WAS A THING?” And rightly so. That’s one of the most badass things we’ve seen at Hogwarts yet.

Maggie says she’s always wanted to use that spell…us too. But that means she hasn’t used it, and it was on some teacher’s manual that she got when she first became a professor. “So that’s where all the fire escapes are. Next, the spell to summon a host of stone golems to protect the school in the event of invasion.”

That was always one of the things I loved. Because presumably there are these kinds of spells. Just like how we’re all waiting for that one day we get to legally pull a fire alarm (which I totally got to do), or use a fire extinguisher. It’s very exciting when there’s this awesome sounding thing you can’t use unless there’s an emergency or something. So when there is an emergency, finally, it’s like, “YES!”

I want to expand on this shit. That’s why I want to do the TV series. Because you get to think about this stuff. What’s on the emergency pamphlet of shit you can use? What are those spells that exist that have use in only like one or two situations?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 337

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 338

Time to work your shit, Filius Flitwick.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 339

This is a man that can literally charm the pants off of any woman.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 340

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 341

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 342

This looks like he’s just lobbing mortars out at them.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 343

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 344

Oh, they’re all casting Protego Maximas.

Colin:

Three people firing off Protego Maxima, and only one of them makes it look fucking badass. Do I even have to say which one I’m talking about?

(Hint: he’s gonna fight in the battle and conduct choir practice at the same time.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 345

Hey, you two – how bout you fucking help too?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 346

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 347

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 348

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 349

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 350

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 351

Shit be protected.

Colin:

Wait…wait. Right?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 352

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 353

Luna needs a word.

She says he won’t find what he’s looking for up there. He ain’t got time for this shit.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 354

“Harry Potter! You listen to me right now!”

YES! Luna!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 355

Reaction shots are the key to comedy.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 356

“No one alive’s seen this thing for hundreds of years.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 357

“Don’t you get it? We have to talk to someone who’s dead.”

Colin:

Note how something Cho said is the basis for Luna’s line of reasoning here. Cause that makes a whole lot of sense. Maybe there IS someone alive who’s seen it. Voldie’s seen it, so there’s already at least one. I think she should have told Harry to talk to Helena Ravenclaw on the grounds that she’s smart and he’s a moronic Gryffindor. Sure, they’re brave, but if Hermione wasn’t there to raise the house GPA…

How do the grades work at this place? Presumably you can’t get “Exceeds Expectations” on a paper.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 358

Light bulb. (Literally.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 359

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 360

“It’s very impressive, isn’t it?”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 361

“Goddamn right, it is.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 362

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 363

Colin:

Wait…wait. Right?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 364

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 365

The Battle for Helm’s Deep is over. The Battle for Middle Earth is just begun.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 366

They’re going to talk to the Gray Lady.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 377

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 378

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 379

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 380

What up, Kelly MacDonald?

She’s Helena Ravenclaw. Rowena’s daughter.

(Ain’t got time to haunt your own house so you have your child do it for you?)

(Man, this is like Christianity.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 381

He’s friends with Luna, so she’ll speak to him. (Of course Luna would be friends with a ghost.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 382

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 383

She says she can’t help.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 384

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 385

Just like Voldemort.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 386

(Also does this count as ghost sex?)

Here’s what Colin had to say about the same shot:

Colin:

When ghosts fly through your chest, is that like their version of a ‘fuck you?’”

It’s probably both.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 387

“Wait, you’re not gonna help me, after what we just shared?”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 388

“I love you!”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 389

(There’s the panty dropper.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 390

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 391

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 392

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 393

“At my signal, unleash hell.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 394

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 395

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 396

“They never learn. Such a pity.”

I feel like that might be the tagline for this entire franchise.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 397

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 398

Ooh, Pink Floyd show!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 399

Colin:

For your consideration: the Jericho.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 400

I guess they’re gonna fight in the shade.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 401

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 402

I wonder what Jet Li’s doing right now.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 403

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 404

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 405

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 406

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 407

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 408

“Look, baby. These fireworks are all for you.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 409

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 410

Goddamn, Helena. Calm yo tits.

