Archive for April 24, 2011

The Movie Year in Review (So Far)

I figured this would be an optimal time to review all that’s come out since the year started. After all, we are a third of the way through it.

Remember when I said at the beginning of this blog that I see everything that comes out? I wasn’t lying. I do actually try to see everything that comes out. Though unlike last year, where I literally saw everything that came out, this year I’m more involved with my Oscar Quest. And I have other shit to do. This isn’t college, there isn’t as much free time to waste. Plus, why do I need to see everything? 95% is just as good, especially when, with the other 5%, I’m not interested in them, and I already know what I’d think about them if I did see them. For example, here’s a list of the films of 2011 (so far) that I’ve yet to see, and in all likelihood will not see:

The Rite (I think we all know what the score is here. I hate horror movies, and I don’t think anyone will ever ask, “Hey, did you see that?” And if they do, it’s because they’re trying to be a dick because I said I see “everything” and they’re trying to find something I haven’t seen. We know it’s a shitty horror movie, and that’s that), Sanctum (yeah, a 3D spelunking movie. I’m sure no one will even remember this movie even exists. In fact, did you even remember this movie came out until I mentioned it? I rest my case), The Eagle (sword and sandal movie. Too much sword. Therefore not interested. I wanted more sandal), Beastly (fucking really?), Mars Needs Moms (generic, forgettable kids movie. Don’t need to see it to know that), Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2 (haven’t seen the first one, so, I’ll leave it to the kids), Insidious (horror movie. Do not care), Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family (if I wanted to watch unfunny black people stereotypes, I’ll watch white people movies), and African Cats (just because, nature documentary. They’re all the same. These ones are more manipulative). Oh yeah, the Bieber movie too. But are we actually counting that as a movie?

See what I mean? Is there anything on there I really need to see? No. I’m not interested in them. They’re all forgettable, and even if they’re bad, I know they won’t be bad enough to make my Unforgivables list. So there’s no point in seeing them at all. Unless of course someone tells me I should, either because it’s “not that bad” or because “it might actually be worth putting on the Unforgivables.” I’m about 90% certain none of these films will qualify in either of those categories.

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The Oscar Quest: Best Director – 1990

Oh, you knew this day would come. The day where we talk about how Dances With Wolves beat Goodfellas. Yeah. Don’t worry, I’ll be brief about it. I think it’s all pretty understood by now. Plus, we’re gonna have to do it again once Best Picture rolls around. Let’s save it all until then.

So, to recap the rest of the year that isn’t the big two abominations, Best Actor went to Jeremy Irons for Reversal of Fortune. It’s widely regarded as a makeup Oscar for a film he wasn’t even nominated for. (I’ll tell you what that is when we get to Best Actor for this year. I’ll give you a hint. He mentions it in his acceptance speech.) Best Actress was Kathy Bates for Misery. She’s crazy as fuck in that movie. Best Supporting Actor was Joe Pesci for Goodfellas. That pretty much speaks for itself. And Best Supporting Actress was Whoopi Goldberg for Ghost, because, well, I guess they really like the magical negro. I don’t know. So that’s 1990. Let’s get into the film bashing…

BEST DIRECTOR – 1990

And the nominees were…

Francis Ford Coppola, The Godfather Part III

Kevin Costner, Dances with Wolves

Stephen Frears, The Grifters

Barbet Schroeder, Reversal of Fortune

Martin Scorsese, Goodfellas (more…)


Tron: Legacy, and What Is Wrong with Movies Today (Part 3)

Hey, Tron is back. I decided to take more than those couple of days off on this. Just because, like all things, once I’m done with them, I cease to be interested in them. I move onto the next thing. Sure, I’ll go back and revisit thing again and be like, “Ah, this is why I like this,” but, once I’m finished with something — especially something I’ve written — I’m no longer interested in it. Which, poses a problem when it’s something you’re technically not finished with.

I wrote those first two — which, here’s Part I and here’s Part II, just so you’re not confused — and just lost interest in it. I should have kept going continuously, perhaps this entry would have been more interesting. But, this will be like the Godfather III of the bunch. But, when it’s done, we’re done. So, you got that going for you.

It took a few days to get back up to speed on this. At first I didn’t want to continue, but, I figured kind of had to. I had that feeling of being out on the shaky drawbridge without a parachute (hear that, Sam? Without a parachute), of, “Am I doing the right thing?” Then I thought, “Fuck it.” As I often do. So we’re gonna continue to the bitter end. Which is what I say every time I finish a Manhattan.

There are bitters in a Manhattan. Just checking.

When we last left Tron: Legacy (not Tron. Still checking.), we hadn’t even gotten onto the Grid just yet. Sam had just pulled his whole Encom stunt and had gotten “arrested.” This “arrest” lasts for about — oh, I don’t know, how many frames does it take to transition from one scene to the next? That many. (more…)


Pic of the Day: “Why are you lying?” “I have to.” “But your pants will catch fire.”

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium - 27