Colin:

I don’t like her. Why you gotta be all evil-ghosty? I wonder if she and the Bloody Baron still talk.

Harry Potter TV series idea: That conversation.

(And if you guys don’t know why that conversation would be so interesting, google “Bloody Baron” and find out.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 411

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 412

Harry says he can destroy the diadem only if she tells him where Voldie hid it.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 413

She says it’s in the castle, “In the place where everything is hidden.”

That would be both nowhere and counterintuitive at the same time. Great job.

Colin:

She didn’t even need to give him the riddle, did she? The place where everything is hidden? This place comes up left and right for just about everything.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 414

OUTTA MY WAY BLACKIE!

(He doesn’t have a good relationship with the blacks.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 415

Why do they have Dean with them?

Colin:

I love the idea that Dean Thomas is like Kingsley Shacklebolt’s protégé. Although, I don’t think he’s supposed to be here. He wasn’t at school that year because it was suspected he was of muggle birth. Remember how Rowling made him a half-blood whose [black] father skipped out on them and then got killed? Racism.

I thought Kingsley was just teaching him how to play the blues.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 416

“Tell Professor McGonagall Remus and I will handle this side of the castle.”

That’s awesome. “Us two – we got the whole side.” And he says it with that tone of – “We got this shit.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 417

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 418

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 419

Oh, but then he tells Dean they might need a few more wands. That would have been awesome if he stuck by his “we got this shit” guns.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 420

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 421

Lupin says some bullshit about how it’s the amount of conviction you have and not the number of followers that dictates success. Which is totally true, for the most part, it’s just – why would you randomly say that? Because you needed to get a line in?

Colin:

Saying some weird, poetic shit and then it turns out you’re quoting yourself. Little Patton for you.

The way he does it is kind of dickish. Why would you ask who said that? It’s just one of those things someone says and you go, “Yeah, all right.” This reeks of “dialogue.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 422

Aww… one of them’s gonna be dead soon.

Colin:

These are the only twins I like. Every other set of twins – especially identical twins – creeps me out. Somebody needs to separate them all.

Or bring them together.

(For anyone who didn’t click on the link yet — I don’t blame you. You have no idea where that’s going, but you can guess. And you’re right.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 423

Ron be speaking that hassa hassa shit now.

Colin:

That ACTUALLY started with “hassa.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 424

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 425

“Oh, that’s right, I can do parseltongue too. I’ll show you later.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 426

He actually says, “Harry talks in his sleep. Have you noticed?” And she’s like, “No, of course not.”

(Thanks for reminding us too, assholes.)

Colin:

I will accept that Harry talks in his sleep. He’s fucked up to begin with. What I’m a little confused about is how Ron was able to distinguish which hassa hassa word meant “friend,” and why Harry was saying that in his sleep at all. Does he have snake dreams? Do we want to know what a snake dream entails?*

*Not kidding, in college I had to read a 12th century Japanese story called, “How a Snake Who Sees the Penis of a Napping Monk Dies after Receiving and Swallowing Semen.” No matter what I do, that will always be something that contributed to earning my undergraduate degree. Japan: Disgusting for Over 1000 Years!

Well there goes that autobiography title!

Also, what does a snake dream entail?

And that is a point — how does he get the exact wording of parseltongue correctly? How did Harry manage to say the exact Chamber of Secrets password in his sleep and how did Ron know that’s what it was and differentiate it from all the other hassa hassas Harry said in his sleep and memorize it?

Wouldn’t he have memorized it better when he was fucking THERE when Harry opened it last time?

Also, have they just not opened this thing since their second year? Didn’t plug it up or nothing? Just left it there for people to open? You could probably get a good stickball game down there.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 427

Not the Quidditch pitch!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 428

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 429

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 430

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 431

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 432

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 433

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 434

Well that’s not good.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 435

There must be some crazy sales going on today.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 436

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 437

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 438

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 439

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 440

“Whoa, shit!”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 441

Colin:

This guy has a pretty awesome Gangs of New York outfit going on.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 442

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 443

“That’s right. DO SOMETHING!”

Colin:

People can’t act badass in a Cosby sweater.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 444

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 445

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 446

Great framing.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 447

I like how they all make each other destroy horcruxes. Harry destroyed one, and then with the second, is like, “Here Ron, you do it.” And now Ron’s destroyed one and is like, “Here, Hermione, you do it.”

That means the final tally of who destroys horcruxes is – Harry does 2, Dumbledore does 1, Ron does 1, Hermione does 1, Crabbe/Goyle does 1 (depending on if it’s the book or the film – more on that later), Neville does 1 and Voldemort does 1.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 448

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 449

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 450

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 451

Pulp Fiction - 2

Pulp Fiction - 3

Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 452

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 453

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 454

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 455

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 456

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 457

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 458

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 459

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 460

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 461

Look at Ron. “Goddamn, that’s a lot of water.”

Colin:

They just got Ramses’ed.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 462

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 463

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 464

“Wanna make out?”

“Yes!”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 465

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 466

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 467

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 468

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 469

It had to be this way. They never address SPEW once in the movies. (Assholes.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 470

“I can stay down here too, if you like.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 471

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 472

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 473

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 474

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 475

Well, we know how he ejaculates.

(Also, fun thing to do – go back up to Hermione destroying the horcrux and just scroll through the photos. The cuts to Voldemort make it hilarious.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 476

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 477

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 478

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 479

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 480

Aww… they’re gonna die too.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 481

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 482

And that’s the final time we see them, I think.

(What happened to Kingsley?)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 483

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 484

Dude came so hard he cracked the Elder Wand.

Colin:

I feel like we’ve been pussyfooting around this for a while now, but isn’t it weird how the Elder Wand has knuckles?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 485

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 486

This might be the best image in the film.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 487

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 488

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 489

Colin:

Gosh, maybe you should’ve just unleashed that power in the first place. Doesn’t feel like you’re taking this all that seriously, Tommy.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 490

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 491

Yeah, you’ve kinda fucked, Neville.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 492

Colin:

This looks like a fucking Capital One commercial.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 493

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 494

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 495

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 496

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 497

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 498

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 499

How the fuck did they string dynamite on that bridge so quickly? That’s a pretty fucking steep incline to be traversing over the span of like, twenty minutes. Why couldn’t we see that scene? With Seamus stringing up the explosives?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 500

Bye, bridge.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 501

Hard to tell who’s more turned on right now, and for what reason.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 502

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 503

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 504

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 505

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 506

Nah, son, Neville ain’t dead. He got a snake to kill.

Colin:

And…Neville climbs back up, just like Harrison Ford in The Last Crusade. This is pretty blatant.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 507

“That went well.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 508

Why wouldn’t you just put up more protections spells?

Colin:

Right? Can’t you just replenish the charm as it gets worn down? Can you make layers? It doesn’t seem like there’s a limit to their magic ability. Obviously this happens in video games, cause they need to keep you from having UNLIMITED POWER, but in the films it seems like you can do just about whatever you want and not get fatigued. Why would you not just put up more? I guess they already broke this one, but it would take THREE PEOPLE another TEN WHOLE SECONDS and NO ENERGY to do it again. 

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 509

Of course they have a troll.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 510

Most dangerous motherfucker in the group right there.

I heard he once did ten shots of snake venom, and had to stop because the snake died.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 511

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 512

Helm’s Deep. Not even gonna mention it again. You all know it.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 513

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 514

He’s the orc with the torch.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 515

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 516

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 517

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 518

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 519

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 520

Zap!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 521

“Bitch, don’t you try that shit on me. I’m Arthur Weasley.”

(Also, here’s a question – how come Durmstrang and those other places don’t come to help out? They say the fate of the wizarding world is up for grabs, but this is one school. The Ministry of Magic is just the English Ministry, isn’t it? Or are we supposed to believe that this is still actually the center of the wizarding world?)

Colin:

THANK YOU. WHERE IS AMERICA? I refuse to believe American wizards are bitches. How great would that have been if America showed up in the last book, and it was a ‘stupid Yanks, late for every war’ thing? But then we totally kick ass.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 522

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 523

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 524

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 525

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 526

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 527

Kingsley is awesome.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 528

Flee, children. Flee!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 529

Oh, Harry just fucked his day up!

Colin:

Okay, we’re under attack by HUNDREDS of Death Eaters, looking to harm and probably kill anyone they can, especially you. Can you PLEASE stop using Stupefy? MURDER THEM ALL.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 530

“You haven’t seen Luna, have you?”

Oh, god, this moment!

I need to take a second here and talk about how much I hate this fucking moment. Because not only does it reek of “let’s tie everything up nicely,” but it also reeks of AWFUL EXECUTION.

First off – you know they were sitting there, like, “Harry and Ginny get together, Ron and Hermione end up together, so we should pair up Luna and Neville and make everything perfect.” You know they did that. That’s the only way you make this decision. And second – THIS is where you throw it in? How fucking terrible is this moment? “I feel great, I just almost got killed! Oh, by the way, you know that girl I never really interacted with ever on screen? I have a thing for her. I’m gonna go tell her in the middle of this fucking WAR ZONE, because we’ll probably both be dead soon anyway, and because it’ll make shit seem nice for the viewing audience at home.” It’s so horrible I think it gave at least three people cancer. No joke. Pick any three people with cancer – I bet you this moment is the cause of it.

I’ve never actually said “Fuck you” to this franchise before, but I’ll say it for this moment. That’s actually unforgivable, what they just did, because it was done for all the wrong reasons.

Now, I get that you can say, “Oh, well, they just date for a bit before he marries Hannah Abbott and she marries Rolf Scamander (not that I have any idea who they marry or anything),” but this is a movie. When the movie ends, we don’t get to see the future. We only see what they tell us. This is something we’ve said all along the way. In the movies, for five movies, all we saw was Harry and Hermione clearly on the path to getting together. We fucking SAW IT. What movies tell you is all you have to go by, and nothing more. And this movie says “Neville fancies Luna and is going to tell her he loves her,” and nothing more. Well, we see them sitting next to one another later, and then nothing more. So what are we to presume from that? You can’t bring the books into this, because when a movie does it, there are implications. Which is why this scene may, in fact, be the single worst in the entire franchise.

So I’ll just come right out and say it again – “Fuck you guys for this.” It didn’t need it, it’s wholly unnecessary, and if you cut it out no one would miss it.

Horrible scene.

And again, I’m telling you – at least three people. Cancer.

Colin:

This is a movie-only relationship. Neville confesses his love for Luna, which isn’t really a thing. In the books, he ends up marrying Hannah Abbott, whose only appearance in these films was wearing a “Potter Stinks” badge during Goblet of Fire. Luna marries Rolf Scamander, the grandson of the author of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. They’re book zoologists. But since we don’t have time for that, why not put two characters together at the last minute for dramatic effect? Fuck ’em.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 531

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 532

And of course they need to make out now.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 533

“We may die, but I love you.”

“What about your five brothers and your parents?”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 534

What’s even dumber is that she just says, “I know.” I guess the assumption is that he was thinking. “I love you,” which of course we never hear him say. Which is always the basis for a solid marriage. But how do we know that’s what he was thinking. What if it was, “I really wish we had time for you to suck my dick right now”? “I know.”

“Now you got me thinking about the time where I fucked you doggystyle over the Chamber of Secrets sink.” “I know.”

“We really need to schedule that appointment with the abortion guy tomorrow.” “I know.”

“Is my door unlocked? I’m worried I may have left it unlocked.” “I know.”

“Pizza.” “I know.”

Seriously. “I know.” Was that supposed to be awesome or something? Or was she just covering up for the lack of intimacy she knows he has? No – make him say it. That’s his JOB to say it. Who gives a fuck if he has to go find some pieces of his mortal enemy’s soul before said enemy kills him – it’s two words, and he can say them.

Colin:

She just says, “I know,” and we’re expected to know what he means as well. After all the action has died down and they get to talk again, it turns out he was about to say, “In case I die, and you find my porn stash…I’ve only gotten into amputee stuff as a coping mechanism after Mad Eye died for me.” And she’s cool with it.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 535

And look at this run up the stairs – seriously, where are you going? Where are any of these people going?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 536

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 537

Hey, remember when you couldn’t apparate on school grounds?

(Why the fuck isn’t everyone else doing this? Apparate to fucking America or something. Shit, apparate to the fucking Bahamas. I don’t think Voldemort’s making his way to Nassau anytime soon. Go drink liquor out of a coconut and bang bitches.)

Colin:

What if someone was running through that exact spot as Draco apparated to it? Does that do a splinching sort of thing? How does that work, if you don’t know what’s there? What if you imagine a place and then apparate to it, but it’s changed since you were last there, and now there’s something in your way or nothing there at all? (Oh…Alderaan. I’m so sorry.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 538

“You – black kid, Goyle. Come with me.”

Also, fun fact: you know why the black kid is now Draco’s new henchman? Blaise? Or Token, as I call him? Because the actor who played Crabbe was arrested for having weed and they wrote him out of the franchise without telling anybody. So now Goyle is the one that has Crabbe’s scene in the Room of Requirement coming up, and Blaise is the other sidekick.

Another fun fact: the actor who played Crabbe was also, in 2011, sentenced to two years of prison for participating in the London riots and having a Molotov cocktail with him.

So if you’re gonna go out, go out like that.

Fiendfyre indeed.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 539

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 540

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 541

Colin:

You don’t really NEED need something unless you close your eyes.

(Note: That’s how Harry summons the room. I’m not wasting time with a screenshot.)

You know what’s funny? The Room of Requirement has been in the same place for the last two years, and it has had the same look to it for the last two years. It’s my understanding that it presents itself wherever the person is and fits itself to the person’s particular needs. Two questions with that –

One – why didn’t it present itself to Harry downstairs when he was talking to Helena Ravenclaw? He knew where he had to go and he had real need of it. Why did he have to run all the way upstairs to find it? Is it actually just in that one spot? Is that it? I thought the beauty of the room was that it could appear anywhere within the castle? Do you actually have to be walking by it and have real need of it for it to appear? Because that’s bullshit. Then it’s just about, “Can I make this thing appear with what I need?” Once one person finds it, then everyone knows where it is and what it’s deal is.” Then it’s about who needs it more.

Two – why isn’t it appearing for everyone and turning into a fucking panic room?

Colin:

One – it’s always in the same spot in the castle, and everyone seems to know about it. 

Two – regardless of what your need is, it seems that it’s not indestructible. Remember when they needed a safe, secret place to hide and have practices for Dumbledore’s Army? Umbridge was still able to break through the wall with no problem.

Which is so dumb. What the fuck is the point if that’s all it does?

And going back to the other thing — how the fuck do you fix a room of requirement? Umbridge broke the wall? How’d they get that back together?

(You think they made Filch do it? Made him stand there with some bricks and a trowel?)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 542

They’re tracking Harry.

And speaking of tracking — did we ever find out just how the “Ministry” tracks all these people? Did we ask about that? Is it a wand thing? Unless you’re putting devices in people’s forearms, I don’t see how you can track everyone like they’re doing.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 543

Yes, Ron. That’s Harry. Good job. You can read.

But then Harry disappears.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 544

“Maybe he’s gone to the Room of Requirement.”

HOW FUCKING DENSE CAN YOU BE?!!! OF COURSE HE WENT TO THE GODDAMN ROOM OF REQUIREMENT!

You figure all this shit out about horcruxes based on NOTHING, and you can’t figure out where the fuck Harry went when he disappears on a Marauder’s Map in the EXACT place the Room of Requirement is?

Colin:

So the Room of Requirement is in the same place all the time, and I feel like an idiot repeating myself, but why would you NOT know that he was going there? You spent like half of your fifth years in this room. It’s like when Luna and Harry are going to Slughorn’s party, and the Room of Requirement is RIGHT there, but Luna says it’s her first time in that part of the castle. Everyone knows WHERE it is, so it should be no mystery whatsoever when he disappears. This feels like them saying, “Harry’s at 42nd and Broadway…do you think he’s at Times Square?” YES, YOU RETARDS.

(Also, again, where’s the Invisibility Cloak during all of this? He had it in Gringotts, so I guess that means Hermione has it in her bag. Which makes it even dumber of a question for Ron to wonder if he went to the Room of Requirement. No. He just stands there and thinks really hard and he can turn himself invisible at will. You fucking mo-Ron.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 545

Then again, this does back up my idea that the Room of Requirement isn’t in a fixed location. So which is it –am I right or are they just really stupid right now for no reason?

And then they try to pass it off like Ron being, “You said it doesn’t show up on the map last year,” and Hermione being like, “That’s right, I did.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 546

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 547

Look, Hermione, he didn’t just get smarter, you just had a really low opinion of him. Or your brain is completely clouded with thoughts of ginger dick. You JUST said how smart he was with the basilisk fang thing – why are you so impressed that he remembered something?

Is this how low the bar has fallen for Ron?

Colin:

He tied his own shoes this morning!

Ron:

I wipe my own ass!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 548

Gonna have to get some squib day laborers to fix this shit.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 549

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 550

Why does Malfoy need backup to go there? I get that he’s a bitch, but he did fight against Harry twice now.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 551

Seriously – hasn’t changed in two years. Kind of a mixed message on the word “requirement” there. Harry required the ability to find the horcrux. I’m pretty sure he didn’t think, “You know what I need right now? A giant room full of shit that I have to sift through to find what I’m looking for.” This looks like Charles Foster Kane’s house at the end. Good job finding the sled, buddy.

(Where’s Ginny when you need some Rosebud?)

Colin:

Are there infinite Rooms of Requirement? This is one that’s full of junk, and junk that’s been here for decades at least. But when they used it two years ago, it was empty and just what they needed. This goes with the idea that the Room of Requirement is whatever you need it to be. However, what if two people need it for two things at the same time? If someone’s already in there, do you not get to go in unless you have the same need as them? Or would it open into a whole new room that’s completely separate just for you and your need? If so, why would all this junk be stored in the same room?

Wouldn’t you want your own room to hide something so precious, instead of leaving it around for literally ANYONE who needs to hide their shit to just come across? And if there ISN’T an infinite number of rooms, wouldn’t the best strategy be to have someone take up residence inside with some very peculiar needs so that nobody else could get inside and use the room?

It’s also weird that he managed to turn three of the four major house objects into horcruxes, but not that fourth one, the one that can destroy horcruxes. What if he also turned the Sword of Gryffindor into one? I’d say they’d be pretty fucked then, huh? Kind of weird that he never got his hands on that one, but got his hands on all the other ones.

I also love that the Slytherin ring was always his, by birth, the Ravenclaw diadem he got by conning Helena, but the Hufflepuff Cup? He probably just said, “I’m taking this,” and nobody did anything.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 552

Also, isn’t this “the place where it is hidden”? Padfoot wasn’t here. More shit is hidden here. The prophecy wasn’t hidden. The prophecy was just sitting on a shelf. Everyone knew where it was.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 553

Cornish pixies?

Or have we reached a special state of evolution, when you’re stuck in a room that technically doesn’t exist for years on end?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 554

Oh good. Nice thing, to hide something that can talk to you and tell you where it is.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 555

Can my soul speak hassa hassa too?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 556

Colin:

This feels vaguely like the end of the Tintin book Red Rackham’s Treasure, when he’s snooping around the basement of Marlinspike Hall for treasure among the junk.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 557

Mr. Magorium?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 558

Has there ever been an instance of someone wearing a tiara who wasn’t a cunt?

Colin:

Yes.

If it was anyone but her, I’d have made the argument. But… fair enough.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 559

It just occurred to me that Draco is now gonna have that Death Eater tattoo on his arm for the rest of his life. It’s kinda like that Inglourious Basterds thing where there’s always gonna be a reminder that he fought on the Nazi side. Ain’t no more short sleeve shirts for him ever again.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 560

Malfoy wants his wand. Harry tells him to go fuck himself.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 561

Malfoy’s using his mother’s wand. “It’s powerful, but it’s – it’s not the same.”

Just gonna leave that one right where it is.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 562

“Doesn’t quite – understand me.”

That too.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 563

“Know what I mean?”

WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING I’M TRYING TO GIVE YOU AN EASY OUT DRACO.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 564

Harry wants to know why he didn’t tell Bellatrix. Good question.

“You knew it was me.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 565

Why is Goyle all “rah rah let’s do this”? A minute ago you didn’t even want to be here.

Colin:

What the hell happened to Malfoy? He starts out the only real badass among his crew when they were young, and now it’s his backup guys that are telling him not to bitch out? Draco’s like a gangsta rapper that went Hollywood. Ain’t pullin’ drive-bys no more.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 566

Break yo self, fool!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 567

She’s the best. Seriously. Ain’t no one gonna outdraw Double Tap Granger.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 568

Malfoys be losing wands like a MOTHERFUCKER.

(Also, why did his mother give him her wand? Do they ever explain why he’s here? I figure it’s to get Harry, be forgiven by Voldemort. So his mother gives him her wand so that could happen? This is just one Wile E. Coyote scheme one top of another. This family can’t do anything right.)

(Not even check a body, as we’ll find out soon enough.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 569

Shit, Goyle – breaking out the Vada Kedavra… let’s get settled into the fight first.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 570

Stupefy.

Wow, they really did replace Expelliarmus with Stupefy. Which I can accept. It is a much more useful spell and does inflict some kind of damage on your opponent.

(That is, I accept it as a substitute, not something you should be using at this moment in time.)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 571

She doesn’t hit Goyle, but…

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 572

But that diadem…

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 573

She’s better when she moves.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 574

Great, now it’s on top of a fucking mound of shit.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 575

“Bitch, what are you doing?”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 576

What the fuck?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 577

“That’s my girlfriend, you looney!”

Colin:

I got respect for Goyle, whipping out the killing curse. Ron charges in yelling, like Han Solo trying to intimidate those Stormtroopers. I wonder if he’ll continue the pastiche and come running back in a few seconds, screaming…

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 578

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 579

There go those pants.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 580

THIS REALLY IS LIKE GUTS!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 581

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 582

And that really is a Cornish pixie.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 583

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 584

He fucking LAUNCHES that thing!

Do they just hide out up there?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 585

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 586

They got it.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 587

How about destroying it instead of wondering what Ron is doing?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 588

“Is he naked?”

“How’d he get that stuck in there?”

“He just couldn’t wait til we got home later, could he?”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 589

There’s a Balrog in there too?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 590

Glad to see Ron has become a serious character.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 591

Jesus, Goyle. You are fucking UP.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 592

Hey, those lanterns were from the last movie. Is this where they store all the shit? Are the Halloween decorations up here?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 593

Well not anymore.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 594

You shouldn’t have touched the jewel, Abu.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 596

Yes, throw more stuff into the fire. That’ll stop it.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 597

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 598

Here’s a question – is the room gone for good now, or is all the shit stored up there just gone and then the room can just come back as something else? They never explain this.

Also, will the rest of the school burn down now or just this room? The answer seems to be just this room, but how do you explain that? Umbridge broke into this place, so presumably this fire can spread through the rest of the castle.

Colin:

Ah, yes. Mike is on the bandwagon of asking completely logical questions about things. These aren’t attacks, so much as — “Hey, check this out. What’s going on here?”

“Ah, yes, Mike isn’t just saying stupid shit anymore.”

I have Ron expectations.

Now if you’ll excuse me, Imma go get some wittles.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 599

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 600

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 601

He can’t turn it off.

Colin:

This Charizard won’t listen to its trainer.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 602

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 603

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 604

There you go. Leave the wand. Take the cannolis.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 605

Colin:

It’s safe to say that spell back….fired.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 606

Bay shot.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 607

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 608

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 609

Jesus, this thing is like the magnet from The Brave Little Toaster.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 610

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 611

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 612

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 613

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 614

Right, there just HAPPEN to be brooms right where Harry casts a Robertus Kellyus spell.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 615

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 616

Hey, remember when you just apparated like three minutes ago, Draco? How about doing that again?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 617

Bye bye, Goyle.

No idea why you look like a member of KISS. Or the wrestler Sting. Or Rob Corddry on Children’s Hospital. Or the Phantom of the Paradise.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 618

Wow, is that the first time we can legitimately say, “And that’s the end of” somebody?

I mean, we could have said it about some others, but we were supposed to care about them. We never really got a full on death scene for too many people in this franchise. Mostly it was off-screen, or in flashbacks or weird scar-mind meld things. There’s never really been an established character death that wasn’t Sirius or Dumbledore or someone like that.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 619

Colin:

Also, remember how Slughorn’s fish died when Lily died? I took that to mean that the person’s life is linked to their spells and enchantments. Does Fiendfyre act that way? Why doesn’t it matter that the wand gets incinerated? Even when Goyle dies, it continues. What types of magic don’t have anything to do with the caster?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 620

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 621

You fucking Gryffindor.

(And Colin’s notes?)

Colin:

Don’t be such a Gryffindor. Just leave them. You think you’ll lose sleep, but this is why we have booze.

Why would he even lose sleep? He watched Sirius, Dumbledore and Dobby die in front of him, and literally all three are HIS fault. All of them. I don’t see why this one is even remotely his fault, even if he leaves him to die.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 622

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 623

“If we die for them, Harry, I’m gonna kill you!”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 624

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 625

♫ “I can show you the world…” ♫

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 626

But actually.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 628

It’s weird that the black guys actually make it through this franchise.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 629

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 630

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 631

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 632

Look at Hermione. On point.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 633

Oh, wow – the door was open! What a shocker!

Naturally Malfoy hightails it out of there.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 634

But that’s still there.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 635

Did she just toss him a basilisk fang? That’s awesome.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 636

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 637

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 638

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 639

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 640

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 641

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 642

GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 643

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 644

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 645

Fluffymort.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 646

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 647

THOSE ARE WOODEN DOORS!!!

Now, here’s a question — in the book, they make that the horcrux is destroyed by Fiendfyre. That never really made too much sense to me as a thing. Eventually, Fahrenheit 451, it’ll burn. This way, I get it. They stab it, then they throw it into the fire. Fuck you and the ghost you came in on. (Though, that is a famous school heirloom that is just gone now. Same for the cup. And the ring. Basically only the sword is left in terms of school artifacts.) So this technically puts Harry’s film total to three horcruxes destroyed. He has 3, Ron has 1, Hermione has 1, Neville has 1, Dumbledore has 1 and Voldemort has 1. So basically Gryffindor beats Voldemort, and Voldemort drives the final nail into the coffin himself. Jesus. Literally, only Gryffindors destroy horcruxes in this movie. And Voldemort destroys the one he didn’t mean to make.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 648

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 649

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 650

“Now what?”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 651

He just kills the political ruler of the country because he can. Granted – circumstances – but he’s still the Minister of Magic. Puppet regime or no, that’s still pretty awesome.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 652

Taking Nagini with him. Hint hint.

Colin:

Sometimes he just speaks English with the snake? Okay.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 653

Harry realizes the snake is the last horcrux.

Colin:

Question – if Nagini is the last horcrux, doesn’t that make Voldemort mortal after all? Cause the last time I checked, snakes do die of old age if they aren’t killed.

Well, there’s still Harry. Plus I thought that was what happened to him in Albania — he inhabited snake bodies for a while, but had to keep moving because his possession of them made them die quicker. I presume that it being a part of his soul makes Nagini live longer, but that is a legitimate point.

Colin:

I mean, even Harry is mortal. Right now, Voldemort has two horcruxes that — even if left completely alone, would die eventually. Poor planning, sir.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 654

Harry also does the reverse scar thingy to find out where Voldenrod is.

Which we will find out about tomorrow, because that’s the END OF PART II.

– – – – – – – – – –

Tomorrow is Part III, and “Always.”

http://bplusmovieblog.com

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.